i'm with miller

Well, this has nothing to do with summer equals. But, I feel that this family needs as many prayers as it can get, and if I still have any followers, I hope that you'll lift them in your thoughts and prayers tonight and the many nights to come.

On March 28th, the Woodruff family welcomed their beautiful baby boy, Miller McNeil Woodruff. In April, this family learned that this beautiful baby boy has Spinal Muscular Atrophy, SMA.

The strength of this family and of their friends amazes me each and every day. I know Miller's mama from our sorority...she was in the class above me and welcomed me always with open arms. I ask that you pray for this family, for Baby Miller's comfort, for his big brother's understanding, and for his Mama and Daddy's strength. If you would like to learn more about the Woodruff family, please visist their blog: The Woodruff Family

the big chill

so...have you ever seen the movie The Big Chill? I can remember watching it as a child and just not really getting it, but, a little while back I decided to watch it again. It really is a good movie (if you can get past the 80s quality of sound/filming and fashion). It's about a group of college friends that reunite for a weekend after attending a friend's funeral.

Yep. There it is again. That word. FUNERAL. So final, so there, never seeming to truly leave. Funeral. Good-bye.

Two weeks ago today, my sister lost one of her dear high school friends to the battle against gastroparesis and other complications. The poor little angel's body was just so tired and it was just time for her to finally get some rest.

The two were absolutely inseparable during their junior high and high school years, then...life happened. They disagreed on who to hang out with or it just got easy to not answer the calls...regardless, they grew apart. For more background, there was about six girls in this group and it happened to them all. They all grew apart, then bitter. Each thought the other was ignoring everyone for one reason or another--

Fast foward to about six months ago--and the wonderful world of Facebook. All these babes, that were more like sisters than friends found themselves reconnecting. They promised lunch, dinner, whatever...but again, life happened and they kept putting it off. And then they lost her.

The night after Casey passed, the group (that was in the state) gathered (like old times) at V's house. I told her "it's like the Big Chill." Laughter, tears, truths...all came out. And I truly believe that those girls are better for it now. I only wish they didn't have to lose Casey to get there.

Now, I find myself reflecting on my own relationships and I'm torn. I don't want to lose someone, or fail to let them know my feelings before its too late...

Work happens. Husbands happen. Dogs happen. Different social lives happen. Setting out to accomplish goals happen. LIFE happens and unfortunately, some things you value the most fall to the wayside.

Friendships are two-way streets, and when only one way is open, well, it gets pretty boring to drive down the same ol' street, with the same ol' scenery. I only pray that I don't have another Big Chill anytime soon. Steve and Casey were enough.

steve, steve, steve

WHY does it seem like I am always having to post something with a heavy heart?!? It is not fair, not fair, not fair.

On Thursday, April 15, Tim received a call that we had lost one of his very best friends to a tragic accident. From 2:45 pm until now--our life has been somewhat of a blur. A world of emotions.

From the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, Saturday, April 17:

RICHARD STEPHEN “STEVE” JOHNSTON JR., age 29, of Little Rock passed away Thursday, April 15, 2010. He was born Nov. 29, 1980, in Little Rock.

He graduated from Catholic High in 1999, attended the University of Mississippi and graduated from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville. He received his Master’s of Business Administration from the University of Arkansas at Little Rock in 2006. Stephen loved life, his friends and family and leaves many cherished memories for all who knew him.

Stephen is survived by his parents, Rick and Marcia Miller Johnston; younger brother, Miller Johnston; grandparents, Dr. and Mrs. Gaither Johnston; aunts and uncles, Mary Chris and Chris Burrow, Becky and John Womack, Kathe and Dean Miller; and cousins, Kimberly Miller, Jessica Burrow, Colley Burrow, Stuart Womack, Bryan Womack and Mary Elizabeth Womack Mach.

Honorary pallbearers are Ryan O’Conner, J.R. Fuller, Nick McClane, Andrew Wynne, Tim Rafferty, Bryan Mann, Zane Johnson, Jeffrey Fratesi and John Lawson.

A memorial service will be held Saturday, April 17, 2010, at 2 p.m. at Pulaski Heights United Methodist Church with Rev. Lynn Lindsey officiating.

Memorials may be made to the Music Endowment Fund at Pulaski Heights United Methodist Church, 4823 Woodlawn Ave., Little Rock, Ark. 72205 or to the charity of one’s choice. Arrangements by Ruebel Funeral Home. http://www.ruebelfuneralhome.com/.

It is with such a heavy heart that I am writing this blog post. This is definitely one of the toughest things we've had to do--bury a best friend. But what a circle of life. One day we say good bye to a best friend--and seven days later we marry each other and BEGIN our new lives together. We are so excited to see our friends and family and pray for nothing but laughter and happy tears.

