Einstein's Definition of Insanity

I haven't anticipated a Cocktail Party as much as I have Saturday's in years.

Analysis of this game is everywhere on the internet at this point, and has been for two weeks. Also on the internet, as there have been for years now, are impassioned defenses from the entrenched Dawgosphere (all of whom are excellent writers and must-reads during the first hour and a half of work each day) on why this game should be kept in Jacksonville. Other than a couple of comments here and there on those sites as to why the game should move from Jax, I have yet to see a definitive post on anywhere in favor of moving the game from Jax each season. Allow me to provide one.

(Note: I realize this is not priority #1 prior to the game. However, there is plenty of actual analysis out there. I just wanted to post this now, while it is topical, as it will remain my stance regardless of Saturday’s outcome.)

First, Who I Am:

· I am a 2005 graduate of the Grady College of Journalism and Mass Communications.

· My freshman year at Georgia co-incited with Mark Richt's first season at the helm, 2001.

· I have been watching Georgia football since the Goff years (not saying this is a long time...just painting a picture of where this argument is coming from).

· The thought of Erk Russell and/or Herschel Walker does NOT make me soil myself, tho I must admit, that ESPN Herschel doc was pretty damn cool and gave me the chills quite a few times.

· I realize that Mike Adams and our Athletic Directors are always going to do what is in the best financial interest of the University, and if that means holding the game in Atlanta, Jacksonville, the Everglades or even Gainesville every year, they will do so.

There seems to be a divide among Georgia fans on this issue. Those who attended the University pre-2000 are wholly in favor of keeping the game in Jacksonville, while those who attended during the Richt years would like to see some sort of a home-at-home (ATL-JAX or Athens-Gainesville) set up. The pre-2000s are passionate regarding this issue, usually for the reasons outlined below.

After each of their reasons is my retort. I have yet to see logical responses to these retorts, either on the internet, or from older UGA grads in person. Any and all comments are welcome.

Reason #1: “We played just fine in Jacksonville under Dooley!”

Retort: Yes, that is true. However, once upon a time Army and Navy were relevant college football programs. Notre Dame was a powerhouse. Joe Paterno actually coached Penn State. Times change. This line of thinking, as well as the constant nostalgia over plays, players and coaches from 30 years ago, is borderline pathetic…again, see Notre Dame. Florida was a completely different program back then. The demographics and high school programs in the state of Florida were different than they are today. Ditto for college football as a whole. Trotting out this logic would be like a Pittsburgh Pirates fan pointing out their dominance over the Atlanta Braves in the 70s and 80s and expecting that to hold true today.

Reason #2: “Richt’s record in road games is just fine…it’s not the venue…it’s Florida!”

Retort: Again, you are correct. Most years, Florida is the best (read: most talented) team that Georgia will play. Richt’s excellent road record has been compiled largely against teams where UGA has a talent advantage. Why a seemingly intelligent person would deem it logical to play a game one hour away from an opponent’s home stadium - a game that UF travels to by bus, and Georgia travels to by plane - and call it a neutral site game is beyond me. Why are we giving this advantage, however miniscule, away to a team that, most years, is more talented than Georgia? Why are we splitting the tickets 50/50 every season to, by and large, a more talented program? How does this make sense? Even if you stubbornly insist that the game is neutral, you are still taking away a home field advantage every other year in a game where UGA usually has inferior talent.

Reason #3: “It’s mental. Florida is just in our head! We just need to come out and GATA. SHOW THESE 19 YEAR OLDS SOME ERK RUSSELL CLIPS!”

Retort: I am sure it is somewhat mental. Georgia players probably do press more against Florida, they probably do feel like it’s a bigger game each year than the Florida players do. If one would agree that it is mental, and our players need to overcome this mental block, why not change something, anything (besides uniforms, of course) about this matchup to give the players a sense that they can own this series. A memorable end zone celebration can only hold up for so long. Every Florida fan I know (admittedly, again, in my age group) views this game as Georgia coming down to their region, getting whupped, and heading back to Athens with their tails between their legs. If Florida fans don’t even view this as a truly neutral site, why should we? You know there is not one Florida fan that would want to play this game in Atlanta every year.

Reason #4: We are throwing a bone to the south Georgia UGA fans.

Retort: I’m sorry, but this is irrelevant. The University of Georgia is located in Athens, Georgia, which happens to be located in the northeast region of the state. I cannot think of any other instance where a college sports team plays a game in a locale hundreds of miles away from their campus in order to appease a fan base in a different portion of the state. In addition, any talk of building a recruiting presence in south Georgia via this matchup being held in Jacksonville is negated by the fact that this series has been nothing but a Georgia curbstomping spanning the duration of every current and recent recruit’s time here on Earth.

Reason #5: We would look like giant pussies if we moved the game to a home-at-home.

