Vintage Woman in a Modern World: Vintage & Image-Building

Today I read a great post by Missi of the blog Curve Creation entitled "Retro Girl in a Modern World: Pinup & Social Anxiety."  While I don't have social anxiety myself, her post sparked some good thought for me on the reasons why I wear vintage and the downsides and benefits it presents.  Although I could wax eloquent on lots of different reasons I wear it, I thought specifically on how it helps me portray myself to others around me.  My style is a mix of expressing who I am now and a tool for growing myself into who I aspire to be.  Vintage has four characteristics that help me in this:                 {pin this}

Lately... Fun Times & Outfits

WHEW, I have been going at it pretty fast these last few weeks!  At the end of June I went to Alabama for my husband's military officer training graduation, then I came home for a couple days.... And next I road tripped to northern California with a friend and visited for a week.  I just got home last weekend, and I'm back to work this Monday.

Tea for One

So it's been a bit of a turbulent time for me as many changes are about to happen.  I just found out yesterday that I'm being offered an officer's commission in the United States Air Force!  I started the application process two years ago, and I am elated to begin this next chapter in my life.  I don't have timelines or details quite yet as to how quickly I will go to training or any of that, but it will undoubtedly change many things in life!

"Best Dressed" and First Runway Experience

I was very privileged to have won a local "Best Dressed" award in our local 417 Magazine.  As perks of being one of seven chosen, I was featured in the April issue of the magazine, and a full interview was included on the website.  Such an honor, and I was proud to represent vintage fashion! (Picture credit)

Santa Fe: Bandelier National Monument

I am excited to share this post on the Frijoles Canyon Cliff Dwellings in Bandelier National Monument, as it was one of my favorite spots we visited.  Talk about idyllic southwest scenery and history!  A blending of Native, thousand-year old cliff dwellings and more recent vintage history of quaint lodges and an adventurous female.

Santa Fe Travel Series

What an amazing week I've had!  I've been keeping it on the DL, but last week my family and I went to Santa Fe for spring break!  It's the first time my parents, sister, my husband, and I have all been on the same continent for an official family vacation, so it was especially lovely.

The cool thing about the United States is that it's a big country, and there's a HUGE amount of things to see and do.  We have a diverse history, an impressive range of natural settings... so it was a bit difficult to narrow it down.  Even though I, of course, was raised largely in America, most Americans haven't seen all there is to see here.  There's just so much!

My sister suggested we go to Santa Fe, New Mexico.  None of us but her had ever really been to the southwest of the U.S. before, so we were up for trying something new!  It was a FANTASTIC vacation, and I'll be highlighting some of the things we did, my desert-travel fashion, best places to visit, and tips in a series here on the blog.  Today I'm starting with some of my top tips and advice if you ever venture down this way.

Happy International Women's Day!

Today is International Women's Day, and I want to celebrate by sharing some encouraging notes that I hope will help you feel strong and empowered today!  I'll be doing some more posts throughout March for Women's Month, and I've even got an exciting giveaway coming up to celebrate.  Stay tuned!

Life Update: I'm Tired 'Cuz I'm a Builder

I realized something the other day.  I was pondering my life and why I feel tired and drained a lot (place twenty-something  "adulting" meme here), when I think I came upon a part of the answer...

I'm tired because I'm a builder!

I realized that I am in the process of building four very different things in life all at once. That might be why I feel drained a lot even though I get enough sleep.  I'm constantly thinking about how to make four different things better,  how to keep them going, how to build and grow them.

I'm building this blog, for one thing.  As any blogger will tell you, if you want your blog to grow you need to put a lot of effort in.  Photos, projects, new content... they all take work!  

my workout buddy Molly and I!

I'm also building a career.  Right now I'm working at two jobs to help my husband through his master's program, but I ultimately want to join the military.  I'm taking steps toward that, but it involves a lot of physical exercise, studying, learning, and effort along the way to be the best candidate I can and give myself the best shot at the kind of job I want.  

I'm building a church, too.  Obviously, not by myself, but I'm part of a team that has started a brand new church in our city that was officially launched last October.  It's a multicultural church, and we're in a very monocultural town.  It's pioneering type work that has never been done in our city, and we can't find many examples of other diverse churches in monocultural towns in the U.S.... so we're trying things and listening for God's guidance and learning a lot through trial and error as we do something new. 

Then, lastly, I'm building a family business!  Recently I've stepped into the role of managing my father's recording studio and music publishing company while they are out of the country.  While I grew up at this studio (my dad started it when I was in elementary school), I don't know all the technical aspects.  I'm learning office work, technical skills to do recording sessions, and working on marketing and expanding the business.  

All of this is a lot of learning and working outside my comfort zone, which often comes with new things.  It's a bit of a trying time, but I know I'm developing grit and moxie that will come in handy later.

