BenLow's blog

Today's leaders retreat made me think about how I could better help in the youth worship min. How to make things better and stuff like that. And I kinda regret not being a better help to Rach. With all those things uni throws at you its not that easy for her. I've gotta step up. Always letting her decide on things, letting her do almost all of the stuff, and leading BS makes me really guilty. I should start helping out. Thinking about how to expand my service as well. A possible place would be BCG, as a guitarist, in order to bridge the gap between both of us. Leading worship in YM is ok too. Main worship min guitaring is possible as well. Its not cos I'm in COGS that I wanna do all this... Its because I love Him so so so much. Totemo totemo suki des. My Lord and God. Watashi no Kami-sama. *** We're all growing up so fast, its a pretty scary thing. Knowing that our peaks may have already passed, and that everything is going downhill from there. Its difficult to fathom, ...

This shall be my prayer for the sunday: Pray that when I speak: 1. It does not spring from error or impure motives 2. I will speak as a man approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel 3. I will please God 4. I will be gentle, not a burden, affectionate 5. I will work all day and night on it 6. I will be encouraging, comforting, yet urging 7. It will be backed by holy living 8. I will be successful Just like Paul... EPL/Champs League results: Liverpool 2 Man U 1 Blackburn 0 Arsenal 4 Fulham 2 Bolton 1 Newcastle 1 Hull 2 Portsmouth 2 Middlesbrough 1 West Brom 3 West Ham 2 Wigan 1 Sunderland 1 Man City 1 Chelsea 3 Stoke 2 Everton 3 Tottenham 1 Aston Villa 2 Chelsea 4 Bordeaux 0 Marseille 1 Liverpool 2 Man U 0 Villarreal 0 Dynamo Kiev 1 Arsenal 1

Well had actually planned to blog on monday or tuesday... But got hold the comp in the office way too late to actually concentrate. So tried penning my thoughts down on a random NS issued book. Saturday and Sundays were days filled with many many many many many thoughts. Some happy, some sad. Just thought I'd share some of them here. A couple of those thoughts were from FOP. A quote from aunty KF: "The best teaching unsettle the comfortable and comfort the unsettled." Well, I think Mark Connor did exactly that for me. He got me thinking about responsibility. For way too long I've been trying to impose myself on those who are out of my zone of responsibility. It has led to uncomfortable situations, misunderstandings and conflict. And those times are those that I really regret. Well, perhaps I am responsible to help others walk the righteous path, but I'm not responsible for them, as Mark Connor said. Instead, they are responsible for themselves. So its time I st...

Well a couple of exciting things happened the past few days: 1. Avatar the Last Airbender movie/finale! 2. Before the Diffusion 3. Sunday duty finally over! 4. Cut (most of) my hair... I'm getting more and more white hair... =( *** Have been studying the difference between the 4 gospels... And after reading some material it kinda made some sense why there had to be 4 gospels. Each gospel portrays Christ in some way, and is targetted at a group of people. Matthew: to the Jews, portrays Christ as King of the Jews A big source of evidence is in the genealogy that is traced to Abraham, the forefather of all the Israelites/Jews. The phrase "to fufill what the Lord had said through the prophet" is repeated 29 times in the book, which is a reference to texts only Jews knew. Mark: to the Romans, portrays Christ as a powerful servant In Mark the majority of it consists of Jesus doing miracles, twenty of them in total. A lot... Also, Mark left out many things... Like Mary's vir...

Ok so NUS has rejected my appeal. Not that it matters anymore. To be honest I'm quite glad where I am now, and I've already made preparations for it. The release of the results was nothing more than a form of release, and I mean it in a good way. Now its time to relax for about 6 more months before I make my next move. And 6 months is a lot of time to do the things I want to do before uni. (Now that unit life is slacky =P) I suppose a certain Daughtry song kinda sums it up. Although it sounds like its written towards a certain person (looking at the forums this song kinda reminds people of their ex bfs or gfs lol). Its pretty applicable to my situation. Well I never saw it coming, Shoulda started running a long long time ago And I'd never thought I'd doubt you I'm better off without you More than you more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure I guess its really over I'm finally getting better I'm picking up the pieces Spending all of these years Putt...