Retort: Ironically, the most asinine reason for keeping the game in Jax also doubles as the one sliver of regret I’d have if the game moved. Look, nobody wants to look like a punk. However, let’s say you’re in a bar fight. The other guy, simply bigger and stronger than you, is beating your ass, punching you in the gut, throwing you to the floor, kicking you in the head. Every one punch you land is met with six of his. You’ve exhausted every ounce of effort and strength. Your friends are gone. Are you going to stay there, allowing him to beat you senselessly while you struggle to avoid injury and remain conscious, or are you going to attempt to get the hell out of there, admit defeat, and walk/crawl/run to safety? Would we get crap from UF fans if the series switched to alternating sites? Yeah, maybe, possibly, who cares? At the end of day, college football fans are always going to talk shit to each other, so just add this to the list. Do you know any Alabama fans that are still hung up on the Iron Bowl not being in Birmingham anymore? If so, my condolences.

This debate reached its nadir in 2008 when many a pre-2000 Georgia fan/blogger said “if we win this year, we will be 3-2 in our last 5 games…so much for that advantage!” That, combined with “UF did come to Athens in 1995…and look how that turned out!” might be the only two examples of bloggers actually resorting to small sample sizes to prove a point. We now have a whole generation’s worth of evidence to show that this series is lopsided in favor of Florida. Is Jacksonville THE reason Georgia is losing six out of seven games to Florida? No. Is Jacksonville one of the many advantages that Florida carries coming into this matchup every year? I believe so. If this is something that the University can change to the possible benefit of our football program, then I believe it stands to reason that this change is worth a shot. Or, we can just show the team some Erk Russell vids, tell them to GATA, and eventually stumble across back-to-back W’s in this increasingly frustrating rivalry.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a brutal 7-hour drive ahead of me.

Real Life Matters: Week Six

Let's see if this article's made out of straw, or truly is a Brick House. YEAOW!

A few weeks ago Sports Illustrated featured a 6-page spread on the Vanderbilt Commodores for its primary college football coverage. Eschewing my SEC Snobbery for just a moment, let’s dig a little deeper to discover just what it is about Vandy that required the spotlight of a national magazine.

The roar needs no explanation, but an onlooker provides one anyway: "Yeah. He's here." The he in question is Nick Saban, and his devotees have filled the lobby of the Wynfrey Hotel in Hoover, Ala., hoping to glimpse the Crimson Tide coach.

Yes, those amazing Commodores! Why, I can’t wait to begin my feature article about their pluckiness, high IQ and winning ways! Hmm? What’s that? Why did I choose to use the first 200 words of my story on the Vanderbilt Commodores talking about how Nick Saban “is like a fiftysomething Justin Bieber?” Pay you no mind, see!

Appearing before the media alongside Saban and the three Tide players, almost for bookkeeping purposes, are the representatives for the Vanderbilt Commodores. They have a new coach, 39-year-old James Franklin, but the same old story. They have finished with a losing record in 27 of the last 28 years. They have not had a winning conference mark since 1982. Of the 1,050 credentialed reporters, fewer than 10 are there to cover Vanderbilt.

I can almost see the wheels churning inside this reporter’s head while forming his storey. “Say, based on this here credential list, less than 9 % of the media members are here to cover the Commodores! That’s a real shame. Wait, I’M not here to cover Vanderbilt, EITHER. Maybe I can build up their coach and speak about their academic success. Nobody will be talking about it because it doesn’t matter!”

Since becoming coach last December, Franklin has filled every single media request that has hit his desk. He cohosted a Nashville morning radio show and has invited radio personalities to broadcast live from practice. (They accepted.)

Yes, compared to the most successful coaches in the SEC, like Nick Saban and Les Miles, who routinely close practice to both the media and NFL scouts, Franklin isn’t afraid to have the whole Commodore gameplan revealed Live and On Air!

He spoke to the leaders of Vanderbilt's student government and the Black Student Alliance. He has visited every fraternity and sorority on campus ... twice. He has spoken to Kiwanis clubs and Rotary clubs. Sometimes it's hard to tell if he is trying to win the SEC or a seat on the city council.

City Council! City Council! Is James Franklin using the Vanderbilt job as a showcase for his determination and media savvy? Perhaps that’s unfair to say. I did have to make sure that this wasn’t creative license and embellishment by the author, which it is not. Franklin really does rotate his weeks among (the four) fraternities and sororities in Nashville, trying to drum up interest in his program. Get this guy some coverage, dammit!

I also had to look up what a Kiwanis club is. At first, this embarrassed me. Until I discovered that I simply have to send you here, rather than even attempt to explain what they are myself.

"I'll do birthday parties," he says. "I'll bring balloons."

Alas, I could not find any information on the web to verify this, but I know this is 100% true. If you live in the Nashville are and are looking for a great gag gift for your buddy’s bachelor or birthday party, Franklin is available.

And he’ll answer on the first ring!

Also, if I were a supporter of the Vanderbilt program, the thought of my coach walking around time, begging for attention and showing up for birthday parties with Commodore Kazoos would almost certainly offense my sensibilities.

If the folks on Vanderbilt's campus think Franklin is passionate when he speaks to them, they should see him with his players. During one practice in August, Franklin, a former Division II quarterback for East Stroudsburg, stepped in against the Commodores' defense. Linebacker Archibald Barnes intercepted his coach's pass and tried to return it for a touchdown. Franklin sprinted toward Barnes and leveled a defensive back blocking for Barnes. The coach was not wearing pads.

