"Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience."

-Elder Bednar, October 2013, "The Windows of Heaven"

How to Doubt

I've been feeling really stressed out lately about EVERYTHING. Graduation, my wedding, moving to New York City, feminism, gay marriage, etc. I have been asking a lot of questions about what I believe and how I can know God's will for me. 

Last night before I went to bed I read a talk from the last General Conference by the Relief Society President, Linda K. Burton. I've found that reading about Jesus Christ to reconcile these issues brings me more peace than anything else. I really loved her talk as she focused on the Atonement of Jesus Christ and asks the critical question of whether or not it is written in our hearts. One of my favorite parts of her talk was a quote from  Elder Dallin H. Oaks that says:

 “Our needed conversions are often achieved more readily by suffering and adversity than by comfort and tranquility.”

I thought about that as I was falling asleep and what it means in my life. It seems to me that the fact that I am thinking about so many things that I have never thought about and doubting a few things which I have never doubted in my entire life right before I am going to go through the temple and get married (two of the most important ordinances in the Church) sucks. It's not ideal, you know? Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why couldn't this have happened like a year or two ago? Then I could have at least talked to Abby about it. And maybe I could have resolved everything by now."

This time has been both intensely spiritual and extremely confusing. But when I read this quote I realized a few things. 

1) I NEED to be converted again. I have been converted before, but I believe conversion is a lifelong process that should happen continually throughout our lives. A change of heart is not a one time thing. I think if it was, there wouldn't be that whole "endure to the end" bit. Alma said, "...If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?" (Alma 5:26)

2) My needed conversion is NOT going to be comfortable. It's not going to come through attending a testimony meeting in my singles ward. It's not going to come through watching a single Mormon Messages video. It's not going to come by just relying on my testimony from years past. Despite this I know that it will come. It will come through communion with God, and a deep commitment to Him and to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Asking him sincere questions and having the faith to receive an answer. Having the faith to accept God's will for me and my family. Like Elder Oaks said it will likely be through suffering and adversity, but I have decided that if that is God's plan for me and if it's going to make me a stronger, more faithful person then so be it.

A few weeks ago I read a talk from Terryl Givens, a Mormon scholar and professor of literature and religion at University of Richmond who also wrote the book The God Who Weeps. The talk is called "Letter to a Doubter" and it was give at a fireside to a single adult stake in Palo Alto, CA. Read it. Seriously. He writes so beautifully. Here are a few quotes from it that I love, most of them are not his words but are cited in the talk.

"Finally, find solace in what I have called the fellowship of the desolate. With Mother Teresa, who said, 'I am told God lives in me and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.' … 'Heaven from every side is closed.'"

“I will tell you that I am a child of this century, a child of disbelief and doubt. I am that today and will remain so until the grave. How much terrible torture this thirst for faith has cost me and costs me even now, which is all the stronger in my soul the more arguments I can find against it. And yet, God sends me sometimes instants when I am completely calm; at those instants I love and feel loved by others, and it is at those instances that I have shaped for myself a Credo where everything is clear and sacred for me. This Credo is very simple, here it is: to believe that nothing is more beautiful, profound, sympathetic, reasonable, manly and more powerful than Christ." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

“God allows spiritual peaks to subside into (often extensive) troughs in order for ‘servants to finally become Sons,’ ‘stand[ing] up on [their] own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish… growing into the sort of creature He wants [them] to be.’” 

-C.S. Lewis

A quick thought

This morning I was reading Elder Craig C. Christensen's talk from the last General Conference when I stumbled upon this quote:

The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead, and, as such, like God the Father and Jesus Christ, He knows our thoughts and the intents of our hearts. The Holy Ghost loves us and wants us to be happy. Since He knows the challenges we will face, He can guide us and teach us all things we must do to return and live with our Heavenly Father once again.

For some reason I had never thought of the Holy Ghost as someone who loves us and knows us just like Heavenly Father and Jesus, although it makes perfect sense. Amazing! I am so thankful for the gift of the Holy Ghost and the blessing it has been in my life.

