Coconuts and Easter

When I attended my most recent LDS young widows and widowers conference a few weeks ago, someone there asked me how I can continue doing my nightly "daddy stories" with the boys--or more specifically, how do I come up with different "new" stories. While there are some stories that are repeated fairly often (camping trips and Disneyland trips are some of those that the boys ask me for rather frequently...), I guess it is my strange brain that stores a lot of long term memories that comes up with new stories that are a bit dusty. For that, I'm grateful.

Tonight, as part of our Easter festivities, I decided to make a bunny cake with the boys. They thought this was pretty fabulous. We got out some coconut for the ears of the bunny, and as we started talking about what an actual coconut is like, I remembered an experience with Adam. Of course.

When Adam started applying for residency programs, knowing that he would be doing a lot of traveling, he was smart and got a special points credit card that basically gave us a lot of hook ups. We paid bills with this card and would just pay it off monthly simply to rack up points. When we bought our house, we went through the card's company that hooked us up with a realtor here. In the end, we "earned" ourselves a free stay at a Hilton resort by using this card. We decided on a trip to Barbados.

Being settled by the British, in Barbados they drive on the left side of the road and the driver's seat is on the right side of cars. We (ok, Adam) rented a car anyway (what a rush!) and drove ALL OVER that island. We read books about all the the hidden places and best beaches. We went everywhere. It really was a trip of a lifetime. And since I was 8 or so weeks pregnant was Carson, I suppose he got to travel with us!

One day, we got up early and drove to this one beach that was supposed to be the best kept secret. It was gorgeous. I have pictures that don't do the place justice. I've never seen anything like it elsewhere. The most white beach and the most aqua water ever. Giant tall palm trees. It was this little cove, like a little hideout. But. A few minutes after we arrived, there was a "local" that showed up. All of a sudden he started digging, sort of like a dog would do, throwing back sand between his legs behind him. We were very puzzled, watching this, trying to figure out what he was digging for. Then all of a sudden, out came a giant conch shell out of the ground. He had hidden it there and was selling it at a stand that he had started up the hill where we had parked our car (we bought a mini-sized one to take home before our trip was done). Then he started gathering coconuts. As we lay under these giant palm trees, we saw a coconut drop within probably 25 feet from us from the top of one of these trees. It startled us and we joked the rest of the day how that would've been a weird way to die--by a coconut.

I always look at coconut differently now.

Barbados was one of my favorite times with Adam. I'm grateful we took the time to nurture our relationship and gave it the time to strengthen and grow. In some strange way that I can't really verbalize, I feel our relationship growing stronger since his passing. Sort of an absolute strength that means much more eternally to me.

On this Easter day, I reflect on the gratitude that I have for my Savior Jesus Christ. I thought I understood the atonement and His resurrection before Adam died. But now I feel this absolute dependence on the Savior and understanding that surpasses what I knew then. Having my eternal companion on the other side creates this dependence on the Savior that somehow completes my understanding of the WHY for our need for the Savior. He is about repentance. But He is about families. It is God's way and design that we are to be an eternal unit. It is His ultimate love that allows us this blessing and it is why we are designed to be in family units. We are not complete without the binding that links us fully to God. Today I am grateful for the resurrection of the Savior and the reminder that I need to keep trying, to try anew each day to do and be better. It is probably a good thing that I'm never fully satisfied with my life--the need to make constant progress is important. However, stopping to acknowledge the random coconuts and things that we have no control over is important in this progression in life.