I believe this may be my favorite part of the article. So, without pads, COACH FRANKLIN lines up under center, and throws an interception. Not to be outdone by this outstanding example of football skill, he then decides to level a poor defensive back that was presumably wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do with a crazy person in position of authority is foaming at the mouth and intending to nail him. Also presumably, he decided that avoiding giving his COACH FRANKLIN a concussion would probably be better than the endless shit he’d be taking for letting a 40-year old take him to school.

I seem to remember another brash, outspoken coach with a penchant for irregular and incomprehensible acts of intended inspiration. So, this is going to end well.

Single-ing out a winner, or just another loose cannon?

Last Saturday night in Nashville, before the Commodores played Connecticut, Franklin surprised his players with all-black uniforms, including black helmets.

This would be quite the act of leadership and inspired, innovative thinking – just the kind of thing a fresh young coach with loads of new ideas is brought in for? Unless of course the exact same thing was done just a few years ago by a coach within his own division.

The color was symbolic.

“Just give it a few quarters, men! Soon you’ll be seeing the same color from within your helmet, as from the outside!”

"We're going to play like a big-time program," Franklin says. "We're going to act like a big-time program. They're going to be treated like [they play for] a big-time program."

“Hey, Coach. We’re tired of being treated like a small-time program. Why does that even happen?”

The Commodores beat the reigning Big East champion 24--21 to improve to 2--0—matching their win total from each of the last two seasons.

“Oh, yeah! That’s why! Our 4-20 record the last two years has been destroying our cause! Guess I’m so mentally stuffed with quadratics I forget how terrible we are each year!”

By the way, I love that the writer is sure to mention “Big East champion,” as if everyone in the country isn’t collectively wondering, “wait, the Big East is still around?” Vanderbilt went on to win its next game, I’m sure delighting the author who wrote this story, then promptly lost its next three by a combined 88-31.

Franklin said it would have been more fun to blow out the Huskies, but winning at the end, largely with defense, might have been better. "I actually think we'll get a lot more out of winning that way than we would the other way," he said. "That was the kind of game that in the past, Vanderbilt didn't find a way to win."

“Now that I think about it,” said Franklin, “We also lost the games that were decided largely with offense and special teams. We lost the close ones, but we definitely seemed to always be on the wrong side of the blowouts. We lost day games and night games, September games and homecoming games. I’m sorry what was the question?”

Winning SEC football games at Vanderbilt may be the toughest task in any of the major American sports. It is like managing a major league baseball team with the Cubs' history, the Royals' resources and the Rays' fan base in a division with the Yankees and the Red Sox.

And your winning meaningless baseball metaphor of the story is…paragraph number 38! Translation – Vanderbilt sucks and the SEC is hard.

Or as former Vanderbilt safety and NFL Pro Bowler Corey Chavous puts it, "It's like trying to climb a mountain with a truck on your back."

That’s better. It’s like trying to climb a mountain of success, but you have 3 tons of suckiness on your back. Chavous must have been a valedictorian.

Vanderbilt is in the SEC, but it is not of the SEC. Vanderbilt is 17th in the most recent U.S. News & World Report college rankings. The next SEC school is Florida, at No. 53.

Academics!

Since 1987, 11 of the conference's 12 schools have been found guilty of a major NCAA violation in football. The 12th is Vanderbilt. The SEC may or may not be out of control, but it certainly seems way out of Vanderbilt's control.

Rule following!

There are literally a million reasons why Vanderbilt has not had any violations. Sure, you can let complete assholes like Jay Cutler into your school, but try admitting LaDaniel Thompson (not real), who just ran the 40 in 4.2 and has a 5” vertical at 6’5” 210 pounds.

Franklin knew this when he took the job last winter after serving as offensive coordinator at Maryland (2008--10) and Kansas State ('06 and '07). He understood that before he could install his offense, he had to instill hope.

Shit! These players seem to actually know they PLAY for Vanderbilt. It’s uncanny! MAYBE DIFFERENT COLORED UNIFORMS WILL CONFUSE THEM?

"The biggest battle," he says, "is getting [players and fans] to believe."

“The biggest battle,” truth-telling COACH FRANKLIN doppelganger says, “is trying to win games with players far less talented and athletic than our opponents.”

Beginning in 2002, Bobby Johnson went 29--66 in eight seasons, but his reign is still considered a success, for one reason: In '08, he led the Commodores to a 7--6 record, including a win in the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl in Nashville. The trophy sits alone at the entrance to the Vanderbilt coaches' offices.

God, this is just sad. Can’t you imagine the trophy merely sitting in an empty chair outside in the hallway?

The thing about Vanderbilt is that it seems as if it should be able to compete.

The thing about this article is that it seems as if it should have a point.

The university is nationally respected. The campus is beautiful. The schools it most resembles have thrived—Stanford won the Orange Bowl last season; Northwestern has been to several January bowl games, including the Rose Bowl.

This can’t have anything to do with the Commodores’ conference, and the degree of difficulty in playing better opponents in every facet of the game, or Vanderbilt’s multiple and glaring recruiting disadvantages, or lack of private or University financing, or really anything of note that you could be talking about but are choosing not to? No? Okay, then.

With no chance to be the best team in its conference, Vanderbilt has sought to be the purest. In 2003 then school president Gordon Gee disbanded the athletic department and folded it into a division of student life. Johnson banned profanity on the football field.