Have a wonderful day! 

I love bees and General Conference

"Only when our testimony transcends what is in our mind and burrows deep into our heart will our motivation to love and to serve become like unto the Savior’s. It is then, and only then, that we become deeply converted disciples of Christ empowered by the Spirit to reach the hearts of our fellowmen."
-Elder M. Russell Ballard, Be Anxiously Engaged

Word Vomit and Emotions. Beware.

I haven't been having the best time.

Ever since I got back from Spain it seems like one thing after another has just been getting me down. Every day is an emotional roller coaster, and we're talking..Raging Bull, not California Screamin'. As soon as I got back I started working full time, I quit diet coke (always a nightmare), started eating healthier (love/hate), and signed up for two online classes. I know that I can handle all of that, but in the moment that it was all happening at once I was miserable.

Some days were good but I felt really alone. In Spain, all my friends were around me all the time. There was never nothing to do. I had NO responsibility except a little bit of homework every now and then. I took a nap or went for a walk to the store almost every day, took the train to Madrid, had free access to all of Madrid's best museums, the best chocolate and gelato in the world were at my fingertips, I flew to Portugal with my boyfriend and friends for a weekend and went to the beach, I made best friends with my host mom, and drove all over Spain with 35 hilarious and amazing people on a huge red bus..life was SO easy. I knew my life would never be exactly like that again, but I didn't know coming back would be so hard!

So I had nothing to do, no job, and no car for a week right when I got back. Then I went back to work for a week, and then my family came to visit me for a week. I had so much fun with them but as soon as they left on Saturday night I was immediately lonely again. And really, really sad for the whole next day. But then I felt somewhat better again...I just kept going up and down a lot.

I'm not trying to complain or feel sorry for myself and I actually hate writing about this because I am mostly a happy and hilarious human. But I think this part of my life, even though I don't love it, is really important. I was talking to my friend Britton on the phone last night, and I hadn't talked to him in forever. The conversation I had with him had a much bigger impact on me than any of the conversations I have had in the past couple of weeks when talking to people about my problems. I have known for at least two weeks what I need to do to be happy, but I couldn't bring myself to take the time to humble myself and actually do it.

"When you feel sad and alone, instead of getting on facebook and looking at pictures from Spain, or texting your mom or texting Abby, or going to get a diet coke, or baking cookies or something, get on your knees and say a prayer. You are turning everywhere except to Heavenly Father, and none of those other things are going to bring you happiness and peace."

Well, don't know how he knew all the stuff I do when I am sad, but he was right. I know that these couple of months before school starts are really important and that I am having struggles because I need to draw closer to Heavenly Father so that I can grow and become what He wants me to be.

I have a lot to be thankful for and so much to look forward to...but I'm trying really hard not to wish my days away. (I want to FFW soooooooo baaaaaadddddddd)

Trust

"To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what he is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it. We are like infants in our understanding of eternal matters and their impact on us here in mortality. Yet at times we act as if we knew it all." -Elder Richard G. Scott

Read the entire talk here. One of my favorites ever.

90 things

via

Write ten physical abilities you are grateful for.

Dancing

Running

Singing

EATING

Reading

Writing

Affection

5 senses

Laughing

Hair (that counts, yeah?)

Write ten material possessions you are grateful for.

Bed

Cell Phone

Boots

House

Jewelry

Books

Clothes

Computer

Car

iPod

Write ten living people you are grateful for.

Mom

Dad

Siblings

Abby

McKenzie

Baylie

Veronica

Nana

Grandpa

Gran

Write ten things about nature you are grateful for.

Beach

Ocean

Mountains

Trees

Sunshine

Dogs

Fruits

Vegetables

Rivers

Sunsets

Write ten things about today you are grateful for.

American Studies

York

Friday

My job at IS

Chewing gum

Waking up on time

Finals weeks

The stage

Exhibits in the HFAC

Baking

Write ten places on earth you are grateful for.

