Fights, Frustration, the Finale

I'm a writer by trade and I haven't written on this blog in five months.

There is no excuse for it.

But if I may offer a feeble one, I was busying dating Ms. S but that's over now.

I plan on being a free agent for at least the rest of the summer and then I'll see what type of free agent offers are out there come September. The next relationship, if there is to be one any time soon, will definitely be on my terms. I know for a fact that I compromised way too much with Ms. S and in two tries with her, I still had to let her go...TWICE. It was a roller coaster ride for eight months of the past year and five months with too many highs and lows to count.

One day, I'll be able to look infamous TV reporter Jim Grey in the eyes and say "I'm taking my talents to (insert some exotic destination)" like Lebron James did with his "decision." My hope is that the woman of my dreams also lives there. lol.

As I raise a glass of champagne to celebrate a new beginning, a quick look back on how I got here with Ms. S was simple.

I knew the relationship was headed downhill with no chance for recovery when we had a very uncomfortable and slightly public fight on New Year's Eve 2010 in front of her friends in a very crowded hotel room.

She told me the evening was going to be one way. It turned out to totally different. I was very uncomfortable from the start and after I had all I could stand, I politely said I wanted to leave. She didn't and told me I had to stay because she was staying and it would look bad if I left. When I gathered my things and waved goodbye to her friends and headed for the door. She grabbed her things and hastily said goodbye and caught up with me. We argued the entire way to her place and after about 20 minutes...I had tuned her out. Her lips were moving, she made menacing facial expressions but her words weren't audible. We eventually made up over the big fight but our relationship was never the same. I knew this day was coming and the expiration date was April 3, 2011. In one last attempt to salvage what I thought could be a dynamic relationship (when we were on the same page) went by the wayside when I cooked a romantic dinner for two at my place and she kept interrupting our dinner to text her schoolmate about a graduate class she was taking. It was an utter sign of disrespect that I'll never forget.

We briefly reconnected with a lot of tension in mid-April and that lasted until June 12 our last fight via phone over her not wanting to come to my place for once. I ALWAYS drove an hour and a half to go to her place with very little resistance but I had to beg her to come to my place.

I was done begging and after 30 minutes of going back and forth...I hung up the phone on her in frustration. It was a bad move on my part and I called back a couple minutes later to apologize. She cursed me out and said she never wanted to talk to me again. I called back one more time to apologize again and she gave me a stone cold attitude. We haven't spoken since.

You're a contestant on.....

I've become the dude EVERYONE wants to fix up.

Recently, friends have tried to set me up with someone they know. I don't know if that is good or bad or somewhere in between but I think it is time for me to start politely saying no the next time someone wants to fix me up.

Where should I start?

Against my better judgment, I went out with "Ms. Separated" and the second I saw her I wanted run in the other direction (will explain in a little bit). But I'm not foul like that...so I at least finished the date, which was cheap and in close proximity to my job. So, I didn't lose much by at least meeting her in person one time. There can be no future (or anything beyond one date) because she's still separated, still has a kid, still lives at home with mom and her kid, still working crazy hours and still in school. I'm surprised she even has time to date. But I wasn't attracted to her after she cut ALL OF HER HAIR OFF. She spent the whole date justifying/rationalizing her decision to do it and how she needs to wear colors like pink, lots of makeup and big earrings to make her feel like a sexy woman again and not like a manly-looking female. On to the next one....

A female friend tried to set me up with her girlfriend. After getting some basic details, age, location, what she does for a living...I asked the friend to send me a picture after I attached one of my pics to forward to her friend. My friend sends me back two pictures. One that I liked and one that I disliked. I was hoping the one that I liked was the most recently picture. So, before I agreed to do a date...I e-mailed her friend directly and asked politely which one was the most recent pic. Her friend's response, "does it matter?" Sigh. Obviously, it did and that was the reason I was asking. Her terse response indicated to me...that the picture I probably disliked was the most recent and it appeared to me she was a little touchy about it. The picture that I disliked was similar to Ms. Separated bald haircut. So, I decided to spare her feelings and I didn't reply. On to the next one.

So, I'm done with friends trying to set me up. I'll be saying NO, NO, NO and everlasting NO from now on.

The Big Lie: I'm single!

So, I'm having a candid conversation with a female friend about her current dating situation.

Here's a little background.

She has a child with a guy she prefers to call her "baby daddy" (personally...I hate that term) and they are STILL living together.

But during the course of the conversation, she declares "now that I'm single" I'm going to do what makes me happy.

