The Ability to Remember and Memories.

I woke very early this morning. Apart from anything I had cramp.  I got up, walked around and eventually went back to bed. Sleep obviously wasn't an option so I decided to have a thinking session. Thinking has never been one of my strong points. That was my Brother, CJ's, forté. However, I came up with some good ideas relating to a combination of the mundane (practical things like meals for the next few days) to blogging. I lay there writing blogs in what passes for my mind. I decided on a plan for those days this coming week where I had 'free time' (not many!). Then disaster struck. I dozed off for a short while. When I woke I couldn't recall a single idea that I'd had. 

I'm writing this this evening, some hours later.  I'm sure that many of you will have read occasional tales of woe about my lack of a memory. I come from a family with phenomenal memories. 

As an example, in 2001, my father as he lay dying at the age of 94 (when his heart had failed and wouldn't even give him enough oxygen to allow him to raise an arm) was taken into a nursing home. I was at home on Lewis. I got into the car and went for the lunchtime ferry and, with an overnight stop, arrived in Liverpool around lunchtime the next day.

I was saying hello to my father when a lady with a clipboard and briefcase came in. She introduced herself as being from the welfare department. She had come to assess my father for his suitability for a nursing home place (or, presumably, an alternative). I should say that my father had heart failure and couldn't raise his arm or even a hand to his face to give himself a drink.

The welfare officer started asking my father the usual, and to me at that moment silly, questions to asses his mental faculties. At this point, I (who was obviously very tired both physically and emotionally) completely unreasonably berated the social worker for harassing someone in my father's condition. She was rather taken aback but my father saved the day by saying "Oh for heaven's sake stop acting like a couple of children.  I assume you want to know how compos mentis I am. I'm in a nursing facility. We live in a constitutional monarchy."  He then went on to name members of the government and so on until the social worker turned to me and said "Well that's us well and truly put in our place. I don't think I need to bother your father any more. I think we can safely say I have all the information I need to approve the placement".  She thanked my father and said cheerio. 

Dad died a few days later..

Funerals

I've just been to an acquaintance's funeral in Canada. The deceased was the sister of one of my oldest and dearest friends. It was a rather impersonal funeral for me because only a minister and a granddaughter spoke. God was the principal subject of the service and I appreciate for many that is the whole purpose of a funeral.

When our older son died he had already specified that the Humanist service was to be a joyful celebration of his life. He organised it all before he died (of cancer) and it was a wonderful celebration of his life. No black was worn. In all honesty I remember very little of the day except that I was fine until the first song (by the Smashing Pumpkins).

Most of the funerals on the Island are impersonal traditional funerals but the last one I attended was another celebration of life (and a Salvation Army service) with the joy of the deceased's life being celebrated. It was an occasion of happy memories.

My maternal grandmother died over 50 years ago (aged 94) and she told me that under no circumstances was I to wear a black tie. I didn't and raised the ire of some of her relatives who suddenly appeared from nowhere to say their last goodbyes.

Funerals are a way of ensuring that those who remain can overcome or live with their loss and grief. They are irrelevant to the deceased personally in that that person has departed this mortal coil. 

I hope that when I go there will still be a few around who will reminisce and say reasonably pleasant things about me (I won't kid myself that they will all be nice things) and have a good catch-up with all the others who know me and who might turn up.