With a heavy heart we survived one of the hardest days in our life on Saturday, April 17. Steve, Steve, Steve you are so very loved and will be so very missed.

What a circle of life we live.

trying to understand

This weekend definitely wasn't the best weekend I've had in some time. It started with trivial things and ended with true heartbreak for me and my fellow parishioners at Holy Souls.

I say trivial, because in the grand scheme of things--it is trivial. This was the first year in many years that I wasn't spending Mardi Gras weekend with my parents in the grand ol' city of New Orleans. It just caused for me to be a little bummed and to miss my Mama and Daddy--and my good friends (and family) in Southern Louisiana, but in the grand scheme of things, it was nothing that would keep me down.

Then Saturday rolled around and I read in the obituaries that my very best friend in high school had lost her little boy. I received a rush of emotions--we had lost contact years ago, and since before our high school reunion I had been trying to reconnect with her, with no success. Then to read about the pain she's going through in the newspaper, just nearly broke me. I want so badly to hold her, love her, let her know I have never stopped loving her--even during the years we have been separated. I have been praying for peace and comfort for her and her family since I heard the news. Why does this happen? Why does the Lord take away the little ones? I just can't understand it. It seems like it happens to so many families these days and it just breaks my heart. Please pray for the Brown family as they mourn the loss of their baby boy, Aiden Victor Brown.

Sunday was the worst blow for me, personally. Tim and I go to Holy Souls and have fallen in love with the community--with our pastor--with everything that is good about Holy Souls. We always attend the Sunday evening Mass, so we of course, had to hear the news from a friend that went to Sunday morning's Mass. Our beloved Monsignor was being forced to retire by the Bishop due to alcohol related issues. It has been made clear that no civil laws have been broken--that this is strictly an alcohol related issue.

Which leads me and many of my fellow parishioners asking, "Why?" Why are we supposed to turn our back on our beloved Monsignor if it truly is a disease that is the root of the problem?

Why are we supposed to take the word of a man that many of us have never met--over the absence of word from a man that many of us love and respect?

Why can't we get answers from both sides of the story?

Why? Why? Why?

I am grieving in a way that I didn't know possible. Holy Souls is usually the place we turn to when we feel lost--and this time it seems to be the source of the confusion. I just want answers, as do many of my fellow parishioners, and we're not getting them. It's devastating. It's confusing.

And with that said--Monsignor was scheduled to be our officiant in our wedding. So, we're having to find someone else (that we don't have a relationship with) to marry us. Icing on the cake, no? I just don't understand.

My faith teaches me that there is a reason for this--and that I should not question or try to understand. "Surely God is my Salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Isaiah 12:2.

But maybe it's just my personality. I want to know why. I want to understand. What happened? Why so sudden?

I understand that our priests have pledged their loyalty to their superiors and I understand that our Faith wishes us (the parish) to do the same. But at the same time, we do not know our superior and we know our priest. At the same time, we're all only human and can be misguided by our own emotions (this statement envelopes all involved: the parish, the priest and the superior).

So, it is very difficult for me--without both sides of the story to not feel angered and tricked. To feel wary of the true motives. To not question the intentions of those involved in the events leading up to this tragic announcement. To not be comforted by words that seemed more concerned with the well being of the deliverer and not the well being of the parish.

Clearly this situation is out of our control--and clearly, we'll need to lean on one another as a parish more so than we've done in the past. We have a lot of grieving and a lot of healing to do. And maybe accepting that we just may never understand. I beg you to keep our parish and our beloved Monsignor Thomas in your thoughts and prayers while we try to come to terms with recent events.

Msgr--you have been in my constant thoughts and prayers and will continue to remain there. My father greatly admires you as a soldier and I greatly admire you as my teacher and guidance in this spiritual life. While I don't know the full situation, I do not question that you are a very good man and that you have changed my life in such a positive way in these past four years I have gotten to know you. Tim and I love you and will keep you in our prayers. We will all overcome this with the power of prayer and our Faith in Him.


"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit." Psalm 34:18

Saying Goodbye

On Monday night I received a phone call from my Daddy letting me know that my aunt had passed away. She has been in hospice since this summer...so the news wasn't a shock to any of us, but sad nonetheless. I've been trying to come up with something to write but am having a horrible case of writer's block so, I'm just going to repost what Moogie wrote:

This has been another week of conflicting emotions.
My sister-in-law Pamela (she graduated to "Pamela" from "Pam" shortly after her marriage), having been born dead some 58 years ago and resuscitated, was saddled thenceforth with cerebral palsy and epilepsy, and then grew into diabetes and Crohn's disease, among other unpleasant things.