Say what?

I quickly corrected her and told her she isn't single and needs to stop with that nonsense. She goes on talking about well on government forms I would be single because I'm not married (and not currently engaged) and I've never been divorced since I've never been married.

I'm like o.k...on a government form...you a single by the government's definition but we are talking about a social setting and you are not single by a social definition... if you are still dating/living/sleeping with the father of your child.

So, please stop lying about your status.

Pledge of a Lifetime (Part 8)

I have sinned.

I have broken my promise.

Not sure what the over/under was on how many weeks I could go without paying for a date in total but my PLEDGE OF A LIFETIME...lasted (drum roll please)....10 weeks.

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I broke my pledge on Saturday, Jan. 23 when I treated "Ms. S", 32, she was in health care administration, to a wonderful dinner and then a play. She loved it and we had a great time. We would go out with her several more times in January and into February...before I cut her loose on Feb. 21. She had more baggage than one luggage carousel at Newark International Airport.

For starters, she admitted she had a jealously problem when I first met her and that she was divorced but had no kids. That should have been red flag No. 1 and possibly red flag No. 2 but I avoided the warnings.

I would later find out....she doesn't handle stress well, she stopped working out, she would have a nervous breakdown over getting lost going to a spa and ruin her Valentine's Day gift, she would ask for permission to go through my cell phone (reading my text messages and call log in front of me), she would blow up at me for helping an elderly woman shovel out her spot before I shoveled out Ms. S's spot even though I fully intended to shovel out Ms. S's spot too, she was always making references to $$$, she's inept at fixing anything even putting in a toner cartridge on a printer, she also falsely accused me of cheating when I was spending almost every free moment outside of work at her place or taking her out or talking on the phone. The false accusation was the final straw and I cut her loose the next day. Now, she did do some nice things for me like cook several meals, bought me a valentine's day gift basket, etc....but the drama and baggage she brought was too much to handle.

I told her that no man would ever put up with a jealous woman like that...at least not me. We met once for lunch at short time after we severed ties. We kissed and said our goodbyes...I haven't heard from her since nor do I intend to ever contact her again.

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So...after dispatching "Ms. S" it was on to the next one...

I'll call her the "almost cougar" or "Ms. C". She was 35, single, no kids and never been married. She was a specialist for emergency management. She had a good career, drove a nice ride, owned two houses and even played the stock market. She had the body of a 25-year-old and worked out regularly. Impressive resume and of course everything looks good on paper.

However, she was a spoiled and incredibly cheap for someone that wasn't poor. Two things I detest in a woman...."spoiled" and "cheap"

I would later find out, she was reluctant to drive to my place and I had to beg her to come see me but was always willing to let me come to her place, she expects men she doesn't know to buy her and her girlfriends drinks, she wants her man or husband to work himself into the grave while she just chills at home, she criticized my location choice for an event when she has never been to that place herself and has been out with me before and knows I have good taste, she denied she went out with me somewhere in front of her friends, she didn't want to pay for dinner (just one time) when I had treated her several times to dinner and something else and DRUM ROLL PLEASE....would insist on signing a pre-nup and wouldn't marry a man that wouldn't sign a pre-nup. For the record, I don't believe in pre-nups unless you are filthy rich like these actors/actresses, singers and athletes.

To her credit, she did cook a few meals for me and she did pay for bowling on one date but that's about all she came out of pocket for during our time together.

Yeah...it was time for her to go. She's a nice woman but I can't stand women who feel entitled to stuff and women that are incredibly cheap. Dating isn't a one-way street but I find that black women seem to think it is.

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So, it is single and looking for the time being...

The Pledge of a Lifetime...(Part 7)

So. I got propositioned by a drunk white woman at one of the New Year's Eve Parties that I attended. Now, I don't mind a woman stepping out of her comfort zone but grabbing my ass and whispering naughty things in my ear in the middle of the dance floor is not how you achieve your goal.

Needless to say I passed on the offer quickly and scanned the room to make sure none of the black women saw this because you know it would have been curtains for me if the sistahs saw me giving any love to the white women in attendance.

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Hung out with NJ Nets girl on NYE. I went to a party that she was at and then crashed at her parents place. Her parents were out of town (good look) but her girlfriend was in town and visiting her (not a good look). I did get a nice home cooked breakfast (eggs, bacon, pancakes, toast, orange juice) out of it. I did see NJ Nets girl again on Sunday, Jan. 3 as we watched the Jets regular season finale against the Cincinnati Bengals. After that we fell asleep. Don't get excited all we did was cuddle.