Richland

Chicago

Downers Grove

Moscow

Provo

Salt Lake

Disneyland

JFSB

The Outer Banks

Hawai'i

Write ten modern inventions you are grateful for.

Phone

Couch (?)

Vending Machines

Elevators

Airplanes

Curling Iron

Wikipedia

Cameras

Twitter

Movies

DVR

Write ten foods you are grateful for.

Pickles

Diet Coke

Peanut Butter

Sammy's Banana Cream Pieshake

Sticky Bun Ice Cream

Burgers

Tomatoes Tomatoes Tomatoes

Chocolate

Milk

Quinoa

Write ten things about the gospel you are grateful for.

Jesus Christ

Love of God

Holy Ghost

Temples

Book of Mormon

Other Scriptures

Prophets and Apostles

Missionaries

Visiting/Home Teaching

Tithing

I love how 10/01/11 looks.

So to be perfectly honest (I usually am. Much to your chagrin, I'm sure.) General Conference could not have come at a better time.

I am going crazy! School is starting to get out of control, my emotions are out of control as per usual, my dating life has YET to get off the ground (don't worry it's only been 4 years since I got dating rights), and I either have no appetite or eat compulsively. I live in a world of extremes, people. And I love my job but sometimes I have to be the bearer of bad news (You failed your final exam three times...so you need to pay for the class again if you want credit.) and that part really is terrible.

OH AND IIIIII'M SORRY BUT PUMPED UP KICKS IS ABOUT A KID BRINGING A GUN TO SCHOOL. LET'S ALL ROMP AROUND AND SING THIS SONG YEAH TOP DOWN SUMMER JAMZ! No. Just, no. I'm mad.

But anyway. It seems like every day for the past week I have just been going about my normal day and then I have a mini emotional/ethical/identity crisis and I just feel so overwhelmed and terrrrrrible.

Fortunately for me (and you and the entire world), General Conference is the best. It makes me feel okay even if it's only for two hours at a time. And I want to quote President Uchtdorf's talk from this morning but it's not up yet. But I loved this quote from his talk at the General Relief Society meeting.

"...If we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us.

This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life.

The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy." -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Hopefully I will wake up on Monday with the resolve to stop freaking out and start seeing the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around me ALL the time. (I have the resolve now but that's because it's the weekend and it's not real life.) And also hopefully I will actually do it. As a side note, I totally predicted the temple in Wyoming. In case you were wondering.

I LOVE this story

Late one evening on a Pacific isle, a small boat slipped silently to its berth at the crude pier. Two Polynesian women helped Meli Mulipola from the boat and guided him to the well-worn pathway leading to the village road. The women marveled at the bright stars, which twinkled in the midnight sky. The moonlight guided them along their way. However, Meli Mulipola could not appreciate these delights of nature—the moon, the stars, the sky—for he was blind.

Brother Mulipola’s vision had been normal until a fateful day when, while working on a pineapple plantation, light turned suddenly to darkness and day became perpetual night. He was depressed and despondent until he learned the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. His life was brought into compliance with the teachings of the Church, and he once again felt hope and joy.

Brother Mulipola and his loved ones had made a long voyage, having learned that one who held the priesthood of God was visiting among the islands of the Pacific. He sought a blessing, and it was my privilege, along with another who held the Melchizedek Priesthood, to provide that blessing to him. As we finished, I noted that tears were streaming from his sightless eyes, coursing down his brown cheeks and tumbling finally upon his native dress. He dropped to his knees and prayed: “O God, Thou knowest I am blind. Thy servants have blessed me that my sight might return. Whether in Thy wisdom I see light or whether I see darkness all the days of my life, I will be eternally grateful for the truth of Thy gospel, which I now see and which provides the light of my life.”

He rose to his feet and, smiling, thanked us for providing the blessing. He then disappeared into the still of the night. Silently he came; silently he departed. But his presence I shall never forget. I reflected upon the message of the Master: “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

-As told by President Monson in his talk, Be of Good Cheer. April 2009 GC.

