Every time I write these blogs it reminds me of my 10-year-old self and her deep dark diary thoughts also the show gossip girl lmao xoxo. Okay, let me be serious for once anyways! I am going to assume most of you visiting this website, are either A. Nosy, B. Nosy, Or C. Nosy. Cause I mean come on! What are blogs for?? Personally, I hate oversharing but this is the only way. Okay okay, let me get real!!! Aughh anyways You probably know me from either high school, one quick conversation I held with you, Instagram, or temple university, or you probably never met me.
When I was 9-10 years old, I use to get on the internet and find little ways of opening myself/expressing myself to the world. I tend to talk a lot like a lot! I grown up to realized, It is apart of my ADHD. I would also communicate on things that didn’t come out right to others unless I wrote it down. I like talking but people would make me feel less for talking too much (I get it tho Gemini’s can be annoying). It always took me a long time to express exactly what I want in a given moment unless I would type it out. My English teacher in high school use to tell me “you write like how you talk”. It may be due trauma or just who I am who knows.
I have to admit once I got older it really did fucked me up and my mental capacity and turned me into a straighttt psychopath. I always had this debate to myself is the internet raising crazy children? I feel as though it is always good to express yourself but to a certain extent. When I was 10, I did not have any friends like any! My mom high-key let me be in the house all fucking day and be on the computer and watch cartoons. It was so time consuming but yet I will search up a lot of things! Like alott of conspiracy things. Search up things that frighten me. Try to access the Dark web shit you name it. I know it. I felt like I was alienated tryna to understand human consumption. I was definitely in my Fifth element era.
Growing up both in Southwest Philadelphia/Kingsessing (which is the most dangerous area back then), and moving to North Philadelphia. I did nott have thee bestt home life. I was surrounded by 9 children, my mother raised therefore, many different personalities and traumas. I mean if you have common sense growing up in the most dangerous place in Philadelphia back in 2000s was not the best scenery. My mother and father taught us to be cold hearted/cold blooded in a world full of wolves that will eat you alive. It was all good intentions and awareness. You couldn’t be walking around the streets stupid and off guard. This is why I am too “hood” around my new age/generation amongst my peers at temple university. Only because you spoiled rottens kids would not understand the shit. I still question why tf y’all niggas move to the hood for what? the experience?!
anyways
Growing up in that setting, the computer was the only way for escapism from my toxic environment. However, whenever it was night time and my mother told me to shut the computer down, once I step away from being on the computer all day. I started to see my mother as figure instead of a human being in front of me. It made me sad to think I don’t see my mother as a person but as a object like as if she didn’t exist.
If you don’t realize being on the internet all day for a child is not okay nor good nor healthy. It fucks up their brain and vision. Everytime I would step away from the computer, I would not know reality. Like at all, I would not know the difference between my reality and imagination but hey it made me a talented fucking artist in the end lol. Internet use is a powerful commmunication tool that we adore. Without the internet we wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything. However, the internet is boring as fuck to me. I feel like I am absolutely an alien both on social media and in reality however, in my imagination is where I am most at home and true to myself. Plus I was born June 22nd (haha my mom use to say it is a satan day) therefore, cusps so cancer and gemini. Gemini’s are known to be very very smart and crazy and chaotic but we are the most fun and the most charming lol plus I am a cancer so that makes me 10x times more fucking horrible. In the zodiac, there’s a two side charts: cusps and sidereal charts. On my sidereal chart I am who I am born with: all gemini. Sun And moon is cancer and gemini that is finalized or maybe I am mostly gemini. Therefore, I am born unstable. I have a god complexity along with a sensitive side with a big ego of asshole-ness. Once I get hurt and lied to, I want to die in people’s figment of their imagination.
Once I got older and into the real world. I noticed how I had to adapt/blend/ be a chameleon more to my surroundings and my environment and seem “normal” to my peers. Yet, in the end I will always feel disconnected. It’s like the internet is my only resource of relatable communication if that makes sense. I would search random shit from the slightest interaction and ask if that was okay to act like that and it would drive more insane. I would ask myself why tf humans act so weird? Like what are yall fighting for? I be questioning am I even human? Because it is so weird how people communicate. I be wondering if it is genuine? Or just them being their true selves? I would analyze every little bit of answer and behavior. It is confusing how I see things also controversial but it is what I feel
Money, sex, realtionships, fame, power, drugs, mental illness/brain thinking, social life/friends, daily activites/productvity/work, and lastly spirituality is all fucking pointless to me. It just don’t click in my head. Capitalism trains us to work till we die? In the end. What if I just wanted to go eat berries on a island and paint. Anyways one expection on planet earth that I adore is art! I am not that much of a psychopath. I see everything as art like literally everything. Once I grew conscious at age 5, I adore more love for colors and structure. If only I can be metaphysical for this to make sense.
I can’t absolutely changed the way I grew up however I can adapt to it and just go with the flow. I have to deal with the fact that the internet exists! And it will forever will. It is infinite. I have big dreams ahead of me since this is what I am here for. However, dreams require money unfortunately. I want to just travel and make art 😛 is that too much to ask for?
If you study astral projection, you will know aliens may be among us. I always felt like I was a alien and my energy around others brings “out of this world” type of vibes. As a ailen, I dislike being known, I dislike being around people that think they know me or the way my brain works cause trust me we are not the same lol. This is a joke but at the same time not a joke. I hope to entertain more on this subject and about my daily thoughts because I really do have weird thoughts that I want to express. I hope you find this interesting and stick around. Other than that, have a great day!
P.s. I plan on sharing more of my artworks projects that I have going in the works
Alien Nage 
