Guess who celebrated an adoption today!?!? 

Sprout is officially OURS.....FOREVER!!!!
 
Merry Christmas!!!

If...

If you have access please head over here. 

Sometimes I wonder...

I find myself trying to imagine our life without foster care.  Or trying to imagine how our life was BEFORE foster care.  I don't remember.  This desire that God placed in my heart has been burning so long and has grown SO strong that I can't imagine walking away from the NEED now that I have seen it.  Soon, Sprout will be ours forever.  Lately, I have spent my days in complete AWE of how good God has been.  How details and plans have come together to make every one of my hearts deepest desires come true.  Even extravagant hopes and dreams I had...I'm finding that God has made a way for us.  I shouldn't be surprised but I am.   He is faithful. 

ERIN!!!

Erin, You're too funny.  Leave me your email in the comments.  It will not be published :) 

And the results are in...

Well, it looks like it will happen.  The phone rang today and it was...

Time for a change...

A long time ago we decided on a new name for Sprout.  Although we love his birth name we chose to change it for security reasons.  His new name will be  @$%&!*

HaPPy ThAnKsGiViNg!!!

I am THANKful that we are one step closer to forever with our boy!  I'm THANKful that God has placed this desire in my heart and that He has been FAITHFUL to fulfill it!  What are YOU THANKful for!??! 

My boy

It's been a while since I've spoken of my sweet boy and yet my whole blogging journey began FOR HIM!!!  Sprout will be 23 months old in 2 days.  He sleeps through the night, needs a fork (or spoon) when he eats and STILL LOVES to be outside.  He recently discovered The Wigg1e$ and sings and dances throughout the entire show.  Last week he learned what a 'butterfly kiss' is and is always sticking his face in mine waiting for a 'kiss'.  Eskimo kisses are a favorite too.  Choo choo's are everywhere in this newly 'boy' home and Elm0 and dinosaurs are a constant presence.  He learned to jump, LOVES his bath and helps with the laundry :)  Sprout can climb the stairs, play hide and seek and really prefers to run EVERYWHERE!  He has many words and know most animal sounds but instead of signing or saying the animal...he makes the sound it makes.  Very cute!  He plays with L!ttLe Pe0p1e cars and loves to have the farm animals in his bed.  He loves his family and we are crazy about him.  This boy has changed the whole dynamic of our home, for the better...  and we wouldn't have it any other way!

Sorry

I think I should have linked a bit different...  My husband is only leaving me for a week for work.  So sorry for the confusion.  There are more details at the other blog.  But thank you for all the comments and prayers.  I should have posted the link to include more details...  Sorry.

Dear Sprout,

My Sweet Boy,

                  I watch you playing with your dinosaurs and Elm0, so completely unaware of how your future is being altered.  I see you sleep and know, that in your dreams, you're kicking a soccer ball or climbing the ladder to the slide.  It makes me smile to know how safe and happy you are. 

16 days ago, I watched as your biological father signed away his parental rights.  I'll never forget the sight of him sitting in the court room, handcuffed and shackled with the pen in his hand signing away any right he has to you.  He had to sign 5 copies as if sealing his decision with every new stroke of his pen.  It broke my heart that there was no one there to shake his hand or encourage him that he was doing what's best for you.  I guess after 22 months he finally realized that you wouldn't stop growing up while he finished his pris0n sentence.  I know that his love for you was real.  Even if he only spent 4 supervised hours with you since your birth, it was obvious that his desire to try to change himself was so he could be a good role model for you.  Sometimes trying isn't enough.  He told daddy and I how lucky he thought you were to have us.  He knows how very much we love you. 

This week we went back to court.  It was a very emotional day for me.  I was counting down our hours until court because I knew that if she showed up, that would mean you were closer to becoming ours...FOREVER.  But I know that for me to have my heart's deepest desire fulfilled...she would have to lose you.  The court room was very quiet...as if everyone was silently grieving with her.  I couldn't keep my eyes dry.  She sat there answering the judge's questions as to whether or not she was totally coherent.  She cried harder and harder until the judge had to ask her if she needed a break.  She said that she just wanted to 'get it over with'.  I couldn't keep the tears back.  I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her.  She signed her rights to you away...one, two, three, four, five times.  I'm sure her heart broke just a little bit more with every time she signed her name.  As soon as she was finished signing she left the court room.  The judge reminded her that she had the choice to delay the surrender and begin working the case plan again.  He also reminded her that as soon as she walked out of the court room her surrender could not be reversed.  It was a final decision.  She left. 

I was broken and relieved.  Such a bittersweet feeling.  Knowing that you were closer to being MY boy FOREVER but couldn't help but grieve for all she had lost.  I know that she tried.  She loves you but can never be the mother you need her to be.  Her efforts were fruitless...she was never even able to bond with you.  I think she always loved the THOUGHT of you but never really took the time to get to know your likes and dislikes.  She'll never know how much you love your dinosaurs and she'll never watch Elm0 with you.  She won't be there when you learn to ride a bike or tie your shoe.  She won't be there to watch you grow up.  But I will.  I promise to love you enough for me AND her.  I'll be there to help you up when you fall.  I'll be there to hug you goodnight and tell you how very loved you are.  I'll always tell you of the story of how God gave me 4 daughters that grew in my tummy and how you grew in my heart until I could hold you in my arms.  You'll know how God Himself has blessed us with you and how very special you are to me.
                                                                                      Love, Mommy


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

"God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly MORE than you could EVER ask, dream or imagine".  Ephesians 3:20

Court paperwork

Court paperwork came in the mail today.  PPG is STILL return-to-parent.  It states MULTIPLE times that bio dad has surrendered and bio mom has intentions on surrendering.  Still, it's very discouraging to see that the goal is not adoption or even c0ncurrent plann!ng.  Even 22 months later I am still surrendering MY will over to God's best for Sprout's life. 

She's gonna sign...

The agency worker caught up with mom and she said she does want to surrender her rights...

1/2 (half)

So, finally.  My sweet baby boy is HALF freed for adoption :)  Court today...I can't help but think of how his...

Small technicality...

I ask alot of questions.  Sometimes I get the answers I want.  Trying to piece together some of Sprout's story I learned that...

County worker called...

She said that...

SURRENDER!!!!!

So, on Tuesday, the agency worker said that he saw bio mom walking down the street in front of the agency office. He ran outside and tracked her down. She said she wanted to surrender.  He asked her if she'd be willing to come into D*S*S for a meeting with him and the county worker.  Surprisingly, she followed through and was at her apartment yesterday when he went to pick her up for the arranged meeting.  He said she was a bit teary eyed in the car while she spoke about Sprout.  At the meeting, they spoke about bio mom's conditions for the surrender and both workers explained that it would have to be approved through us.  So, we're a step in the right direction.  They also spoke about...

Got a call...

On the road to the ER with my oldest I got a call for a drug exposed 2 month old baby boy.  It's for preventive respite.  I had to say no because...

Suspended

Visits have been suspended.  I feel much better knowing that he'll be safe. 

Thought I'd be happier...

Found out some huge news today and I thought I'd be more content.  I just feel more upset.  I know that I have some God-given desires and I PRAY that God can make something beautiful out of this wonderful mess that I am.

3 weeks...

