signs of the times

It's been a very long time since I had a good ole grammar grump. This one I've been sitting on for more than six weeks, waiting for a time when I remembered AND was sitting near the computer.


When I shot this, there was a man in a yellow hard hat mixing cement in front, and I deliberately avoided looking at him so I wouldn't see the what a weirdo look.

This one doesn't really have any incorrect grammar but it also tickled my funny bone -- from the bathroom of the Nova Scotia inn I stayed at not long ago:


And finally, another treat from Nova Scotia, with many thanks to Mad for telling me about it:

New word of the day?

Today's malapropism, brought to you by Cinnamon Gurl:

"This version incorpasses all the changes."

Huh?

I won't tell you where the bathroom was that I saw this in, because I don't want to get dooced.

But, seriously?

1. From William Safire's Fumblerules: No sentence fragments. (Along with my fave, "I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, avoid hyperbole.")

2. "Complaints relative to hygiene"? What's wrong with "about"? Has it gone out of fashion?

3. Are they monitoring cleanliness from closed circuit televisions?!? Why do they even need this sign in the first place?

Boogie Man

Right back atcha, Denguy

*******************************

The other morning, I was catching up on bloglines (like we ever can) while Sugar Daddy fed Swee'pea breakfast. I heard him exclaiming about something.

Oh... he's got a HUGE boogie. I. must. get. it.

So Sugar Daddy dug in, and Swee'pea resisted and started to cry a bit and finally:

Aha!

Ewwwwwww!

It's so big it's not even satisfying. It's just gross.

**************************************

Yesterday I was catching up at Sweet Juniper, and he linked to babylegs a while back. I guess that's where they get Juney's tights, which I have LONG admired. So now I'm trying to figure out how I can dress Swee'pea in those tights. They do have boys with shorts and tights in the pictures, but with summer on the way, have I missed the boat? Do I just have to wait till fall now?

Also, I'm all for bending our baby gender rules, and it seems like it would just be an extension of the tie-dye and leopard print I already dress him in, but I'm second guessing myself now.

What do you think? Adorable? Or better start saving for his therapy?

Whip it good

Today, my work group had a little celebratory lunch to pat ourselves on the back. On the way to the restaurant, we saw this lovely example of the photographic store's apostrophe:


(sorry for the piss-poor exposure and composition, but I only had my cell phone with me. Plus... I was hungry)

At lunch, we were each given a little card with quotes of the nice little things we'd each written anonymously about each other last week. It was really nice to read nice things about myself. But then I became aware of a theme emerging from some of the comments about me. Apparently, I have a bit of a reputation around my team. For, among the "approachable," "fun to have around," and "likes brown A LOT," were:

"Our grammar queen who keeps us on the straight and narrow"

and

"hardcore with grammar"

I swear I'm not making this up. It totally makes me want to start showing up to work wearing a black patent leather skin tight outfit, knee-high boots and carrying a long whip. Just call me the Grammar Dominatrix.

Sunday Miscellaneous

Grammar Grump

It's been a long time since I played the Grumpy Grammar Gus. But this morning I saw two signs seeking to bring my grammar grump out of retirement.


What if I don't want to smoke salmon?


I guess spelling isn't their strong point


Just in case you didn't catch it in the wider view... I think it should be psychedelic?

Public Service Announcement:

Also, I have another public service announcement to offer: Latino's in G-town has FANTASTIC chicken fajitas. Now, I'm not a fajita connoisseur. Until three years ago, I hated sweet peppers, so much that I used to get mad at my roommate for eating them because her green pepper breath was overwhelming to my delicate olfactory senses. But then I discovered accidentally that roasted or grilled red peppers are actually quite good, especially with feta. So then I started letting red peppers in, which eventually became all kinds of sweet peppers in all kinds of dishes, and even, last summer, I ate a RAW red pepper. It was revolutionary.

Last night we went out to dinner, and I decided to give the fajitas a shot, and it was superb! AND Latino's uses organic meat from local business Rowe Farm Meats.

I haven't watched The Simpsons in a long time, but there are moments on it that are positively brilliant, that suggest to me that perhaps there IS such a thing as absolute Truth. Especially when Homer speaks. Once such Truth, for me, and it's been going through my head a lot since dinner last night, is, "Mmm, that [fill in your own blank] was SO good, I wish I were eating it RIGHT NOW!"

Saturday Morning at the Spa

I seem to be struggling with some blogger's block. I only want to write about the logistical crap I remain focused on. Today's it's daycare and the terrible things they feed the poor kids, and how they watch a movie every afternoon and crap like that. But... I think I may have found my hippie daycare provider. We still have to see her house and meet in person and everything, but talking on the phone was great. Their house/family is lacto-ovo vegetarian but she will feed your child meat if you supply it. We don't eat meat at home, so that won't be an issue. And she nursed her daughter until she was 3 1/2 and co-slept, so she understands where we're coming from and won't make Swee'pea cry it out for naps. Fingers crossed...