Here are some of the photos from Hillsongs! Most of them were taken outside cos there was no flash photography allowed during the performances. In the back row: Cheryl Lin, Christine, Hazel. Front row: Shaunald and Daryl. From left to right: Mark, Aaron and Darren. Darren's wearing my shirt. =S Ok they were on the hill calling out random names to see if anybody from the crowd responded. *** I'm quite unhappy the tagboard was deleted without prior warning. I thought they'd have sent an email when the tagboard was inactive. Gah. Unhappy about many other things. 1. Firstly missing out on church camp, and another extra guard duty on 14th June, a saturday of all days. 2. Secondly I've been feeling that all my other friends have gone ahead of me. They're all walking their paths much faster than me while I stagnate. Examples: Shu getting her driving license, all the gals accepting their unis etc etc. I've got a year and 6 months to wait. Which is incredibly painful. 3....

Ever since I was in secondary two, my ambition was to be a forensic pathologist. I was impressed by books read about the medical profession, hence I aspired to be a doctor since young. After much deliberation and research, I believed that pathology was one of the major fundamentals of medicine, and forensics was the way to put the concepts in pathology to full use. To make such a informed and serious decision at that stage of my life shows my resolve, passion and dedication to this field of study, and it is my life's dream to walk this path. But here most people ask: Why not take a forensic science course? Why not go abroad? Forensic science and Forensic Pathology are two totally different things. One makes you a Crime Scene Investigator, which is not what I want. The other allows you to deal with corpses, find out the cause of death, and right the wrongs in society one case at a time. That is what I desire deeply. Thus medicine, not forensic science, is the only path for me. Here ...

Just reformatted my comp on friday... Accidentally deleted some important file needed so had to start all over. So now no DOTA, no iTunes, no photos, no songs etc. So anyone who wants to send me any of the above things please do so. *** Well med interviews were ok. Nothing very intimidating, confusing or difficult to answer. But of course I'm wishing I'd said more so they can accurately understand my position, my desire to enter medicine. Oh well its over and done with. One thing I've always been wondering is whether interviewers look out for the mannerisms, attitude, reaction of the interviewee or they look out for areas where the interviewee can contribute to their organisation. If it were the former I think I'd do well... If it were the latter I'm not very sure if I can make it... I'm trying not to think of it too much... But I gotta say it again. Too much hinges on this. Whether I can fufill my ambitions, whether the plans for my future come through, whether...

Isaiah 1:11 was like a rude shock to me. More like a tight slap actually. Yup I've been reading through Isaiah. Here goes: "The multitude of your sacrifices -- what are they to me?" says the Lord. "I have more than enough of burnt offerings, of rams and the fat of fattened animals; I have no pleasure in the blood of bulls and lambs and goats." - Isaiah 1:11 What I got from this passage was about sacrifices, and the meaning behind each and every sacrifice you make. Everytime you serve, you sacrifice something for God. Be it your time, your energy, your focus. You incur opportunity cost. But whenever you serve with the wrong purpose, this is what God's response will be. The Israelites just sacrificed without hearts of repentance, sacrificing just for ritual's sake. The meaning of the sacrifice was lost. Like them, my service these days have lost this focus. But this portion reminded me that I have a great God who forgives all who really are sorry for what ...

Sometimes I'm afraid of losing my focus. Ok correction. I'm very afraid. These days I've been feeling quite empty, like something is missing. Perhaps I'm missing a goal for ns as a whole, but maybe something more that I just can't put my finger on. My service to God has... Diminished somewhat. Not in terms of the amount I'm doing. But for the attitude and commitment. Effects of ns? No idea. But these days I've been feeling guilty... I feel that I'm playing guitar, contributing in cell, going to SYC just to keep noticed by those around me. Its like you're beginning to fall from some high place, but you're trying to keep yourself there. I know I still love Him, but some knots are beginning to get undone. I think I'll need prayer...