Today marks 3 weeks since Sprout last saw his bio mom.  I'm sure this is a glimpse of what our future will be like as a forever family.  Can't wait. 

I've some time composing a letter to my 7-year-ago self.  The woman who couldn't wait to foster and hopefully adopt.  Will share later on...

I've been blogging daily over at the other blog. Trying to keep specific details about everything that's going on.  Sprout is doing really well.  He is starting to speak more and more.  TONS of fun!  I am truly enjoying EVERY minute with my little nature boy. 

Busy...

I'm keeping busy. 

So sad :(

I lost the piece of paper that had all the information about the baby with the broken collar bone so I called his worker (since the agency home finder is out on medical leave).  He said that the baby is being moved AGAIN.  If you remember, the reason I was going to take the baby was because he was being moved after only being in care for a few weeks.  The family that he was originally placed with was a new foster family. Now, he is being moved again.  I told him I was willing to be a resource...  We'll see tomorrow.   

Confirmed but no visit!

Bio mom did call to confirm but when the agency worker got there her place was in horrible condition.  He gave her an option... He could take the baby to the office for a few minutes and she could clean OR she looses the visit.  She said her tooth was bothering her and CHOSE to let the baby come back to me.  And now this!!!

Stress free

Relief...

One day...

Maybe one day I won't sit and stress the night before a visit.  Sitting here wondering if she'll call to confirm...

This week...

We are at month number 20 and I am PRAYING that we are on the home stretch.  The T*P*R paperwork should have been filed by August 22nd.  Since the judge was on vacation this week (how DARE he??)...the county workers were waiting to submit the paperwork.  Armed with a POSSIBLE surren*der of paren*tal rights (bio dad) the county worker is confident that they have 'enough' on bio mom for termination.  She said the file is pretty thick.  SO, I'm hoping this week we hear some good news and possibly get a court date scheduled to discuss the TP*R.  One can only hope...

Not no...just not now

I called the agency home finder to see what the plan was and she said that the baby is not coming here today BUT...

Got a call...

Got a call for a baby with a broken collar bone.  Said yes.  Looks temporary.  Will know more tomorrow...

Copied and pasted from November 20th, 2009

Well, a countdown has begun. A while back I had this conversation with God. It went something like this...
"Well, God. I was under the impression that YOU placed this desire to adopt in my heart. It's been burning REALLY strong for quite a while. We've been fostering for 4 LONG years and, well, I was wondering...DO you have a plan or are you 'winging' it?"

:::crickets:::

OK, so he didn't quite answer me the way I'd hoped. I WANTED to hear something like this...

"Well, you've put your blood, sweat and tears into fostering and I do plan on fulfilling this desire that I have placed in you. So on **/**/09 I will place a baby boy in your arms and he will be HOME. YOU will be his family and you'll all live happily ever after."

Didn't happen...

So, since then it's been a journey {of sorts} to seek HIS will for what MY purpose in all this is. I completely adore my bio children and am completely and wholly fulfilled in being their mother. This is different. It's almost like saying I've never experienced a pregnancy or birth. I feel like I've never held a newborn. This desire consumes me. It is SO much more that just wanting a baby. It's dreaming of a child I know will one day be mine. Wishing for him to be here to look at the leaves change color...hold his chubby hand as we stroll down the street... I've often thought that maybe {just maybe} I've idealized everything about him. I anticipate the diapers, tears and long nights and I actually look forward to them. But it seems that no matter HOW MUCH I try to 'help' God by finding the perfect situation for us...it just doesn't happen. I've searched waiting child lists and emailed 'ba*by bro*kers' in hopes of finding a situation that would best fit our family. I've told EVERYONE I know that we're hoping to adopt and to please keep their ears open. You'd think we'd get ONE possibility. Nope. Not one. SO, after a few years drag by and our emotions are RAW from the loss we've experienced with fostering...I decide that maybe I need to take a different approach to it. Maybe it's not God's timing for us right now. Maybe He has something better planned. {Is that REALLY possible God? Can you REALLY know HOW important this is to me?} LoL.

I'm learning.

I've spoken to 3 different people this week about the emotions that go along with foster care. How it broke my heart to hand over the babies we cared for and tried to move on. This foster*ing thing is definitely NOT for weak. I have tried {endlessly} to pry open windows God himself must be holding closed. It comes down to faith. Do I have the right to think it's all about me? I have looked at this from different angles and I sometimes think that God has us on this journey to wrap my arms around these babies and let HIM love them through me. Is it easy? No. Knowing the pain we will go through when these boys leave makes me want them to leave now so we don't get any more attached. Then I look at it from a different angle. If not me, then WHO will be a light to the bio parents? The only Jesus they EVER see might be through me. If that is the case? What am I showing them? Am I able to love thoroughly and without condition? No. Not on my own.

But through HIM I am.

I have patience where there was only tolerance. God has shown me many things about myself through this process. The only thing that I will share with you is this...I need to have HIM as my first and only and all good things will come ONLY when I am fulfilled in HIM alone. It comes down to trust. I have always heard how good God is but do I still think He's good when I don't get what I want? When I don't get what I've worked SO hard for? What I think I deserve?

Since I am human and aware that foster*ing is beginning to take an emotional toll on my family I have given God my 'notice'. My husband and I have agreed that we will continue to foster for the next 363 days. We will see the boys through the rest of their journey in 'care'. Then we will be EXTREMELY selective on the next placement we are called on. By this time next year we will turn in our license and close our home to fostering. If God chooses to bless our family through adoption BEFORE then...wonderful. If not, we are sure that IF it is to happen for us it will NOT be through the foster*care system. So now at least there is an end in sight. This gives us a short term goal to works towards and helps us move on...need be. I am numb. I don't know what else to feel. We love having these children in our home and especially watching them blossom but the emotional beating our hearts take is not worth the fighting the system. The system is set up for the bios. Not the children and especially NOT the foster*parents. SO...1 more year. The countdown has begun...

missed again...

No confirmation call from Sprout's bio mom today...

Will be posting on the private blog for a while. 
Lots of things happening...
not all can be shared publicly.

Email me for an invite :)

Well, Sprout had a visit today.  4 hours unsupervised with his bio mom and whoever she was with.  The agency worker asked me to transport there (hubby did) and that means that no one checked her apartment to see if there was food or any unauthorized people there.  I am getting to the point where I am nervous to let him leave me for visits.  She is reckless.  The agency worker seems to believe that bio mom has turned over a new leaf.  (Insert eye roll here @@) "She said she's been going a rough patch (with her boyfriend who doesn't beat her??)  but she'll start calling again for visits.  Yippee....  :/

On a worse note there WILL be a pris0n visit next week...3 hours away :*( 

Missed visits, new baby

Sprout's bio mom did not call for a visit yesterday (Wednesday).  So she missed over a month in visits and called once (last Friday) for a visit.  Now she's missed 2 visits already this week. 