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On Sat. Jan 2. I met up with a female I met at the first NYE party (the one with the drunk white woman). No...this female wasn't the drunk white woman but a black woman that I found attractive that night and got her business card. We met up for lunch and split the bill. She was dressed really cute but the conversation was really dull. I felt like I did all the talking. She also doesn't like going to the movies and tends to like Sci-Fi and history theme movies. Can you say...BORING! I already accepted a facebook friend request (mistake No. 1...lol). So, I will have to let her down easy.

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On Wednesday, Jan. 6. I doubled up on the outings. First, I had lunch with a new prospect, her name is Kenya. She seemed nice but was a little bit too big for my taste. We split the bill. We'll probably be friends. Then later that evening I met up with the "soon to be divorcee" to see "Sherlock Holmes." I was running late for the movie and she paid for the tickets. It was the third time we've gone to the movies and the fourth time overall that we've met up.

8 weeks down. 51 weeks to go.

The Pledge of a Lifetime...(Part 5)

So, I saw a blast from the past this weekend.

I met her at a lounge. We talked half the night. We dance the other half of the night. We seemed to have great chemistry. I asked her out and we had brunch a week or so later. That was back in July. When I tried to set up date No. 2, she kept giving me the run around. After like the second failed attempt for date No. 2. I gave up. I stopped calling. I stopped e-mailing. I stopped texting. I stopped all forms of communication. Before I did that though, I e-mailed her one last time to ask her what's the deal. She told me she doesn't chase men. Lol. I'm like my dear I never asked or wanted you to chase me...I just wanted a little courtesy via a returned phone call. The kicker was that she said she liked me but I guess she thought I was one of those sucker dudes that continually blows up a woman's phone and her e-mail. I'm not the one...never have been and never will be. I call once...leave one message...if you don't return that message...you might never hear from me again.

Fast forward to this weekend. She shows up at a place that I was at. She was very coordial and even struck up a conversation with me. I asked for her number again (I changed cell phones and I didn't save her number). She didn't believe me. I didn't really care. She gave me her number again. When she was leaving, I had to go to my car and get some more batteries for my digital camera. As she walked past me on her way to her car, I called her over and I said to her it was good seeing her again. She said likewise. She gave me a hug and I said I would call her. I called her the next day and left a voicemail. It is two days later and she hasn't returned the voicemail. This bulls--t again.

So, what's the deal with women requesting me as friends on facebook that I've never met. Three women in the last two weeks have requested me as friends on facebook that I've never met. I denied them all. I don't add anyone to my facebook friends list that I've never met in person. The only exception is if we have a mutual friend that I've known for a minute that I can cross reference this person.

This sheeeeeeeet is getting too easy.

Four weeks down. 55 more weeks to go.

The Pledge of a Lifetime...(Part 2)

The fact that I'm taking a hiatus from dating allows me more time to blog. So, it has been a week and now I have 58 more weeks to go.

You wouldn't believe that I was tempted in the first week.

We traded e-mails for a few days. She sent over some pics. She asked for my number. We talked a few times. My brain started to formulate the "ask her out line" but my lips didn't budge. I listened to my lips.

I was supposed to call her on Friday night and let her know what's up. I didn't call. She texted me asking what happened? I told her I lost track of time (because of work) and couldn't make it (because of work). Both were true excuses but I doubt she believed me. I don't really care if she does or not.

I deleted her e-mails. I erased her text messages. I deleted her number. It is safe to say that I'm not contacting her again.

Just 58 more weeks to go.

The Pledge of a Lifetime...

I pledge allegiance................. to no more dating...................................until 2011.

That wasn't an error.

I've already closed the bank on 2009 and I'm waving the white flag even before 2010 has begun.

I'm done with the whole dating scene for a very, VERY, VERY long time. That's 13 dateless months ahead of me...if you're keeping track at home. I'm not asking any women out in 2010, and even if she asks me out (its dutch or she paying for both of us or we're not going out at all). That's the agreement.....should she choose to accept it.

I told one female friend of my plan. She said "no (expletive) way. I'm giving you 9 months.

I told another female friend of my plan. She said "the flesh is weak. I'm giving you 6 months.

I told one male friend of my plan. He said "you will last 3 months. If you go beyond that without a "true date" then I'll treat you to anything you want."