Post-Sunday stress disorder

I have a problem about any day after Sunday. Where I go to Church on Sunday and I feel great and I clean my room and I'm on track and all is right in the world and then...life hits me like a ton of bricks. And some nights I fall asleep during my prayers (yes, I am five years old) or I don't read my scriptures or I say something snarky and my room gets messy. GOTTA WORK ON THAT, Y'ALL. Maybe all these quotes will help...? Question mark?

A man had a sign hanging on his wall that said "I am third." His friend asked him what it meant and he replied, "The Lord is first, others are second, and I am third."

He who notes the fall of a sparrow surely hears the pleadings of our hearts. -President Monson

As we seek earnestly to know ourselves, to make honest assessments of what we are and where we are, the Lord will reveal, in answer to our prayers, where our repentance should be focused...As we honestly listen during our prayers, we will each know what we need to do. -Elder Andersen

If we live so our minds are free from worry and our conscience is clear and our feelings are right toward one another, the operation of the Spirit is as real as when we pick up the telephone; but when they come, we must be brave enough to take the suggested actions. -President Ezra Taft Benson

What could you do better for your children than to record the story of your life?...Some of what you write may be humdrum dates and places, but there will also be rich passages that will be quoted by your posterity...Begin today and write in it your goings and your comings, yourdeeper thoughts, your achievements and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies...Those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. -President Spencer W. Kimball

“We should learn to be patient with ourselves. Recognizing our strengths and our weaknesses, we should strive to use good judgment in all of our choices and decisions, make good use of every opportunity, and do our best in every task we undertake. We should not be unduly discouraged nor in despair at any time when we are doing the best we can. Rather, we should be satisfied with our progress even though it may come slowly at times.” -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Humility. Prayer. Prayer. Prayer. Journal. Patience. Prayer. Did I mention prayer?

DO DO DO DO DO BE BE BE BE BE BE DO BE DO BE DO DO DO BE BE DO BE DO BE DO.

THE ROYAL WEDDING!!!!! (jk)

Blogging after you haven't blogged in weeks is so awkward. For me it is, anyway. I feel like I should have blogged five times by now, and there really isn't any way to cover everything that has happened during the past however long it's been. So, posterity, I am truly sorry. I will do my best to record the things of my heart.

I left my Russia. Sad day, happy day, all is well. As soon as I got to LAX I was smiling like a goon. Three or four airport workers went out of their way to help me with my bags, finding where to go next, et cetera. And two workers even made comments about my BYU shirt. In fact, this woman security guard who towered over me glared down at my shirt when I walked through the detector and asked, "You play basketball for Brigham Young?" and I said, "Uhhhhhaha...no...I go to school there though." She said, "Alright." What I didn't say was "Maybe you didn't notice that I am Hobbit-sized?"

Spent a week at home. Ohhhh how I love my home. My family is just the greatest. Everyone liked their souvenirs (huge relief), especially Carter who basically wore his hat everywhere. I got to watch my little sister's soccer game, two and a half of McKay's lacrosse games, and Quinn's lacrosse practice. Have you ever watched an 8 year old play lacrosse? Holy cute. I had a lot of fun while I was home. In fact, I was kind of thinking: WHY DON'T I JUST STAY HERE FOR SUMMER THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA! and then I remembered last summer when I had literally NO social life outside of my family. Yeesh.

Drove back to Provo with my grandma who is going on a mission to Atlanta for the next 18 months. She went into the MTC last Monday to begin her work as a full-time missionary. What a woman! I have learned so much from her and I am so glad that she has the opportunity to serve a mission like she has always wanted to.

EASTER=I love my life, I love the gospel, I love Jesus Christ, I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I love the Hansens&Stroshines, I love the Sandersons, I love the Paces, I love Cadbury eggs.

Moved in to my new apartment, worst day ever, sometimes I really hate you, Liberty Square, I can do hard things. By myself.

