we need a disney princess who is a piece of shit
- my secret? 4 days of treating my body like a temple then 3 days of treating my body like the Great Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch
- What if your mother aborted you? Um I’d be floating through the universe radiating pure love energy and I wouldn’t have to pay bills
- men will see their mothers in a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness and be like “i cant wait to give that to a woman of my own one day 🥹💕”
- there should be a new politcal party thats not embarrassing
- Guys are always like “i was just joking geez” well if you were good at it i’d be laughing
- drinking enough water is a full time job
- guys be like “men are visual creatures” ok then why do u look like that
- one good sandwich can change the trajectory of your entire life
- the next short guy that makes me sad is going in a ziploc bag
- i had a nightmare i was at my ex’s house and i ate one of his bagels and he was like “you owe me $1.99 for that”
- Ariel is just a victim of underwater patriarchy/ an overbearing father, unfortunately she was a beautiful fish with a talented singing voice but she thought she needed human legs to be better
- me: Idk how to make small talk “just ask people questions about themselves” me: so do u have any dark thoughts that keep you awake at night?