Place your bets (9, 6 and 3 months are already taken) and I'm strongly advising you not to go against me unlike three of my friends. They apparently think they know me. lmao. I'll enjoy collecting my winnings from them on Jan. 1, 2011 but I'm always looking for a few more "investors" for my pledge of a lifetime because I have a plan.

What my friends don't know is that one ex-girlfriend has famously dubbed me as "one stubborn son of a (expletive)." As badly as I'm addicted to cable and HBO, I gave that up in 2008...cold turkey...and I haven't looked back since. In addition, I haven't bought a video game for my PlayStation in over 2 years. I haven't bought a CD in over a year (but I still buy a DVD once a month). I no longer eat out every weekend (that's down to only 2 weekends a month and it will probably be 1 weekend in 2010). I no longer go to the barber to get my haircut...I do that myself. If there is one thing, I'm not afraid to do...it is to commit...and I have a pledge of a lifetime to now fulfill.

My friends should have seen this coming. I went on a million dates in 2007. I trimmed that to 100,000 in 2008. It was cut down to only 7 in 2009. To go from 7 to 0 in 2010 will be no problem. Dating is expensive especially in the New York/New Jersey area and I'm tired of the whole game. Actually, I'm refusing to play any more. I think very few women are real anyways, so I figure I'm going to save a heck of a lot of cash by not chasing any women for 13 months.

What am I going to do with my new found savings? I'm planning to take two, possibly three, vacations in 2010. I'm absolutely going to the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans. I'm absolutely taking an international vacation (destination hasn't been determined yet) and a domestic vacation is contingent on a few other things. But if I can afford three, I'm taking them all. If it is only two, it will be two lavish vacations for me, myself and I.

This will be a pledge of allegiance that I will gladly honor.

Dana...who?

# I don't recognize.

Me: Hello?
Her: It's Dana.
Me: Who?
Her: DANA!

(15-second pause). Finally remembered who she was.

Me: Why are u calling me now it has been over 5 months?
Her: Well. I just wanted to see how you were doing?

(Scrunched up expression on my face).

Me: I'm doing fine, getting ready 4 vacation.
Her: said a long-winded response I didn't listen to.

Thanks for confirming your fingers weren't broken but GTHOHWTB while I'm packing for my trip.

Ladies: Have you ever done....

a background check on a guy you were dating?

If yes, how soon after meeting him did you do the background check?

If yes, did you find anything disturbing in his background?

If yes, did you tell him that you did a background check on him? and what was his response?

SPIN: Fellas, how would you react to a woman telling you that she did a background check on you?

Ask spchrist...

So, the following passage was posted on a message board by a male that goes by the name "red."

"I'm about to turn 30. i never had a date, kissed, got number.... i am a virgin. i have been approaching girls since i was 18. i was born and raised in nj. i started a journal when i turned 26 to see what am i doing wrong. at the end of the year i had approaching over 600 girls (from 2006-2007),asked them out. i only got one number from all those approaches, which turned out to be for blockbuster. i get looks all the time from girls, i get smiles, there girlfriends will tell me my friend likes you. i approach and than nothing happens. i get the line i have a boyfriend all the time. i dont know if its new jersey or me.on a night out, my dress style is: blazer, dress shirt, sand blasted jeans, kenneth cole shoes when i go out.i am not picky. my friends are in the same boat. well they are not virgins except me. any tips would be appreciated."

My detailed response to him was this:

Umm...I don't even know where to start.

So...you're 30...never had a date, got kissed or got a REAL number and to top it all off you are a virgin.

(Let's bow our heads and have a moment of silence).

(You can raise your head now)

It sounds like your game is in need of a makeover.

First of all, STOP APPROACHING THAT MANY WOMEN. 600 in one year? That is WAY TOO MANY like 576 too many. Try going after one woman per month. Get some success first and then you can get greedy by going after two or more per month.

It sounds like you are going after every woman in the tri-state area. I compare that to the guy in the club that tries to dance with EVERY WOMAN in the club. In the club, women watch your every movement and if they've seen you get shot down by like 10 other women before you approach them, she's more than likely going to turn you down too.

The second thing you have to learn is that some women aren't in your league and you have to pass on them. It is no shame in admitting that some women are not reachable...go after the ones that are reachable.

The third thing you have to learn is you must listen to the women that you are approaching. Eventually, she will tell you what she's all about if you ask the right questions.