I have to remind myself to be patient with me.  I think we expect ourselves to pick things up and run with them faster than we as humans are really able to do.  While we may be pretty bright, humans need time to adjust to change, and there's a lot of change in the modern world and in my current situation.  I need to be patient with myself and be willing to put in the work to see things grow over time, not just overnight like I may want.  Building things takes time.

All this to say, I know I haven't been posting as much as I used to, but it just might need to stay that way for a bit in order for me to keep my sanity.  I love this blog, and you readers are the best, so I'm not going anywhere!  I'm just building a lot of stuff right now and may post a bit less.  Some days I'm too tired to pin curl my hair and put on a nice outfit, and I know you guys understand.

Are you building any things in your life right now?  How are you adjusting to change or increased responsibility?

3 Eye-Opening Lessons I Learned as a White Woman in Africa

If you've ever wondered about my experiences while living in East Africa, have I got the post for you!  I have guest posted over on Verily Merrily Mary about 3 lessons I learned as a white woman living in Africa.  These experiences were the catalyst for me becoming passionate about intercultural dialogue and racial equality.  Go ahead, hop on over and check it out!

Click here to read the post...

6 Ways to Take a Heart Break

I don't know about you guys, but the recent events in the world have my heart feeling drained.  It takes a lot of effort to care and advocate for different causes, especially when there are so many opposing views shared on social media and in real life all the time.  It's difficult not to feel a mixture of angry and sad and hopeless and passionate all at once, all the time.

I'm very passionate when it comes to certain issues; it's just a big part of my personality.  (I even took a Christian spiritual gifts test recently and got "social activism" as my top score. I REALLY care about causes!)  However, caring deeply about bringing positive change has its pitfalls, and to be truly effective at social activism and creating this change, I have to be intentional in caring for myself and my heart along the way if I don't want to burn out.

Here are the ways I help myself keep perspective and stay strong in difficult times like these:

I take significant breaks from social media.
I think you all understand why!  Taking long periods of time away from social media, especially if I'm feeling really amped or angry about something, prevents me from unwisely spouting off in statuses or from feeding my anger even further by reading other people's lunacy.  I'd include watching or reading news sources in this as well.

I spend time feeding my soul with positive things.
We're surrounded by negative, heart-wrenching information all around us.  I feel like every time I read or see something sad or mean, it "withdraws" from my emotional bank account.  If all I do is drain my emotional bank account with negativity or sadness, I will soon run dry with nothing to offer anyone else.  To keep this from happening, I "deposit" into my bank account with positive sources.  For me, the Bible is a big positive source.  It's substantial and encouraging for me.  Another way I feed my soul is by taking time to do something I love, like going to an art museum or reading a fun book.

I take some time to be silent.
Some days it seems all I do is defend myself, my opinions, and my causes and end up feeling misunderstood or judged.  On those days, I take time to be silent and avoid talking for a while.  Sometimes just being alone and cutting out criticisms from other people helps me sort out my own thoughts and work through my feelings.  I spend time in a peaceful environment.  I especially love putting on some classical or jazz music and sewing silently for a while.  I like having time to chill and relax my defenses, just do something that feels really me without any judgment, usually accompanied by a comforting hot beverage.

source

I pray. 
I know not all of you are religious or Christians, but I wanted to include this part because it's probably the most effective thing I do to give my heart a break and rejuvenate.  Prayer isn't the same as meditating or venting or channeling positive vibes; it's conversing with God.  I know that I can go and spill my heart to God with raw honesty, and he will 100% guaranteed still love me at the end of it.  He understands the things in my heart that I can't properly put into words.  He's been with me through every experience in my life, so he knows exactly where I'm coming from and what I mean.  There is no safer place to be myself than with God.  In these times where I talk with him, things happen.  My heart is put at ease.  I know God is working behind the scenes on the situations that worry me.  He speaks back to me, often through certain Bible verses or in speaking to my heart in ways that are difficult to explain.  He shows me where my thinking should change, where I need to forgive someone, or something I shouldn't do anymore.  He shapes me into a stronger, better person, not through judgment and condemnation, but through gentleness and loving-kindness.

I put things into perspective.
Sometimes I feel the pressing, heavy weight of the world's problems on my shoulders, and I feel overwhelmed by them.  There are so many issues, so many causes that vie for my attention, so many injustices that need to be addressed.  I feel almost immobilized by the immensity of wrong and evil in the world.  At this point, I remind myself to put things into perspective.  While I am able to bring about change, I am not the person that holds everything in the world together, that will solve all wrongs.  While my actions are important, I am not able to be the fixer of all problems.  I can only do what one person can do.  Beyond that, I am not responsible.  When I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way, embrace the impact of my personal voice, and do the things I am able to do within my sphere of influence, I am doing my part, and it is enough.  No one can ask me to do things I am not able to do (except God, but he's always good enough to equip me for those impossible things).  While we are important and should do what we can, we are not the saviors of the world. 
Once again, this is where my Christianity plays into my worldview.  At this point, I can hand this burden over to Jesus.  He literally is the savior of the world, and the Bible promises that when the time is right, he will right all wrongs and bring complete peace and justice.  I'm pretty excited for that, I won't lie. 

