I Am NOT The Man With Whom To Fuck

"Hey Big Guy...
tell us something about that latest trip to Shanghai."

Jeebus, where to begin.

Well, this year the cameraman that covered the player walkouts for the broadcaster is a slight Spaniard named Juan.

We usually stand together for about five minutes waiting for the players and the ATP Tournament Managers to arrive, then we walk out for introductions before start of play.

I'm usually there because we transition a semi-public area where high-end sponsors can stand and watch the behind-the-curtain pre-match ritual.
Part of the percs of being a title sponsor at a 1000-series ATP event...
It would be bad for some crazed fan to rush a player to get an autograph/selfie when the players have their war faces on...

So... while we wait, I usually shoot the breeze with CameraDude.
Except this year the usual CameraDude (Skippy) isn't there. Juan is the videojockey.

He is on headset with the Director in the TV Truck...

As we chat,  he gets the thousand-yard stare then he points the camera at my face.

I can tell he is getting some instruction from the director and it doesn't look like good news...
He keeps the camera on me as he relays the conversation.

Juan CameraDude: "uh...From the director I have a message."
Yours Truly: *raised eyebrow stare*
JCD: "He says that you are the big man but he can...-his words- kick your ass."
YT: "(scoff) I'm sure."
JCD: "He is saying this. Not me."
YT: "Players coming. We'll pick this up another time." I give the camera the forked-fingers to the eyes 'I'm watching you' gesture and we walk the players out to the floor.

This exchange escalated daily... Always started by Director via JCD.

JCD: "The Director...I'm sorry, he says to tell you he will be...opening the can of Whip Ass? on you.."
Points camera at me to get reaction.
YT: "Really. Well... tell him his won't be the first snot-nosed TV-dweeb ass I have kicked, but he can be the next."

And things escalated...

JCD: "Director- he wants to know if you are ready for your ass kicking."
YT: "This is getting tiresome... Tell him to bring a sandwich, a cold drink and a band-aid 'cause I'm going to be hungry and thirsty after I'm done whipping his ass."

Later...

JCD: "Director would like to know what kind of flowers your widow would like."
YT: "Tell him when we tangle, I'm gonna knock one of his lungs loose... I'll be on him like rust on a pump handle."

Now in the old days TV trucks were man-territory- very few of the fair sex were in the production vehicles or on the PL circuit. Now, there are women everywhere...And as some of my more colorful and creative comebacks are quite, uh... descriptive, I was a bit apprehensive to really rip into him, but after a little reflection, any woman in a TV truck has probably got some pretty thick skin and has probably heard some pretty bad stuff.

So, by the end of the week I had a great script running through my mind for our final confrontation...

JCD: "Uh, Sir. The Director. He says you are obviously the little girl, and he has won the war with you. He has lost all respect as he can insult you and you will not face him."
YT: "Hm." I address the camera directly- "Hey Director Man- I hope you wore your pretty pink panties today... After I do this walk-out, I'm coming out to the truck and I'm going to bitch-slap you silly, then knee-walk you to the middle of the broadcast compound, bend you over and have my way with you, and I'll sell your ass to any takers for 5 kuai a pop. You're going to fly back to Australia with a size 14 poop-chute and knot on your head so big it's gonna need it's own postal code."
JCD: "*speechless*" then  "In the truck, they are all laughing."
YT: "Laugh it up, ladies. I'm gonna tear into him like a stray dog into a restaurant dumpster." 

We do the final walk-out and I have a cold drink, then head out to TV Land.

TV Trucks aren't made for Ogres to pass through silently and stealthily, so I embrace my entrance.

I fill the doorway on my entrance... The guys on the back bench have a deer-in-the-headlights look.

YT: "Where is that piss-ant motherfucker who needs a mudhole stomped into his ass?"
One of the Back Benchers: "Oh shit... Someone better call 999."

The closest one half-heartedly points toward the front bench.
I stomp past them up to the front.

As I arrive, a long rally is just beginning, so no switching will be needed...

The three guys on the front bench look up and the two on the right point to the guy on the left.

Front Bench Guys: "He's the one who thinks he can kick your ass..."
YT: (*loudly cracks knuckles*) "I've been waiting all week for this... Are you ready, Little Man?"