The fourth thing...before I forget, always ask for a woman's mobile phone number (no need to stress the home phone number...if she likes you...she'll eventually give you her home number, if she has one) and once you get the mobile number call it from your phone right while she's standing there. If her phone doesn't ring, you've got a fake number and you know "she's just not that into you" but just didn't want to hurt your feelings.

The fifth thing...if what you say is indeed true, "you're getting looks all the time, smiles all the times, women's friends are telling you their friend likes you and nothing is happening for you. IT IS SOMETHING YOU ARE SAYING OR DOING WHEN YOU APPROACH THESE WOMEN. Without seeing or hearing you in action, I can't give you a definitive answer on that aspect. I will say this...women love men with confidence...women love men that take charge of a situation....women love men that makes them the center of attention. It never....ever....fails.

The sixth thing...I don't think it is your wardrobe based on your description...sounds like it is your mental and verbal game that need work. I hope this was helpful.

Ladies....

Break this down to me so it remains broken forever.

Why do women punish the next guy for the previous guy's mistakes?

And for the inquiring minds out there...i'm the "next guy" in this equation.

Fellas...if you want to chime in...go ahead.

What's in a definition?

What's your definition of a "Cougar?"

I know we've all heard of the term (at least I hope you have) but I don't know if there is a consensus on what the term means.

I thought the term was for a woman that loved dating men significantly younger than herself...like say she's 36 and he's 23? But I've since been informed that a Cougar has to be 40 or older, single, very attractive and likes preying on (excuse me...lol...dating) men younger than herself.

Hmm.

After digesting that revised definition, I think I've been a victim of a Cougar in my past. I thought she was just being friendly but it appears that I was on her radar screen. She never caught me because I was a sly devil in my college days.

But it makes me wonder what she would have done if I fell for her trap?

No llamar por telefono

I have a question for America.

Could you seriously date someone that DIDN'T have a cell phone?

The reason they don't have a cell phone is because they don't want one. I'll let that marinate.

Dating 303/Womenology 303

The prerequisite for this posting is reading

a) Dating 101
http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/10/dating-101.html

b) Womenology 101
http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/11/womenology-101.html

c) Dating 202/Womenology 202
http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/11/dating-202womenology-202.html

Once you've done that, you'll digest Dating 303/Womenology 303..a lot easier.

I found this on a message board and I added some of my own thoughts to this topic.

8 Signs That She's Into You...

1 - She's "in your face"
All of a sudden, you'll become aware of her presence everywhere -- she "just happens" to show up wherever you hang out, or you keep passing her in the hallway at work, or she "accidentally" bumps into you, or she maneuvers to stand close to you at a club. What she's doing is trying to get you to notice her, to position herself so that you can make the "first move." The problem is, a lot of guys are completely oblivious to this female ploy, so they can easily throw away a lot of chances to hook up. Men are direct; women are indirect. So if a woman starts appearing regularly in your path, chances are she's doing it on purpose.

2 - She's got the right moves
An old saying goes, "Bodies don't lie." Nature has programmed humans with a complex set of non-verbal flirting signals that just flow spontaneously when they're interested. These range from the widening of the iris when looking at the object of desire to more overt displays such as smiling or touching. Here are a few body language cues to watch for:

# Pointing in your direction with her leg, foot, or shoulders
# Leaning toward you while talking
# Playing with or tossing her hair
# Fondling a piece of jewelry (like an earring) or stroking the stem of her glass (big clue here!)
# Keeping her eyes locked on you while she talks or drinks
# Mirroring your body movements (for example, if you put your hand on the table, she quickly does the same)
# Smiling when you check out her body

If you become aware of a cluster of these signals when she's around you, you can almost be sure that she's giving you the green light for romance.

3 - She's never too busy
This is the most cardinal rule of the dating game: if a woman is interested in going out with you, she will make herself available . This means that she will give you a work number or e-mail address. She will answer or return your call quickly. She will accept your invitation to get together -- and if she's busy on the day you specify, she will say something like, "Well, I can't this Saturday, but next Saturday would be fine, if that's okay."You'll never hear from an interested woman things like, "I'm really busy right now," or "Let me check my schedule," or "I just got out of a bad relationship, so I'm all mixed up about men." Even if she's currently actively dating someone else, she will keep the lines of communication open with you for the possibility of future contact.

4 - She's curious about you
A woman who's interested in you wants to know everything about you (so she can talk about you with her girlfriends). She will quiz you about your family, your background, your taste in food, music, movies, etc. Very often, what she's doing is trying to catalog your interests so that she can mimic your likes and dislikes in order to bond with you -- if you're crazy about hot air ballooning, suddenly, she is too.

