Wearing Two Condoms

Back in my University years, I was on a visit to my cousin at UAM in Mexico City. After sitting in on 2 of his classes I wanted to get out and do some running, then went to the showers. While there, I was picked up on by an "older" guy (he was in his late 20's; definitely not a student) in the showers. I remember it was over a year since I had had sex with a guy (my ex, who I had broken up with and sworn off sex with guys shortly after). But this was one of those moments I just really felt too randy to let go, so after he started stroking I got hard immediately. He signaled for me to follow him to some other showers around the corner which were not in use (the lights were off). When I went in, he immediately started sucking me then opened a toilet-kit he was carrying and pulled out two condoms. He put the first one on and I was like "YES! I'm going to Disneyland!!" since not only was I going to have sex...but BUTT SEX- and I was really looking forward to it. Then he opened up the second condom and put it on me. I was like, "Huh???" I was sincerely dumfounded. Then he just turned around and put my cock inside him. "Um...whatever." I thought and just started fucking him. It wasn't like I couldn't feel anything, but it was almost like dry-humping someone through your jeans. Just didn't do it for me. So, I pulled out and started to pull off the second condom and the guy went spastic, grabbing my hand from my dick and said, "No, no, no! Keep it on! I'll make it tight for you!" I shrugged and tried it one more time; same effect. It wasn't a matter of him not being tight, it was just a matter of sensation. So, for a second time, I pulled out and tried to take the second condom off and he did the same thing; grabbing me to stop. Now I said very annoyed and seriously, "Hey, this is MY dick. If you want it inside you we're gonna do it with just ONE condom." He just shrugged and said, "OK, if that's how you want it." and bent over to let me finish up.

Why am I telling this story? Because last week seriously felt like I was wearing a double body condom 24/7. Food didn't taste like much, I didn't have energy for any good workouts, sex was just not that fulfilling and the overall sensation of life was just dulled. By Friday, I was hoping the feeling was residing, but no such luck. I went to the gym and just couldn't get enough energy to get in a good workout. But what made up for it was I walked into the steam room and saw a NICE looking late-30's read-head (he shaved his head, but his body-hair was red) who was in dire need of sex. There were 2 trolls there, but his darting glances trying to make eye-contact told the story. I felt him looking at me and motioned him to follow me from the steam room to the showers. I wanted him to come to a corner stall which was open, but out of eye-view from any in-coming people. He shook his head and led me to the stall right across from it: it had a curtain, but was still visible through the glass, although heavily obscured from a distance. I was weary, but the long ranger was doing all the thinking, so I followed him in. Just then, one of the old trolls walked into the adjacent stall, obviously to watch through the glass. Normally, this would really piss me off, but in this instance, he provided an extra layer of flabby cover to shield my boning from view of anyone else who might be in the vicinity. So, I just put him out of my mind, bent the nice, white dude with the glistening pink-hole over and fucked him. My energy level was not the highest, coupled with the fact that I was a bit nervous. But managed to pound his ass until I came (so did he). This should have been an EXCELLENT fuck, but as I was still walking around with my double-full-body-condom it was just OK.

Later that night, I got home and was messaged by a 20-something blond visiting flight attendant who wanted an anonymous fuck at his hotel. While anonymous fucks can be hot, it also means there is something wrong with the guy who wants them. The fact that this guy had 4 different ass pictures on his profile who were obviously of 4 different guys (1.I'm an ass-man and 2. I'm not fucking BLIND)

