impossible. I don't want to think that- but realistically- it's much closer to that than even "probable" or "possible".
My students just took the IRI (state reading assessment). I've known my class was low and was not too surprised when their fall scores reflected only 22% of the class starting as proficient. It suddenly grabbed the attention of others - that so many kids would be placed in one classroom with those scores. I'd been trying to tell them- whining that last year could NOT be repeated. I'd been promised that it would be better this year- that last year was a fluke considering the melting pot of disabilities and behaviors all concentrated into my room. I hope you all know me well enough to know that I have deep care and concern for those kiddos- it is just "impossible" to have this many and be expected to get them up to proficiency. I can't change their home life. I can't make mom get their here on time instead of accruing 10 tardies ALREADY in this school year. I can't pack their lunches and teach them that a bag of gummy worms, 2 donuts and ...well... nothing else..... is okay for lunch. I can't get their folks out of jail or teach their parents English so they can read with them.
One little girl just suffered through her dad's sudden death this weekend- due to a motorcycle accident. I think she'll actually be okay. She has a strong family and good support system. But it's one more heart breaking thing.
I'm sorry- it probably seems like all I do is complain about teaching. But.....I don't know what else to feel. My first year- I had maybe 3 "1's" which is below grade level. Next year- 3 or 4 ones. Third year I had 3. Fourth, I had 7, and this year I have 13. Not counting all the "2's" who are also not proficient. Point is- they're coming to me in more dire need. You can look at a lot of angles of education and we can work on all kinds of things at school to concentrate on our target areas- but I can't change the family situations or long term special needs. Maybe I should just open a floral shop, bakery, or start a farm. That seems simpler. My current strategy is just to not feel defeated, start each new day with a blank slate, and pray for their success- whatever that may be.
running update- motivation goes up and down (especially when I have to run after a long day) but I arrived at the Rec today after 5 days of it being closed. I was eager to use my spoiled little indoor track, when only to find that it was roped off for maintenance. That- and realizing that I had worn a thong to school (not my favorite workout gear) put a dent in my moral. I just went hard on the eliptical and actually had time to lift weights and work on my poor abandoned abs. Tomorrow evening, I plan to do 8 or 9 miles. I made a few new playlists for my ipod to try and get me through it. This better be worth it- especially since we realized we missed the deadline for the entry fee and have to pay$120 just to be in it. ($30 more dollars than we would have 2 days ago.)whaa whaa whaa joy.
get a grip.
6 comments:
wow. you've got quite a class load. Will they fix that for you at all? That seems so intense. Been thinking of you though, teaching is so intense but great.
Oh Joy, how overwhelming! No wonder you feel discouraged. I drive by your school several times a week, I will make a point of praying for you and your class every time. ((hugs))
Thanks Karen, keep em' coming! :)
MAN! I was praying for you just today -- my first day back in a classroom. I guess the good side is the school thinks you're the best one for these poor little guys. Not to say you should tell the school to "bring it on!" I hurt for these kids too. I guess school is one more place we can see the miracle of "redemption", when GOOD teachers, like you, will hang on for a kid. Lots of adults will say, "I had this teacher who believed in me..." or "one teacher made it fun..." or "she is the reason I became a teacher." I wish you didn't have such a load -- oh, how I wish! -- but I'll keep praying for strength and wisdom for you. And keep thanking God for a wonderful husband who supports you, and for a wonderful woman who loves and directs your little boys while you're rescuing other little ones...... Blessings and peace, dear. I don't know how you do it, but He won't give you more than HE will enable you to do. Your loving these kids may even turn out to be more important than the learning. You might somehow point them in the right direction, even if they are slower getting there.
This sounds exactly what I have been going through for the last 4 years. How can we be expected to be miracle workers? If we can realistically only expect a year to a year and a half of growth from our kids, then how can teachers be held accountable for kids who come to them in 5th grade reading at a KINDERGARTEN level? This is exactly why merit pay for teachers will never work. AND why we need more support and smaller classes. These poor things could care less about school too - righfully so when some of them in my class have stayed at a shelter the night before. All I want for those kids is to feel warm and safe - forget state scores at this point! Just know that no matter what scores the kids get, we all do an important job....even if the only ones who think so is ourselves.
As a teacher I know you've done more than expected already. Now you are asked with more force than ever to be a happy, stable role model for each of your students. You, of all people can do it. You have a wonderful balance of work ethic and the ability to help children feel loved and important. I am sorry for the hardship and hope you find ways to keep your head up as you guide your students to do the same.
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