Director stands up and faces me... I tower over him....
A long moment passes. The truck is deadly silent.
Finally we both break into a laugh and have a firm and hearty handshake and bro hug- 

YT: "Dude! Good to see you... Sorry I couldn't make it our earlier."
Director: "Absolutely... Glad you could make it out. Drinks tonight after we get back to the hotel?"
YT: "Absolutely... See you tonight."

The entire truck is agog.  Their hearts start beating again and are all grinning and breathing a sigh of relief.

The Director (Guy from Gearhouse) and I ran into each other at the hotel on the day before the tournament started and laid the groundwork for this... 

He had been playing it up inside the truck all week.

Most of the guys in the truck were at the bar that night- 

Guy had done a masterful job leading everyone on, and when I went out there they were absolutely certain that I was going to rend him into little Director bits...
We all played it perfectly.

Poor Juan, though...

He had to relay all the messages every day and he was absolutely sure I was going to take my anger out on him...

Not my best prank, as practical jokes go, but probably one of our most successful ones.

No one injured, no property damage, and some good old-fashioned trash talk...

Good times... Good times.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Uncle Jay vs China - Steel Cage Match

Shanghai Eats ▪ Part the Fifth

It's not Sriracha, but it's not bad...

Fruity Sauce.

All For Me?

I get a three - across all to myself on the way home...

Luxury!

Shanghai Peeps

We borrowed the Black Shirts for an appearance by Studio 188 on the Heineken Stage

Shanghai Eats ▪ Part IV

Veggie. Jerky.

Why?

Shanghai Eats ▪ Part C

#blacksoybeansmatter

Shanghai Eats ▪ Part the First

I love Chinese grocery stores...

With all the allergies and diet restrictions I'm surprised this stuff even exists.

Back to Beijing - IAAF World Champs 2015

(Like Famous the Tam is wont to say, I hate using good stuff at an away game.
I had to write up the my current tasking here for Oculus, the company newsletter; 
Since I wrote it, I have no issue with reproducing it here... Enjoy.)

Has it really been seven years?
Yes … Just seven years ago, the Olympic Green in Beijing was simply awash with my co-workers.

StAss the Mad Russian, Chief Propeller Head, Ty, Ben (no longer) in Florida, The Apostle, Spongemark, SGK, and a host of others in addition to your humble correspondent were dispatched far and wide over Beijing during the 2008 Olympics.
(For some of those tales, head to the left of the page and navigate to Aug of 2008, or click the Olympic tag to see all of that content)

Ah, yes- the agonizingly slow buses to the shoebox-like accommodations, the thorough and very invasive security pat-downs to get in and out of event spaces, the insane traffic as we tried to go from site to site or to see the local attractions, and of course, the spectacle of the opening ceremonies. Good times...good times...

Fast-forward to August 2015, and we (and by we, I mean yours truly, the lone survivor from the Battle of Beijing) are back in the Celestial Kingdom, and once again courting heat stroke, black lung disease and food poisoning as we provide stats interfacing for the Really Big American Network broadcast for the IAAF World Track & Field Championships in the National Stadium (国家体育场北京 aka the Bird's Nest). The former Olympic sites are a little faded and dusty, but the Water Cube and the other structures around the former Olympic site are still very recognizable.

Your humble correspondent is the boots-on-the-ground in Beijing, with very capable tele-support provided back in Florida by St.Ass and  The Apostle. This World Championship is basically a pre-Olympic event, a warm-up if you will, for the Rio Olympics in August 2016.

I had a bit of a scare in the days leading up to departure for the event … The container of equipment for the event was on-site in the port of Tainjin when a warehouse full of chemical and explosives blew up. I was sitting on the edge of my seat to find out if the container was OK. A backup plan was put in place where I would hand-carry the equipment in case the container was damaged, lost or destroyed.

The word came down the day before I left Jacksonville that the container had arrived in Beijing and all was well. (I brought the backup equipment anyway, because you never know.)

On arrival, I found the pre-shipped equipment was in pristine condition. I wish I was in as good condition after the 25 or so travel-hours it took to me get here.