A few months ago, in August, she had a discussion with God and her husband -- a genuine saint if ever there was one -- and then made the decision to forego any further blood transfusions or hospitalizations. They all peacefully began to make preparations for her transition from this life to the next, beginning with getting her set up with a home hospice service. She was positively giddy when she called to let us know that she had been accepted into the hospice program, and that she really liked the ladies who would be her caregivers. You would have thought she'd won a trip to Disney World.

My other sister-in-law and her daughter traveled to see Pamela in the early fall for the last time -- they had a nice visit.

My husband was not so much at peace with Pam's decision. He and his brother plotted ways to make her continue the fight to stay alive, because, well, that's just what you do -- you stay alive. Or you throw money at problems and they get all better.

They wanted her to continue the fight -- until they came face-to-face with the magnitude of the task of staying alive. Her husband, an R.N., emailed a complete synopsis of her various diagnoses and treatments, together with a list of the medications she had to take daily and their out-of-pocket cost.

The cost was pretty staggering, but the cost was not what helped them accept Pamela's decision. The fact that she would be faced with transfusions every single month and still hurt and be worn out; that she no longer had the strength to sew the blankets that she had lovingly stitched and donated to babies the world over; that she couldn't sit long enough to attend worship services; that she could no longer make her fingers work well enough to play the organ their beloved aunt had given her -- those things helped them find the peace in her decision.

But when the call came Monday evening from her weary husband, my strong, brave man still wept for the loss of his baby sister. We both shed hot, bitter tears for our loss.

For Pamela, we rejoiced.

I told Pepper that Pamela was probably playing the organ -- or even the oboe, if she chose -- or dancing with Aunt Del. He sniffed and said, "No one can really play the oboe. But, I can picture them dancing."

She never could really move the way she would have liked to here on Earth. Now, I'll bet she's in the Top 20 of "So You Think You Can Dance -- Heavenly Edition."

We lay her to rest in a few days, even though she's already found her way to eternity. And I seriously doubt whether she'll rest at all -- there's too much dancing to catch up on.

I can't think of a better way to write about this loss. Moogie states it all. Moogie and I will be heading to St. Louis EARLY Saturday morning to join our family in celebrating Pamela's life and her newfound dancing shoes. Rest in peace Aunt Pamela. Tim has offered to come with me, but I have asked him to stay home to take care of the pups for me.

So not to have a completely depressing post, yesterday I ordered my wedding cake!! YAY!!! We're getting it from Mickey's Special Affairs (um...where else, right?). The picture below is not what the cake will look like, but it is the closest picture I could find. My cake is a four tier and will not have flowers. But...you can get sort of an idea. I haven't decided what color I want my icing ribbon to be...and I'm going to top the cake with initials. Of course, I haven't even started to look for the cake topper yet. But hey. The cake is ordered, right?

On a final note, Mrs. G and I are going to see New Moon tomorrow night. We're SO excited. I hope it is better than the first Twilight movie!!

Memorial Day

...though getting the extra long weekend is always nice...let us not forget what its purpose is for. Please remember to show your respect and honor to our country's heroes.

For Memorial Day -- God Bless the USA, those who defend her, and those who love the defenders.

James Watkins Update

Well, to our pleasant surprise, the doorbell rang last night...and James was on the other side! Without a walker and looking really good!

His doctors told him he could probably go back to work part-time...but since he is commission only, everyone decided for him to wait until he was ready to go back full time (no one wants to stress the poor guy out!). So, he's planning on heading back to work at the beginning of May.

He told us he is REALLY tired of going to the doctor and HATES getting shots but other than that he's doing real well. His main complaint of the evening? Boredom.

Tim and I are SO excited.

The best news? He's getting to go to Jimmy Buffett in April--which is fantastic. We're hoping that we can meet up with him at some point that weekend.

I continue to keep James in my thoughts and prayers but am so thankful he seems to be responding so well to his treatments. Keep it up James!!

Please Pray for James

I'm sure some of you have noticed that I have posted a prayer request in my sidebar for James Watkins.

On Friday, 2/20/09, Tim received an email from his manager informing us that our friend, James, was diagnosed with leukemia. He has the form called Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML). The doctors have said that he has had this for some time, but it has gone undetected. His back had been bothering him for a few weeks and his primary care doctor finally suggested doing an MRI and blood work late last week to determine the cause of his irritation. This is where they found that his white blood cell count was around 579,000, and it should be around 5,000. After a bone marrow test, they confirmed on Friday that it was CML.

More information about CML can be found on the Wikipedia website or the Mayo Clinic website.

Please keep James and his family in your thoughts and prayers. You can click on his picture or on the link that reads "James Watkins' Progress" to follow his progress in this battle.