I have no idea what “pure” means in this context, but my spidey sense is telling me it won’t help you win football games.

Having the brightest players in the league does not necessarily mean having the brightest team. As he watched film at a recent staff meeting, Franklin expressed disbelief at one player, who could not grasp a new scheme. "He got almost a perfect score on the ACT, and he's struggling," Franklin told his staff. An assistant cracked, "[But] he'll split the atom for you."

I love that the coaches are shown here ripping their own players. “Say, how come these fellas are so smart, but they can’t learn them some football? By the way, does anyone know what I’m supposed to do with that screen that sits in the middle of my desk and plays the soothing trance symbols all day?”

One problem is that the Vanderbilt community generally expects to lose.

The Vanderbilt community, we can say now with confidence, is not delusional.

Franklin is trying to change that thinking. Other coaches, and even some people at the school, can rattle off a list of reasons why Vanderbilt loses.

None of which you have mentioned in your story, sir.

And if you say that Vanderbilt can't possibly win in the SEC, he says that at Vanderbilt, players can get a world-class education while playing in the nation's toughest conference.

"What he also does not say, however, is that the Vanderbilt can possibly win the SEC."

Can Franklin pull this off? History and 11 other rabid fan bases say no way. Franklin can't match the credentials of other coaches in his conference, but he is trying to make up for it by being closer to his team.

Can Franklin pull this off? Every logical, statistical and thoughtful measure available says there's no prayer in the world powerful enough to help Vanderbilt win. Coach Franklin makes up for all of this, however, by being purer with his team.

When the Commodores saw the movie Horrible Bosses in August, Franklin realized, Uh- oh, that's me, I'm the boss now. He looked around. Nobody was in his row. He grabbed a few freshmen and made them sit next to him.

This absolutely, positively needs no snarky comment. It's good on it's own.

"The first thing he said to me was, 'We're not taking no for an answer,'" said quarterback Josh Grady, a three-star recruit who signed with Vanderbilt in February, two weeks after Franklin offered him a scholarship. "He was like, 'We're going to change the culture.' Whenever I would say, 'Maybe if I come,' he'd be like, 'No. You're gonna come.' I'd say, 'I understand we're gonna try to change the program.' He'd say, 'No. We're gonna change the program.' Little things like that made me buy into it."

Wouldn't it be awesome if everyone was as gullible as a 17-year old jock?

"So, Ben, if we give you this raise..."
"No, when you give me this raise."

"If I come home with you tonight,"
"AFTER YOU COME HOME WITH ME TONIGHT"

Franklin is dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's, and still, it will be a challenge to avoid all the L's.

Because his team is just so darn P-U!

Atlanta, the site of the SEC championship game, could not seem farther away. The history is almost suffocating. Fact: No Commodore has ever played in two bowl games.

Fact: as evidenced by your opening line about media coverage, nobody cares about this fact.

"Ultimately we're going to have to put a product on the field that people are proud of," he says, "and I understand that."

So, like, a Hyundai?

The number in the Win column is the one inescapable truth for the biggest underdog in college football, the only SEC team that the rest of the country can love. Franklin embraces that truth as enthusiastically as he embraces everything else. Vanderbilt has been waiting for the future for 50 years. It has to arrive at some point. Doesn't it?

I absolutely adore this logic. I've been playing the same numbers in the powerball for 38 years, dadgarmett! My payday has to come sometime, don't it?

Editor's Note: Georgia barely beat Vanderbilt this weekend. Plucky!

On to this week's wagers! A reminder of what's at stake:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

SEASON
OBJ
9-9

J-Rock
9-9

This Week's Picks
OBJ
Georgia (-11) Over Vanderbilt
Last week requires a retraction: Georgia has actually beat the spread four weeks in a row (plus a push). Count on them to make it five.

Michigan (+2.5) Over Michigan State

Is it just me, or does it seem like halfway through the CFB season, Vegas collectively says, "Okay, that's enough. You had your fun, now we're going to start trying."

Boise State vs Colorado State UNDER 54.5

Indiana (+40) Over Wisconsin

Wisconsin has averaged nearly a 40-point differential this season. Indiana's played (and lost) some really close games. I like the Hoosiers not not get beat by 40!

Especially with important games at Ohio State and at Michigan State, this is a recipe for some 3rd-string in the 3rd-quarter brew for Wisconsin.

J-Rock
Georgia Tech (-7) Over Virginia
South Carolina (-2.5) Over Mississippi State
Toledo (-7) Over Bowling Green
Kansas State (+3.5) Over Texas Tech

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/3
This week Georgia's the chick you met a party, but the more you try to remember the more she seems like simply part of your imagination. Did she really make out with you on the hood of your car? You didn't tell her you loved her, did you?

Then a friend reminds you the girl's in one of your classes. While it's Spring Break, you're guaranteed to see her.

So play it cool, mates. Don't call her, don't masturbate to her. And don't get too excited. You never know if you spent the night sucking face with a sea donkey or a true bangin' chick. You'll know real, real soon.

Real Life Matters: Week Five

The League Championship Series-es have begun. It has to leave a dropping like bullion-weighted dogshit in your mental backyard: who for to root??