5 - She uses "The Probe" on you"
The Probe" is the female tool for ascertaining the level of a man's financial resources. It takes the form of seemingly casual questions, but behind it a ruthless calculator is ticking away. So when a woman first meets a man she might be interested in dating, she will quiz him on his job, where he lives, what kind of car he drives, all within the confines of what appears to be a natural conversation. If you give the "right" answers, then the flirting signals will follow; but if you aren't up to her "standards," she's gone in a cloud of dust.

6 - She "futures" you
An interested woman is wide open for any future plans with you. In fact, she will often say something like, "Oh...you like bowling, too? We should do that some time." When she's operating in this mode, make no mistake about it -- she wants you to ask her out.

7 - She's on pins and needles
If she's really interested, she'll be as nervous as a cat around you, especially if you're clueless about reading her signals. Of course, she could be just a normally shy person, so watch how she interacts with others -- if she's only fidgety around you, then she's probably thinking romance.

8 - She's jealous of other women you talk to
She's got the green-eyed monster on her back. An interested woman will watch her competition like a hawk (and with talons bared). So if you notice her steaming just because you're joking around or hanging out with other women, you can be sure that she wants you to be more than just her friend.

Any questions?

Dating 202/Womenology 202

The prerequisite for this posting is reading

Dating 101

http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/10/dating-101.html

and

Womenology 101

http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/11/womenology-101.html

Once you've done that, you'll digest Dating 202/Womenology 202...a lot easier.

I found this on a message board....

Success in dating often has less to do with what you say, and more to do with your nonverbal sexual cues. You see, the key to dating women is to understand where feelings of lust, desire and attraction originate in the female brain.

Here's a breakdown to help you understand the female psyche a little better.

A woman's brain has several sections.

The first, most primal part of her brain is the brain stem, which controls various processes such as breathing, heartbeat and the fight or flight response.

The second part of the brain, wrapped around the basic brain stem and having evolved later, is the limbic brain. Although it sounds very technical, the limbic brain is simply responsible for a woman's core emotional experiences including lust, desire and attraction. And that's what men are interested in. Lacking language, the limbic brain is both impulsive and instinctual. It's sometimes called the pleasure center because sexual stimuli that women experience pass directly to it.

The newest part of the brain, the neo-cortex, is considered the rational brain that provides logic and thought, allowing for speaking, planning and critical judgment. If you tell a woman, "Give me your number," or, "I like you," or, "Let's have sex," you're triggering the rational neo-cortex which consciously blocks your commands and says, "No." But if you bypass her neo-cortex "guardian" altogether and instead stimulate a woman's limbic brain, you're directly communicating to where her feelings of lust and mating begin.

So how exactly do you tap into this unlimited power?

You do so through your nonverbal sexual cues.

1- The Resonant Voice: How you say your words is more important than the actual words themselves. How you say your words is what will bypass a woman's critical mind and directly stimulate her limbic brain into feeling attraction -- or not. You want your voice to sound rich and full, soothing and warm -- in other words, resonant. You don't want to sound whispery and raspy, nasal and thin, or whiny and grating. A deeply resonant voice spoken with a slow, sexy tempo and volume is sexually hypnotic. With a sexy voice, you can grab a woman's attention in an instant, relax her, make her feel good, and do it all with an aura of confidence and authority.

2- The Warm Smile: The reason to smile is simple. A smile shows that you're an open, friendly and relaxed person. A smile says without words, "I'm in a good mood. I'm enjoying myself. Being around me makes others feel good too because my good mood is so infectious." Ever notice how much more friendly and inviting a smiling woman is? A woman with a smile on her face is more approachable than a woman with a frown. Her smile tells you that she's a friendly person. And smiling is contagious. People have a natural reaction to smile when they see yours, making them feel open, friendly and relaxed on the inside. And it doesn't matter whether you have a perfect smile or not. Scientific studies show that women respond to the act of your smile rather than how perfect it is or white your teeth are. The act of smiling is what shows to others that you're friendly, open and confident. The act of smiling is what triggers the good feelings in women.