source

I work out.
The consistency of this comes and goes at this point in my life, but on days where I am very emotional or even very angry, I do something to break a sweat.  Even when I cannot and should not punch someone's face when I'm angry, I can pop in a fitness DVD and air punch my way toward better health!  Exercise is proven to make us happier and sleep better, and it can help us focus on the present instead of worrying or stressing about other things in life.  Seriously, even if you're not a gym junkie, go for a walk or pop in an exercise video when you're feeling particularly down, overwhelmed, or upset. (I'm also a fan a of embracing my whiteness and breaking some very impressive dance moves during a "Just Dance" game!)  It will do wonders for your mental state as well as helping with your physical health.
So I know that not all of you will identify with everything I said, but, hey, feel free to try any of them and see how they work for you.  We all need to take "heart breaks" to restore and refresh ourselves, especially in the midst of such a crazy time in our world.  

What other things do you do to take a heart break?  Are there other self-care strategies you have that work well for you?

Thanks to my sister for letting me use her IG picture at the top! 

A Sharecropper's Daughter

my grandmother, Mary Lou

"[T]o the women of all generations who find themselves for one reason or another in the struggle of providing and supporting a family alone, fighting prejudice, hardship and other life uncertainties while still making a difference both in their family and the world. God bless you all."  - From the dedication of "A Sharecropper's Daughter"

I recently re-ran across one of my favorite parts of my family's history, and I wanted to share it with you guys today!  You may remember me mentioning my mother's side of the family was made up of sharecroppers back in the day and were very poor.  This affected my family a lot, and I remember my grandmother, Mary Lou, telling me stories of her childhood when I was a kid, before she passed away in 2003.  Before she passed away, my grandma worked with my aunt to tell a biography of her mother, my great-grandma Julia. My aunt has compiled it into an online version entitled "A Sharecropper's Daughter" that's about as long as 4-5 blog posts, and you can read it here. 

It's not only interesting reading, but there are lots of family photos and documents! If you've wondered what poorer people in the 1900s-50s wore, you'll find pictures of them here. This story will cover lots of things that aren't usually covered in our sources of vintage knowledge: poverty in the South among whites, single parenting, mental illness, and giving to others despite having almost nothing.

Here are some of my favorite snippets from the story:

"It seemed everyone born in the south was destined to have three names, families would name their children for friends and relatives whether it made sense or not. Julia's father Walter, however was different. He was called Babe until he was four years old, when his mother told him he had to have a Christian name. He told her he wanted to be called Walter and that was that. No middle name. No relative to be remembered. Just Walter."

"Julia was ready to leave the house with such high hopes for higher learning. When her cousin came for her, her mother made the statement that set Julia Ann on a path of determination and a goal of seeking knowledge for the rest of her life, 'You're not going.' Hardly believing her ears, Julia fought back the tears. She was going to be denied her one chance for education. Her mother told her she was needed at home more than she needed an education...But the desire to learn still burned like a molten ember that was forever being fanned to burn brightly for the rest of her days."

Granny "Anner" Block

"[Granny Block] and Nicholas set up housekeeping in a little house among the trees and raised a handful of children. During their married lives, Nicholas would, as many men in the community did at the time, frequent the local 'road house' (with the reputation that went with it). One fateful night, Granny Block had had enough of being alone with the kids and surmising where Nicholas was, she reached for the pistol, walked to the 'road house' and ordered Nicholas to 'Come out, blast ya!' He refused, she insisted, so she told him she was going to start blasting through the door if he didn't show himself. So the other men (probably not wanting to be identified) made Nicholas leave and Granny (all five feet of her) marched him the long way home with the gun nestled in the middle of his back."

"Later, Julia would learn to hunt ducks, geese and squirrels herself to help fill the larder for her family. She lived through two world wars, the time of ration stamps, saccharin, no coffee, doing without, riding buses as an only means of transportation and through it all good times and bad, she never lost her love for helping people or her sense of humor. She left a legacy of Christian love and compassion for all who knew her. She lives in the lives of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren who will keep her pioneering and need-to-know spirit both in learning and striving to new heights, alive in whatever their undertaking and horizons they cross."

Click to read the whole story...

Julia

Guest Post: 3 Ways to Pick Up Your Day

From Emileigh: This week I'm on vacation in Florida!  You better believe I'm soaking up the sun and taking a million photos of the outfits I've been sewing for the occasion!  Meanwhile, I've got some lovely blogger pals that have agreed to guest post for me over the next few days, starting with the Boyer Sisters!

Hello there! We are the Boyer Sisters: Jessica, Brigid, and Charlotte; and we blog over at Boyer Family Singers Blog! Over there we post all about vintage fashion, living a creative lifestyle, and the occasional singing adventure (we sing 1940s Andrews Sisters music, which you can check out more on here).

