Of all the sensations that a person might feel, feeling inside of something or outside of something is the strongest and most central because it defines the person.
How to explain it in a way that is universal and can be recognised by everyone?
Longing
Longing indicates an as yet unsatisfied desire. If it is not strong it is not really a desire. We have many desires that are desires in name only. Our attachment to them is partial and relatively unimportant. We measure importance on a simple scale - how much does my continued existence depend upon it?
Desires that are desires in name only are like turning over stones on a beach. We have some small expectation of being rewarded or surprised. But we have also many other thoughts on our minds.
While turning over stones, looking for something good we can be asking in our minds, how far is it back to the car; will the water under the soles of my shoes get in and soak my feet; is the weather turning and should I make a move soon.
Then the suppressed questions that bother a person but which are so present that they are felt like a vague distaste or and itch - how much am I enjoying myself; to what extent am I filling in time like all the innumerable times that I have filled in time?
A real desire concentrates the mind and the emotions so that the object of the desire is the most important thing in existence.
I that state we know that everything will change for the worse if the attempt to achieve the desire is abandoned.
Being committed to achieving the desire is as important as achieving it.
The problem, and there is a problem, is to discern the desire that is so fulfilling that it will not be satiated once it is realised.
After all, we know that many desires that seemed important turn out to disappear with the wind once they are realised.
This is where the notion of inside and outside that is the title of this piece, becomes clearer. A lot of moving closer to the goal is based on faith. Knowledge and experience are there, but until a person has rebuilt themself from the inside out and stands on his or her own two feet, fully committed to the goal before them because they have tasted what it feels like standing there and experiencing, then they are not fully experiencing. That is not to say that they have nothing.
They have sparks of understanding and feeling. They are more committed than they were. With every step they are more committed than they were But there is a world of difference between that, and of being rebuilt from the ground up. Then it is true to say that the desire is inside them and they are inside the desire, inside to the point the person and the desire and the goal are one.
Who doesn't want it? In this 'so-so' life where things are 'kind of interesting'?
And who doesn't fear it because of what he feels he may have to leave, give up?
What is at risk here? Independence?
I am going to detour for a while and come around to answer the question of what is at risk?
Looking at human progress, the pace of change has increased and increased ever more quickly. The changes in the past hundred years are phenomenal compared to the previous hundred years, and to the hundred years before that. And when we go back only a few steps it seems like everything was static for generations.
After the horrors of the Second World War, the European Powers declared basic human rights. The very fact that they felt they had to, was to counter the 'I was only following orders' defence of those on trial for war crimes. Under this new rule, a person could not claim that they had to follow someone else when to do so was against their conscience.
At the same time, over the next decades up to the present it has become at the very least unfashionable to claim authority over another human being. Of course we have laws and we give authority to judges, and policemen, and tax inspectors, and driving test examiners. But outside of this, each person is his or her own moral conscience.
Along with that, God and a transcendent or higher authority is no longer there. For some it is an absurd universe that just 'exists'. For others, scientists, what we don't know today we will know tomorrow.
Whichever way we look at it, we know that in this modern world, for those who do not acknowledge a higher authority, then any claim to a higher authority is seen as oppresive and esentially meaningless.
So now, to circle back to the question of what is at risk when a person and their desire and the goal become one, what is at risk is the individual's claim to be king.
It is so very convenient for a person to be able to deny a higher authority because to do so is an almost perfect mask for selfishness.
Don't try this at home.
Don't try this, not in actuality. Just imagine you hold your breath for fifteen minutes.
You would be dead.
You are not king and nor am I. We are totally and completely dependent on the environment around us.
So where do we get the idea that we are top of the totem pole?
It is the voice inside that tells us that we are the king, that we are the most precious, that you and you alone must be and will be at the head of the line for whatever is being handed out.
And if we have concealed that under a veneer of civility, it is because we know that this is the way to achieve the most harmony among people with least risk to ourselves. We have learned to be more clever in achieving our objectives.
And underneath the harmony, if harmony is shattered, there is terrifying destruction. We know it is there. In some parts of the world the illusion of peace holds and in other places the reality of aggression and destruction has come marching in, breaking up everything in its path. Then we see that peace is precious but the peace that can be broken is not built on capable enough foundations.
What is at risk in fulfilling a desire that can truly say that the person, the desire, and the goal are one, is selfishness. That truth is contained in one statement in the Old Testament: 'Love your neighbour as yourself'
Who is your neighbour? He or she is the person who agrees that this is the way to open a door to a shared reality that is effectively the Garden of Eden.
It is not - what is mine is mine and I will respect what is yours is yours. That has never worked. Sooner or later by luck or skill the table will be tilted in one person's favour and soon the more favoured will rule the other.
What the rule is, is the opposite of this - it is that what is yours is yours and what is mine is yours because I care for your welfare and much as my own and as much as you do. And you do the same for me.
And if we gather together then the flame of desire will be stronger than that of any one of us and we can all stand together like a rope made of many strings.
The most pressing need for a person who feels that need, that desire, is to find like-minded people and put himself in that environment.