is there anybody out there?

doubtful.
there were very few out there when i wrote this damned thing full time. but, maybe...just maybe...there are some scragglers who check this thing in the hopes that i'll come back. today is your lucky day, you sick puppies (just as today is a shitty day for all editors...you thought you were rid of me. well, think again douchebags!) -- seems i'm back.

of course, my mother is probably the only one who checks this thing anymore. so, HI MOM! love you.

so, what brought about this ignominious return?
well, my good friend Hosho McCreesh informed me, a week ago, that it had been a full year since i hung up my spurs for the soft days of margaritas and 'smores. i hadn't realized. seems like it's been both longer and shorter than that. either way, a year is a long time and i've used it to recharge, to think, to learn, to read all the shit being published out there by all those poemwhore hacks and i realized i needed to rejoin the fray. a sort of attempt to clean up this mess.
just kidding. sorta. but not really.

anyway, lots of shit has happened in the intervening year. maybe i'll get to it in future posts. maybe not. i'm sure i'll hit some of it (like my many trips to Luxembourg and Tangiers and Laos, all the bands i hung out with while they were on tour, all the novels i wrote and won Pulitzers and Nobels for, all the concept cars i helped design and got to drive...maybe i'll get to all that if i have time and run out of interesting stuff to talk about).

what's that? i've dodged the question long enough, you say?
well, the answer is yes. i'm writing again, though haltingly and sparingly, but that's okay. i've become the Stuart Smalley of the small press world. (you remember him, right? i'm good enough, i'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.) only my mantra is: i'm sick, i'm tired and doggone it, shut the fuck up because i just don't have the time for your incessant whining you fucking, little pansy! oh, and you smell.
i've also decided to give myself a break, and vowed to not put so much pressure on myself to create. i'd lost the enjoyment of writing poetry and when that happened it was only a matter of time before i quit. i'm looking to rediscover that enjoyment again. so far, so good.

work sucks. thought i'd throw that in there. hate it. wish it didn't exist. hate most of the fools there. Utah is a spectacular place, but it sure does breed it's fair (or more than fair) share of weird, foolish, socially-inept people. happens to be that a majority of them work at my company. lucky me.

what else? not much. just glad to be back. and hope to slowly get back into the scene. hope you saved a spot for me.

the faux moral high ground (UPDATED)

today, we're going to learn about civility, folks.

there is an odd quality in some folks where they feel they can say or do anything and not deal with the repercussions. and some even get indignant at the fact that anyone else retaliates or gets angry at what they do.

let me posit an example:
say someone (we'll call him Steve) spits in another person's face (we'll call him Mark). Mark did nothing to provoke something as insulting as being spat in the face, yet Steve goes ahead and does it. Mark, as a result, gets angry and calls Steve a name (or spits back in his face, or clocks him one). Steve suddenly gets angry at Mark for reacting; for defending himself. Steve is aghast that Mark would even be upset at being spat at.
someone like Steve would say, "i'm sorry you're angry that i spat in your face." NOT "i'm sorry i spat in your face." the difference is huge. and it's telling of Steve's maturity level. in the first instance there is no real apology, merely more insults and aggression.

Steve has no right taking the moral high ground in this situation. yet, i've seen it happen a lot: at work, i've seen it happen amongst "alleged" friends, i've even had it happen to me (and recently). most of the people in this world understand we live in a civilized society, and are not Steves; but there are still enough Steves out there to make our lives miserable. we need fewer Steves and more Marks.
dissent is fine. argument is fine. but, when ad hominem and epithets start flying, it can get ugly; yet when the one who starts the ugliness suddenly becomes indignant that the other responds in kind we have chaos.

"you're stupid."
"well, you're ugly."
"why are you calling me ugly?"
"because you called me stupid."
"i can't believe you got mad at that."
"then apologize to me."
"i'm sorry you got mad that i called you stupid."
"that's not an apology."

i'm sure you've had experiences with Steves before, too.
all we can do is call them on their arrogance and rudeness, then cut all ties. life is far too short to deal with juvenile adults. it's hard enough dealing with mature adults.


UPDATE: in the above example, let's say Steve and Mark are carpenters and Steve, before the argument and subsequent spitting, told Mark that he respects Mark's abilities as a carpenter (and it was genuine). then, suppose, after Steve spat in Mark's face he goes back to his previous comment of "respecting" Mark, further driving Steve's indignation that Mark is upset at Steve. after all, he respects Mark.

well, i for one would hate to see how Steve would've treated Mark had he NOT respected him so.

i add this update because this is an important part of the faux moral high ground. a compliment will be paid just before, or during, an insulting or derogatory action to "lessen the blow", or to set up the oncoming indignation.

aren't people just the best?