Sit on this - the more you hate, the more you love. Do you think hard Celtics fans would be so die without their Lakers foils? The more years that stack up with Georgia losses, the more Florida fans feel their is no rivalry.

And the more Georgia fans feel there is one.

Would you even care about the Olympics if it weren't for the USA vs. EVERYONE?

If you're from Alaska, Hawaii, Singapore, Djibouti or Queens, you may root for the Yankees. Hell, until the (soon to be) Miami Marlins showed up in the great Purple and Teal 90's Expansion Team Unirevolution everyone within 1,500 miles of Atlanta rooted for the Braves. Everyone in Alabama, everyone in Arkansas, everyone in Florida. But how regionalized and - by definition in today's sports world - relatable are the teams in the these Championship Serieseses? Is there a reason to root for any of them if you're not from that geographic area?

Green Bay, Wisconsin is the smallest market in all of American professional sports. If you'd like to stretch the "metro" area to 283,000, COOL. The second in the diminutive-ist list is Buffalo, New York! Population: 1.1 million.

For a different brand of bird, you sure do look cocky.

Here's an easy one! The Pujols drama is artificial because everyone knows a) nobody is paying 10-year contracts and b) the Yankess aren't in the game. St. Looey - BULLY to you. No offense to your fanbase, but your manager's a dick. Everyone loves Albert Pujols and his loveable inability to speak english, but after winning Eleven world championships since your 1882 introduction (8.5 World Series Winning Percentage [WSW%]) you cannot pretend to be an underdog any longer. Hell, you just won a World Series in 2006.

Be glad! Rejoice! This is your coming out party, Redbirds. Congratulations, you're now the Phillies. Nobody outside of your state ('s immediate rooting interest) are pulling for you.

Early in the 1920's, the infantile National Football League consisted of markets like the Decatur Staleys, Akron Pros, Canton Bulldogs, Muncie Flyers, Rochester Jeffersons and Rock Island Independents. Money, and the evolution of the game/markets/regionalism led to all of those small market teams folding. Except for the Packers, which was bought by its community.

Though a scared little kitty, easily the best DeTigers logo ever. Weird.

Have you even seen a single episode of Hung? Because it's the most bragging rights a Detroit native (DETROTIAN!) has had since capitalizing on Ford's assembly line "invention" by throwing thousands of underpaid fingers into the meat grinders. No, Bully to YOU, Detroit! You've really been with us since 1901? And you've won FIVE World Serieseseses (4.5WSW% [last 1984])?

The Lions are looking good. Your hockey (?) team is solid. Everyone in American knows your state looks like this:

Like the South, it's not all trash!

Congratulations, Tigers fans! The majority of America is rooting for you because your city is on its death bed! Yes, you are being given the Saints Vs. Katrina 2005 Sympathy Sports Award powerup. Run with it. Embrace it. Because unless your town can start producing flying cars, you will no longer be considered a major American city. This is your chance to be, beloved.

Know that the majority of America is rooting for you. Then un-know it. And just play baseball. Most people would like to see this.

Heeey! Milwaukee! Isn't that in Green Bay?

Sorry, Milwaukee (0 WSW% [last never]). Though the analysts (read: TV personalities) will talk endlessly about how your first baseman and the Cardinals' first baseman are both going into unrestricted free agency, and DEAR LORD how that's going to affect your mosque-esque shrine to small-market it-can-happen-without-money image, well.


Well, shit, Milwaukee. We just don't even know where you are. Just know that when Prince leaves, then comes the city, restaurants, bars barbershops and florists, and you're left with Rickie Weeks.


The Green Bay Packers were borne of a street-corner conversation, featuring Curly Lambeau and his Indian Packing Company employer. Curly convinced his J.O.B. to buy uniforms and provide a practice field. Put it together, this is where the namesake was fittingly originated. Lambeau starred for the team for 11 years, became its first coach (for 30 years) and eventually got bored. So he created the forward pass.

The reason you've heard so many Chuck Norris jokes,
is because every time Chuck Norris Kicks someons's ass a new joke is born.

So we are just chock FULL of teams that literally anyone in the country can root for - for any reason they choose. Texas, around since 1961 without grabbing the brass Ring in the MLB merry-go-round, has somehow also compiled a sad championship record (0 WSW% [last never]). Though not the most hated team, they have to be the favorites. And yet the Rangers will still be considered and rooted for like underdogs.

Like everyone else in this World Series race.

Despite winning the first two Super Bowls and preposterously having street names like Packers, Lombardi, Ray Nitschke, Brett Favre, Mike Holmgren, Don Hutson, Reggie White, Bart Starr and Ton Canadeo, Packers fans somehow do not exude a pompous pheromone and therefore almost make opponents refuse to hate them.

Somewhere in the world, there is a baseball fan (no - there is) that has absolutely no rooting allegiance to any of these teams vying for a World Title. And to have the option to pick your own lame horse for whatever reason is, frankly, why he watches.

The Greenbay Packers were voted the third most popular team in the United States based on a 2010 Harrison poll. They are the only publicly owned professional sports franchise in America.

Every fan of their city is still pulling for their team. But the Packers this year are a juggernaut of immeasurable proportions. Once your team is out of it, you may not be rooting for them. But are you rooting against them?

