I suffer from insomnia.  There are MANY nights I lay awake in my bed and try to shut down by brain enough to help me fall asleep.  Before Sprout came to us,  I used to try to think 'happy thoughts' so maybe I could just float away into dream land.  Every night before bed I would think about a tiny boy, all swaddled up, handed to me to love forever.  He's here now :)

The agency worker told me last week that he had to contact paternal g-ma for a visit this month.  I thought SHE had to contact HIM. It was kind of hard to hide my disappointment.  I figured if she didn't call yet that maybe she was backing down.  When the worker came to transport Sprout yesterday  he explained that the reason he is contacting paternal grandma is because he told her he would.  But he also said that he and the county worker will be confronting her on why her paperwork has not been submitted yet and to see if she truly does want to raise Sprout.  They will explain to her that there is no pressure and she doesn't HAVE TO take custody.  If she does back down, they will then approach bio donor (in prison) and talk about surrendering his rights.  Their feeling is that there is no reason to prolong the inevitable.  Bio mom has not made one full week of visits since April.  Things do not look well for her.  We're still caught in the in-between.  I still haven't painted the nursery walls.  While I trust that I serve a HUGE God...my faith just isn't there...yet! :)