should have told me something. But I did like his face and body pic, so I decided to go for it. Here's the thing, normally I'd be driving over there with a hard-on, but since I'm still in my state, I knew I'd be able to perform once I got there, but my dick wasn't reacting to the thought of it. Anyway, when I got to the hotel, the door was open and the room was dark so I walked in. But being the "been-around-the-block" kinda guy I am, I stepped into the bathroom and turned on the light so I'd at least get a look at the guy who was soon to have my cock inside him. Just as I thought, bent over the bed, ass up, was the guy from the pic below, only he was about 20 lbs heavier than in the body pic he sent. And NONE of the ass pics above belonged to him (the closest would be the first, but since this guy was barely 3" when fully erect, that even rules that one out). Now, here's the thing: I totally wouldn't have cared, cuz all I need is a nice round ass, and blond guys with white asses are a definite plus. But this guy obviously had severe body issues since he had lost his figure/unable to deal with the reality of his current physique and was ashamed of anyone seeing him, hence the "anonymous". BTW, since he sent out fake pics with the intent to deceive, here is his real pic as a public service msg. So, "caveat fornicator." Long story short, I gave him what he needed doggie-style, on his stomach, and finally on his back/missionary (although he protested, most likely so he didn't have to show his belly).

Last story is that it was my friend Chef's birthday the next eve. His best friend since highschool is this hairy ogre of a guy, who to me has the personality of amonia-flavored mouthwash. But one thing I have to hand him is he is 100% straight and Chef is openly gay, but he has remained his best friend. The ogre opened up his house to have the party; 8 gay guys and 5 straight people (including 2 women). The straight people left around midnight, at which point the ogre said, "OK, I'm not gonna spend the rest of the night in surrounded by gay guys. Let's go hit the bars." So, Chef, his boyfriend and the rest of the crew (minus yours truly) spent the rest of the night (straight) bar-hopping. I'm telling this story I guess to essentially "date myself" among my readers. I was definitely raised in a different generation, and am not "out". So, to this day I heavily segregate my gay and straight friends. There have only been a very few cases where I've invited some select gay friends to interact with my straight ones, and only when I'm 100% sure they won't flame out or be detectable in any way. That's just me. But more and more these days I'm finding that among people born after 1980, this is just a total non-issue. I guess I'm still just old school.

One final (yes, I know) update: Will has turned out to be a total flake. Yup, small wonder: what part of "pot-head" did I NOT understand? Anyway, I'm really hoping this full-body condom will dissolve by itself soon. Mexico will not be fun if I have to wear it while I'm there.

Viva La Funk

There are several things going on in my mind these days; namely upcoming events that I'm really looking forward to: Chef having a birthday party this weekend, Kev-bo coming out to visit later that week, My trip to Mexico to see Ricky, and finally, I haven't decided 100% on this, but I may head to LA to try and do an intervention with my Ex (not my idea). Because of the anticipation it's been getting harder and harder to get to sleep even after I'm long under the covers. When I do wake up in the morning, it feels like I'm in a deep funk, and during the daytime these past few days I've really not had much energy, and maybe this also has been adding to my fierce bouts of self-examination and introspection.

I got a few messages from the 19-year-old guy I de-virginized the other day. And of course I was nice, but non-commital as I really don't want to see him again. I'll just manage that to make sure he gets the point but feels good about himself. Will has also been messaging me a lot as he's on his tour of the US and doesn't get back until Weds. I'm REALLY looking forward to that. Aside from him being a sporadic pot-head, I think I could handle taking him on as a steady fuck-bud. We'll see.

I met another flight attendent online, but this guy lives on the East Coast. He's half-Spanish half-Puerto Rican (don't get me started on how many Latin American guys say they're "half Spanish"), mid 30's, and this guy has a freakin' PYTHON hanging between his legs if the pictures are accurate (he's a bottom, so I'm assuming they are). We've been talking on the phone for a couple weeks now, and although I don't like long internet or phone conversations, he's been an interesting guy to talk to if nothing else. We've left it that after I get back from Mexico he'll either fly out here or fly me out to wherever he happens to be to meet in person (hey, it's free for them, so no harm no foul if it doesn't work out).

