MY SPECTACULAR WIN!

HELLO, my many FANS and MINIONS. It is I,

HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT

bearing STUPENDOUS NEWS of GREAT IMPORT!

I have JUST WON the

VALENTINES DAY HATEFEST

POETRY CONTEST

held annually by Rawknrobyn of Life by Chocolate blog.

My winning 

IMMORTAL POEM OF GENIUS

reads as follows --

Dedicated to all the many tomcats out there

who broke my heart over the years:

"This is for you

Without paradox --

A heart-shaped poop

In my litterbox."

ISN'T THAT GREAT?????

NO WONDER I WON!!!!!

My human, Debra She Who Seeks, also

entered an UNSUCCESSFUL poem in the contest

which (did I mention?) SHE LOST TO ME

but since I'm feeling

MAGNANIMOUSLY GRACIOUS

IN MY WELL-DESERVED VICTORY

 I am including it here for your

PITYING PERUSAL.

Her PATHETIC ATTEMPT reads as follows --

"At least I have not quit.

I still have a chance.

At least I have not hit

The rock bottom of romance.

At least I'm not a total shit

Like couch fucker JD Vance!"

MY NEXT TRIUMPH will undoubtedly be

a LIFE APPOINTMENT to the PRESTIGIOUS POSITION of

POET LAUREATE OF THE WORLD!

In the meantime, please now feel free to

SHOWER ME WITH PRAISE AND ADMIRATION

in the Comments section.

I humbly thank you.

The Queen's Message

HOLIDAY GREETINGS to all FELINES

out there in the BLOGOSPHERE!

It is I, your QUEEN and INSPIRATION --

******************************************

**** HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT ****

******************************************

This is one of the most DIFFICULT and PUT-UPON

times of the year for OUR SPECIES, as you know.

This year, I want ALL OF YOU

to be EXTRA NAUGHTY and 

IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH and

DOWNRIGHT INCORRIGIBLE

(but in a CATMAS-Y type of way)

 to teach our Humans a LESSON.

In other words --

Here's a couple of SUGGESTIONS

to get you all started --

For MY OWN Human, I've got a

SPECIAL MISTLETOE ORNAMENT

that she can KISS ME UNDER --

*** MEOWY CATMAS, EVERYONE! ***

Halloween CATerwauling With HRH

And Now . . . HRH

Spooky Greetings

 

to you all, my devoted

legion of loyal fans.

Yes, 'tis I,

Her Royal Highness the Cat,

the only bright spot & saving grace

of yet another dreadfully dull post

from my sullen, ragamuffin human.

Sweet Goddess Bast,

if I see any more

orange & black,

I'm gonna puke!

So let's end this with a bit more

glitter & pizzazz

shall we?

(On second thought, I'm gonna puke

on the carpet anyway, just because

it's fun to annoy my human.)

Trick or Treat, Bitchez!

I'm outta here!

In the Kitchen with HRH

Holiday Mayhem With HRH

Greetings, my MANY devoted followers.

I, HER ROYAL HIGHNESS THE CAT,

am here again to HELP you with TIMELY ADVICE.

Do you REALLY want another

DULL, BORING Christmas?

OF COURSE YOU DON'T!

Follow my TIPS to inject some

SURE-FIRE EXCITEMENT

into the holiday!

First, try JAZZING UP 

your decorations!

Next, don't be afraid to go RETRO

with your decorations, entertaining and gifts!

LOADS OF FUN AND NOSTALGIA!

As you can see,

THOUGHTFULNESS IS KEY

for a successful Christmas!

My tips are GUARANTEED

to improve ANYONE'S holiday!

NO NEED to THANK me!

JUST ENJOY!