It's a given that we all have days that just don't turn out sunny-side up... But that doesn't mean we can't try and flip them over! In following along with Emileigh's theme this month of "April Showers bring May Flowers", we girls have collected up our favorite ways to pick up a day that is down in the dumps.

Jessica's Tip: Go an a Walk

After a long morning of clicking on my keyboard, doing household chores, or an afternoon spent working at our local Greenhouse, a good walk always sets me up for the late hours of the day until bedtime. I can’t explain why it is that a walk makes me feel so good, except that it has been a daily practice of mine for the past 6 years. After one has been doing something for 6 years, one does not readily drop the habit. So, I have found that when I can’t go on a walk, and the end of the day comes around, I always get the feeling that something is missing–my body doesn’t feel thoroughly done-in. My mind becomes slightly restless.  

Walks for me are the time when I can use up that extra bit of energy in exercise; a time to lift up my heart and soul to the Lord, and overall just let my thoughts wander, peacefully. I always have a furry friend with me, whose company I enjoy greatly. I like to look down and see the four little legs trotting in quick time with my longer strides. Along with all of this I keep my ears alert for bird calls. I have been an avid bird watcher since my childhood, and going on a walk always means an opportunity to see new activity from the pretty dwellers of the sky. I can name each and every bird just from the diverse sounds of their voices, and I love to play the game of hearing them and trying to spot them in the trees before they fly!

 Ah me. There is nothing like a good walk!

Brigid's Tip: Create Something
Any time that I am feeling down in the dumps, as I examine the reasons why I may not be feeling very happy, typically I will realize that I haven’t made anything that day. I am such a hands-on, creative person, it really messes with me if I can’t create or work with my hands. Of course there are days where I don’t feel inspired to do or make anything, but just doing the smallest creative activity can lift your mood. Whether it be adding a row to my current knitting project, or sewing a seam on a dress, or even cleaning up my workspace so I can get started on a project the next day, the little things really do lift my spirit. If you ever find yourself in a slump, examine the reasons why, and if one of them is “I haven’t done something I love today” then do something; knit, sew, bake, cook, clean, even if you think it’s too small to help your mood! It will help!

Charlotte's Tip: Wear Makeup

I am a makeup fanatic of sorts, so I guess in that reality, it's no surprise that my tip relates to that subject ;) When I'm having a rough day, my appearance is definitely affected. A tired face, messy hair, and overall blah-ness really doesn't do much to boost one's morale and mood. I like to counter this by freshening up my face a bit with some basic makeup essentials: foundation (just here and there, where I need it), blush (it does wonders to liven up a droopy complexion), filling-in of the eyebrows (the most basic way to define your features without going too over the top. They do frame your eyes after all!), mascara (duh!), and my signature lipstick (Revlon Super Lustrous in Siren). It doesn't have to be much, keeping things simple on an off day is probably best too, since messing with layers upon layers of makeup can be very time consuming and tedious, which is the last thing you need! Do whatever works best to lift your face and give you a fresh, pristine look. It's always nice to be able to look in the mirror and see a face that has been looked after and manicured.

That's all for today, folks! Be sure to check out & follow our blog for more uplifting & inspiring blog posts all about fashion, creativity, and lifestyle!

How do you like to pick up your day?

xo,

-The B. Girls

That Time I Almost Made an Egyptian Man Cry in a Market...

I've decided to switch gears in the emails I send out to subscribers and turn it into more of a "behind the scenes" newsletter!  I think it'll be more fun for you guys to read and different from the content you're getting on the blog.  I'll be including stories from my life that explain the behind-the-scenes good times, struggles, and the "why" behind my blog and some of its posts.

This content will only be available through subscribing to Flashback Summer emails, and I look forward to being able to show you guys a different side of myself that may not come through on the blog as often!

Subscribe here!

To give you a peek of what some of the new emails will be like, here is what went out earlier this week to current subscribers:

While living in Egypt, I studied Arabic everyday with my family and delved into the culture full-on.  I loved practicing my language skills in the local markets and prided myself in my tough bargaining.

I went with my sister and a friend that didn't know Arabic to a market, and the friend wanted some nail polish. I took it upon myself to bargain for her in Arabic.  The man told us they would be eight pounds each, and I got him down to five. He told that price in English to my friend. As he started to bag them, he then said in English the price would be three for thirty pounds and winked to my sister and I.

Infuriated, I thought, "He's trying to pull one over on me! Didn't he just hear me speak Arabic?! We agreed on five each! Just because I'm white doesn't mean I'm stupid, geez!"

So... in proper Egyptian style, I began to flail my arms and exclaim that we had a deal, basically reaming the guy out for trying to cheat us.

When I stopped I noticed he looked horrified and his eyes were a little glassy. He said it would be no problem, five each, and started putting them in the bag.  My sister then whispered that he was just joking with our friend... I then remembered the wink. Dangit. I had missed something in that cross-cultural communication.  I apologized profusely and slinked away, very red.