I started to look for a job on Tuesday. I applied probably 10 places total, and through a series of weird/miraculous events, I was offered a job on Thursday. If you don't know my job search history, let me tell you, it's not pretty. I've been turned down by McDonald's twice. After interviews. Pretty embarrassing. But Heavenly Father is always looking out for me, and I know that anything good that happens to me is 100% because of Him. So thanks be to God for my new job at Zupas in Orem!

Started new classes on Wednesday. They are good. Missionary Preparation with Brother Bott (Now I know why everyone jumped on that bandwagon. He is awesome and I love him.), and Humanities 262 with Professor Sederholm. I am reeeeally excited for my classes. I love school.

Started running in Provo. What a mess. It's at least 100x harder to run here than it is in Moscow. Elevation and terrible air and whatnot. YUCK. But, I ran all but 1.5 of my miles last week. Yay, me. That's 18.5 miles.

Ate a waffle from Bruges Waffles and Frites in Salt Lake while I was there for a job interview. Oh me, oh my. Yummiest thing ever. So good. If you live anywhere in Utah Valley or SL Valley or even in Rexburg...you need to go. I want to go with my friends sometime and get some frites!

Finally saw the Justin Bieber movie...loved him before. Love him now. Seriously, what a cutie. Also, I would marry Scooter Braun if I had the opportunity. This was maybe my favorite part.

Saw True Grit. Good! And hilarious. I really liked it. And it made me so excited to read the book in my Western Lit class with Abby this fall! And ride horses at my professor's ranch!

Made new friends. SMILE FACE.

Watched the Cougar Lacrosse team beat the UofU 18 to 5...BLAM. I'd like to marry that team.

Went to my new ward and there are like 20-30 people. I love! It is so fun to be able to learn everyone's names and all be friends and blah blah blah. Oh, and I recognized this girl Mallory from when I was reeeeallly little and both of our fathers confirmed that they are, in fact, good friends and we have, in fact, met before. Such a small world! She lives across the hall from me!

My parents celebrated their 20th anniversary today. I am so thankful for them and how much they love each other! I hope that I can be like them someday because they really are amazing parents and amazing individuals.

Now I am listening to A Walk to Remember because Jodes is watching it in the front room. Cute movie, but I hate the fact that I know that she dies in the end...And I love this song. I like the original better, but...whatever.

I need to remember this...

Love one another, as Jesus loves you.

Try to show kindess in all that you do.

Be gentle and loving, in deed and in thought...

for these are the things Jesus taught.

I really love it here. Probably more than most people would.

I did my share of trekking my little fanny all over kingdom come on Monday. First, a looonnng walk (1 hour looping the neighborhood because the snow is melting and the weather is beautiful and Ryder had computer club) with Mase and Halle in the stroller. Mason took a nap, thankfully, and Halle was perfectly content, drinking her bottle and people watching. Oh, and we listened to Sara Bareilles the whole way.

Then, I got to go here again. So so beautiful. If you're confused about the size, just look at the person walking out the door. That should give you an idea of how huge it is. When I went inside they were having church and it was beautiful and the chanting/singing was amazing but my head wasn't covered and I didn't have a scarf or a hood etc etc etc so we weren't in there for very long. But I was looking around at everyone holding candles, crossing themselves reverently, kneeling on the floor, and bowing their heads to touch the ground and I knew that Heavenly Father heard their prayers. Every single one of them.

Red Square is beautiful and desolate at night. And honestly, it really is impossible to pose in front of St. Basil's. So awkward. She'll outshine you every time. I was the queen of the metro on this trip. I should win an award. After this I ate my first Big Mac (meh), and took the long way home from the metro station (walking) (ugh) (not my fault we had to walk) and I was so beyond being upset about it that I just put my head down and power-walked the entire way. I was with LaRee's twin boy cousins who are in the Army so I wasn't too scared. The vanilla soft serve at Mickey D's here is beyond the taste of anything I have ever tasted on this earth. Oh. I wish you could taste it. And I don't even like vanilla ice cream. It's THAT good.