I called the county worker to find out what the next steps are while we wait for T*PR.  She told me that the new baby bio mom is carrying is NOT fathered by her current boyfriend  :X

The new baby daddy is currently incarcerated (for beating up bio mom, I THINK) and the guy she is with now treats her very good.  There is no d0mest!c v!0lence and he has even offered to pay for her housing (since she missed her mental health appointment she LOST her subsidized housing).  She can keep her apartment but now has to pay the FULL $575 a month instead of the $6 a month (that is not a typo...she paid $6 a month).  Anyway, he has offered to pay her rent (supposedly he is not living there) IF she goes on a job interview.  Not sure how to process this new information.  I originally thought that this new guy was the baby daddy and since he drove, had a job and was still with her after 4 months that HE would be willing to take the new baby.  Bio mom told the county worker that the dirtbag guy who beat her up is the father and since she did that it is now documented.  The next few months should be fun...intense but fun. 

Trying hard to wrap my mind around this whole situation.  Sprout has NO relationship with his bio father.  He has spent a total of less than 2 supervised hours with him in his short 19 months.  To make the 3 hour drive (one way) then have to go all through security to sit with a virtual stranger...SO not fair.  I am kind of glad that Sprout will have no memory of having to do this.  I feel like we are close enough to the end that I can relax but far enough to make me wonder how long this is going to take.  The county had 90 days to file TP*R paperwork.  That 90 days is up August 21st.  We are so close...not sure what the process is.   I know that after the paperwork is filed there will be a court date scheduled for around 2 weeks from then.  The bio's will have the chance to surrender then.  Not sure what they're thinking right now.  The judge ordered the county to file the termination paperwork so I think it would kind of pointless for the bios' lawyers to advise them to appeal.  The case would be heard by the same judge.  I still don't know how far along bio mom is in her pregnancy or how that will affect her decision.  In the past, she has surrendered her rights to the current child in hopes to parent the new baby.  Also, still not sure who the new baby daddy is.   If you know me in real life, I am THE MOST impatient person EVER!! I am the type of person to read the last page of the book to find out how it ends.  God is most definitely refining that aspect of my life.   I am beginning to realize that I can't save them all.  I know that certain situations will be put in my path so that I can make a difference and I am made aware of others so I can pray.  This most definitely has been one incredible journey and with my sweet boy in my arms I would not change a thing.

Not sure WHAT to think...no call, no visit for Sprout today.  When the agency worker called he said that he is scheduling a visit for next week for Sprout's bio dad...yep...in Pr!sOn!! Just to clarify, this is the same bio dad who had his mother call me to tell me that he was surrendering his rights!!!  2 months ago!!! 

Road trip with the agency worker...yeah...  :/ 

Unsupervised :(

She called.  There was a 4 hour UNSUPERVISED visit.  Last week, the county worker had mentioned that if she goes an extended period of time without seeing him, maybe they should bring the visits BACK to D*S*S and keep them supervised.  I brought this up to the agency worker...  Nope, because they HAVE to prove reasonable efforts in court for T*P*R.  So, my boy was subject to a visit with his bio mother UNSUPERVISED because of a legality.  There was NO WAY for the agency worker to 'pop-in' because she doesn't have to stay home.  So I have NO CLUE WHO she was with or WHAT she was doing. 
I am a bit frustrated...can you tell!?!?   

4 weeks straight...missed visits

Dear Sprout's Bio Mom,
              Today you missed another chance to see your son.  Today marks 4 weeks straight of missed visits.  You are missing so much. 
             
             He is starting to talk more and expressing his adorable 19 month-old personality.  He scrunches up his face and gives the best kisses.  He is firm in his answer of 'no' when he doesn't want to do something.  He can give hugs now...I'm sure he wasn't doing that last time you saw him.  In the morning, He stands and waits in his crib and makes quiet noises until I come and get him.  He sings to himself.  He has the best baby morning breath.  His hair is growing in and the sun has been making it a bit lighter...just like yours.  You're missing his little feet running this crazy run when someone is chasing him.  He LOVES to hear his own voice and loves to watch himself make silly faces in the mirror.  He loves to use his tongue to make silly 'boy' noises and then giggles because it makes his mouth itch.  He loves to read and look through the pages of each book he has.  He can make most of the farm animal sounds and even knows what the cricket 'says'.  He is so smart.  His smile lights up the room and his giggle is contagious.  He loves to ride the tractor, swing high on the swings and kick his chubby little feet in the pool.  He LOVES when the sprinkler system kicks on at the end of the day and runs through screaming and laughing while he gets soaking wet.  He loves the bath and loves his bed.  He loves to be snuggled and sung to.  He likes to be rocked and melts into my arms.  He likes to sleep in his bed with his Ba*rney doll and even though he sometimes wakes up at night he will fall back asleep as long as he knows you're I'm there. 

You're missing it all...

No call, no visit for Sprout again today. 

No call, no visit for Sprout today. Big surprise...huh!?!  The county worker came this morning to go over what is happening with the TP*R.  Seems like bio dad just might get visits while he's in jail.  Bio mom is MIA and supposedly has no interest in surrendering.  This could take a LONG time if neither of them surrender their rights.   

Very discouraging... 

No call, no visit today.  That's a total of 7.  Equivalent to more than 2 weeks in visits.  The agency worker said that maternal g-ma called and said that bio mom is sick and 'someone needs to talk to her'.  Ya think!??!

The county worker will be here on Friday for a home visit and to discuss the T*P*R.  They are 1/2 done with it.  We're on day 50 of 90...

No call, no visit for Sprout today.  Sounds like the agency worker is heading over to bio moms house to see what's going on.  Sprout is happy as a clam today.  Really glad he's staying home :) 

Sprout:  (standing on a chair)

Me:  Please get down.  I don't want you to get boo boo's. 

Sprout:  grunts  (What he really means is "can't make me...can't make me!")

Me:  You need to sit down right now.

Sprout:  grunts again.

Me:  :::gets up from chair:::

Sprout: HUGE SMILES...

Me:  Please sit down like this so you'll be safe.

Sprout:  Yet mom.  (His version of 'yes, mom')


Can I even tell you how much I LOVE this boy!!???!

back from vacation...missed visits

We're back from vacation.  Prior to leaving, bio mom missed 4 visits.  We left on a Friday and we were gone for the Monday and Wednesday visits.  Well, she knew we returned today and there was no call so no visit.  The agency worker stopped by for a home visit with the agency supervisor and filled us in on some details of what we're waiting for while the county is writing up the TP*R papers.  Nothing new.  As for now, we are just waiting for either bio mom to surrender or it could be much longer if she really is taking us to court.  Not sure if she realizes how it looks that she's missed 5 consecutive visits and is still claiming that she wants 'her son' back... 

Went to a continuation of training last night (against my better judgement).  I was comfortable on the couch when I was asked what time my training was....hmmm.  I reluctantly got in the car.  The training was on U*se, Abu*se and Addicti*on.  I was suprrised at how informative it was. I actually ENJOYED it. :)

After the meeting I went over some re-cert paperwork with the agency homefind*er and asked her if they planned on leaving my 2nd crib empty for Sprout's sibling (possibly due this fall) and she proceeded to tell me about a baby that is (over) due any day.  Bio mom cannot be with the baby unsupervised so the baby will be coming into care.  Baby has half siblings with other relatives.  I asked about Sprout's sibling and she said "well, either way we'll try to keep the siblings together".  THEN, she asked me if we ever thought of taking older kids.  She has a 5 year old that has been in care for 3 years.  This boy was with a county family and kind of fell through the cracks (so to speak).  Other families have been approached and their reasons for not taking him were because he's too old and because he's too dark (he's bi-racial).  Later in the conversation she found out (from the other home finder doing the training) that the boy was not 5 he was 3 and that the family that currently has him had intended on adoptiong him but the county felt they were too old.  That family switched to the agency and the agency feels the child would do better with a younger couple.  So, I'm sitting here with the possiblity of a newborn or a 3 year old.  I only have to make a phone call to get more info.  I told you I should have stayed home from the training... 

missed visits

No call, no visit for Sprout today (Wednesday). 

18 well baby check today.  Sprout is 23 lbs!! Such a big boy! :)
No shots (thank GOD!) and a sticker for being SO well behaved!!

Bio mom missed the Dr's appointment again.  I called the county worker to have her stand by in case shots were needed and when I called her back to tell her everything was up to date she asked me a few questions about previous visits missed by bio mom.  I gave her my answers and she told me they were working on TP*R today :)    We're not there yet...but we're getting closer!!!!!

more missed visits

Agency worker called this morning.  No call, no visit for Sprout today (Monday).  That makes 3 in a row.  The worker said he'd take a ride over to her house later today to see if she's ok and also see if she's NOW ready to talk about surrendering.  Praying...

Spent the last few days prepping and painting Sprout's bedroom.  The color is called 'milestone'.  Can the name BE any more fitting!!?!?  I did purchase the paint back in March but didn't have the faith time to start AND finish.  LOVE the way it looks!  Now, I have to be honest.  I'll be stressing a bit if we get called for his new baby sibling and it's a GIRL!  We might have to pick a new room theme and color. 
Maybe I'll find a color called 'you've GOT to be kidding me!!!'  :)

Forgot to mention that the agency worker mentioned that bio mom has no intention of surrendering...she wants to take it to court.  Any experience in what I should expect is greatly appreciated... 

missed visits

No call, no visit for today (Friday).  The agency worker said something like "at least is buys a few more days knowing he's safe". 

missed visits, agency worker concerns

Sprout had a visit on Monday.  4 hours unsupervised at bio mom's house.  The agency worker went there 15 minutes early to check-in and bio mom was with Sprout at her neighbors house.  There were 4 men hanging out.  The worker ended the visit early and told me what happened when he brought Sprout back home.  He is LIVID.  He admitted to me that he was very sympathetic to bio mom when he came on the case in April 2011.  He has also expressed that he sees that she is NOT making safe decisions for him and he is worried for his safety. He called some higher ups and at first the answer was sent in an email with a 3 word reply...VISITS WILL CONTINUE.  I guess a meeting was held this morning and they are taking his concerns seriously.  Bio mom DID NOT call for a visit today.  I would be shocked of she called for this Friday too. She has only seen him 4 times this month...so far.  Check the post below for a link to the picture of the reunited twins :) 
Caution:  IT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE :) :) :)

Got a picture of the reunited twins  :)  Peek over here!!

Shared with a few close friends about bio mom's pregnancy.  Different reactions from different people.

There are MANY scenarios that can play out. 

*  Baby daddy might be a stand up kinda guy with family that could be a resource for baby.
*  Bio mom might be able to bring this baby home from the hospital and parent with preventive services in place.
*  Baby is placed with us.

I am trying REALLY hard not to jump to conclusions BUT it doesn't look very promising that bio mom has found a gentleman. And (I'm reaching here) if dad isn't gonna stick around the chances of his family stepping up (or even finding out about said baby) is kinda slim.  Not sure how it works if mom surrenders her rights.  I've heard that she'll be able to keep this next baby if she surrenders.  BUT if her rights are terminated...the baby is taken (just like her last 2 were- from the hospital).  I am willing but I am nervous that this won't be her last baby.  She is 24.  Well within breeding years.  I CANNOT take the rest of the babies that she decides to have.  They will be half sibs to my boy.  Clearly, her choices on baby daddy's have not been made with future plans in mind.  Baby is due this fall...we have plenty of time to figure things out. 

This has been THE CRAZIEST week!  So, last week bio mom only had one visit (Mon).  This week she refused her son at the door (Mon), had a visit at D$$ (Wed) then supposedly broke her hand and made her Dr's appointment for her visit time on Friday.  The agency worker made arrangements to reschedule the visit for later in the afternoon but bio mom did not call to confirm so she missed another chance to see her son.  I called Sprout's brother's adoptive mom and asked about the timeline.  Questions like when did bio mom stop coming to visits?  I found out that bio mom still had visiting rights with Sprout's brother even after Sprout was born.  She missed all visits with the brother to focus on Sprout.  Her rights were terminated in May of 2011 and the adoption was finalized in July of 2011 (because of the fact that the court schedule opened up or it would have been longer).  I also spoke to her about the new baby due this fall and she wasn't surprised.  She said that she didn't think they could be a resource because they had no room.  I asked her if she wanted to get the boys together and she thought that would be wonderful for them!  That makes me smile :)  I called Sprout's law guardian to see if there was anything we could do about missed visits and she said that she could only call the county attorney and complain until something was done but she seems to think that bio mom will surrender her rights before too long.  It's already obvious that her focus is NOT on Sprout.  18 month update coming soon...

Agency worker was on vacation this week.  He called early this morning to tell me that bio mom called for a visit.  We had our regular morning schedule...get Sprout up early so he can fit a nap in this busy day.  Agency worker came to pick him up a bit early to catch up on the week.  I told him about her pregnancy and how there was only 1 visit last week.  I woke Sprout up and got him dressed.  I said goodbye and started counting down the hours till he came home again.  The agency worker called me 25 minutes after they left to tell me he was bringing Sprout home.  We he got here I was told that bio mom was indeed there and answered the door with "I didn't call you to confirm".  There were also 2 men there with her. The agency worker asked if she was pregnant and surprisingly she admitted it.   The  worker said that the call must have been from last week and when his phone was turned on it refreshed the call.  He was very apologetic to inconvenience us.  So yes, she was there and AGAIN chose a man over her son.  The county worker said that the county lawyer is not ready to regress on visits so they'll build their case on situations like these.  I am sure that if they approach her with intentions on TP*R then she'll surrender and visits will cease.  Her focus is clearly on the new baby...just like every other time. 

***No call, no visit for today.  That makes 2 days this week...

She's pregnant.  I spoke to a foster parent friend of mine who happens to live on bio mom's street.  She has spoken to bio mom on many occasions.  I asked her to ask bio mom if she was pregnant. She told me she had already asked.  Bio mom is about half way through her pregnancy...around 20 weeks.  I know that this means she'll most likely surrender Sprout now.  But what does this mean for the new baby!??!  She has another u/s at 25 weeks to find out the gender.  So many emotions...not sure how to process them.  I know that the workers all told me that this would happen...so I kind of expected it.  Bio mom actually told my friend that they didn't let her keep Sprout because of the fact that she was homeless when he was born but she'll be able to keep this next one. 

No visit yesterday.  The agency worker is off this week so I had to call around to a few other workers to make sure that she didn't call to confirm.  She did not.  The visits on Wednesday are supposed to be at D*S*S.  I have a feeling she might be avoiding D*S*S because of her belly. 