Moral of the story: I attributed the price change to the guy raising prices because I was white, when in reality he was being friendly and just joking. I learned to keep from jumping to conclusions in cross-cultural situations if I was feeling offended and to instead try to figure out the "why" behind a person's actions first. It would've saved me a lot of embarrassment in this situation!

If you'd like to subscribe for more, click here!

Compact of Character: Plant for the Future & Embracing Life's Peach Pits

March is about the time when those of us in wintery climates begin to get spring fever, at least... I have it bad.  This year I want to plant a "pot garden" (meaning plants in pots, not pot plants, ha!), so I'm thinking ahead to when I should plant, what to plant, etc.  I think about the foods I want to have later this year and what I will use them for, and I'll be working backwards on a plan of planting action.  

Life is actually a lot like this process.  We all have things we want to change about who we are, things we want to improve in or develop more.  We have thoughts like, "I'd love to do that someday," or "I hope I'm like her when I'm older," or "I wish I could get better at this."  It can be easy to have a disconnect between the "future me" and the "present me," especially in light of life developments that may take a long time or have lots of steps to get to the goal.  It can be simple to relegate our hopes of becoming better to a future wish instead of a present possibility.

But we just can't say, "I would love to have a peach tree in the yard," and ten years later, magically, one appears. We all know that's ridiculous to expect that!  Yet, for some reason, we expect our character to be like that.  We expect that, magically, somewhere down the road, we'll be a healthier, happier, stronger, kinder person all of a sudden.  Like a peach tree, today we have to plant the seeds of who we want to be if we expect to actually become that person in the future.

"But a peach pit sure ain't no peach tree!" some of you may say. That's true.  And it's true in life. I am not suddenly going to become wealthy when I decide to buy a cheaper coffee today. However, the perk of starting with a character "peach pit," as humble and small as it may seem, is that the peach pit has the potential to become a tree.  There is no tree without the seed. 

So this month we'll be working on planting character "peach pits," those small steps we oftentimes dismiss as not being enough or even worthy of effort because they're such a humble start. (You know, "Only a 15 minute workout? What good will that even do? I'll wait 'til I have an hour a day to start it.")  I'll have simple projects and small challenges that will hopefully jump start personal growth for you guys and help you plant a "peach pit" for who you want to be down the road.

What are some character traits or skills you really want to be better in, but you just haven't begun (or kept up the momentum)? Is there a small "peach pit" step you've dismissed as not being good enough for a real start?


P.S. I'm still figuring out my wardrobe woes, but hopefully I'll have some helpful tips and updates on it soon!

Quick Update...

I wanted to update you guys real quick so you don't think I've fallen off the face of the earth due to blog silence.  I'm in the throes of wardrobe-transitioning and life logistics, and I'm going to hold off on posting for a bit until I can get more of a handle on things.  

Currently, this is the floor in my closet/sewing room:

It's frightening.  So, while I work on posting clothing items and selling and trying to stay organized and keep up with life, I may not post for a week or two.  Hopefully after that I'll be good to go, however, and I'll get back on a consistent posting schedule!

Thank you all for your patience and support!


P.S. If you're around my size and would like to see the items I'm cleaning out (or are looking for a certain type of item), just email or message me on Facebook and I'll be glad to show you what I've got!

Tidbits from Aria: Powerful or Powerless?

I love this tidbit from Aria on determining if you're a powerful or powerless person. Such good practical application, not to mention so many tweetable quotes in here!  Especially with Valentine's Day fast approaching, it can be easy to pawn off the responsibility for our happiness (or lack of) onto someone else. Aria's insight today shows that isn't the only option, though, and we can choose to be powerful people instead!

Are you POWERFUL or POWERLESS? 

Being powerful is a critical part of maintaining healthy relationships. Not sure where you fall? Which statements tend to describe your life more accurately? 

A) I have to go to work today. I want to find another job, but I’ve tried and I just can’t.

Oh, it’s three o’ clock. It’s time to go to that book club again. I’m so worn out, but I don’t want to disappoint them. 

I’m so unhappy. If only he was more romantic, our relationship would be better. 

I hope today’s better than yesterday. My boss ruined it by criticizing me. 

or B) Oh, time for work. This job isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life, but I’ll enjoy it today and keep working towards that other opportunity. 

You know, I went to that book club once and I didn’t enjoy it. This week, I’m going to try a yoga class instead. 

Something isn’t right in our relationship. I’m going to kindly discuss it with him after work so we can solve these problems. 

Today is going to be a good day. Whatever comes, I’ll make the most of it. 

The first three were the thoughts of a powerless person, and the last three were powerful. So are you POWERFUL or POWERLESS?

I was reading a book by a guy named Danny Silk called Keep Your Love On, and in it he talked about this concept. He summed up what it means to be powerful in relationships, “Powerful people take responsibility for their lives and choices. Powerful people choose who they want to be with, what they are going to pursue in life, and how they are going to go after it.” 

Powerful people know that they can only control themselves, and do not seek to control others. They know that they are responsible for their own happiness and choices and do not place the burden on others to make them happy, powerful, or content. They are consistently themselves, allowing others the freedom to be themselves as well. 