3- Princely Posture: Good body language and posture communicates strength, comfort and sexiness while poor body language and posture communicates nervous energy and lack of confidence. Again, your body language and posture is not something that women will process consciously. Their limbic brain is either turned on and attracted, or turned off. So no matter whom you are, no matter what your position in life, no matter what kind of women you're interested in, you'll need to master control over your own body to sexually attract women. The first step toward good body language is to move deliberately and in a controlled fashion, with purpose. Unnecessary movements come across to women as nervous tics. Generally you want to keep an open posture about you. Having an open posture -- uncrossing your arms, keeping your hands apart and keeping an open stance with your legs -- shows that you're relaxed, receptive and friendly, and visually sends sexual cues directly to a woman's limbic brain. Your head, your shoulders, hips, knees, and ankles should be in a straight, vertical line, not hunched over, and you should stand with your weight evenly distributed between both feet, not slouching over on the right or left. Keeping an open, clean body posture in such a way and moving with purpose will attract women on a level beyond their control.

4- Sexy Scent: Study after study has demonstrated that a woman's sense of smell is much more powerful than a man's. In fact, with certain kinds of scents, a woman's sense of smell is up to 100 times more powerful than a man's. Women can even detect mild body odor from over three feet away. And there's a direct connection from a woman's olfactory glands to her limbic brain -- so your scent is either working for you or against you. Fortunately, since women can pick up on body odor so easily, you can exploit that limbic brain of theirs and smell good to turn them on sexually. That's why, not only do you want to be clean and fresh, but you'll want to wear cologne on a regular basis to create attraction in women.

5- Powerful Eye Contact: Eye contact is one of your most powerful tools. Your eyes can do far more talking than your words. They can make a woman feel uneasy and excited, and women use it as a huge measure of your self-confidence. During a conversation with a woman, don't dart your eyes or look away too much, as it makes you look uncomfortable and nervous. Linger longer on her eyes than you would normally, almost as if your eyes stick to hers like soft glue. This kind of strong, long-lasting eye contact releases phenylethylamine (PEA), a chemical that accelerates attraction, particularly in women. Some call this the copulatory gaze because people who love each other not only make much more eye contact while talking, but they're also more hesitant to take their eyes off each other, even after they finish speaking. And when you do look away, look away reluctantly. Drag your eyes away slowly, as though they're stuck with soft glue.

Any questions?

Womenology 101

Who wants to be a millionaire?

Scratch that, who wants to be a billionaire?

I have the answer to both questions.

The person that writes a step-by-step book on how to understand women will become an instant billionaire because every man in the world will buy this book.

I have 26 years of post womb experience and to this day I still can't understand women.

Here are some recent short takes:

A) I sent out an e-mail to the young black journalist listserve about my pending visiting to New York City. I get an e-mail reply from a young woman that works in NYC and she says "hey. I should be available that day after 5ish. is that too late?" My reply "I don't think so, call me on my cell." I gave her my cell phone number on Thursday night in that reply e-mail and I figured that she would call if she was free and still wanted to chill. Let's fast forward to Monday. I noticed that I hadn't heard from Ms. NYC and it is about 2 p.m. I call Ms. NYC's work number and leave a voicemail. I proceeded with the rest of my business in NYC. I conclude my business trip to NYC around 5 p.m. and I call one more time and get her work voicemail again. I buy my ticket for the New Jersey Transit commuter rail and get home in time to watch Monday Night Football. On Tuesday morning, I get an e-mail from Ms. NYC,
"many apologies for not calling you back while you were in the city. i left work early for a dentist appointment and completely forgot about our tentative plans. i got your message this morning. i owe you a drink next time you're here."

Damn homey!

My immediate reply to her, "Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Her immediate reply back to me, "Oh no! i can't believe you booed me. i've NEVER been booed before...but i guess i had it coming. where in new jersey do u work/live? how often do u get to the city."

In my final reply to Ms. NYC, I told her what town I live in and that I come to NYC once a month and for good measure I gave her another round of booooooooooooooooooooooooooooos!
I told her that a returned phone call would defuse the situation and we'll see if Alexander Graham Bell's invention is also Ms. NYC's best friend.

B) So, my ex-girlfriend reads and sometimes responds to the blog (anonymously of course). She saw my entry "http://spchrist.blogspot.com/2005/11/my-roadtrip-with-someone-famous.html and she camouflaged her jealously/curiosity in an e-mail about an unrelated matter. I thought it was a joke until she called me recently and point blank asked..."so who is she?"

Damn homey!

Not that I really needed to answer her, but I told her that "Kyla Pratt's look-a-like is just a friend that I was helping move." She says, "hmmmmmmmmm," and proceeds to another topic and just before I hang up with her, the ex-girlfriend drops the "who is she?" line again. This repetitive line of questioning must be something women adopted out of some silly magazine article. The repetitive interrogation tactic doesn't work on me and as ESPN's Stuart Scott says "I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow." Quite frankly, any man that cracks under this primitive form of pressure should have his "playa card" revoked.