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There is a huge parade and showcase for Chinese militaria next week in front of Tienanmen Square and the Forbidden City, in celebration of the anniversary of the victory over Japanese aggression (not kidding).
They are practicing different aspectds of how they will be screwing up basic services and inconveniencing everyone this week... We got caught in a traffic holdup and after waiting on a freeway offramp for 45 minutes and a van with no A/C, I said Adios MotherF'er and walked to the site... Ain't nobody got time for this.


There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I set up a Teamviewer app and was running my systems from the bar in the hotel, in order to avoid the traffic and the roasting highways.
No truth at all. None. Nothing to see here... Just move along.



I said move along. Now go.

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My real workstation at the Birds Nest....

So China   Much exotic    Very Broadcast   Amaze.

There is a little Easter egg here that a few folks caught. So worth it.
The TIS Virus lives!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A funny story: Everyone knows that the Silk Street Market is a six-floor building dedicated to separating tourists from their money in exchange for counterfeit or poorly made knock-offs of name-brand merchandise and mass-produced tchotchkes and gewgaws.

First-timers are cautioned not to go alone, or at least to be very wary of any deal that seems too good to be true. And this visit was no different.

The crew headed for the Silk Street Market to shop for souvenirs. One of the NBC runners for the event, who we shall call "Ferguson" in order to shield him from further ridicule, split off from the rest of us in search of adventure and treasure.

When we caught up with him later, we found he had not heeded the warnings from the Old China Hands on the crew, and proudly showed off his new "finest quality" Rolex he had just purchased for a ridiculously high "friend-price." Most of us, having seen the gamut of knock-off Rolexes from the shoddy to the near-perfect, gathered around to see how he did.

In a word: Awful.

Crappy band, ticking second hand, lightweight ... It was sad.
And poor Ferguson...
He thought he'd gotten a deal.
They saw him coming and they laid the sales pitch on hard.
Sat him down, gave him a cup of tea, brought out the pretty inlaid wood boxes and gave it to him with both barrels.

Word of his folly spread quickly once we got to the site for work that day...

And to add insult to injury, his painful lesson was reinforced every day, all day long on-site. 
There is a tape source named 'X'. During the broadcast, the director will call cameras and tape sources to be used on the air, and very, very often we will hear the director call "Ready X ... Roll X!" (Rolex! - Get it?)
In the spirit of fun, everyone started calling the source "Ferguson" or "Ferg" - So we heard "Ready Ferg ... Roll Ferg!" instead of “Roll X!” all through the broadcast.
========================================================

From our "That Dude is Fucked" Department...



By now everyone should have seen The World's Fastest Man, Usain Bolt get taken out by a Chinese cameraman on a hands-free Segway...
Fortunately Bolt escaped the attack unscathed, later joking that American Justin Gatlin had paid the guy to run him over...
He had a great sense of humor about it.
Not sure the Ogranizing Committee will be as forgiving. They have zero tolerance policy  about public embarrassment. That and the $50,000 camera he destroyed...
I have a feeling that next week Segway CameraDude will be posted in 二连浩特市, (which is so far away that it doesn't have an English pronunciation) and will be videotaping yak turds for the rest of his career.

===========================================
Outta here on Monday.


Cannot wait.

TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

On Pins & Needles

Heading to Beijing on Wednesday...
I'm a little concerned with the event and my ability to work the contract deliverables-
I sent all my equipment to the project principal in May for them to cross ship to China in their container.

Guess where the container is/was last week?

Tianjin.

I'm hoping that the container makes it to Beijing...
Hope, however, doesn't pay the bills, so I will be hand-carrying some extra equipment when I go, just in case the container (and my stuff) was blown to smithereens.

It's always something...

TBG

Good Times -Shanghai Pranking

I haven't had any bonehead user errors yet today, and I haven't had to threaten anyone's life since late Wednesday, so I really don't have anything to put into the ice cream machine.

In lieu of actual current content, I'll be sharing a story of our time in Shanghai 2014 and a little prankage that occurred this year.
(My memory was jogged by a post over at Old NFO's website- Do you read him every day? You should... Tasty stuff!)

We had a noob as an adjunct to our team this year- the nephew of one of the Honchos at the Tournament. Good kid (and I mean kid- 17 or 18 years old).
Honcho asked if we could impart some words of wisdom and life lessons to young James over the course of the event. No worries- we were on it.