On to this week's wagers! A reminder of what's at stake:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

A real problem this week, as I was either too lazy or too busy to post my picks in time. We'll go ahead and mark me off for three losses for Week Five, and I'll proceed through my week ashamed of myself.

SEASON
OBJ
9-9

Georgia beat the spread two weeks in a row! NICE. Too bad the momentum gained from going 3-1 last week completely stalled out from throwing this week's picks in the trash.

J-Rock
9-9

This Week's Picks
OBJ
Idiot!

J-Rock
Georgia (-2) over Tennesssee
A WIN! That's 3 weeks in a row of covering the spread against SEC teams.

Texas (+11) Over Oklahoma
A LOSS! UT didn't even come close, as Oklahoma is now firmly in the driver's seat for the TGCSECO (TeamtoGetCrushedbyanSECOpponent) Championship.

Florida State (-10) Over Wake Forrest
ANOTHER LOSS! An outstanding week for OBJ to sacrifice his picks. I'm still in this!

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/3
This week Georgia is the Older Woman who may just more know about life than you do. Sure, you're young and have all the energy, but this chick seems to know stuff. Y'know, like which materials you're actually able to throw in your recycling bin, or how much life insurance costs. Shit like that.

The Older Woman is intriguing, because while most females seem to come fully loaded with wholesale-sized carts of insecurity, the older woman walks around with self confidence in spades. It's as if they stopped trying to zap/lather/cream/exfoliate/pencil/place-into-suspended-animation, etc. the wrinkles, and decided, "You know what? Fuck it. I think I'm pretty. That's really all that matters." It's incredibly arousing and wonderful in its simplicity.

Plus, you never know when they'll drop a knowledge bomb on you. You may date an older chick for a month, but that one time she said, "Ya know, babe, you really shouldn't take the trash out barefoot. On top of all broken glass out there, acting as a petri dish for countless diseases, scorpians and millipedes - TERRIBLY POISONOUS! - are also out in full force this time of year. By the way, when was your last tetanus shot?" will be ingrained in your mind forever. Older chicks rule.

Real Life Matters - Week Four

Take care of Mississippi State and we're winners! Percentage-wise!

Even though Georgia is likely out of the running for the SEC East crown, unless the Dawgs can somehow run the table and South Carolina loses twice to the likes of Florida, Auburn, Kentucky, Mississippi State, Tennessee or Arkansas in some combination, there is still much to play for. Win, and the Dawgs have a winning record for the first time since September 4th. 2010. Lose and our season's all but done for and we can all hope for a similar berth in the Autozone Liberty Bowl against a University of Central Florida type.

Last year Mississippi State owned UGA, beating them 24-12 in the midst of a four-game losing streak. This year, however, MSU is not looking nearly the feisty little upstart they appeared to be last year, losing decisively to Auburn and LSU and needing an extra period of play to squeak out a victory over Louisiana Tech.

Win, and the Dawgs will roll to Tennessee and Vanderbilt (both winnable games) before possibly being 5-2 before their matchup against Florida at the World's Greatest Outdoor Cocktail Party. This game could prove to be ultimately meaningless, but why chance it? The Dawgs are playing between the hedges, where they still have an excellent record against SEC teams under CMR.

In other news around the SEC, Alabama matches up against Florida in the Swamp, where everyone predicts a blowout. I too fully expect the Tide to Roll, but when you have two schools with the highest caliber athletes from the top recruiting classes of the past several years, anything can happen. A win by Florida could go a long way in making up the ground respect the East has lost from nonstop beatings by the West. As a Georgia fan, I'm pulling for the Gators.

On to the week's bets. To recap, the rules are:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

As always, it gets interesting as the season wheres on. Is it time to double down? Maybe a swift kick in the nuts (wearing 5 pairs of socks?) instead of an ass kick.

SEASON
OBJ
6-5
Georgia beat the spread @ Ole Miss! But, Georgia didn't beat the OVER @ Ole Miss!
J-Rock
5-6
Editor's Note: The closest Bawlin' Cawlin' after three weeks to date. Here's where OBJ pulls away.

OBJ
Georgia (-7) Over Mississippi State
For absolutely no reason, I'm taking Georgia to cover the spread 'tween the hedges. Time for some payback.

Oregon State (+18) Over Arizona State
Coming off a big home win against Southern Cal, I just don't see the hometown Devils avoiding the UGA Play to Your Opponents' Level syndrome two games in a row. Of course, Oregon State is just awful, losing to the California-State-Sacramento Hornets in their opener, followed promptly by a shutout loss to Wisconsin. This is likely a mistake.

Stanford (-21) Over UCLA
UCLA, whose only win came over the aforementioned Beavers!

Baylor (-3.5) Over Kansas State
Plucky Bears. They've got moxie.

J-Rock
Georgia Tech (-9.5) Over NC State
Alabama (-3.5) Over Florida
Texas (-9.5) Over Iowa State
Toledo and Temple OVER 50


GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 10/1
This week Georgia is the girl you've been seeing for a little while, and while you have something building in the pit of your stomach, you're not quite sure if you want Mom to meet her just yet. Who knows? She may show up to lunch at your father's work wearing a skimpy tank top barely covering her breasts! IT HAPPENS!!

In this situation there's always a Happy Medium test. Not sure if she's Mom and Dad material? Introduce her to your crazy uncle or (hopefully) non-judgemental siblings.

I'm proud to wear my Georgia gear anywhere I go in Arizona because, well, frankly, what the hell college football fan is going to say anything to me, here? In the state of Georgia, same applies. But would I wear my gear around Tuscaloosa this weekend? Sure, and I would expect to get more shit on than a toothless Mississippi State undergrad at the 87th Annual Fall Ball Scat party!

Sightseeing 9/29

My fantasy world officially turned nightmare on Sunday. Allow me to preface. Last year my fantasy football team was embarrassed by a ridiculous performance from Michael Vick. He was then traded to another opponents team where he again destroyed me. Jump to the third-place play-off game and things were looking on the up and up as the NY Giants were corralling Vick pretty handily with only 8 minutes remaining in the game. We all know how this story ends, and I was cursing him left and right. Fast forward to Sunday when he leaves the game with only 2 fantasy points to his name and MY TEAM STILL CAN'T WIN! I am now sure that he is my kryptonite, and his presence most certainly ensures my team's demise. But I digress. Actually no. Let's continue with some verbal abuse if only for my own therapeutic purposes.

• The dog slayer's post game comments are quite hypocritical. "I'm not tryin' to blame the refs." Well, I'm not buyin' it. Watch how definitively he says "absolutely" when asked if he thinks he's not getting the same calls as other quarterbacks. To my own dismay, he may be right and I think I know why; he's a dog slayer! But, not only do I bring obvious hindsight observations, I also come with solutions; run faster! You're the fastest player on the field, Vick, and I will no longer tolerate such an insolent attitude. There's no crying in Football. There, I feel slightly better.

Any chance I get. A Dawg fan can't resist

• The Falcons have got to motivate their offensive line. Matt Ryan getting sacked 13 times in 3 games is Bush League. Center McClure was back in the line-up, and I saw little improvement. Perhaps Dahl was the glue that held that line together. Unfortunately, the Falcons are up against the salary cap and simply could not afford to retain all the starting linemen from last season. Let's give some credit where it is deserved as well. The Buc's defense brought some heat all game long. I am also not going to point fingers at any of ATL's defensive linemen for jumping offsides at the end of the game. You simply got did by a better team. Better luck next week Falcons.

• The Georgia Bulldogs have got to be the most gullible team in the nation. Fake punts, onside kicks, reverse kick returns- they all seem to work so perfectly when executed against the presumptuous Dawgs. Have they never seen these plays before? It's like watching white guys play basketball. As Ole Miss kept faking the reverse, I knew they were setting it up for later in the game. I, on the same note as the Bulldogs, never saw the reverse pass coming. Well played Rebels... I mean Black Bears... oh, its the Rebel Black Bears (WTF?). At least it takes a trick play to have a chance at beating the Dawgs. Gladly, they were able to overcome.

• If you don't watch UFC, it's time to start. Quentin "Rampage" Jackson entered the ring with an unnervingly goofy stare instead of any fighter's typical bouncy anticipatory energy. I couldn't tell if he had brought some of his acting chops back with him from Hollywood or if he was just that focused. Either way, Jon Jones, the light-heavyweight champ, undressed him with a showcase of style. Long and tall, his chicken legs don't match the rest of him, but he mixed his kicks wonderfully, showed off great grappling skills, and eventually got the win via submission. I am definitely drinking the Jon Jones Kool-Aid right now. One other note, Nate Diaz taunted his opponent by dropping his hands, jutting his chin, and gesturing for a punch to be thrown. Sorry dude, you are not Anderson Silva. I wish someone would instantly KO any fighter who attempts this unsportsmanlike mockery.

What I want to see next week:

• I will be attending UGA's upcoming game against Miss St. Tailgating starts at 7 a.m., and I am at the mercy of the designated driver, so this may be the only game I see Saturday. In depth coverage to follow, possibly with a photo gallery.

Real Life Matters: Week Three

It could be rising

Or it could be setting

In week two Michigan State held lowly Florida Atlantic Western Orthopedic State Poly Tech University to a single first down, which came late in the game. God only knows what amount of shit the defensive back incurred from his teammates for allowing that one Firster. The fightin' Owls! had one play of more than 8 yards (0-10 on 3rd downs, 48 total yards), and it was that first down.

I expected nothing less from the Bulldogs when they played the Coastal Carolina Mascot Came from a Chaucer's Fables. The Chanticleers managed 112 yards of offense, but for a Dawg faithful that can only watch the game at a bar at 9 A.M. if he's lucky, I was not hinging hopes on anything but a shutout.

Despite playing three quarterbacks and getting even the backup waterboy some glory time, the dogs delivered. If you follow this Blog and, more importantly, the Bulldogs, you nod your head when I say you fully expect Georgia to give up a few meaningless touchdowns. You couldn't blame them if they did, with unproven and un-played pups taking the field to prove their mettle.