To avoid further boredom on subjects like this, I give you my Saturday morning laugh on the way to the Farmer's Market:

Saturday Morning at the Spa

First, the license plate made me cringe. Then I laughed at the fact that it was outside the European Aesthetics Spa. This morning, looking at the photo, I giggle at the sign's "Parking at Rear" right under the lady's rear.

It occurs to me that the license is a bit ambiguous. Does it mean there are 4 Hot Chicks in it? Or is the number meant to stand in for "for" and the driver is looking For Hot Chicks?

Sign Language

For your viewing pleasure, some signs from recent walks that either made me laugh or cringe.

I think this is an oxymoron, or irony or something like that... I wonder if they named their company with their tongue in their cheek? Or am I the one who giggles at this? I have for years... ever since my postcolonial lit prof explained what onanism is.

As a corporate communications specialist (the title sounds way more special than the job is), I am horrified... who approved this???

Isn't this discrimination? One bath house for the masses, and another for the mentally ill?

(Ok not really a sign but still...) I had no idea men's bowels differed from women's.



Dude, fix your sign!



Uh, ditto! (This place is actually still in business and was even open the very day I shot this.)


I was going to do a whole post about how much this misuse of the word alternate peeves me. But I thought I better check my sources because I had some niggling thought that perhaps it is an acceptable synonym for substitute, which it is. And in this case, it fits. But still, the wrongful substitution of alternate for alternative happens far too often. And I confess, I am a total fuddy duddy when it comes to certain questions of usage, grammar and style. And because I'm me, other questions of usage and grammar, don't bother me at all (some might call it hypocrisy or a double standard, but I don't really care). Lynne Truss hit the nail on the head when she said something about sticklers being unable to unite. The Grammar Puss's survey on grammatical pet peeves a while back was a case in point. Several of the peeves I found, er... well just peevish and unnecessary, like punctuation in emails (and blogs), while others made me enthuse, "Hell yes!" in my head.

Bonus Feature: Conversations with Random Strangers and a Baby

The other day (the day I shot the Biltmore Hat signs) I came upon a woman and several children. A girl, maybe about 5-ish, called out to me, "I like your hat!"

"Thanks, I like your hat too." (It was pink and fleece.)

"Can I look at your baby?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"It's a boy," I responded.

"Then why is he wearing a girl's outfit?"

(He was wearing the leopard print suit.) (I LOVE leopard print.) "Because his cousin gave it to us and it fits." (I had actually thought it was quite neutral. At least it wasn't pink. I'm still gonna keep dressing him in it...)

There's another conversation I'd like to tell you about but I gotta get outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Disappeared Comma

Disappeared Comma, originally uploaded by cinnamon gurl.

I didn't know "Damn It" was running... Seriously though, I support what I think is the intended message. Today is municipal election day. Vote, people!

The Bellydancer's Apostrophe?!?

Noooooooooooo......

This is by far the worst culprit I've seen. It's on a dvd case for God's sake! Irrevocable! And it really makes me so so so sad...

Today's laugh

Now I understand the purpose of a camera in your cell phone, especially since I figured out how to get the picture out of my cell phone. This made me laugh:


And, although it's extremely difficult to see in this photo (Sorry!), another example of the restauranteur's apostrophe (there is a tiny mark between the o and the s in Taco's. Trust me):

Sign Language

This made my day last week, except that it was so small:


And this awkward sign is just kinda weird:

Say that ten times fast...

Upon discussion, Sugar and I decided that it would be awkward to word it any other way though... "Park Parking Only" wouldn't be much clearer, nor would "Parking for the Park" or "Only Park for the Park." Seems to me the powers that be should consider just letting anybody park there. I mean, really, how would they know if you're actually in the park?

Is Customer the New Everyman?

As promised, the unveiling of the restauranteur's apostrophe, similar to its cousin, the greengrocer's apostrophe, but with more arbitrary capitalization and more of a sentence-like structure without any punctuation.

Grammar Grump

It's been a while since I last had a grammar grump. But thanks to Grammar Puss, I have discovered a new outlet for my literally pet peeve at Literally a Web Log. And I see in the sidebar there are lots of links for me to explore. Yippee!

The Greengrocer's Apostrophe Strikes Again

Ah, it's a beautiful autumn day and what a lovely display at the local independent grocery store.


Good thing this common error doesn't actually irritate me anymore... just makes me laugh that each watermelon quarter has its very own $1.99.

Purses and Handbags

Having grown up in South Africa, Dave uses a lot of British words and phrases, and some that are uniquely South African. They often provide us with misunderstandings and laughs. I never really thought about the word handbag until Dave said at the market yesterday, "Well, I noticed a handbag at that table so I figured it was taken." North Americans don't really talk about handbags; we talk about purses. But now that I've noticed, I've decided that handbag is a much nicer, much more appropriate term.