Also, I spoke to the county worker yesterday and I just wanted to know what they planned on doing for visits since the judge ordered T*PR.  I have never gone through this before and I was curious to see what the next few months had in store for us.  I asked if they would modify the visits due to bio mom missing and she explained that it was in the court order from the judge that at the county's discretion, they CAN modify or decrease visits according to bio mom's lack of attendance.  The county worker also said that she saw bio mom outside that superstore and she was with some guy.  She had a shopping cart full of food and it looked like they were waiting for a ride.  Bio mom did not see the worker.  The worker thought she saw a belly too. 

I told her about the phone call I received from paternal g-ma and explained that how supposedly bio dad told her he wanted to surrender his rights (as of the week after court).  I haven't heard anything from the county worker or bio dad's lawyer so I think that she called me possibly to see what my intentions were once we adopt Sprout.  She is looking for a possible relationship once he is ours.  I told her I can't promise what will happen in the future.  I explained that it was dad's choice to surrender and that I didn't expect him to make this decision without much thought and support from those he trusts.  I also explained to her that I cannot make any promises because that would jeopardize a possible future with Sprout.

 I am very stressed out about the thought of going through this again.  It is not fair to Sprout to put him through having to see his bio mom but it's his sibling.  He already has 2 older brothers that are placed in 2 separate homes.  I know I can't save the world but...  I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.  My focus right now is on Sprout and that alone keeps me busy.  He is such a happy, healthy boy!  I LOVE every minute I spend with him.  The county worker explained that it was probably best to go through the worker if g-ma wants visits.  She is entitled to an hour a month but hasn't had an official visit with him since August of last year. 

Waiting to hear back from the county worker and hoping visits are modified especially for the summer.  Also waiting to see if she confirms for her visit tomorrow. 

Bio mom did call for a visit that Friday after court.  The agency worker explained that he encouraged mom to continue to work her hardest to get Sprout back and I do not understand that AT ALL.  If the judge ordered T*PR doesn't that mean that she'll lose him anyway!?!?  I'm a bit confused.  I've already placed a call into the county worker to possibly have some questions answered.  I am interested in knowing what to expect these next few months. 

The agency worker came to pick the baby up and my first thought was that bio mom would run with him.  At the chance of sounding paranoid, I told the worker.  He said he had the same thought.  He assured me that he'd be checking in during the visit. 

It went well and surprisingly, bio mom did not call for the next visit.  I thought maybe she was giving up.  She did call for a visit a week later though.  (Last Friday).  I offered to pick Sprout up and met the agency worker at the agency office which happens to be 2 blocks from the bio mom's house.  I went in to see if the worker had picked up Sprout yet and he was there playing in the toy room.   We walked out the front of the building to my parked car and bio mom walked by.  She kind of caught me off guard and started telling me all about the visit.  She had on a cute baby doll dress that fell a bit above her knee.  When the wind blew just right I saw a belly on her.  The worker must have seen my face because he immediately said (and repeated) "Don't say anything".   She finally left and I just looked at him.  I asked if she is pregnant and he said "does it matter??!".  I said yes and explained that I ONLY have SO MUCH room in my car!  He laughed and said "well, if she is, she will most likely surrender rather than go through TP*R".  Not sure if she is or not.  I guess we'll see.  If I had to guess I'd say she had a 3 or 4 month belly.  I know I've though this earlier and I hope I'm wrong again... 

She did make Monday's visit this week.  So now we just see for tomorrow (Wednesday). 

Ok, the story of court.

I really wanted to post the details so I can remember them ALL. 

We walked in on March 23rd fully expecting to have another 6 months of visits. After 17 months of this I have to admit...I'm tired but I've been keeping my eye on the goal.  We were told by the county that they would NOT change the permanency goal to TPR (or adoption) until bio dad was out of prison and able to start working a case plan. He has been in contact with the county worker monthy since patern!ty was established. He has asked for pictures and shown much interest so I'm not sure if the caseworker has been showing pity or what. It was no secret that there was no blood test to establish paternity. We were reminded by the county worker that their decision was to keep the goal return t0 parent.  Bio dad is in prison and was supposed to be paroled this week and the county had no intention on filing for TPR while bio dad was incarcerated.  About 2 weeks before court we received our paperwork stating that the goal was return-to-parent BUT bio dad's earliest release date was March of 2013.  I called to make sure it wasn't a misprint...it wasn't.  Bio dad was denied parole.  (Supposedly he was denied parole because he wrote a threatening letter to some guy that has been beating on bio mom and she took the letter and sent it directly to the prison).  We went to court and resigned ourselves to the fact that we would just continue on for the next 6 months and see what happened.  We thought that bio dad would be released and start working HIS case plan.  Well.  At court...

We were there for 9am but waited on an attorney.  We were called at 9:15am and went into the court room.  Bio dad DID ask to be produced from his prison 2.5 hours away and he was there.  Bio mom's attorney immediately asked for an adjournment or a recall and both we denied.  The judge reminded her attorney that we have had this date on the calendar for the last 6 months and we all were there.  It was HER son and she should have been there on time. The county presented it's case and spoke of how many visits bio mom has missed and how there are still safety concerns but their goal was still return to p@rent.  The judge briefly spoke and then asked the bio dad's lawyer what her thoughts were and she really tried to have the courtroom have pity on him because he desired to have a realtionship with his son but was incarcerated.  Then the judge told me I could speak.  I prepared a letter.  I read it. 

Sprout is 17 months old today and has been with us since birth. He is a happy, healthy little boy who thrives on consistency and love.  Sprout’s smile is contagious and the sweet, mischievous twinkle in his eyes keeps us on our toes.
He continues to meet and exceed his developmental milestones. Sprout is a smart little boy who is now communicating using a combination of words and sign language. He knows most of his animal sounds and some of the signs to go with them. He is an extremely social toddler who is very outgoing as long as he’s with someone he trusts.
Sprout loves to dance and sing and then waits for the applause of anyone watching. He is not a picky eater, and will eat anything put on his plate.
Sprout is a very busy boy who loves to be outside. Whether it’s swimming or kicking a ball we are definitely starting to see a little nature boy in the making.

Sprout has been visiting with his bio mom 3 days a week. My concerns regarding Sprout’s visits are that after 4 hours unsupervised he’s been brought back dirty, smelling of smoke and sometimes with a the same diaper I put on him hours earlier.
There have been many times that Sprout comes home from a visit using the sign for ‘food’ or ‘eat’ and then goes on to consume a full meal as if he hasn‘t eaten. 
It has been my observation that the safe, loving and supportive environment we strive to provide is not being continued while he is in his mother’s care. Sprout is used to regular meals, a consistent schedule and the family interacting with him.
I understand that the job of a foster parent is to help promote and encourage the relationship between Sprout and his parents. It has been very difficult to do this with the number of missed visits by Sprout’s mother and the fact that bio dad is incarcerated.
When visits are consistent, Sprout goes willingly with the family specialist, but when they become sporadic due to bio mom’s failure to confirm, he becomes more reluctant to go and has cried when the family specialist arrives to transport him.
I am concerned over the lack of bond between bio mom and Sprout and feel that it’s a direct reflection on the choices she’s made that have limited her visits.