But there's something else going on here. UGA could've, by some objective opinions should've, beat SouthKackaLackie 'tween the hedges. Win, and you're in the driver's seat with a Miss Daisy schedule in the SEC East. The Dawgs lost but anyone watching that game will say: 1) UGA played their asses off and, 2) That was a most memorable game to watch.

So what's unique?

These players want Richt. They see a real leader that - and this is no bullshit - they would love to stand behind when they win The Big One. They don't want anyone else. They want to play for this man. Take it from the leader of UGA's team Aaron Murray (#2 in quarterback rating in the SEC, behind only "Tyler Bray," who's played Montana, Cincinnati and [HUGE dropoff in rating] Florida for Tennessee): "We are playing for wins right now. Wins equal him staying."

This week at Ole Miss, Georgia opened at -5 points. The line is now -10 and yours truly will take that (see below) to the bank feeling better about not receiving a kick in the ass. What does that tell you? Degenerate, always-betting sports gamblers move the lines. These people are, at best, 60% right, but that 10% is enough to scare Vegas into moving the line FIVE points in four days. Georgia could've just played their asses off for their CoachMR, at home and been hyped by the crowed. Hell, a few gimme scores by the Chauncer's Fables and I may be on that wagon.

I've been watching football long enough to know when I see something special, and this team has it. All of Dawg Nation will tell you we've always had the talent and the feeling we could always push it to the edge (also known as, Playing Down or Up to Our Opponent Sydnrom), but there's something ephemeral encompassing this season that can’t be will be explained here. Take the +10.

On to the week's bets. To recap, the rules are:

LOSER - Swift kick in the ass. No bullshit. Velocity of kick dependent upon kicker (kick-ee likely to ask for more)

WINNER - Bottle of his choosing.

BONUS - Winning Percentage more than 10% differential? Georgia home game football ticket

As always, it gets interesting as the season wheres on. Is it time to double down? Maybe a swift kick in the nuts (wearing 5 pairs of socks?) instead of an ass kick.

SEASON
OBJ
5-3
J-Rock
3-5
Editor's Note: Tough to go 0-4 when Vandy beats Ole Miss and Duke beats Boston College. J-Rock is new to this, fellers. He doesn't yet know Rule #1 of College Football Betting clearly dictates that you never bet on middle-of-the-pack (read: all) ACC teams. Let's see if he learned his lesson.

OBJ
Georgia (-10) Over Ole Miss
The Wynn is actually taking Georgia at -9.5 for this one. Good luck Wynn! Glad to know you follow every other relic of meaningful importance by proving yourself to be obsolete. No, seriously, the Wynn was the oringinator of the Vegas you (used to wish to) see. Yes, you began the MAJOR SPECTACULAR HOLY COW WHAT AN AMAZINGLY LARGE AND EVERYTHING IS HERE I COULD POSSIBLY WANT OR NOT WANT Vegas revolution. But get with the times. If I wasn't a poor-ass blogger I'd make a killing off your lazy-ass .5 differential.

Georgia and Ole Miss OVER 54
Are you kidding me? Georgia's going to lay at least 35 on these waysist folk. C'mon Ole Miss. Give me 19 points.

Florida State (+2.5) Over Clemson
Lock of the week. Wager everything you've got. Tell you what, if this doesn't pan out I'll YouTube myself - my fiance, my own fist or some random dude punching me in the nuts. In order of discretion, of course.

J-Rock
Michigan (-10) Over San Diego State
Miami (-12.5) Over Kansas State
Oklahoma State and Texas A&M UNDER 69


QUARTER TROPHY
The WNBA Playoffs is going on right now. Did you know?

/sexist joke

The loser of this week's picks receives the honor of the Tamika Catchings Honorary MVP award. Let's see how this plays out.

$500 to YOU, if You Can Tell Me the Two Teams in t

he WNBA Finals Without Looking it Up

GEORGIA IS A GIRL
Each week we're going to bring to you what the University of Georgia football team is, metaphorically speaking. In terms of a woman you are sexually/intellectually/spiritually interested in:

Week of 9/17
Love is hate. Hate is love. The two are inseparable. The only blissfully unaware people that do not know this are those that have never been in love - IN LOVE - enough to destroy themselves for another.

Georgia went away when you thought she may pan out. You could count on her for a could times, but she seemed...shallow in a sense. Even as a Georgia graduate you felt like there was something lacking in the fuse box department. Then you come to find she went to Law School at UGA and, well, damn, maybe she changed. MAYBE SHE'S BRIGHT.

I've met a tidy sum of women who graduated cum CONGRATULATIONS from the UGA Law School. Hate to sit on the fence but this is hit or miss. This observer is inclined to think UGA truly is turning a corner and not just attending breezy school to make a dolla.'

Oh My Heart

You may have seen during football broadcasts, the competing colleges will produce short promotional videos that I assume are used to attract potential students or encourage alumni donations.  In the recent past, UGA's has been, for lack of a better word, ATROCIOUS!. Unfortunately, you may remember ta few years ago, a disgraceful bandwagon referencing to texting. I always felt the proud, resourceful, edu-macated folks at the university (whether it be students, faculty, or alumni) could do better. Perhaps with the coersion of others, we finally have a tv spot that better represents our values here in Athens. Below you will find a very dignified portrayal of our fine institution set to an emotionally stirring tune by local artists R.E.M.