Birthday 2011

Happy Birthday Eraser

Happy Birthday Eraser!  You are eight years old today and I love you more now than ever!

Whew, what a Birthday

What a wonderful birthday 2010 was for me.  The celebrations started on Thursday the First when SF brought home a dozen roses.  I was really surprised, as I know how she feels about buying flowers.  That made them all the more special.  She announced that the next four days were, "all about my baby".  I had no idea what was in store.  The weather was horrid, so we went to Carino's and I had the Five Meat Tuscan Pasta.  SF had the Skilletini.  We also ordered two pieces of their new lemon cake to take home.  We came home and changed out of the wet clothes and settled in to watch a movie.  The rest of the day was really laid back due to the rain.

Friday, I had breakfast made to order and after showers we headed to the cinema to watch Knight and Day.  I am not a huge fan of Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz; however, I loved this movie.  The plot had HUGE gaping holes but the action and the comedy were enough to make up for that.  We were still getting rain, so after we were safely in the Tacoma, we headed toward Webster/Clear Lake.  Not knowing what was up, I asked but was quickly reminded that she had some surprises.  Our next stop was Pappasitos.  I had the combination enchiladas and SF had the chicken fajitas.  We had chips and salsa plus an order of special queso.  We also had a Grand Gold Margarita.  In my past I was unable to eat queso or enjoy margaritas.  The doctor thinks that now that I am "free" of the tyranny and stress that those are no longer triggers for migraines.  I am happy!  From there we headed to the next cinema.  We watched The Last Airbender in 3-D.  I liked it and will be looking forward to the next installments.  From there, we headed back down FM 518 towards the house.  We pulled into a DQ and ducked inside.  I ordered a Chocolate Extreme Blizzard and SF ordered a Banana Cream Pie Blizzard.  She asked about the Strawberry Golden Oreo Blizzard Cake and they said that they didn't make cakes but the location in Pearland did.  So, we headed that direction.  We arrived and after a few questions, she ordered an 8" cake with "Happy Birthday Lisa" to be inscribed.  We were advised that it would be ready Saturday after 2:00 PM.  Home and into comfy clothes we watched some TV and the 10:00 PM news due to all the rain we were still having.

Saturday, I was handed my breakfast of choice and again afterward we showered and dressed.  I knew that we were having the birthday dinner that day, as I had requested it.  SF had a few errands to run, so I knitted.  Upon her return, I was handed my card and my gift.  The card was truly the most emotional card I have ever received.  The gift was several tops and a cap from the local Harley shop that I had been wanting for some time.  Sneaky gal had instructed the girls at the shop to put what ever I wanted in the back and she would come later to get them.  A total conspiracy was afoot.  Now to get them all washed and ready to wear.  The raspberry colors will look great with a tan.  When I was finished, we headed to Red Lobster.  I had been craving the Lobster and Bourbon Shrimp and Scallops.  Dinner was wonderful.  We went around 3:00 PM and the place was quiet and we had the section almost all to ourselves.  From there we had to go pick up the cake.  The evening was quiet.  Cake and watching some sports.

Sunday was a pool day.  It was the first whole day without rain.  We took full advantage of it.  We had salads since we had eaten so much bad for you food the three days prior.  After we were done in the pool and showered and dressed.  We went to the HEB for some snacks and another one of those sampler packs of beer.  We had the neighbors over to watch the Freedom Festival on TV, as none of us wanted to brave the mud and heat to watch Pat Green and see the fireworks.  We had adult beverages and snacks while we listened to the music.  The fire works were wonderful.  When the televised ones were over, several of the folks in the surrounding subdivisions were shooting off theirs.  So, we headed outside to watch some more.  Life doesn't get much better.

Monday was a do nothing day.  We slept in, ate a leisurely breakfast and both of us checked email.  We watched a little day time TV but not much.  I was able to start a baby hat for a Girl Scout Merit Badge request from the CLACK knitting group.  It has been a long time since I used double-pointed needles and I was really funny.  SF was cracking up at the faces and the general comments I was muttering until I regained my coordination.  Sad but entirely true.  We did dart over to HEB again for some chicken and a steak to put on the grill.  SF has some secret way she marinates my steak and I LOVE it.  We had a wonderful and quiet evening and 8:00 PM rolls around again ready for us to return to the regular weekly programming.

I for one am glad that I have the membership to LA Fitness.  After this birthday I need to go twice a day but will just work harder and watch the calories for a bit.  We will be watching the weather with close eyes, as more tropical weather is popping up in the Gulf and could be headed our way by Thursday.  We will keep a close eye open and make the proper plans.  Gotta love Hurricane Season.  I promise to get Tuesday Temptations up tomorrow and then get them back on track.