Bio dad has chosen not to have visitation with his son while incarcerated. In the 17 months Sprout has been with us his father has seen him a total of two supervised hours. I respect that he doesn’t want his son regularly brought to the jail and I agree that it would be hard on Sprout to go meet with a virtual stranger in that setting.
However, my husband and I are concerned that last year bio dad made choices that extended his incarceration and now more recently his June 2012 release date has been postponed to March 2013. This is precious time he could have been building a relationship with his son. I worry that Sprout’s time in foster care will continue to be extended based on his father‘s poor choices.
This boy needs permanency!
After spending his entire life in our home Sprout is strongly bonded to our family.  He is now calling my other children by name, looking for their afternoon bus and initiating play with them. I respectfully ask that while making descions regarding Sprout’s future that you take his parents past and current actions into consideration and do everything to ensure that permanency is established soon.  Thank You.

The judge immediately asked Sprout's lawyer to speak.  She went on to explain how important it is to make these decisions with Sprout's best interest in mind.  She explained how the baby would negatively be affected by visits with his father at this time next year and how difficult it might be to transition an almost 3 year old back to a father he doesn't know...IF bio dad could get out of prison and get his act together enough to get the baby back. About this time, bio mom walked in.  I am SO glad she wasn't there to hear my letter!  I didn't want her to feel like I was bashing her but I needed the judge to hear my heart.   

I almost choked when the judge asked the county lawyer WHY termination wasn't the goal (or at LEAST concurrent planning) and the county lawyer explained about the statute regarding a bio parent's right while incarcerated.  (Just a side note...the law is VERY grey and leaves plenty of room for judge's discretion.  It is geared more towards a father who has spent time with, lived with or bonded with his son.  Not a newborn who has only known his foster parents).  The judge ordered the county to file TP*R within 90 days.   My mind kept thinking "What does this mean?!".  I could NOT wrap my mind around what the judge was saying!  After court, bio dad's mom asked if we could get together for a picnic.  I stupidly gave her my home and cell numbers.  (More on that later...)  We got outside the court and bio mom was throwing a HUGE tantrum.  I completely understand how upset she was but cursing at the case worker and the agency worker??!  My husband approached her and quietly and calmly explained that getting arrested would not be in her best interest.  She calmed down enough to ask if her right's were being terminated because she was 45 minutes late for court.  Her mother (maternal g-ma) was a wreck.  I felt so bad.  Remember, this is baby #3 that bio mom is losing.  The visit for that day was cancelled because of her attitude.  More soon...

The judge ordered the county to file TPR on both parents within 90 days.  The adoption worker said she's looking forward to seeing our file on her desk :)  Details of court later on...  XOXOX

Thanks for your prayers!!!

Court 9am.  Please pray...

No call, no visit today for Sprout.  The agency worker also informed me that court was changed to earlier in the day on Wednesday.  Praying that bio dad surrenders.  I truly want God's will to be done in Sprout's life and if that includes him meeting and building a relationship with his bio father...so be it.  I just can't imagine what 9 more months of this lifestyle will do to him.  There will be visits at least 4 days a week, if not more.  It's overwhelming.  Please pray for peace for me because I'm anxious about court.  We're at 17 months and I know this is will be a turning point in our f0ster care journey.   

On a bittersweet note, Lil' Peanut is leaving soon.  His aunt has been in close contact and after last weeks court date I heard the !CPC was accepted by NC.  Our state is waiting for a hard copy of the paperwork and she'll come get him.  She also said she'll bring his twin so I have the chance to see them together :)  That made me smile.

Frustrated as anything!! Peanut's agency worker called me to tell me how court went. 
Peanut's dad consented to the neglect charge BUT nothing with happen to him because Peanut is being sent down south to be with his Great Aunt and twin brother.  Peanut came to us in December with fractured ribs, bruises and cuts.  He was 4 months old and 9 pounds.  NOTHING.  I don't even know if he realizes he probably won't see his son(s) again.  To top it all off...he has a newborn baby girl now.  CP$ is involved but only to make sure he is not left alone with his daughter.  His girlfriend and the baby moved out so CP$ didn't take the baby.  If they find out that they are living together...the baby will be removed. 

Now we wait for the !CPC to go through. 
*Peanut was weighed last week and was 15 lbs and 27.5 in long.*

6 days till court for Sprout.  Bio mom made BOTH visits (so far) this week. 

Was told by the county worker that D$$ will NOT file for TPR* while bio dad is in pri$on.  His earliest release date is early next year.  Sprout will be in care 27 months at that time.  Keep in mind that bio dad could have been out over a year ago but he got into trouble and they added time to his sentence.  I am just a bit frustrated they are not being more proactive in making a permanency plan for Sprout.  Even though we are listed as foster/adoptive parents there is no mention of concurrent planning. 

Visit today.  Agency worker picked up Sprout.  He told me that there was no misprint on the court paper work.  Sprout's bio dad gets out of prison NEXT YEAR not next month!!

I got our court papers in the mail 2 days ago.  Freaking out!

I had to have a friend (a fellow foster parent) read them to me because I couldn't hold the papers still...I was shaking too much. 

The goal, after 17 months, is STILL return to parent!

We are listed as a foster/adoptive home. 

The paperwork states what visits bio mom missed, that she has had unauthorized people at Sprout's visits and she has not attended his well-baby visits. 

It ALSO states (are you sitting down?!?!) that bio dad is not released from pri$on until NEXT YEAR!!!  (Up until 2 weeks ago we were told that he gets out in June...next month!!)

I am trying so hard not to be anxious.  You know, cuz the whole "Be anxious for nothing" thing...

Court is in LESS than 2 weeks...  You're praying...RIGHT!?!?!  :)

Re-posted in honor of Foster Care Awareness Month.
I awoke to the phone ringing in the middle of the night. "Do you have a bed for a baby girl?" I talked with the protective services worker, did not accept the placement and wished him luck finding a "bed" for her. The calls in the night are the hardest because I can't fall back to sleep.

Why do they they refer to needing a "bed"? The question is really, "Do you have time in your days to care for a child who may have extra special needs? Do you have room in your heart to love that child as your very own, for as long or as short as she may be with you? Are you willing to put the child's needs above your own, as you would for a child of your own? Are you able to love and protect this child fiercely and yet send the child home after an unpredictable amount of time? Are you willing to seek out resources to meet the child's needs and advocate within the system for the child's best interest? Are you willing to grieve a tremendous loss when the child leaves you? Are you willing to adopt if the child doesn't leave you? And are you willing to ask the same of all your family members?"

All that, nearly on the scale of a wedding vow, being asked on the phone at 4:00 a.m. This time I said no.
But then I wonder and I worry. Will that baby be placed in a good home? Will someone meet her needs? My life feels pretty comfortable right now. Should I have stretched myself a bit and taken in one more? There's no answer to my question. I can only offer up prayers for her, for the children I have in my care and for wisdom and discernment for myself. I take each phone call as it comes.

There was a visit on Friday.  I had to pick Sprout up at the agency office which happens to be a 5 minute walk from bio mom's house.  She dropped him off almost 15 minutes late. 

Anticipating the court paperwork this week...

Monday...there was a 4 hour afternoon visit. 

Today (Wednesday)...no call, no visit. 

6 more months of this. 

Anyone ELSE see a problem here?!?!

So, home with BOTH boys today because Peanut's dad cancelled and is 'very sick'. 

Not that I'm complaining though...6 more months of giving HER a chance to let him down, again!  Not sure WHAT God will teach me through this.  I am trying to 'BE STILL' and trust Him.  I'm human...that's hard.  I want to 'do'.  Praying the judge sees the truth and makes the decision for the county! 

Bad news...  I called the county worker to see what the court paperwork will say.  They are NOT going for TPR on bio mom.  Because bio dad is released from prison in June they feel it is too close to the 15 out of 22 month mark.  He will have a chance to work the case plan and visit (supervised) with his son.  I know that it's my job to foster the relationship between the bio parents and Sprout but really...we're only delaying the inevitable.  I am concerned about Sprout's mental well-being at the end of all this.  That will be another loss for him.  Not to mention visits with bio mom 3 days a week (when she shows) and bio dad once a week.  He is getting older and he is a smart boy.  He will begin to realize when they do not show.   Then, when the county decides that reasonable efforts have been made...they'll TPR. 

I am praying that : 

* the judge sees bio mom's lack of effort and asks the county WHY they haven't started the process for TPR. 
* part of bio dad's parole is a 'no contact under 18' order.
* bio dad prolongs prison sentence by getting in trouble (I know it's mean but hey, it's how I feel).
*  or bio dad surrenders.

I am tired.  I don't want to do this for another 6 months.  I am tired of dealing with the county and the agency.  I am tired of visits.  But I know this sweet boy is worth every ounce of energy I have given. 
"For I KNOW the plans I have for Sprout,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper and not to harm Sprout, plans to give Sprout hope and a future." 
Jeremiah 29:11   

...Trusting God for an amazing testimony... 

After Sprout's bio mom missed her second visit this week I made a call to the lawyer we planned on retaining to represent us in court.  I explained everything to her and she asked MULTIPLE times why the county has NOT FILED a TPR!?!?  I had no answers.  The county has not even approached me in formally asking if we are in interested adoptive resource (hmm, let me think about that for a minute...YES!!!!)  She knew bio mom and her side of the family.  I explained about bio dad being in prison and she said that there IS a chance that since Sprout has been with us since birth that termination on him is a possibility.  I have been told by OCF$ that it is at the judge's discretion to terminate or not due to dad being in prison this long.  Court paperwork should be here by the 13th of May so I'll know more then but the lawyer encouraged to seek out CP$ and ask them what they plan on doing.  She also told me to call her after court.  So, for now, we did NOT have to hire her because the 'ball' is really in CP$'s court.  More as it happens...    

No call, no visit for Sprout.  Only 2 visits out of 3 this week. 

No call, no visit today for Sprout.  

Lil' Peanut is officially a BIG brother (at 8 months old!)  

I couldn't write this stuff if I tried... 

This was the first week since February that bio mom made all of her visits.  The court paperwork should be in my hand in about 3 weeks.  I'm anxious to see what it says.   

* If anyone is a foster parent in PA and reads this blog PLEASE take a second and leave a comment.  I have been trying relentlessly to get back into the foster parents board and cannot remember my password.  I am trying to understand PA law vs. my state. 
Thank you in advance!!

HUGE NEWS!!! Check HERE!!!

I held my sweet boy last night and I truly felt the weight of him in my arms.  What is at stake here?  For me to be able to keep my boy his mother has to lose...again.  This will be her 3rd loss.  I'm sure that in a way, beyond her capability of understanding, she knows what's going on.  She knows that her actions will cause her to lose her son.  And I'm sure, in the future, she will regret the decisions she is making.  I remember a while back how hard it was to wait for him.  To wonder what it would feel like to hold him in my arms. Or to wonder if HE would ever be real or just a dream.  I don't know if I ever took the time to really think about the loss.  But to be honest, I love him.  I love the thought of him as our son and brother.  I love the thought of watching him grow up and becoming an actual part of our family.  This boys makes me smile.  I watch him play and listening to the sounds that he makes.  He is all boy!  I have been with him every day since we brought him home from the hospital.  I've watched him grow and learn.  I've rocked him through his tears and heard his laughter ringing in my ears.  He brings us so much joy and we are blessed to be a part of his life.  Like I always say, "I don't know WHAT his future holds but I know WHO holds his future!".  As hard as it is I am learning to rest in that...

No call, no visit for Sprout today.  Spoke to the agency worker and told him about the diaper blowouts and how important it is for bio mom to change his diaper when he has a rash like this.  We also spoke about the foods she is giving him.  Too much sugar content and his belly can't handle it.  Peanut has a visit though, so off to D$$ we go...

Visit went ok yesterday.  Bio mom kept telling me that she had TONS of food and proceeded to show me snack packs of crackers and cookies with frosting dip :(  So glad that Sprout eats anything.  He LOVES grilled chicken and asparagus.  I guess, for now, he'll eat healthy here and not so healthy over there.  I was looking back at the calendar and I can't believe how many visits bio mom has missed since the last court date.  Yesterday was the first time that she showed up at D$$ in many weeks.  I am beginning to wonder if she knows that he might not come home...

Visit went ok yesterday.  Bio mom was asked by the agency worker to keep Sprout home for the 4 hour visit.  He is hopefully on the upswing of this cold that he has.  Still a bit clingy and needy :(

Haven't heard anything about Lil' Peanut's new baby sister yet.  They have already told us we can't take her.  She was due on April 8th.   

Happy Easter!  Sprout woke up with a drippy nose a few days ago.  He still has it.  Don't think the nusery at church would have let us in.  We stayed home.  Family day! 

Visit today.  Our agency worker is off today.  There was someone to pick Sprout up and someone different to drop him off again.  He came home with the same diaper he left with...4 hours earlier.  He was hungry and cranky.  He has a terrible rash on his bottom :(  Not sure what she gave him.  Started on Monday after the visit then...

Friday's visit went well.  Sprout was apprehensive to go to the agency worker but there were no tears.  :)  During the 'pop-in's' the worker found bio mom with a bunch of her friends and their babies.  He also found out that bio mom is allowed to take Sprout on the bus so she took him to see his Grandma who is ONLY supposed to have supervised visits.  The worker will speak to the county about the decisions that bio mom has been making lately. She already confirmed for the visit today (Monday).  ***Update***  Drove all the way to D$$ for Sprout's visit and she didn't show.  Waited for 15 minutes then left.  Lil' Peanut had a visit with bio dad today. 

Agency worker called at 7:30am to tell me that bio mom called to confirm her visit for today.  Sprout was picked up at 8:30am and usually when the worker comes to get him he is ALL smiles.  Not today.  He didn't want to leave my arms or be put in the car seat.  My heart broke.  There is not much that I can do but I sang to him as I was buckling him in and he stopped for a minute.  I pointed this behavior out to the caseworker to remind him that he hasn't had a visit since Monday.  Her visits are getting more sporadic and Sprout is noticing. 

Lil Peanut had a visit today as well.  Bio dad now had to confirm the day before. 

Found out that Arizona and Lil Man's mother (Hope) is preggers and expecting a baby boy in April.  This will make #4 for her.  It might be a matter of time before her boys are all back in care.  So sad.  (No, I wouldn't take them again).

Also, Baby 'C's mother (our first placement) is pregnant due in May. 
And the cycle goes on...

No visit for Sprout today.  I had to call the agency worker because I hadn't heard from him.  He checked his messages and confirmed that she DID NOT call for a visit. 