Powerless people fall into three categories: the rescuer, who takes responsibility for someone else’s life,  the bad guy, who manipulates and intimidates to get their needs met, and the victim, who looks for a rescuer to make them happy. As Silk said, “Powerless people use various tactics, such as getting upset, withdrawing, nagging, ridiculing, pouting, crying, or getting angry, to pressure, manipulate, and punish one another into keeping this pact… Any sense of love and safety they feel by gaining or surrendering control is tenuous and fleeting.” Each of the three categories of powerless people use these tactics to get their needs met but usually end up only in more fear and anxiety. 

The truth is, as humans, we have very real emotional and relational needs that must be met. We long to know and to be known. Each one of us has had different experiences in all kinds of relationships, and some of those relationships have caused deep pain through betrayal, mistrust, neglect, and abuse. That pain can lead us to act out of fearful powerlessness instead of acting out of powerful love. I do not know what you have gone through, and I do not know the pain you have experienced, but I do know that that pain does not need to define your relationships today. Replacing the lying thoughts that cause you to act out of fear--such as thinking you are worthless, a mistake, or unlovable--and replacing them with truth can start you on the way to becoming powerful. You are valuable, purposeful, and dearly loved. I am sure of this because as a Jesus-follower, I know He believes that about you and me, no matter what. 

Being powerful in relationships is something I’m continuing to learn myself, but as we learn to take responsibility for our own lives without having to continually bend to the opinions and control of others, we can become free to be ourselves and let others do the same.  Safe, accepting, and healthy relationships cannot coexist with manipulation, fear, and control.  They only exist when two or more powerful people take responsibility for maintaining their connection by taking responsibility for their own actions. It takes effort and honesty, but is so worth it. 

Today’s going to be a great day, friend. And that is a powerful thought!

What do you think about being powerful/powerless in relationships?  If you're willing to share, how do you see this affecting your views of Valentine's Day this year and beyond?

My Blogging Story

In light of my last controversial post about starting a blog to make money, I wanted to tell my story about blogging and talk about the reasons why I continue to blog.  I think they're very different, my motivations for starting and the motivations I had for continuing it until now.  (It's kind of long, but the process has been kind of complex, so I wanted to explain it well.)

You see, I love business.  I love making money.  Not to have money necessarily, but I enjoy the strategy, the creativity, the achievement of bringing an idea to fruition and making it work for me.  My father and grandfather are both entrepreneurs, so I've been raised with sayings like, "If you can't find a job, make one for yourself," "Learn how to make money doing what you love to do anyway," "Want something? Work for it," and "Making money requires creativity."

I love this heritage I've received from my family members, and it has resulted in quite a few business endeavors throughout my life.  It began with a briefcase of handmade items I sold to unsuspecting kids at church (with a 10 cent up charge for personalization), moved to making hundreds of origami flowers to sell, to my pet business in my neighborhood (called "Wag, Walk, 'n' Wash"), doing yard work, selling duct tape accessories for charities, and doing simple alterations and running an Etsy shop as a college student.  Obviously.... I think business is fun.

So when I discovered the world of vintage as a freshman in college and decided to integrate vintage into my wardrobe, I realized I had two huge obstacles to reaching that dream: I had no knowledge and I had no money.

I began to research to learn about vintage styles to overcome that obstacle.  I discovered vintage blogs and pored over them, learning from others who have started this journey long before I did and benefitting from their experience.  Since I had never seen a vintage wearer in real life, I felt like I was discovering kindred spirits.  It was the ladies of the blogosphere that encouraged me to wear gloves and rock the large hats, even if everyone in my town stared at me.  Seeing that vintage was normal to a lot of other people made me feel a lot less abnormal, in the sense that my unique style was good, not just freakish.

The second obstacle was still very real, however.  I didn't have a lot of money, being a college student and all, to spend on clothes.  I didn't have time in my schedule to pick up a "real" job, but I new I could make money other ways.  I started an Etsy shop.  My father always told me the best way to earn money was to figure out a way to earn it without me having to be there, and an online shop available to people 24/7 was a way for my investment to work for me while I was in class, versus trying to create a pop up shop or go to craft fairs or something.  I took the plunge.  

I learned very quickly that selling on Etsy is hard.  An aunt of mine suggested starting a blog to go along with it, with the idea that people have a reason to keep coming to a blog (good content), while they don't necessarily have a reason to keep coming back to my Etsy shop (until I built a loyal following).  Seemed like a good idea to me!  After a hiccup where I realized I couldn't try to be someone else on my blog, I started Flashback Summer.

Soon I discovered... Hey, I actually like blogging... for blogging's sake!  I saw how it helped me develop my style and figure out what my "niche" is in life.  It helped me, again, feel normal in my uniqueness from the encouragement of others in comments.  I did conclude, also, that blogging is actually a terrible way to try to make money!  It's so slow going, especially nowadays, and hard work doesn't necessarily equate to more success.  At all.  Mostly it's just hard work.