So young James was busied with some basic tasks for the event, and did a passable job.


James is on the right- his brother Peter on the left.
As the tournament progressed, young James didn't screw up too badly and we decided perhaps a Snipe Hunt was in order.
(In the days of my Sordid Youth, I was caught not once but twice- I spent the entire day running from one end of the Marathon Airport to the other- in search of 100' of flight line, and another time I spend 3 hours looking for a large bottle of prop wash. I was a dumbass.)

So a plan was formulated - I enlisted the help of several co-conspirators and then CJ whistled up young James...
"Hey- I need the tube of squelch grease. I lent our last tube to Mal up in the control room. Really need it fast..."
And young James was off at top speed- up to the upper level control room to see Mal, who sent him back down to the event level to see Chase, who sent him back up to the upper level to see Alex in scoring, who sent him down to see Ed in the Admin office...then to the press room I think-
Up and down, back and forth...
Poor bastard.
When we finally let him off the hook he was quite a good sport about it...We had a good laugh- and he learned the lesson:
Never trust anyone. Especially the people you trust.

(Unlike some people back in 2013- who took the missing Mercedes S-Class I "borrowed" much too seriously...)

Good times- good times...


TBG - - ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Pissed Off Dinosaur

Jeebus!
Is that what I look like when I get in a
"Hey! You! What the hell are you looking at?!" mode...


(Best not to click on the pic...seeing it full size should probably require a trigger warning.)

Over Christmas I got the pic in an email from the famous Shanghai driver Mr. Gu.



Mr. Gu, Yours Truly, and our other driver Sum Ol Gai

Mr. Gu has been RF's driver for several years, and he always takes care of me and the other guys once the tournament in Shanghai is over.
In this pic we had all gone to the Cybermart to shop then to lunch in XinTanDi. I got to ride in the S-Class with Coop, while the other guys took the M-Van.
I let the other guys have the S-Class for the airport run, though...
Nice ride... Nice guys.
Thanks Mr. Gu- you da man.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

I don't Think That T-Shirt Means What You Think It Means - Shanghai Edition

Wow.


That's about all I got.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Shanghai Surprise

As always- Shanghai is a challenge.

Getting there is a 20 hour nightmare, and once on the ground, the CBD is hell-and-gone from the airport in PuDong.
Count on at least an hour, one-way.

But once you're in your humble abode, things get better.
Or, at least you hope they will.

I was prepared to rise to challenges this year, but there was one big change that caused me a good bit of inconvenience-
Google (and Google products) are strictly forbidden behind the Great Firewall...
There are work-arounds, but every Interweb connection goes through filtering and censorship that was pretty effective.
(VPNs are usable, but being the cheap  bastard I am, I won't spring for paid service, and since I'm on vacation I couldn't (ethically) use the company VPN)

Case in point- any website that was on the whitelist would still load slowly.
and if there was any Google APIs (like AdSense) those segments would stall the page load or just hang the process entirely.
A monumental pain in the ass, really.

This was new for this year and it was really bad. I was for all intents and purposes incommunicado for most of the trip.
I did post a few Instagram photos and did a couple tweets, but as a rule, I was too busy to do much blogging even if connectivity was good.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

So... Where Were We?

Oh yeah-
United Airlines was bending me over the back of the couch and having it's way with me, in a very horrid and painful manner.
Again.

I made my connection in Nooowark, but just barely.

For the long flight I did have the seat next to me empty, so that was a small victory.
Not a lot of sleep though.

On the ground in Shanghai things got interesting.


 Traffic was just as bad as it always has been...
At least my driver didn't hit anyone on the way to the hotel this time.

Once ensconced in my temporary domicile, it was only 2 O'clock in the afternoon-
And after long experience I knew that getting comfortable and lounging would lead to sleep, and that was the recipe for disaster.

I needed to fill the larder.

One thing about China, you can find some familiar but different items... A veritable cornucopia of Spam varietals for instance... And no.
Didn't get any of them. But I was tempted.