Permanently!

Dating 101

I am patient when it comes to dating the female species but I also have a limit.

My limit is three.

Yes.

I will expend brain cells on a maximum of three dates with a woman before I make that executive decision on whether we have potential beyond friends. Honestly, I have enough female friends but I'm not exactly looking for wifey just yet. I guess that leaves Ms. Right Now and it became painfully obvious that my date on Saturday will not be filling out an application for Ms. Right Now.

Of course, I wouldn't be writing about this now...if I didn't have a personal anecdote (please be patient...i have to get through the lesson first).

O.K...the magic number is three.

The first date is the easiest. Guy likes girl. Guy asks girl out on a date. Girl accepts. Guy picks up girl for date. Guy pays. Guy is a complete gentleman and leaves a good impression. That's the general screenplay from my perspective. Since a man always pays on the first date, I always pick something that I enjoy doing.

Period.

So, if the date is a complete disaster, I will at least enjoy myself and what I paid for that time.

The degree of difficulty increases with each date so the second date is the one that I roll the dice on. I always ask a female to pick something that she enjoys for the second date. Even if I hate whatever activity she picks, I don't let it be known. I don't slam on the emergency brake because I want to see how a woman handles being in the driver's seat. I also want to see her mediation skills because I can get straight funky sometimes. She can score major points if she can get me to like something that I hate or if she can get me to do something that I don't normally do.

Ahh...the third date (a.k.a. the 50-50 test) is the final exam. I ask you to pick something that you want to do and I pick something that I want to do. Basically, we combine the activities of dates one and two. I ask plenty of questions on this date and I want to know a woman's philosophy on a number of topics. It is not exactly 20 questions or being on the witness stand but I have to know what's popping in a female's head.

I guess I have to fill in the blanks now?

Date 1: We went to the movies to see Four Brothers and we had dinner at TGI Friday's.

Date 2: We went to the beach and had lunch afterwards.

Date 3: We went to the movies. We didn't get there in time to see the movie she wanted to see (Flight Plan) so I made my first executive decision of the night and picked another movie (Just Like Heaven). I had never heard of it before tonight but it turned out to be a decent romantic comedy.

It was raining (heavy at times) and we shared her umbrella walking into the movies and back to my car. I thought that was cute and a foreshadowing of good things to come.

My part of the third date was dancing at a nightclub. I hadn't gone dancing in such a long time and I thought this would be a good chance to see if we have some chemistry on the dance floor. I was born in Jamaica and I LOVE TO DANCE (especially to reggae music). I can say with complete sincerity that there is nothing sexier than a woman that can dance.

Period.

We are in the car driving to the club and I put her on the witness stand.

Me: What type of music don't you like?
Her: Reggae music. I also can't stand Sean Paul.
Analysis: Christ. New Jersey we have a problem. Not only does she hate the music of my country of orgin but she also despies Mr. Sean Paul, the prince of reggae, and someone that I love.

STRIKE ONE...

Me: Am I going to have a hard time getting you on the dance floor?
Her: Well, I can be a bit of a wallflower. I'll get out there and dance at some point but I don't want to sweat at all.
Analysis: Jesus Christ. New Jersey we have two problems. She's shy when it comes to dancing and she'll be a terrible student because she's not willing to sweat a little for me to teach her.

STRIKE TWO...

I pulled the plug on the questions because I was hemoraging (badly). I wasn't in need of a blood transfusion just yet but I felt my pulse was getting close to a flat line.

Shit.

I felt like I was taping an episode of Blind Date that was headed for the Hall of Shame.

We get to the club and she likes the decor of the spot.

Good.

After I finished my drink (she didn't want one), I say let's go dance. She says sure. We get out there and I can tell she hasn't been on a dance floor in ages. I couldn't even translate into words some of the moves she was making. While I'm dancing with her, these two white girls keep bumping into me and one of them is eyeing me. I ignore their advances and pull her closer to me.

She stays close to me for a while and then starts to drift away. She was dancing so far away from me at times that two people could pass in between us walking side-by-side.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT.

I could have been gangsta and hollered at the white girls right then and there. I didn't though, I'm a glutten for punishment. We left the club early and I'm driving again.

In our final conversations, she reveals some more stuff I wish I knew before hand.

STRIKE THREE...

So, what's your limit?