If you want some delicious produce and nice Russians, you have to go here. It's a secret market underneath this shopping mall that is about a 20 minute walk from our house. Just be aware that you might see an entire cow or pig on a table being chopped to bits. Not a pretty sound, folks.

If you're looking for proof that I have been in Russia just look at this face. I'm three shades paler, and my eyebrows and hair are overgrown and out of control because I refuse to let anyone in this country touch them. They would make my brows too skinny and I am 100% certain they would give me an orange mullet.

P.S. Tomorrow I turn 19 and a half, and my not-so-little brother who actually does have a mullet turns 17. Ohhh, I can't believe it! Just think...in just about 2 years we will both be leaving on our missions. WEIRD!

P.P.S. I had fake Cafe Rio at our Relief Society luncheon today, and I'm pretty sure it tasted better than real Cafe Rio. Or maybe I have been away too long. The first thing I am going to do when I get back to America is make a key lime pie. Unrelated...but whatever.

Ten things I know to be true.

1. Every human being is a child of God, and our Heavenly Father loves all his children.

2. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world.

3. The Book of Mormon is the most correct book on the earth.

4. I choose to be happy or to be unhappy.

5. My mom and dad will always love me.

6. A dog is man's best friend.

7. Every person we meet has been put in our life for reason. (Please note, I did not say "everything happens for a reason." That's not true.)

8. Chocolate is the breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert of champions.

9. Creating is the essence of life.

10. This t-shirt made me laugh hysterically on the metro yesterday. I want it.

VERY IMPORTANT

Some people are born very very very nice. I know people who don't have the capacity to think a bad thought about another person, let alone act on it or say something rude or judge someone. I know everyone has emotions and everyone has their days but I really do know people who come close to perfect in the way they treat other people!

I'm not saying I wasn't born nice or that my parents didn't teach me how to treat others or anything like that, but over the past 19 and almost a half years that I have been on the earth, I haven't always been the best example of Christlike love. Unlike the people I mentioned above, I do indeed have the capacity to be mean. I have done mean things. I have made someone feel bad on purpose. I have made someone feel bad not on purpose. I have made rude comments to someone's face and behind someone's back. I have been sarcastic and salty and sassy and snappy. I have judged someone before I got a chance to know them.

And as much as I just want to cry my eyes out about all of this, I realized that I don't have to let anything I have done in the past define who I am and I don't have to listen to the sassy diva anger fire that is inside me. In fact, I will NOT do either of those two things.

I WILL be kind.

I WILL be grateful.

I WILL be patient and I WILL be loving.

I WILL continue to make mistakes. I WILL apologize and learn from them when I do.

I WILL be motivated by love.

This is my favorite talk of all time. I just listened to it today, and I think it might change my life. Rather, I will change my life because the Spirit I felt during this talk completely overwhelmed me in the best kind of way.

One thing I have clung to while all these thoughts have been racing through my head is that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is REAL. No matter what has happened in the past or what we have done, we can change because of Jesus Christ. We have to want to change and be willing to do whatever the Lord asks of us, but it will all be worth it if we do our best to follow Christ. When we decided to come to Earth, we knew that it would be crazy and hard and that bad things would probably happen to us. But our spirits are so strong and fabulous that we wanted to be challenged and tested by experiencing mortality. We wanted to prove to Heavenly Father that we love Him and believe in Him enough to face all that we would have to face and still be faithful. We can't remember all of this happening, but Heavenly Father gave us everything we need so that we may KNOW that all of these things happened. We can know through the scriptures, the prophets, and most importantly the Holy Ghost, that the gospel is true and that the plan of happiness is real. This life is something that is far greater and far more important than we can perceive or even imagine.

"We are studying the New Testament this year in Sunday School. This book of scripture is a story of love—the love of the Father for the Son and the love They have for each of us. We cannot fully comprehend this love. But we can feel it. We cannot fully emulate it. But we can “pray . . . with all the energy of heart” that we might be filled with it (Moroni 7:48). It is a love that transcends all of our mortal experience. It is a love that lifts and builds and strengthens, that calms and comforts us. The only way for us to increase our capacity to love in this way is to feel the love our Father in Heaven and His Son have for us. The more we feel Their love for us, the more we will increase our capacity to share that love with others."

