ape, 4 million years ago: [contentedly eating roots]
god: check this out
angel: what
god: it's about to develop self-awareness
ape: [stops chewing] oh, son of a BITCH
god: lol
angel: lol
it is kinda wild that george lucas wrote FTL travel and laser swords into his movies but the status of women’s medicine is a robot that goes “ooba” while you die in childbirth
imagine you’re drinking a $18 sparkling water called Butterfly Mist, rolling on the worst molly ever stamped, and listening to EDM from the bush administration when Hamas guys start dropping out of the sky. thats the kind of shit that in the old testament meant god is mad at you
they’re doing this because if they lit a candle for every jewish citizen of vilnius the lithuanians killed during the holocaust it’d burn the city down
the funniest moment in videogame history is in fallout 3 when your dad asks you if you blew up a town with a nuclear bomb, and then says "well i'm very disappointed but we'll talk later" when you admit to it
ROBIN: subterrannean semites, batman! the chabadniks are tunneling under the gotham bank!
BATMAN: who could have put them up to this?
[mitzvah tank door opens] [a man removes the most racist fake beard and nose imaginable]
JOKER: shabbat shalom, boys! hahahahaha!