The Rules and Regulations of being/having a Side Piece...

(this was a blog I posted on FB a while back that got like almost 200 responses...so here goes)

***THIS BLOG IS RATED R...FOR RIGHT***

What motivated this blog? Well for one, I'm seeing folks habitually stepping those lines *looks at you* *Shakes head* lmfao...

And also...yesterday I'm at Ciceros during a meeting for some ill shit thats going on real soon :)

I'm walking up to my table, and I see a couple sitting down, nice looking couple, i'm al about love...make it happen. So the girl glances up, cause I'm walking past...but like she just stops and STARES at me...

like EYE FUCKS the SHIT out of me...her man is RIGHT THERE...mad disrespectful...

Anyhow, we all know the game...some of us have played it...some of us more than others *ahem* *looks at certain people*

Its what I like to call the SIDE PIECE game...meaning a man/woman is in a relationship...yet they choose to entertain another male/female that isnt their mate.

its wrong, its jacked up, it aint right, but people do it...okay.

So I figure, if you gonna do this grimey shit...you gotta do it RIGHT. Folks get their lines all blurred up and stuff, and forget their purpose...EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL fulfillment

So here goes...

THE RULES AND REGULATIONS OF BEING/HAVING A SIDE PIECE.

1) YOU ARE A SIDE PIECE/SIDE PIECER, THAT MEANS NO EMOTIONS. EVER.

yeah yeah yeah, I know I said emotional fulfillment above, but real up we already know that majority of women cheat because of their emotions, it very seldomly has anything to do with the fact they just want some D as much as it has to do with "I need someone to hold me, while they give me that D all crazy".

So if lets say you see your side piece/piecer out with another person. YOU DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL...no crying...no getting angry...you aint even gotta say whaddup. You keep it moving.

You are on the side...so what they do in their normal life has NOTHING to do with you...you are the dirty secret...you are the filthy whore they talk about amongst their friends...KNOW YOUR ROLE lol.

2) NO DATES...EVER...well...
Beyond the initial first "Getting to know you on a deeper level" first date...unless the two of you are WHORELICIOUS you will have this date...NO MORE AFTER THIS THOUGH...the dates can only be indoors...naked...with body oils...and condoms...and the tv on in the background...which brings me to...

3) NO OVERLY ROMANTICAL CAKING TYPE SHIT EVER!!!!
Roses? No...

Cook her/him din din? No...

Holding hands in shit? Nigga...

Candles n shit? HELL NO!

No being romantic n shit with your side piece/piecer...keep in mind...this person has a man/woman for that shit. They want hugs and cuddles (beyond the all good "we just got through having the most beastly sex ever" cuddle afterwards) they go to their signifigant other for that.

If they EVER ask you for any of that shit...you quickly jab them in the throat. Why? It stops them instantly from talking...then commence to banging/getting banged out...

The only reason why body oils are okay is cause shiny=better. Have you ever seen a good leg? Like a real good leg? Now throw some baby oil gel on that hoe...even better right?? I know...visually pleasing to the eye...us men need filth...it works for us.

4) PDA...Unless it stands for Putting D in A that's a no Bob!

Yes...remember when I said you have the first initial date (which has to be in a duck off spot...cant be all in public "Oooh lets go the History Museum on a saturday afternoon". Quick easy way to get shot at).

So while yall out on this date, yall might be geling together...but whatever you do NO PDA NIGGA!!!!! EVER!!!! PDA stands for Public Display of Affection, which means you are putting your stamp on your human to the world as "Dih Me!" if you from the hood or "This person is mines. And mines only" if you are a refined nigga such as my handsome self.

And all of those things are WRONG...you are the d***/Vageen in the glass case. You were broken because of an emergency...now, handle your business in a timely and excelent manner. You were chosen for a mission...do your country proud...and by country...I mean that ass.

5) NO OVERLY LONG PHONE CONVERSATIONS...EVER!!!

real rap...doing the whole boo/boo baby shit on the phone...NO.

This is completely lust filled...so conversations should be no longer than 5 minutes AT THE MOST. Matter of fact...TEXT messages only. And text with nasty dirty stuff are the best...motivate your side piece/piecer to drop what they are doing and come do the grown up with you. And if they dont respond, dont get mad...go back to rule number 1...

and finally

6) THANKS FOR THE EGGS...DEUCES!

Yall done the deed...it was amazing just like you knew it would be. Now what to do you ask? Go to sleep? No.

PEACE THE FUCK OUT...

flat out.

A little cuddle time...but know you have other obligations with another person...so to keep ish from being messy...ROLL OUT. And for extra on the reality check...leave a $20 on the nightstand...

Why? It keeps the reality of the game there...you are a WHORE to me lmfao.

Now if you follow all of these steps correctly, you will be in a very successful side piece relationship/non relationship. To play this game you gotta have a strong ass chin and a cold heart. If you dont have any of these...there is no need to play...

If you cant do it, stay your ass alone, or with your mate...cause things can get real messy...REAL MESSY.

There will be a part two to this...I'm sure...when I feel like talking more on it...

But talk amongst yourselves...lol

HUNNED!!!

-Majorz

Icy Mike: Dear Vegan

***lol my dude Icy Mike at icymike.blogspot.com decided to get all indignant against Vegans...now I'm not saying that I share the same sentiments, but I mean...I really cant argue with the man...he has damn good points. Here's his blog called "Dear Vegan"***

Your cause is lame. Seriously you folks just need to like off yourself extra quick. You folks are so self-righteous, condescending and hypocritical it's crazy. Hardly any of you are truly healthy and take all kinds of herbal remedies and shit just to make up for what you are missing from meat. I know you folks crave meat otherwise places like Soul Vegetarian wouldn't exist, there food is like hard bread tofu protein and shit like that and fake meat like shit. Trust me on this your body actually craves that stuff, you are an omnivore after check the teeth in your mouth. The only thing worse then that shit is feeding your pet a vegetarian diet. Are you fucking retarded they are carnivores you asshole check there teeth.

You also if you are so concerned about the environment don't wear clothing from any store, knit your self a pair of trousers from all the weed you grow you douche. Also don't be all high and mighty when it comes to your car either. Dip shit you are still driving a car simple and plain. Stop acting like you really care about shit when all you care about is yourself. If you did care about others you wouldn't be so pushy with your beliefs, like the way you would get mad if a Mormon did the same shit to you. Yours is a belief not a proven scientific fact.

You are so concerned about the treatment of these animals and I say who gives a fuck they are live stock and stupid they have been bred for us to consume. What you want to put farmers of all kinds, butchers, grocery stores, slaughter houses out of business because of your belief? What a selfish cunt you are. You would rather give better treatment to these dumb animals then you would to undocumented workers, and gays, sounds pretty fucked up.

So, you might be asking what am I exactly saying. I am saying go live in the forest and live off of twigs and berries and see how long you last with out meat. Also shut the fuck up about organic anything, people have been doing quite well without all this extra labeling and shit. The next time I hear one of you douche fucks ask about organic wine or beer I'm going to kill you on spot…….that shit is poison when it becomes alcohol you fucking dummy.

Sincerely,

Icy Mike

***Van Laughs Hard, then waits for the drama that is about the ensue from this post***

**Question of the Day**

^^ Cause yall know how I LOVE my beckys...

Okay, I know my stance on this, but lets see what yall think on it. Do women REALLY want to know the truth to the questions they ask men?

I want yall to truthfully answer this question yo...