Scott is a genius once again

From his e-mail this week.

"Have a good week and be happy to be alive in a time like this. There is air to breathe and things to do and the Church is as true as it gets. Plus lots of funny stuff happens all the time. Like when people you know have horrible farts and they sleep right below you on a bunk bed. And also, I am realizing that if you try to defend and help people rather than tear them down in your mind, you see that the earth doesn't have very many people that aren't trying their best. Even if whatever they are doing is retarded and selfish. It is crazy and I have never noticed before."

Don't you love this kid? Sorry if you think I'm weird for quoting one of my friends. On my blog. Twice. I love missionaries.

Communication Disorders

Well, a big apology to all those who are only following my blog to hear about "Russian" "adventures." You're going to have to deal with my usual ramblings until something fun happens. Maybe that's not what you bargained for but...you might as well enjoy it!

The thing where I take a picture every day is going downhill. I got sick of taking pictures of the snow, and there's really nothing else to take pictures of besides me in my PJs, RM&H (the children), or me running on a treadmill. So...yeah. Maybe now you have an idea of how things are going..? Don't get me wrong. I am happy. Just bored right now. And it's not anyone's fault.

One thing I have learned here so far though, I think one of the most important things I will ever learn, is that some people have very very hard lives. I wish I could explain to you the love that filled my heart this Sunday as I met people at church. It's one thing to watch a documentary or read a book about someone who has had a hard life, and it is quite another to meet someone who does, and to learn from them, and to wish you were more like them. I take so many things for granted and I'm pretty sure I will spend my whole life just trying to be truly grateful.

Take this into consideration, y'all. Try to do it. It will make you happy.

True disciples of Jesus Christ seek to follow His example in the ways they communicate. Their communications, both verbal and nonverbal, are to be kind, compassionate, and helpful, reflecting a love for Heavenly Father's children and an understanding that all people are brothers and sisters.

-from lds.org, the topic heading for "Communication"

Time for me to go to bed. My sleeping habits are still funky. I love you.

"Being a missionary is like summer camp."

So my friend Scott (the ginger) is on a mission in Brazil, and he is awesome. I'm going to post his e-mail from last week because it's one of the greatest things I've ever read about missionary work/the gospel of Jesus Christ/life. Might be because I'm obsessed with him...might actually best thing you have ever read. It really could go either way.

So it´s been a good 3 months here in the favela. It´s been hilarious. My life here is incredibly similar to an 80´s kung fu movie I watched one time that takes place in new york city. Everyone wearing hammer pants, a relatively self-sufficient economy that is built off of small personal markets and foreigners, and best of all, a lack of police. We had been hearing that police are stationed here, but we had never seen them, but the other day we found them hanging out in the back corner where there are no more houses and no confusion... well done police. Oh, and when the police do show up in kung fu movies they always do really theatricle stuff like spin their guns on their fingers, point uzi´s at people, and of course slap everyone in the face they talk to. That happens here too. The other day, some kids were on the side of the street and the police drove up and just slapped one of them in the face and then searched them all and then left. Confusing, but to me, funny.

One of the kids here I know went on his mission this week. That was pretty cool, except for the fact that he left thursday and his mom literally only stopped crying when she went to sleep between thursday and sunday. Then, probably because of exhaustion, she fainted in church. We ate lunch at her house friday and saturday (woo-hoo, free food) and her mind is full of all of these crazy ideas that the mission is hard and her child will be starving and blah blah blah. So to be sure that my mom is not being rediculous and doing the same thing, lets clear some things up about being a missionary here.