Finally, I had an extremely irritating fuck today with this guy: . It started around 11am when he messaged me and finally, we settled on him coming over. I asked him specifically how long it would be and he said 1/2 hour. OK. An hour goes by and he's a no-show. I didn't care enough to ask for his number so I just blew it off and at 1:00pm decided to grab some lunch. Right as I'm ordering at the restaurant, I get the call from him saying he's on his way. I said, "Uh...way to what? I'm at lunch right now." He sputtered and feigned an apology saying he got tied up and asked if it was still OK. I said, we could try after I'm done eating and we decided on 2:30pm...which came and went. This time I had his number on my phone, but once again, I just really didn't care enough to pursue this. And the day went by: I went to the gym, did some errands, got home, watched "Another Gay Movie" (lame humor, but kinda hot at the same time). And of course at 10:00 I get another call from him asking if he can come over now. At this point, I was very specific and asked, "what time will you be here exactly. I don't want to wait up all night." "I can be there in 20 minutes" he responded, so I acquiesced and let him come over. Of course, he arrived at 11:30.

When he got here, he was a few years older than the pics he has online, but I just wanted to fuck at this point. But I also metered my anger level to make sure I wasn't too much of a dick. That didn't last long. When I got his clothes off and bent him over, I tried to get his ass (the one asset he had going for him) wet with my tongue, but he was just squirming around and moaning everywhere. I tried physically restraining him with my hands on his hips and tell him to hold-still, but even then he'd just writhe on the bed. I was like "fuck this!" and just grabbed the profo from the dresser, suited up the Long Ranger, put some spit on it and shoved it up his hole. He squeeled and moaned, bucking and squirming, but now I not only had my hands grabbing his hips, but my dick burried in his ass to keep him steady; it worked. He was small enough that I could lift him up and just impale him on my dick from behind, which I did over and over. He was enjoying it, but getting more and more girly and effeminate, asking, "do you have any lube we can use?" I said, "Yup. but you're not getting any" and proceded to pound him hard. Then I flipped him on his back and of course his little pecker was rock hard, and I began to shove my cock in him missionary until I shot my load. I let him know I came and even though he had irritated me, he did open his legs nice and wide so I could get a good orgasm out, so I felt like being a gentleman. "Do you want to come?" He nodded and started jacking off whining for me to fuck him harder.

Normally, this would be a turn-on, but his voice was just getting so sickeningly effeminate that I was losing my erection after about 5 minutes of that. Then he asked, "Can we do it doggie?" "Fine" I said emotionlessly and callously yanked my dick out of him and flipped him on his knees. I handed him some lube thinking it would help him cum faster, and he poured it onto his dick and hand. I roughly jammed my semi-hard dick back inside him and started fucking again. His moans and squeels were getting so obnoxious, so I asked, "are you close?" he nodded and said, "Uh-huh. Keep going" so I did, for yet another 5 minutes, then asked him again, "Dude, ARE YOU CLOSE?" He nodded and said, "yeah. Fuck me harder." OK, now I realized what was going on, he had NO INTENTION of cumming. He was just a little cock-whore bottom who just likes to get fucked for as long as he can take it. So, I said, "OK, you have one more minute." and kept fucking. He gave a puzzled, "Huh?" to which I responded, "30 seconds". Then counting backward from thirty, when I reached zero I yanked my dick out of him and said, "Time's up." then went to the bathroom to flush the profo and wash up without a word. When I came back I threw a towel at him and said, "use that if you want to wash up". He took the hint and got dressed and left without another word.

Yup, I was a dick. Yup, I CAN be a dick. But here's a case of someone who deservied it.

Lord of the Rings

Lately I've noticed more and more guys I hook up with have large dicks (easy examples are Sven and Hill). And it's not that I care one way or another, since I'm a total ass-man and 80% of the time I'm with a guy I never even touch their dick (unless you count it rubbing against my abs while I'm fucking missionary). But even the new guys I'm meeting up with these days have 8"+ in their profiles (and believe me, you don't need to get a decoder ring to know that a profile that says 29 y/o, 170lbs with 8" normally means 35 y/o, 185lbs with 6"). But lo' and behold, some guys are coming over with pretty massive meat between the legs, which to be honest sometimes challenges my own security in bed, since most of the time I can count on being the "bigger man". But lately I get the sense that more and more the long-ranger doesn't ride as tall as he should when coming out of the corral. So, since I always put I'm 8" in my profiles, I wanted to keep myself honest and got out the tape-measure and hand-lotion this weekend to confirm it. After about 20 minutes of serious tugging and stroking, I can indeed confirm that the long-ranger stood erect at a massive, beautiful and awesome looking 8 1/2 ". However, I'm also well aware of the energy, time and attention it took to get the blood pumping to that level. So, only a very lucky few will most likely experience that extra 1/2", therefore I'm keeping my profile at 8" (the extra 1/2" will be a bonus).

This leads me to my next story: since I got back from Europe early this summer I'd been hooking up with a 20-something Mexican-Cuban dude who puts 8 1/2" in his profile and who looks like an even "stonier" Wilmer Valderrama, so I'll call him "Will". Will is a pretty no-nonesense fuck, meaning he comes over, few words are exchanged as we head back to my "fuck den", he starts sucking me, I get his hole wet, we fuck, roll credits. This time when he came over, two things were different; my cock was way huge and full since I had been doing my stroke-marathon without actually cumming, and Will was stoned more than an israelite adulteress. True to form, the first thing he did was pull down my pants and start slobbering all over my cock. It was almost like he was in a dreamland and honestly it didn't seem like he would ever stop until I pulled him up from my schlong. I literally had to hold him up with my arms as he was pretty wasted. But that didn't stop his cock from being hard as a rock, so just for kicks and giggles I rubbed mine against his to compare; his points down like Hill's and it is definitely big- but mine was bigger. So, maybe Will is 8 1/2" on a good day, just like I am. I'm feeling generous so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, because of Will's impared state, I knew I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to him, so I threw him on my bed like a rag doll and opened up his ass with my hands and burried my face inside. Will was moaning like crazy and usually, the next step is to suit-up and put on whatever lube he brought over. This time we skipped the lube and just used my own spit, which I prefer and always works well for me. He bucked and tried to resist but he just wasn't any match for my libido, when I burried my cock in him from behind. Will always makes whiney noises and monosyllabic words like he's in pain while we fuck (like "Ouch! "fuck!" "Damn!") but his stiff dick always let's me know he's enjoying it. After about 5 minutes of pumping him with slow, steady strokes from behind and then on top, I flipped him over missionary and said, "Now open your legs up and relax." He did, and I slid my cock further inside him until "Pop!" I opened up that inner ring. I LOVE when my cock pops that inner cherry, but a lot of guys are either already open irrepairably from being fucked too often or they are just not relaxed enough to open, which means my cock keeps bumping up against it when I get in there deep. But boy does it does it feel good when it gets opened (all the tops with 7" + in da house know what I'm talkin' bout??). I thought it was about time to work my magic so I started pumping Will missionary, and he was groaning and throwing his head back and forth, then grabbing my ass to push me inside him harder. Finally, I just let go and blew a HUGE load (all that "fluffing" I did earlier without cumming made me have an orgasm so intense it hurt the back of my eyes), and Will grabbed his cock and started spewing the second his hand touched it.

Will is a man of few words and always wants to leave immediately after he cums, and this time was no different. But he messaged me after he got home and said how hot it was and that next time maybe we can hang out. So, I guess in the place of having a steady fuck-bud or dare I even say, a boyfriend, my caste of regulars, namely Luberjack, Steel, Trainer, Hill, Squid, and a couple other steadies have been keeping my balls empty. This is good, since I don't think I've been a day without sex in weeks. Also, I finally got an email from Longbone (hadn't heard from him since out hook-up when I first got back to the US) saying he's been really busy but we should meet sometime soon.

Lastly, in lieu of some hot ass pics (coming very soon), a bit o' culture...