But I kept blogging!  I like how it has helped me develop and I like the people I have met.  I enjoy writing and having motivation to practice it often.  I relish the chance to share the things I've learned with others.  This motivated me when it was difficult, when my numbers weren't growing, when I stressed about getting posts out, when I was jealous of others' success, when comments were less than encouraging.  It wasn't the chance of money that kept me putting one cyber foot in front of the other, it was blogging itself.  I actually put my Etsy shop on the back burner and eventually closed it because I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as blogging.

Then after a while of developing my readership and figuring out who the heck I am as a blogger, I figured maybe I can make a bit of pocket change off of this.  Why not?  I could at least offset my coffee bills while I write!  That family advice of, "If you love something, make money of off it" came to mind.  Nowadays I make a little bit of money off of sponsorships and such, but it pretty much is still just coffee money and money I put back into improving the blog.  And I'm great with that!  If opportunities come my way, I'll take advantage of them.  If they don't, I'm quite contented with the benefits blogging provides.  It's a success in and of itself.

So what's your blogging story? What do you feel is your greatest motivation to keep blogging?

If you aren't a blogger, what made you decide to take the vintage plunge?  What encouraged you to keep on keepin' on when it got difficult? 

3 Things I Learned From Holocaust Memorial Day

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I discovered today is Holocaust Memorial Day (UK), so I've decided not to let it pass without thinking about the tragedy and learning from it.  I think it's one of most telling representations of humanity at its best and worst, simultaneously.  Some of the greatest cruelty was committed, and some of the bravest, most selfless heroism exhibited.  It's astounding.

On this day, if I think about it hard, it can bring up a lot of emotions.  Of course, I wasn't there and I didn't experience the Holocaust, but I've read so much about it, and so many of my heroes and role models come from this era that it affects me very deeply.  However, it doesn't do any good to just have an emotional experience and a good sniff, then move on with my day.  The point of a memorial day is to look back and learn from the past.  Here are some of the things I have learned from the Holocaust:

Fear and ignorance are incredible weapons.
Nazi Germany is one of the most profound examples of the power of fear.  Today, we are amazed at the seeming powerlessness people embraced in the face of impending destruction.  How could they not see it, we wonder.  Why didn't they do something about it?  Self-inflicted ignorance and fear.  People were unwilling to believe such atrocities could exist, and when they realized they were really happening, many chose to stay silent.  Not all people on the side of Adolf Hitler were haters; a great many were simply afraid.  Afraid for their families, afraid for their lives.  Although they had good reason, this fear turned them compliant and silent.  What would have happened if more people stood up against Hitler?
So in our lives, how much room do we give to fear and self-inflicted ignorance?  Knowing that they have been used as weapons of mass destruction throughout history time and again, how much of a place should they have in our hearts?  How is fear at the root of so many issues in the world right now like immigration, terrorism, and racism?

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Don't dismiss faith.
All of the people that did stand up, however, deserve our respect. But what makes people act so boldly, so selflessly, so nobly in the face of such darkness?  We see it time and again in the biographies of people like Corrie ten Boom and Dietrich Bonhoeffer: faith in God.  Of course, not everyone during WWII embraced faith; many lost it.  But there seems to be a common thread in the lives of truly faith-filled people during this period.  They made an impact, and they either gave their lives to save others or lived to extend unfathomable forgiveness after the war to those who had mistreated them.  What force brings about effectiveness and reconciliation like that?  Even if you aren't into religion, the stories of these people should make a great case study.  If you normally dismiss faith, perhaps it could be worth it to see what made these deeply religious people so strong in a horrible time.  There might be something to it.

The ten Boom family and some of their "house guests" during WWII.  Source.

Everyone has a voice and something to offer.
I think we often confuse persecution with being voiceless.  In some cases, as with children, people truly can't stand up for themselves; they don't have the capacity.  We need to fight for them.  However, being in a situation that may require extreme sacrifice doesn't equate to voicelessness.  It equates to a very difficult choice: use my voice to speak against evil and possibly pay with everything I have, or stay silent and possibly keep what I have?  In situations like these, we still have a voice.  We just have to decide if it's worth it for us to raise it.  How many people spoke up against evil and died for it in WWII?  Though they spoke up, how long did the war drag on?  Even if it doesn't evoke immediate change, does our voice have value?  Thoughts to ponder.
For my own life, I decide now that I will have the courage to stand up for what's right, even if it requires extreme sacrifice.  You can all hold me accountable on that.

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Have you ever thought about what the Holocaust can teach you?  What sorts of things have you learned from this period in history that you can apply to your own life?

Hey, I'm Emileigh. A Q&A Video

Back in this post, I asked you guys if there was anything you wanted to ask me in an effort to get to know me a little better.  I wasn't able to answer all of your questions in this video (thank you so much for your enthusiastic response!), but I answered a few!  