Another familiar-but-not-so-familiar variation:
The tried-and-true XXX Acai Vitamin Water. Love this stuff. I grabbed a taxi and headed toward Shinesun Center, the replacement for the old CyberMart on Huaihai Road.
I got a little sidetracked and found an interesting side market near by...
I was a little puzzled by these tiny ceramic bowls.
Serving dishes for Barbie dim sum?
No... This dude was working on an additional accessory for the same sport/pastime/hobby.
He's carving out these dog-dish sized containers made from semi-soft terracotta. They are the homes and food dishes for Chinese fighting crickets.
(Sorry about the crap focus on my photos- had a hard time keeping the phone steady.)  
Seriuosly- some of these bastards are the size of your thumb.

Here's one in his natural environment. 

The place was creeping me out- I'm heading back to the tech market.
If you want to know more about the sport of Chinese Fighting Crickets, go here.


But first- wanna buy a bag of fish?

Seriously- bags of fish.

Back at the tech market I was treated to a demo of the latest must-have gadget for the Round Eye- Blue lasers.
Here the girl running this kiosk is lighting a cigarette with one. Oh yes, I gotta have me one of these.
I picked one up, along with some other sundry crap like bluetooth enabled selfie sticks and  some other goodies, then headed out for an early dinner.

There was a restaurant nearby-
Let's see what's on the menu:
 
Yeah, a great big NOPE on that.


I guess if you're looking for for some spicy ass, this would be your restaurant.

Me, not so much.
I'll take the Spam instead- I headed back to my hotel. There's a Cantonese restaurant nearby. Porkbelly and dumplings are on menu tonight.

So much for my first afternoon in Shanghai-

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Back... But only for a moment.

How I spent my week:



Annnnd, we're back.

We fought the good fight and were victorious.

The really good? The Win was on so many levels...
1. An excellent luncheon on Monday at Crystal Jade in Xintiandi with all the Usual Suspects was awesome.
2. We made it to PVG with plenty of time to spare.
3. Coop and CJ got tagged by outbound customs inspections. Not me. Yay.
4. On the flight from PVG to ORG, Economy Plus was nearly empty.
Coop & I snagged 2 rows of empty seats and thus, were able to get extremely comfortable and snag some sleep. It wasn't a lay-flat like in Biz Class, but it warn't bad.
(But the fact that I like to sleep au natural really made the Flight Attendants really uncomfortable. Those little blankets they give you are really not adequate.)
5. I loves me some Global Entry. 3 minutes to clear C&I in Chicago. Woot!
6. Both my bags made it to Chicago un-pilfered.
7. TSA PreCheck approved in ORD for the flight home to MCO.
8. Upgrade, baby!
9. Only 30 minutes to 'fix' the power steering the Beater...
10. Home by 2:30 AM.


I spent Tues & Wed catching up with work-stuff, and on Thursday Slaw came to my desk...
Slaw: "Hey... You got plans for next weekend?"
Yours Truly: "Depends. What's up?"
S: "I might need you in Berlin on Friday & Saturday."
YT: "Let me check. Let you know tomorrow."

Actually I did. I had a reservation in St. Augustine with The Woman Who Knows Most Things for Friday and Saturday...
But I've been here 17 years and when the need arises, I go.
The Woman is infinitely patient and understanding. St. Aug is rescheduled and I have a reservation for a flight into TXL.


TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Marketing in Vancouver

I have made allusions to the recreational drug-permissiveness of Vancouver...
We had a run-in with an aggressive marketer of the local herb-of-choice as we walked to the IBC the other morning.
An older (than me) guy started walking next to us as we made our way up Robson Street toward Burrard...
"Hey man, we got dope here. The best in the world!" he said enthusiastically.
"I'll bet you do." I said, against my better judgment.
Usually I just ignore them, or give them my best "I Am Not Someone With Whom To Fuck" look. Talking back just encourages them.
"Oh yeah, man. I can hook you up."
We were stopped by a red crossing light.
Good sense once again took hold and we didn't respond. Silent- eyes forward.
"Man- I got whatever you need." he offered.
It was difficult not ask him concerning his inventory of .380 ammunition...
"I got pot, I got harder stuff... If I ain't got it, I can get it."
The light changed and we were off...
Mr Salesman gave up on us and turned his attention elsewhere.
So far I've been accosted by 3 dealers (WTF?), 1 pimp and 1 really nasty hooker.
We'll just chalk it up to the "Spirit of the Games"...