Wednesday

Okay, so yesterday I was in a general funk.  It is safe to say that I am on the road to recovery.  Partly due to the wonderful woman that I share my life with.  I'll explain.

I mentioned that I was in the Pimp My Queue Swap on Ravelry.  After a self imposed time out from all that is the Internet, I sat down with my secret partner's information and the two patterns I have narrowed down from the top ten in her queue.  I grabbed a cup of Spicy Chocolate Mint Tea from The Republic of Tea to look over both patterns and the yarn requirements.  I thought that that the tea and the pursuit of swap goodness would help calm me down.

It did, but in an unusual way.  It made me retrospective.  I sat back with a second cup of tea and began to think about a simple statement that my counselor/therapist had put in front of me.  She said that I needed to let go of my fears and trepidations from the last two failed relationships and trust myself.  She said that when I was completely able to surrender myself to the person I loved I would no longer need to be in control of every minute detail of my life.  I would be free to enjoy and become spontaneous.  I cried.  I began to realize that this was indeed what was happening to me.

I realized that the relationship that I have been  building with SF is indeed one based on truth, honesty, respect and love.  We both want the best for each other while preserving our unique individuality building a cohesive unit that is our relationship.  I was keenly aware that for the first time in my life I was safe with another human being and could let my guard down.  All the while knowing that she will never use any of my faults against me.  She will never criticize me for what I know or don't know.  She nurtures my talents and is amazed by my strength and beauty all at the same time.  I have no reason to fear that she will leave me or neglect me for the newest friend or the shiniest object.  We are both safe to grow and spread our wings knowing that the other will be waiting to hear all about the journey when we return.

It was hard to believe that without knowing it I had come to the next resting place in my life.  Once I am more secure with this new realization, I can move forward and continue to grow and share.  I will need to wrap my head around this for a while and get acquainted and comfortable with it but I think I can face it and grow into it gracefully.  It is a concept that SF has been trying to help me see for a while but I resisted.  I'm not sure why but I was certainly afraid.  It was a fear that was a pit in my stomach.  Much like the fear I had to face the first time she asked me to move in with her in November.  And the same fear that I felt when she wanted to get commitment/promise rings in December to exchange on Valentines Day.  I had to believe that I was not making the same mistake again for the third time and believe that I did deserve that someone that loves me unconditionally.  We still haven't gotten past the promise ring to the actual commitment ring but I am getting more comfortable with the idea of wearing a ring on my ring finger once again.

After dinner, SF and I were sitting on the leather sofa.  We were flipping between the WNBA game on ESPN2 and the College Baseball World Series.  At one of the commercials, she placed the sound on mute and said, "What has been eating at you the last few days?"  Transparent as charged.  I tried to brush it off because the game had resumed but she was firm.  I finally told her what had been bothering me.  Not without tears of course.  She pulled me into her arms and asked me why I still fought the fact that she loves my unconditionally and that I am safe.  I tried to explain but she agreed that some scars do indeed take longer to heal and she would just continue to be patient and be the person I knew her to be.

Life is funny like that.  I think I slept like a brick last night.  It was one of the best night's rest I have had in a week.  I still have to provide the dinner request tonight when she gets home but I am okay with the total surprise factor of the rest.  She knows that I HATE public birthday scenes at restaurants so I have no fear of the staff singing to me or anything of the sort.  I believe that I will have a very private celebration with her and then when the girls are both available we will have a second one.  And that's okay with me too.  Why wouldn't I want two celebrations.....

And, I finally settled on the pattern for the swap.  I can't reveal the details yet but I will once the package has safely been received.  After all it is a secret swap but the participants may be stalking the blog so I can't let the details slip just yet.  I will be taking a trip to Katy to Yarntopia to see if they have the local yarn I am in search of.  Wish me luck....

I think I need a time out....

Okay, so I took a tiny break from work to check into Ravlery.  I have been on this weird pattern search and I wanted to run a more refined one than I had last night.  I'll talk about that later.  As always, I quickly scan the forums to see if there is anything of interest.  In the Remnants one was a thread labeled "Who is Barb?  Where is She?"  It grabbed my attention.  This is the first post of the thread:

I bought an Agatha Christie book on Ebay -- Mr Parker Pyne, Detective.  Inside was written a message:

“To Barb: Happy Independence Day!! Love, Mel 7/4/87”

I wonder about Barb.  Who is she?  Is she still alive?  Do she and Mel still love each other?  Did they have a good Independence Day in 1987?  The only thing I know for sure about Barb is that she doesn’t have the book anymore.

I hope they still love each other and will have a happy Independence Day this Saturday.