To the SYC peoples: Hope you guys had fun on your trip! As most of you guys know I've been posted to my new "unit" which is the signal institute aka Stagmont camp. Life's been good, very good. Haven't gotten into trouble, have made great friends quickly, and gotten used to the culture and food there. Well you guys are probably curious about the camp and stuff, but I'm not allowed to divulge anything, even details about people in my bunk, my living conditions etc. Seems like everyones a bit jittery because of MSK. One thing I can say is that what I'm learning has a lot to do with maths, physics and communications. *** My godpa is going off to Dubai to work... Although I don't see him much, I think my bond with him is still pretty much strong. So the next time I'll see him is CNY. No more family gatherings at his place for some time I guess... I think the most fun times with the relatives at my mom's side was spent with him and his family. Well g...

Aite so its gonna be over in about 4 days. I think its tough going off. Although we don't really like the monotony of the life in tekong, or the tekan sessions, or even the time taken to travel there I guess we'll all miss the place a bit, yeah? Was on the train with Wai Lun and Yan Han, two of my section buddies. I could feel the sadness in the air. Not just A level sadness (for them), but also some of the leaving our friends behind kind of sadness. Well the trip to the Singapore Discovery Centre was, in short, a waste. I enjoyed it, yes. But I felt it was pointless. Felt that I could've done something better within that time frame. Oh well, nothing I can do about that now. *** Army Highlights 1. 24km route march Had it in good weather, unlike the school 2 people. The first 12km was more challenging because of the uneven, rocky terrain, as well as the heat of the day. It was the night march (2nd 24km) that I enjoyed much more. More songs being sung, some encouragement goin...

You know the more I look at army life the more I see my schooling life. Every single week you dread monday, and look on in anticipation at the company of friends at the same time. Every single week you learn something new, you forge new bonds, you take tests. Nothing much has changed. And thats the surprising thing. I'm still me, I'm still doing the same things, I'm still learning. Highlights of the week: 1. 16km route march Didn't look forward to it at all cos 12km was a nightmare for me. (Thanks to those blisters) Took extra precaution against blisters just in case. (Which I didn't need actually) So no injuries sustained at all. The pace at the first and last 4km was crazy. We were practically fast marching. But the good thing was that we kept singing random well known boyband songs to keep our morale up. I was marching somewhere at the front, helping the weaker ones catch up. Kept having to lift bags for people to help them chiong to close up the gaps. I think I ...

Hobbling around the house right now. And yes thanks to two large blisters on my feet. Courtesy of 12km route march during the situational (sit) test. I honestly never ever get blisters, but this time some sand managed to get in my boots after the 4km mark. The friction = heat = blisters. =( Well sit test was fine. Wasn't able to complete it to my fullest thanks to the blisters, problems with appetite, a minor ankle twist and slight after effects of 4km fast march exhaustion. After all that, and managing to survive, I'm just glad that I'm back home safe and sound now. *** Have been going through the books of Deuteronomy and Joshua. And my eyes are now open to the importance of the book of Deuteronomy. Not only was it a book of law for the Israelites, its order gives all of us here now a rough idea how to live a godly life here on earth. And... Jesus quoted Deuteronomy the most out of all the OT books. I find that absolutely wonderful. It reminded me that the life I live shou...

A year of changes... Beginning to unfold! First change: New QT Material! I've decided that since I've finished the one year bible reading, and I've seen the outline of the entire bible more clearly through this year, I should find some way to link it all together. So I dug into my cupboards in search of something that may help... And I found a bible handbook by Dr Henrietta C. Mears. Hopefully this'll help me link all the pieces all together and find deeper significance in whatever I read. Besides guiding you spiritually, it gives some info that you'd never be able to discover yourself. Talk about piquing someones interest in the bible... Some interesting trivia I've learnt about the bible in the first chapter so far: Jesus quotes from 22 books of the OT 19 times in Matthew 15 in Mark 25 in Luke and 11 in John Revelation quotes the OT 245 times Longest book in the NT: Luke Most chapters in the NT: Matthew! Longest verse: Esther 8:9 Shortest verse: John 11:35 Lon...