Videos are not my forte, but I hope you can get to know me a bit better in this video, and hopefully I'll be able to answer more questions in later installments!

Tidbits From Aria: Starting Fresh & Making a Plan

As part of the new plan for a new year on the blog, this is the first of Aria's posts on holistic healthy living.  Pragmatic and New-Year's-Resolution-hating me loves this post for its honesty and realistic attitude, and I'm sure you guys will find it useful, too!

It’s hard to believe another year has gone by, placing in our hands a new season, a new beginning. Welcome to 2015, friend. You made it. It’s a crisp-blank-page of a new day, and you’re holding the pen.  Let’s revel in that fact for a moment. 

I can assume that since you’re reading this, you’re alive, and if you’re alive, it means you have today to make a mark on that blank page. What better way to begin a new season than by setting goals? It’s cliche to discuss in January, but setting goals can help you live intentionally in order to really become who you want to be. One of my dreams is to be that ol’ granny who climbs mountains on the weekend (literally), but if I never get off the couch when I’m young, how will that ever come about? 

And so, I set goals. Small steps that will lead to that mountaintop. Habits that will build a solid foundation for the future. Tangible behaviors that will help you and me both to become who we want to be. It’s going to require thought, change, brutal honesty, and saying no sometimes, but sticking with your goals will allow you to say a resounding YES to the life you want to live and the person you want to be. 

Goal setting involves three parts: 1) Establishing ground rules 2) Self-awareness and 3) Putting the pen to paper. Ready? Let’s go! 

ESTABLISHING GROUND RULES
Before you set out on changing your life, you’ve got to first establish some rules for yourself that will help these changes be sustainable. I’ve provided some examples:

• If you wouldn’t say it to someone else, don’t say it to yourself.  Guess what? You are valuable, beautiful, desirable, and capable. End of story. Give yourself a break. 
• Be willing to give it time. Long-term lifestyle change is going to take time…Possibly a lot of time. Don’t expect to see immediate results, but be willing to give these steps time to take effect. 
• Allow space for laughter and failure. You may fail a few times. Don’t let failure be the end of the story, but identify what went wrong and adjust accordingly. Laugh, because it’s not over! 
• Be honest. During the process, you may be confronted with uncomfortable memories, feelings, and conversations. Things can only stay stuffed down for so long, so work through them now and be honest and kind with yourself and others about what you need. 
• Remember you can only change you. Only you can control your behavior, and your behavior alone.  Flourish by taking control of your own life, and allow others the freedom to do the same. 

Maybe you can think of other boundaries you want to establish for yourself. Write ‘em down! 

SELF-AWARENESS
Now that you’ve established the ground rules, its time to observe. You probably know which areas you have trouble in. They’re those areas you ponder before you slip into sleep, promising you’ll do better tomorrow. Before you set goals, take one to three days to simply observe your own behavior, because in order to change and reach your goals, you must behave differently. 

If you want to rearrange your finances, take time to observe what you’ve bought over the past month and why. If you have health goals, take time to observe why you eat the foods you do, and when you are most susceptible to doing what you shouldn’t. If you have relational goals, observe how you interact with those you care about, and identify your own behaviors that are preventing deeper connection. 

It may seem unproductive and tedious at first, but taking time to write these observations down is a critical part of setting and reaching your goals. This is because each action has a cause and a consequence, and becoming aware of why you do what you do will help you identify what exactly needs to change. Writing them down also helps you to see change across time. 

PEN TO PAPER
Alright, you’ve heard it before. Achievable goals are specific and measurable. 

My goal of being a fit granny is pretty vague, so for the start of 2015, I have set the goal of working out at least three times a week for the spring semester, as a continuation from last semester. In the past, I went from working out zero times to six times per week, and it wasn’t sustainable. Instead, I’m starting small and will work up to where I want to be with time.

An aspiring weight-lifter doesn’t enter the gym for the first time and bench 400 pounds. Or rather, someone doesn’t pin curl their hair just right the first time (I’m still working on that…and benching 400 pounds…).

Effective goal setting is taking small steps in the right direction. Want to become a better photographer? Set aside a specific time once a week or so to practice and develop your skills. Want to be more thoughtful? Budget funds from your paycheck to give to others, or set a specific time to call your mom once a week (or whatever!). Set a specific goal and give it a deadline of six weeks, two months, etc. When the deadline comes, reevaluate your goal and set the next deadline for completion. 

Whatever area you most want to work on, make a goal that is focused on a specific, measurable behavior, give it a deadline, and write it down where you can see it often.

Alright, so there you have it, a few thoughts on setting effective goals. In the past, you may have succeeded, you may have failed, and you may have done both. This year doesn’t have to be like last year. Even if you’ve scrawled on a few of the pages already, it’s still got that new-book smell, and what remains is delightfully blank.  

Go, friend. You’ve got the pen. 

And 2015 is your year. 

Why do you (or don’t you) set goals at the start of the year? What has helped you reach your goals? What has hindered you from reaching them in the past?