Edit: My mistake, Independence Day is on Sunday this year.

I kept reading until I came to this post:

I think it’s curious that the book was gifted on Independence Day.  Birthdays and other gift-giving holidays, sure … but July 4th?

Maybe Barb was/is a big reader and Mel knew she wouldn’t enjoy the fireworks and general mayhem … so gave her a book to help pass the time.

Oh boy...


I was not amused.  This was my reply to the above post in the thread: 

Okay, for the record, Independence Day is Sunday not Saturday in 2010.  Second, I was born on July 4th, so I have hundreds of books with inscriptions dated on July 4th.  Lots of people are born on national holidays as a matter of fact.  My grandmother was born on St. Patrick’s Day.  My youngest daughter was born on Valentines Day.  My partner was born on Thanksgiving Day.  And my parents were married on Christmas Day.  Just a few examples of dates that people might have been given books with special inscriptions.

And yes, this did strike a nerve.

So,  after noticing that I was unusually upset by this I decided that I needed a time out from the Internet.  I had some phone calls to return so I grabbed a glass of water and sat down with my pad of paper.  I made the calls but still felt irritated.  I decided that I was hungry so I ate my lunch.  I still felt that the hair on the back of my neck was still ruffled.


Why?  Why was I letting this apparently unintelligent and insensitive person get the better of me?  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My birthday is Sunday.  No big deal.  I am not afraid of turning 48, nor am I depressed at aging.  I am in good physical condition and actually love the way I look for the first time in a very long time.  I finally snapped.  For the first time in a very long time, I have no clue what I will be doing for my birthday and I really don't like those kind of surprises.


Prior to life with SWCNLBN, the ex-husband considered having us all float down the Guadalupe River, with me in charge of the safety of the kids, while the remaining adults got plaster a great way to spend my birthday.  Not so much on my part.  Being the designated driver is one thing but the designated babysitter on the day I should be pampered was not my idea of a fun time.  Not to mention that this also included camping in a tent or staying in a lower end hotel where we cooked and the place was not so modern.  He did take me out to eat a few times in the 17.5 years we were married but most of the time I planned my own day and he just showed up when ever he could manage to get up.


In the past (w/SWCNLBN), I knew that we would have a lazy breakfast.  Meaning she would either make me eggs and toast or she would take me out, depending on how late she was getting ready.  Followed by a day of me floating in the pool while she cooked steak and seafood.  I usually ask for surf and turf for my birthday meal.  All accompanied with the consumption of too many adult beverages.  If we were still awake, we would watch the fireworks downtown.  The birthday presents were opened at some point between the food and the cake and before our guests left our house.


When my brother lived in Houston I could also count on the fact that he and his wife would be there.  That meant that I had at least some of my family in attendance annually.  There was one year that SWCNLBN actually spent my birthday in NJ with my family for a family reunion.  It was just my parents and my direct siblings and their respective spouses and kids.  Other than that, there were many summers that I had to fly to Rochester to spend it with her family at the lake so that we could celebrate her nephew's birthday.  Regardless of the location, I never was uncertain of the outcome.


2008 was the start of the new life.  I was in the apartment and had celebrations over a few days.  My Posse gave me a pool-side party.  They cooked and supplied the adult beverages.  I didn't ask for or expect gifts.  Just not being alone was all I really wanted.  Megan and Stephanie also gave me a great day.  The brought me some wonderful gits and we had a great time.  The apartment was small but it felt like a palace with my family with me.  I had not met SF yet.  I would not meet her for another 23 days.  I was as happy as I could be given the circumstances.


2009 was unusual.  We celebrated my parents' 50th wedding anniversary in OH over the Fourth of July weekend.  It was my first trip home since SWCNLBN and I had gone our separate ways and was the first time SF was meeting my family.  I was nervous and excited all at the same time.  It was not much of a birthday.  I did get a cake and some cards but the weekend was about my parents and this wonderful celebration of their remarkable love.


So, I realize that with Birthday 2010 looming, I am clueless about what to expect.  I have not heard from my kids and I know that SF does not have their numbers.  I know that SF has asked me what I want for my dinner and if I want to go out and eat would I prefer Saturday so that we have more time.  Other than that, I am in the dark and I don't like it one bit.  It has nothing to do with me thinking that anyone will forget, I am just so accustomed to having all of it laid out according to the script for the last 10.5 years that I seem to have forgotten how to relax and just go with it and let it happen.


So, it seems that I need a time out to get myself calmed down and relaxed.  I have nothing to fear and I know that I am loved by so many.  Deep breaths and I should be okay.  In the interim, I think I may need to break down and get a Dr. Pepper.  Something I have not had in over a year....