Long post! Heya guys... Guess that with the year 2007 ending its time for a little reflection for most of us bloggers. Well, what can I say? This year has been tough, but the tougher its been, the greater the glory of God shines down on us and into the world yes? I guess there are definitely questions about the future left unanswered, areas of my life that are still waiting for completion. But the more I think about it the more I am assured. I have faced so much this year, and when I look back, I wonder how I managed to pull myself through. And thats where God came in. My strength comes from Him who is ever present in my life. Hosanna, hosanna! Hosanna in the highest! *** Eden-Sol You guys haven't seen this heading in a long time right? Heh its back! For now at least. The guys sneaked ourselves back into school for a recording session from 8pm to 2am on Thursday. And what other thing to record but our own single - Underneath The Son! We've done the drums, bass and rhythm...

I think the title of the post speaks for itself. Thought I'd do a bit of reflection on my life as a Rafflesian. How its been an utter miracle, and a great joy and privilege. Not forgetting those encounters with God along the way as a Rafflesian. Lets go all the way back to P6 Prelims. At that point of time I was a total slacker. I was smart, yes. But not hardworking enough. I tried my best, and ended up with a 243 for prelims. I was preparing myself to go to AC for best case scenario, but even that seemed a little bleak. Then came a miracle. 4A*s. I was seriously doubtful about chinese, the maths papers was tough (thats what they say every year huh), and the english paper made me a little uneasy. But as always I was in slacker mode. I still don't know how it happened. I thought it was a conspiracy of sorts. Perhaps they were targeting half blood GEPs like me? I made it to RI. Life there was as slacky as ever. The occasional project, sheets of homework came in. Some were finishe...

Well, Hodgey is right. Never miss all the finer things in life just because of one little green bulb. I admit that I've been losing focus on God, but right now, knowing that all I'm doing now is for Him, is the most beautiful thing ever. The A Levels and NAPFA is not gonna be my green bulb. Well, now all I wanna say is that God has given me even more reason to pass NAPFA, and I'm gonna do it. And what else can I say except this is not a matter of whether I succeed or fail. I will succeed without a doubt. Although I am weak, and am nothing but a speck of dust on the earth, He gives me strength. This is the "utter faith" I have found. This is my personal act of worship to God: I WILL PASS NAPFA AND ACE MY A LEVELS, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. And no one can stop me, except for God himself. And if He chooses to do so... Theres nothing I can say, is there? Till after As! All the best to A and O takers! Lets all hold on together yeah?

I can't believe its ending. And the feeling is different from when guitar ended. At that point of time it was a mixture of feelings, joy, emptiness, relief and sadness. But now all I feel is pure sorrow. It just dawned on me that after today I'd never have the chance to take the train to Yew Tee, get on bus service 302, travel to Choa Chu Kang Crescent, take the lift to the 16th floor, get into my teacher's house, wash my hands and feet, seat myself down at the piano and play for all that I was worth again. The memories... They're just too wonderful. The fun destressing times I'd have listening to classical music from my teacher's CD player. The stressful class performances that would keep me full of adrenaline. The insightful lessons that would keep me wanting more music in my life. Gone. The periods after class when I'd stroll into the 7-11 at the void deck of my teacher's house and buy myself a bottle Pink Dolphin, Green Tea, Pepsi Twist or Lemon Tea....

Its starting to get very very monotonous. School that is. The same thing week in, week out really gets to you yeah? As my last post, I got quite a couple of things to say before I go on hiatus. *** Announcement RIGE concert! 31st Aug 2007 7:30pm New RI Auditorium I doubt I'll be going, but those who're interested may fancy a chance to get entertained and relieve some stress. If enough guitar people commit themselves to going I may succumb to peer pressure and go along too. Ah I miss guitar peoples. The only people I see regularly are Chin Heng, Jon Chua and Shu Hui. Where are the rest of you guys? Hope your mugging's going well. *** Random The YE teaching by Shirley made me think of a nice song. Hungry by Kathyrn Scott. If you want the song you can let me know. Here are the lyrics. Hungry Verse 1 Hungry, I come to You for I know You satisfy I am empty but I know Your love does not run dry So I wait for You So I wait for You Verse 2 Broken, I run to You for Your arms are ope...