I've noticed on the British blogs that there is a lot of interest in shoes and handbags. Personally, I don't really share the interest (I'm more of a serial monogamist when it comes to shoes: I like good-quality, funky shoes but they have to be comfortable, and usually I'll wear one pair for months before a change of season forces me to choose another pair).

I don't really like carrying a purse, never really have. Ok, when I was a little girl, I loved wearing high heels and carrying purses. But during my teens and early twenties I only carried my wallet in my back pocket (aha! Maybe it's because I never wore skirts or dresses then, only jeans and later cords. Handbags or purses are only necessary if you wear skirts and makeup and need more than your wallet with you), then I graduated to a backpack.

My friend Heather gave me a furry purse at my bachelorette party where everyone had to bring something silly for me to wear at the bar. The purse originally carried a little stuffed dog (the ultimate accessory these days I guess) but I removed the dog and it's really been quite functional.

I carry this furry purse more often since having Ezra. It feels liberating on the rare occasions I don't have to carry spare diapers, wipes, something to wipe up spitup, a fresh change of clothes, etc. etc.

Anytime I have carried a purse (if I'm dressed up, the backpack just doesn't feel right), I always referred to it as my bag. A lot of my prejudice against purses has something to do with the name... maybe because purse is what you do with your lips when you're grumpy or taste something sour. Of course it's also what you do when you kiss someone or if you're Marilyn Monroe teaching someone to whistle. But purse really sounds like a grumpy word to me, not a sexy one.

Handbag is so much more precise than bag. If I ask someone to hand me my bag, often they look around for a backpack or grocery bag. Now I will say handbag and hope it spreads like a virus.

I'll be very interested if lynneguist examines the purse/handbag thing. In fact I may need to suggest it to him/her, along with a shameless invitation to read my blog.

Grammar Puss

I've already said how keen I am on British novels and now British blogs. Today's British blog is Grammar Puss. I looked at her blog a few days or a week ago but I think I caught her on a bad day because she was just writing about surveying her property or something. And I thought to myself, "Why call yourself the Grammar Puss if you don't write about grammar?" The name had really brought my expectations up and I was quite disappointed. But luckily I gave her another chance and went back there because it seems the posts I saw were an anomoly and now she's back to writing about grammar. Yay!

Ironic continued

Aha! His name is Ed Byrne.

Wow, I've never really used Wikipedia before but I've heard of it and it rocks. It has a great discussion of Alanis Morrisette's song, pointing out that the song itself is ironic because it doesn't actually contain irony.

Grammar Fiend

I've just finished reading a cheesy British novel (my favourite kind of novel for the last few years) with the following on its cover:

'Irresistible
romantic
seriously
funny'

First off, it annoyed me for its lack of punctuation (I loved Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss) but then I realized that seriously funny is a funny phrase. Kind of like pretty ugly. I think it might be ironic but even though I have an English degree, I find the concept of irony hard to pin down and I usually just avoid ever using the word for fear of misusing it. It's one of my pet peeves actually, other people misusing and overusing ironic. Though Alannis Morrisette provided great fodder for an Irish standup comic I once saw making up similar scenarios that would actually be ironic. (Wish I could remember his name because it was really funny... maybe I'll try to google him.)

Anyways, I'm a grammar fiend. And I have some pet peeves. Like when people misuse literally (As in: I literally laughed my guts out... if they weren't misusing the word that would be really messy). And this doesn't really count as a pet peeve because it makes me giggle so much and isn't nearly as widespread as the literally and ironic pet peeves but I worked with a woman who always said pacific instead of specific. Like "Let's be pacific" (why not be Atlantic?) and "Pacifically, we need to..." I had a really really hard time keeping a straight face in meetings with her.

So now I've identified myself as a grammar fiend but I'm also contradicting this announcement with all the grammar rules I've just broken in this post. And I'm completely unapologetic.

postscript: when I googled Irish stand up comic ironic, I found this blog, which included these gems in the comments from someone called Stef the engineer:

"Ironic" analysis. Yay! Mind you, there was an Irish comedian who did a great standup piece on this. Shame I can't remember his name.

and

I love Canadians, and Canada - it's like America with a healthcare system and better spelling. They do have a bit of a production line in angst ridden female singer-songwriters 'though (Sarah, Alanis, that 12 year old in the baggy trousers). Love 'em all. (Saw Alanis in concert once; like paying money to watch a nervous breakdown live on stage. I gather she's mellowed since then. Shame.)

I think I will need to explore that blog, Urban Chick, further because I just love British slang and humour - that's why I love British chicklit so much. I guess that's another contradiction in me: I have an English degree and can't stomach litrachuh anymore... Anyways, I'll keep looking the the Irish comic.