Lil Peanut didn't have a visit either.  I called the agency worker and she called bio dad to make sure he was coming.  He said he had no ride.  Due to him cancelling AGAIN they are now requiring him to call to confirm the day before his visit.  I saw Lil Peanut's bio grandma in (that Bullseye store).  She was with bio dad's brother, girlfriend and their new baby girl.  Keep in mind that bio dad had twin sons that are (almost) 8 months old and a new baby due the first week in April.  Fertile family...  But my question is if bio grandma was at the store down this way WHY couldn't bio dad have hitched a ride???  Just sayin'???   

Visit today.  4 hours.  Unsupervised.  Sprout came home wet and hungry.  He fell asleep in the agency worker's car.  Agency worker said that bio mom is starting to slide...big time.  He also mentioned that there is a chance for surrender ad it gets closer to court.  Like I have any other choice but to wait and see...  :P

Details found here. 

Every day that there is a visit, bio mom has to calI that morning to confirm.  Friday was a scheduled visit day.  No call.  No visit.  If you're keeping track that's a possible 6 visits in 2 weeks and she missed 4.  Court is in May.  I think it's time we retain a lawyer and talk about a petition to terminate parental rights. 

Sprout is 15 months old today!!!


Sprout had a well-baby visit at the pediatrician yesterday morning.  Since bio mom has been so sporadic in her visits I wondered if she'd even remember.  9am came and went so I called the agency worker to see if he was coming.  I left a message on his voicemail.  He called me back 15 minutes later and said that 'no', he couldn't make it due to having 3 appointments booked at the same time  I also asked if he could have the c0mi$$ioner sign an approval to get Sprout's shots.  End of the story is bio mom never shower up, agency worker didn't show and the county worker faxed over an approval. 

On another crazy note...

Baby C was our very first placement almost 7 years ago.  He went on to be adopted and I keep in touch with his adoptive family still today.    A year after he left us (2008), bio mom gave birth to his full bio baby sister.  CP$ took the baby when she was only 3 hours old.  She went on to be adopted by the same family that adopted her brother.  Early 2010 I found out that bio mom was expecting again.  I found her (she is transient) and kept in touch until I heard from a friend (that owns a soup kitchen) that she miscarried a baby girl at 7 months.  Not sure who she was with at that time but I DO know that Baby C's bio dad was in prison.  A few days ago that same friend (that runs the soup kitchen) told me that bio mom resurfaced and she is, indeed, expecting again in May.  I have mixed feelings.  I know she will keep having babies until she finally gets to keep one.  But at this point, there are all new people in the agency and no one will know her.  There are also many new county people and she is on NO ONE'S radar.  She just might have out smarted them.  I do have major concerns for this baby if she brings him/her home.  Baby C was a shaken baby...in public.  He had many issues and delays.  Her parenting abilities are less than average but she can meet basic needs.  I wonder, if given an apartment and temporary assistance like Sprout's bio mom, could she possibly keep this baby?  My friend contacted me as soon as she found out and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do...

Sprout's mom called to confirm only to call back 1 hour and 45 minutes later to cancel because she's 'sick'. 

Peanut's worker cancelled the visit for today. Re-scheduled for Monday...

I asked the agency worker how the visit went yesterday.  He said that aside from Sprout getting a scrape on his back from the playground slide...it went well.  She (supposedly) broke up with her boyfriend.  We'll see how long that lasts.  So, visit tomorrow and later this week. 

LiL' Peanut's bio dad had court today for the neglect charge.  Hopefully the agency worker will call me later today to tell me what happened.  (I was told that it was only for lawyers and that I didn't need to be there).  He has a new baby due in 2 weeks.  He and his new girlfriend are expecting.  The babies will be 8 months apart.  (:P)  Many red flags with bio dad lately.  Lots of stuff going on behind that scenes and I'm sure this is not the last time we'll be hearing of him. 

Hubby and I are still pursuing custody of his cousins baby.  Will be updating more on that soon.  Many things keeping us busy right now.  Off to enjoy this weather...  :)

This week was interesting.  Monday's visit went as scheduled.  Afternoon visit.  Sprout came home hungry.  Wednesday was a no call.  So there was no visit.  Friday morning the agency worker called to tell me that bio mom did call and that he would pick Sprout up for 8:30am.  I planned on Sprout being gone from 9-1 but I got a call at 9:10am from the agency worker.  He said that when he got to bio mom's apartment she met him outside and wanted to bring Sprout in herself.  He told her he had to see the apartment and would follow her in.  When we entered he saw some guy passed out on the couch.  The worker told bio mom that whoever it was had to leave in order for Sprout to be able to stay.  She said that she told him to leave but he refused.  The worker said that the visit was cancelled then.  She started crying and said "but he treats me so good".  She chose her boyfriend over her son.  How horrible is it that I hope she's pregnant?!?!

Took the Peanut to the cardiologist and he is FINE.  There are NO problems with his heart.  They did an ultrasound and an EKG (EEG)?  and all is NORMAL.  The blue hands and blue lips are normal for a preemie.  The cardiologist said that preemies have underdeveloped something or others.  I left with such a sense of relief!  I spent most of the afternoon with the agency worker and bio dad.  Bio dad was also reported to have said (to someone supervising last Friday's visit) that 'maybe I should just give up and give custody to Auntie'.  Did I mention that bio dad has twin sons that are 7 months old and his girlfriend is due to have their baby in a few weeks???  Crazy.  There has been mention of taking the baby.  Time will tell...  Job security for the foster parents!  LoL  Tomorrow is the developmental pediatrician.  More soon...

It's the weekend.  Quick note to bring you up to date in this foster home.  Lil Peanut is growing well.  He is up to 14 pounds 5 ounces from the measly 9 pounds 4 ounces he came to us at.  He is now 7 months old and LONG and skinny.  The county is still working on the I$CPC so he can be sent down to be with his twin brother.  I am in close contact with the family member that has his twin.  They are identical baby boys.  Aside from his twin being a bit bigger and stronger they are both as sweet as can be. 

Sprout is getting a bit more fresh and gaining attitude.  Not sure if it has to do with the visit change (we just changed the visit one day a week from morning to afternoon...number of hours are still the same).  I expressed my concern with the county worker and she seems to think it is age appropriate BUT she doesn't know him like I do.  We see Sprout back to his normal happy self usually by Sunday afternoon then we have to send him for a visit again on Monday :(  I will continue to speak my opinion and see if anything can be done to see what his 'triggers' are.  

I spoke briefly about my hubby's cousin's baby that was born last fall.  We are still actively seeking to bring him home to be a part of our family.  His mother will not be a part of his life but his father is working an aggressive case plan in hopes of parenting his son alone.  From what I've heard (second hand through hubby's family) it seems that dad will not be able to be a long term resource for this baby. We have already contacted the director of youth services in the county in which he is placed and his law guardian.  They are both more than aware of our intentions.  They are 6 hours away and will not let us take him until there are no more efforts made on  the father's behalf to be reunited with his son.  Still trusting God's hand in this.  His fingerprints have been ALL over this case since the moment I found out about his birth.  Even if the ONLY reason we were made aware of him was to pray for him...I'm ok with that.  I think God knows what He's doing a bit more than I do :)  Thanks for your prayers in this situation.  I covet them!!!