No Context UK 🇬🇧 (@UKNoContext) / X

No Context UK 🇬🇧

4,689 posts

No Context UK 🇬🇧

@UKNoContext

- All the funniest U.K. related content here

United Kingdom

Joined June 2019

No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Sep 19, 2019
brought brownies in for all my co workers. wasn’t cos i was being nice but cos i heard they were doing a random drugs test and i didn’t want to be the only dirty one so unless they plan on firing the whole staff force they better leave me the fuck alone
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
May 21, 2022
“dad i’m walking out at wembely on play off finals day can i get a new pair of trainers? no son wear your school shoes”
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Apr 7, 2020
if i had a pound for every time he looked at me i’d have 50p
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No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Feb 7, 2020
phillip schofield lies to his wife and kids for 27 years and he’s labelled brave and a hero but when i lie to the missus about being on the gear one weekend i’m a cunt... double standards
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Dec 23, 2019
rather just stick my cock down your throat to be honest jena
Jena
@jenafrumes
Dec 23, 2019
Wine🍷 while we watch the sunset anyone?
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Jan 2, 2020
injury lawyers 4 u are shit. when our neighbours 15 year old daughter cut herself climbing our fence they told me to take photos of her gash. guess who’s in court tomorrow
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Apr 29, 2020
just tested positive for wanting to slide tackle a goth
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Dec 30, 2019
2019 stats: drug intake: approx 118g unpaid tick: £37.53 stole from sons money box: £94.52 paid son back: £0 lasses met on tinder: 27 lasses shagged from tinder: 27 written warnings: 7 turtle heads: 23 boxers with skid marks: 23 near scraps: 207 actual scraps: 1 scraps won: 0
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Jun 24, 2020
dyslexic lives mattress
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Oct 21, 2019
when you pour coke into a glass too quickly
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Jul 1, 2020
we need a gulag for when cunts get kicked out of nightclubs winner gets back in
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Feb 24, 2022
last thing russia wants is a bloke like me on the front line. nimble. quick hands. high score of 987 on them boxing machines. neighbours cower behind the curtains when i walk through the estate. unfortunately done my back in at work last week so will have to give it a miss. sick.
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Nov 10, 2019
i went up to a random ginger lad and asked “if you had 7 girls phone numbers in one pocket and 8 in the other, what would you have?” he said “id have 15 girls phone numbers” i said “wrong, you’d have someone else’s trousers on you ginger cunt”
No Context UK 🇬🇧
@UKNoContext
Dec 10, 2019
put MDMA in nanas tea so she could chew her dinner properly, absolute legend i am