Being a missionary is like summer camp. You get to go do cool activities and stuff like that all the time, and you never worry about money. Everyone loves to feed you, and if you try, you can develope diabetes and get kidney stones and die from obesity all within the 2 years. People try to give you tons of stuff, ask you to take a nap on their couch, tell you they like you more than their own kids, and then cut your hair for free. Then on top of all of that cool stuff, they praise you for all the hard work you do and give you a ride in their car to your next appointment. Even the people that aren´t members of your church. Everyone loves you. And nothing bad ever happens to you. Ever.

So yeah, moral of the story is: crying over missionaries is retarded. They are all having way more fun than everyone else, and everyone should be a missionary because it is the life.

beyond that, all the kids here started calling me frankenstien. I thought that rachael would think that is funny. I am not really sure why they started though. One day they started calling my comp santa clause cause he is fat, and then they were like ``what is your nickname...?´´ Usually everyone is just like ``HEY, GERMAN. COME OVER HERE.´´ so I thought they would settle on german, but no, they chose frankenstien. and thus the name lives on...

Other than that it was a normal week. Taught some people the message of the restoration of the gospel, some accepted the message and the challenge to test and try our words with God, and we´ll pass by their house this week to either hear why they didn´t end up trying to even pray, or why reading the book of mormon and praying about it was the greatest thing that has ever happened to them. It is that easy. I find it interesting when some people will say stuff like ``HOLY COW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?!´´ and explain how our church is the only church that is literally guided by God, and their disbelief that more people don´t get why this is important.

One kid was like ``I prayed for God to show me an answer about the book and in that same moment something indescribable joyful and amazing happened in my heart and I knew it was true. Almost like I was getting filled up like a balloon, but in a really good way. So I went to tell my aunt what happened and she told me she wasn´t that interested in listening to you guys, and my mom and my family said the same thing. I just don´t get why they either don´t beleive me, or why they don´t think God is important.´´ And we just had to tell him that he needs to be patient with them and encourage them to try for themselves. But really my answer is I don´t get it either. It is a fact that anyone who seeks a response will find it, but sadly it is also a fact that the greater population of planet earth seem to be comfortable enough for now. They would rather search for happiness through something else that is temporary and then be confused when they feel that they lack something.

I think sometimes people don´t realize how real all of this stuff is. Why would I waste 2 years of my life telling you about a saviour of the world if his power wasn´t something you can percieve? I get so frustrated when people are satisfied thinking about Christ as some mythical and mysterious character that uses us like chess pieces and plays around with our lives. And I don´t understand how people can pass almost 100 years of their life here on earth being totally uncertain about why they are here and thinking that ``the purpose of life´´ is a profound question to which no one has the answer. It´s sad to me because everything is so simple and the knowledge of the truth can change so much about how good you feel and why you choose the decisions you choose.

So for those who still don´t know, here is a basic explanation of life.

We are here on the earth so that we can be happy forever, but because we are all retarded, we each lost the ability to be 100% happy on our own. One person came here and mended up all the holes we´ll ever make because of our own folly, and then rewrote the rules to be a million times more easy and simple to understand. His name is Jesus Christ, and he ACTUALLY exists. You can be 100% certain of this through divine communication (not meaning hocus pocus smoke and mirrors crap, but a real certainty) and a SUPER easy way to be certain is to go find a mormon missionary and try out what he asks you to do. It something you can do without commitment. If you recieve certainty, woohoo. If not, I am a liar. So go figure it out. I dare you.

I love everyone and specifically to mom, don´t ever cry because it is stupid. k... bye.

9. Your beliefs.

I believe in

love at first sight.

magic.

miracles...where you from? you sexy thing! couldn't resist.

doppelgangers.

I believe that

TA's are God's gift to Earth.

good food fixes everything. (NOT SHOPPING.) (Shopping fixes nothing.)

babies are absolutely perfect.

people should smile more.

1 Nephi 11:17

"...I know that he [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things."

Life is eternal. Families are forever. Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world.

Happy Sunday.

I have so much to do this week, but for now I will bask in the gloriousness that is Sunday...do nothing for school, make the world a better place, and laugh at Charlotte skyping her family. And not go outside because the weather is TERRIBLE. And look at the Christmas lights. Meeeooowwwww.