In actuality, these efforts have not been too aggressive-
In China things were/are much worse.

Vancouver: "Dope? I got yer dope. Hookers? I can get what you want." End of marketing effort.

China: "DVD? CD? Ro-ex? Coach bag? What kind DVD you want? I get new movies! Coach? Prada? Why-Ess-Err, I got bags. Mont Blanc pen? You need Mont Blanc!"
Continues to walk next to you, shoving a tattered sheet with watched and fashion bags in front of your face. "Gorf crub! Carraways! What you want? DVD? Watch? Got arr kinds of watches..."
This goes on until he reaches the end of his territory and another sidewalk salesman picks up the litany...
"DVD? Watch? Prada?..."
So I guess I should look on the bright side.

Today's T-Shirt of the Day...

Gotta find the store where I can get one of these...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Message From One Year Ago.

I was looking for some old info from my trip to the NHL Premiere Games in Sweden last year and stumbled on the following message in my Outlook archive.

If you were ever worried about my sanity or my mental stability, this little missive ought to drive the last nail into the coffin.

The Code Monkey asked me to do a recap of the Beijing Olympics for the IDS Fall All-Employee meeting.
When I got the request I was in Stockholm, under the influence of blonde girls, sleep deprivation, herring and aquavit...
Here's my reply:

"No one told me anything about the All-Employee meeting-
What is the plan, who should I talk to?
Hell, I've written stories, poetry and blogs on that nightmare...
What else do you want from me, maybe a Broadway musical production?
Something like "16 days in Beijing: Medals in Memory of Mao"?
A big song and dance number with Steven Sondheim-style kick line?
Numbers to include "Steroid Blues", "Can't Pass the Baton or the Drug Test", "Where is My IP?", and the ever-popular "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".

Or maybe a Greek chorus - kind of a dramatic reading...
Mickey Spillane meets Edna St. Vincent Millay -

"Dick Ebersol's Communist Plot"
Sample:
Hero: "The BOCOG guys are driving me past my limits..."
Chorus "No Access! We cannot help you!"
Hero: "Virus protection, build dates out of spec. Where is the Image?!"
Chorus: "No stats, no connection! You shall not pass!"
Villain: "Bwhaha! All changes, no notice! Kill the feeds and the encoders!"
Chorus: "Anarchy! Anarchy! NBC - Nothing But Communism! Where is the broccoli?"
All: "Mai Wen Ti! Mai Wen Ti! There is no shuttle bus! March to the Media Village!"
Chorus: "Tramp...tramp...tramp"

Hero and Villain fight scene: Hero armed with Cat5 crimper, Villain drives a tank covered in lo mein noodles and brown sauce.

Hero prevails, Heroine appears.
Heroine: "Cowgirl cowgirl! You want massage?"
Chorus: "Tramp...tramp...tramp"
Hero: "Where is the broccoli?"
Curtain - End of act 3

Boy, I have no recollection of writing or sending that...

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Chin Up!

(Wow. That title works on a couple non-PC levels.)


Soldiers pinned into correct posture...

Story here

They are getting ready for the big October 1 National Day celebrations in Beijing.
The preparations are getting crazy.


Lights at Tian'anmen Square

And no National Day Celebration would be complete without...

Babes On Parade!


If you can tear your eyes away from the tight sailor suits, check out the smog in the background. It's obviously not an Olympic year.

Lots of interesting content at China.org.cn

Should you get tired of all the fun and festivities in and around Beijing,
you can take a break and enjoy the local cuisine...

Image Flickr creative commons, Dutchlad

Where will Uncle Jay be for the all the fun?

I'll give you a hint...




TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE

Anger-Driven Airport Violence

...and I wasn't even in the country at the time!

China Eastern Battle Royale in Beijing



See, all you Constant Readers that think I'm the one who causes all the bizarre behavior that I encounter whilst traveling.

These people got pissed due to a weather-related flight delay then some poor communications about how to kill 7+ hours in Beijing Capitol Airport.



Granted, if I had been on the flight, I'd have been ticked, but not enough to take a swing at a Gate Attendant...

I must be getting soft in my old age.

TBG- ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒE