shell's tired of waking up tired

It's a WIP, but, hey, it's something! For Marvel Trumps Hate 2019.

Frigga's Boon (2233 words) by shell
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Barney Barton/Laura Barton
Characters: Phil Coulson, Clint Barton, Barney Barton, Frigga | Freyja (Marvel), Laura Barton, Nick Fury
Additional Tags: Marvel Trumps Hate 2019
Summary:

"I would grant you a boon," Frigga told him.

So I was in Michigan, where I cooked and baked All the Things (spanakopita, kiss cookies, kranse, decorated cut-out cookies my sister made, Swedish pancakes, and mushrooms at Xmas dinner) and put up with my mother's constant complaints. I was super duper looking forward to getting home and chilling out with season 2 of Runaways on Hulu (which I'd managed to watch a couple of episodes of at my mom's), among other things, and reading All the Yuletide fic.

I got home very late on Thursday night after some snafus with Ride Austin, and I found that nothing was working. The power had gone down at some point, and now my cable, modem/wifi, and home phone were all borked. There'd been something about a cable being cut on the apt complex discussion board back on the 22nd, so I thought maybe that was it. I got on the phone with Uverse and spent 35 fruitless minutes trying to convince them that no, it was NOT my modem (which had been replaced less than a year ago), then finally got them to schedule a tech to come out--in SIX DAYS (on the 2nd).

So I spent 6 days only able to connect via a hotspot on my phone or ipad, which went through data faster than you can believe, so that for the first time ever I went through all of my data & got charged $15 for an extra gig (the fact that I'd spent a lot of time driving around Ann Arbor using my phone for directions certainly didn't help). The tech came (40 minutes late--although I was texted he was running late, and it was raining like crazy out) and took approximately 60 seconds to determine that I was 100% right that it was not my modem and was a problem with something completely outside my apartment. He then spent probably another 30-40 minutes outside fixing THAT, then came inside again, and finally by about 4 I had everything working again.

The upshot of this is that I have only barely begun to scrape the surface of Yuletide, have not read here at all (I was trying to limit my time online and also not read recs for fic I couldn't really access), and ended up rewatching 3 seasons of Farscape on dvd while unable to watch anything BUT dvds.

I also had to spend a bunch of time on the phone with the Uverse people arranging to get prorated for all the time my services were borked.

Anyway, I'm alive, I'm okay, I still have some time off before I have to go back to work, I'm getting my hair cut and colored this afternoon (thank fucking GOD for that), and I have finally watched the rest of the Runaways eps. I've even caught up on some of my massive stack of comics and New Yorkers. It's now time to take down all the Xmas stuff, which I'm not in the mood to do. I had a quiet new year (watching Farscape and dreaming of the next night, when I'd be able to surf the web and watch anything I felt like), as I usually do. Hope all is well with all of you.

Since we last talked, I've done stuff like spend hours online with the AT&T Uverse people trying to get Uverse to work with my new tv (technician came today & installed a wireless box, which finally worked, but I had to rush home to make the appointment), done a ton of check-offs (final check on a student today after clinical, which the student did not pass), started psych clinical, and a bunch of other stuff that does not include answering any comments. Hopefully I'll get to those soon. Clinical again tomorrow from 6:30-2, but then I don't have to go in to the office again until Monday, and I won't have to stay late next week at all except for a half hour on Tuesday.

Also, my new tv is AWESOME & I love it. But I missed part of Agent Carter last night because my DVR was fuzted up--it's getting older, and eventually I'll have to replace it, but that will have to be timed carefully (like, after certain shows are either out on bluray or on Netflix), and now is definitely not the time. So hopefully it will last me at least until Agents of SHIELD is available elsewhere.

And now I should get ready for bed, because I've got day shift clinical on both Weds. & Thursday while in psych, so I'll be getting up at 5 again tomorrow.

So I talk to my mom every Sunday, right? And one of the things we love to talk about (and that’s generally very SAFE to talk about) is television. We find shows that both of us watch–sometimes we’ve both discovered something, and sometimes one of us starts watching something and gets the other person to watch it–and we talk about the characters, the writing, the acting, etc. Lately there’s been a lot of dissing of the latest season of The Good Wife, for example, and also me explaining the plot points my mom didn’t get on Supergirl.

So this last Sunday, my mom excitedly announced that she’d discovered a new show on her Comcast streaming that she loves and thinks I would too. That show is Heartland, and I’ve been binge-watching it since Sunday night.

It’s a CBC show, but they’ve been airing it on the UP network (although they’re not currently airing it), and the first 6 seasons are on Netflix (they’re currently on season 10 in Canada). The show is about a family in a small Alberta town who live on a horse ranch. The mom heals problem/abused horses, basically by paying attention to what they need/what their fears are. She dies in the first episode, and her 15 year old daughter kind of takes over her work. Her older sister comes back from her high-paying finance job in New York, and the two of them and their grandfather have typical and fairly predictable type problems, solved in fairly typical and predictable ways, but it all happens in beautiful scenery and with gorgeous horses. Also, there’s a kid on probation that stays with us, and a neighbor girl who is basically there all the time.

Good things:

The acting’s really good. I’m only in the second season, but some of the recurring guest stars have been played by the likes of whathisname who plays Green Arrow and Tatiana Maslany.

Not only is the acting good, so is the way they deal with the horses. Every one of the main characters is played by actors who very clearly know how to ride, and ride well. The horses are integrated into the show in a realistic fashion–well, as realistic as you can get in a kind of soapy family show. Like, there’s a lot of shoveling of horse manure along with the trail rides.

At this point in my watch (2/3 through the second season) there haven’t been any out queer characters yet, but one of the love interests is a First Nations veterinarian, and the younger daughter’s best friend is an African-Canadian. The canon pairings are all het (at least at this point), but there’s a huge potential for other pairings, including a lot of potential femslash.

The scenery is absolutely GORGEOUS. It’s filmed on location in Alberta, not far from Calgary and also not far from Banff.

It takes the politics and make-up of Alberta cattle-country seriously–there have been well-done plots dealing with cattle thieves, for example–and the character types read as authentic, as far as this non-native Texan who’s lived in small towns and was very horse-crazy can tell.

There are great female characters, and they’re definitely imperfect in (mostly) interesting ways. Although they do spend a lot of time talking about guys, they also spend a lot of time talking about horses, money, various plans, etc.; I think every episode I’ve seen has been an easy Bechdel pass.

Not so good:

The aforementioned heterocentric vibe and the often hokey/predictable plots. It’s very much a “family drama.” There are dead mothers and fathers who leave their families and a kind of evil, rich, show jumping stable owner who is really mean to her spoiled rotten daughter, who is in turn a total mean girl until the main character helps her with her horse. But! None of them are PURELY their type, so that’s good.

The fact that the most recent seasons aren’t easily available outside Canada (although I believe season 7 & 8 may be available on DVD). Apparently people have been waiting for a long time for Netflix to carry even season 7, even though season 9 is now currently airing. And not everyone has access to UP network, when it’s even running the show (not sure when it’s going to start up again; the UP website doesn’t say).

Is anyone else around here watching it? There are only 7 stories up at AO3, and I haven’t read any of them yet, especially since I’m only in the 2nd season. Oh, and this is the Wikipedia page on the show.

Things are going okay so far! My sister is super angry at absolutely everyone and everything ALL THE TIME, but my time with her will actually be somewhat limited this visit, so that's good. I just finished editing my Yuletide fic, so that's done. Tonight is This is Dinner. Made kiss cookies yesterday; kranse are going to wait for a day or two. Started working on a pair of fingerless gloves for my mom that I will try my hardest to finish before I go home. Swedish pancakes tomorrow here, then dinner at my sister's. Planning on going to see TFA with my pal Phil (a real Phil, not Phil Coulson, sadly) on probably Monday.

Happy Holidays & lots of love to all of you, my sweets!

Got to see my beloved panisdead and rusty76 today at New World Deli! It was the Original Three, together again ♥ ♥ ♥

Still no word on the book. Going bonkers with waiting.

Super busy with work. Next week will be a bear, and classes start the week after that.

You know, misbegotten is AWESOME. Every single time I mention something about needing an icon, one or more show up for me, and sometimes they show up just because I am the person thought of. Last week I actually downloaded a couple of Skottie Young Hawkeye things from Tumblr, even though I didn't like them that much, but I didn't need to, because I have this one and one other now! &misbegotten;

Alas, I have work to do, and I am going to try to actually do some of it. Peace out.

I am home, safe and sound. I had a good visit with my sister. I had to get up at 6:30 this morning (5:30 Austin time), and I am TIRED.

There's stuff to say about the rest of the trip, the rest of the con, the amazing birthday dinner my sister & BIL took me to, and no doubt stuff I can't even remember at the moment, but that will have to wait because I am completely fried.

At least I am fried at home, with a hummus sandwich from New World Deli courtesy of kgbroussard, and cats who are very happy to have me home. Also I am wearing my pjs.

Peace out.

I posted a brief recap of my first day at Heroescon over at the Austin Comics Ladies Tumblr.

I think everything but my computer is packed & ready, and a friend is coming in 15-20 minutes to pick me up and take me to the airport so I can fly to NC for HEROESCON YAY. Also visiting my sister after. BUT I AM FINALLY GOING TO GET TO MEET FRACTION & KELLY SUE. And other people, too. And Rachel & Demi are all excited about showing me Charlotte.

SO PLEASE DO NOT LET ANY WEATHER INTERFERE WITH MY ABILITY TO GET THERE.

( Recovery details TMI warning. )

Anyway. Have been rewatching season 2 of Agents of SHIELD to try to figure out how to work through that canon and Age of Ultron--I think I've mostly figured some things out, and hopefully am at the stage where I can start actively writing again? I'm a couple episodes past the mid-season break in my re-watch, which is helping a lot with how I want to time things re: when Coulson actually shows up at the farm, among other things.

I also need to figure out when to go see Age of Ultron again with Rachel (for her birthday present), and I need to see Fury Road because everything I've read about it screams awesome. But for today I gave myself an A+ in self-care for realizing that it made much more sense for me to do my therapy appointment over the phone rather than fight holiday weekend traffic while cramping a ton (being in the car is not a helpful situation, especially when my back is involved). I think the appointment was much more helpful in terms of actual insight than it would have been if I'd driven in.

Okay, well. Back to trying to write, I think. As you were.

I am home! Planning on a shower & a nap & a whole lot of nothin'.

Hi all--this is Demi, posting from a swanky hospital suite where Shell and I are spending the day. She's out of the OR and doing great, although very very sleepy. But the Dr. says she did fabulously, and she's headed home tomorrow.

So, yay!

So, Monday sucked beyond belief; SO many things went wrong; broke down at work; still made it through lecturing that night and all of Tuesday. Didn't sleep well last night. Teary this morning at clinical but made it through, although it didn't help that various annoying things happened. Drove to the comic book store because I thought the final Secret Avengers came out this week, but it didn't, so I wish I'd skipped it. Stopped to pick up a couple things at the drug store and this one woman got incredibly pissed off at me for trying to pull out from the parking lot and I almost burst into tears but drove home instead. Talked to my mom and only got a little teary. And now it's almost 10 and I feel like I've got all this crap bubbling under the surface, and I've been keeping a super tight rein on it all week, and I still have to get through tomorrow, and there's shit for work that I still have to take care of by Friday, and I am continuing to hang on by the skin of my teeth.

But I am hanging on.

I...I don't exactly want to spend time thinking about everything that happened a year ago, but I kind of feel like I need to? Or should? Or something? Except for how I actually can't right now, because, see: hanging on by the skin of my teeth. SO MUCH WORK TO DO.

I need, like, a ton of time at home alone to decompress. At least I don't have any plans for this weekend. Except for all the work I need to do.

I have been distracting myself when unable to sleep by composing mental emails to Ales Kot about various issues and concerns I have with stuff he's been saying lately, and also feeling sad that I am always so unhappy with how Jeremy Renner is in interviews, and how I want him to be a person that I can truly respect, like I do Clark Gregg, but instead find myself wondering about his childhood and the bad influence of his father and how I think he's much closer to the character of Ned in Neo Ned than anyone else he's played and how he's always either striking me as drunk/high or possibly in need of ritalin and also oh Renner why do you have no filter and say such obnoxious sexist things? Why can't you be as good a person as you are an actor? I can tell you love your mom and your daughter, but, seriously, watching the cast on Kimmel and then Renner on Ellen today, just, oh, Renner, no.

Also, Ales is SO super pretentious twenty-something druggie who is incredibly talented and tries to be a good guy/socially aware/sex-positive/queer-friendly/etc., but he has such an incredibly enormous ego and is so very unaware of it, and I am afraid he will be very sorry in the future that he has burned so many bridges (probably) by saying so much about how terrible it is to do work for hire instead of being all Creative and Innovative and Independent all the time. Seriously, dude, I sincerely doubt that I am the only one who thinks Secret Avengers is by far the best thing you've done, even if it is also the most commercial. And THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TRADITIONAL STORY TROPES. ART DOES NOT HAVE TO BE EXPERIMENTAL TO BE WORTHWHILE.

Um. Anyway. These things, plus thoughts about various works in progress and such (have decided that I need to write a full, new sequel to Liberator which will be Rosa's story, but that will require enormous amounts of research and thought, and meanwhile I still have the Plan of Care sequel and the ABO thing, and haven't been able to write anything for weeks). Oh, and bonus is that this is the week of placebo pills so I am once again cramping and bleeding from my uterus, although at least so far (*knocks wood*) I do not seem to be hemorrhaging.

And I thought this was going to be a short post. Sigh. Stay tuned for some post, some time, where I actually am able to think about the stuff that I have been so assiduously avoiding thinking about this week (mostly but not completely successfully).

After having a fairly decent day, I am feeling tired and cranky. Oh well.

Successfully dealt with a rent issue today, despite not wanting to deal with it (in short, the corporate overlords sent out letters that would have raised my rent by an exorbitant amount, but I talked to the manager, who agreed it was ridiculous, and negotiated something much more reasonable). Made it through clinical okay, although one of my better students was majorly decompensating for some reason. Got some action figures I'd ordered. Ate some breakfast tacos for dinner.

In other news, I have now gone (counts in head) FIVE WHOLE DAYS without bleeding from my uterus.

Four weeks from tomorrow I will be seeing Age of Ultron for the first time! This is good! This is something to look forward to!

Okay, that's about all my brain is capable of, what with it being a Weds. night (and I did not take a nap today). I may write up a post at some point about female urinals for in-hospital use (no, seriously; a patient came and talked to us at post-conference today about it and it was a super eye-opening conversation), but, again, see: Weds. night lack of brain.

Good and bad things:

+ Only 1 student failed checkoff on Friday
- I'm not sure if PS is going to expect me to be the 2nd faculty member for the recheck Tuesday morning
+ I ran into a very dear old friend at Central Market on Friday, someone I hadn't seen in years (panisdead, it was EH from the birthing center)
- Friday evening my right tonsil and right ear started hurting; yesterday it turned into a full-blown cold
+ At least I'm not lecturing this week?
- But I am seriously behind in updating learning guides, including the ones I'll be teaching in the following 2 weeks
+ But I did get the test questions in for the stuff I taught last week
- But I'll be getting care plans to grade tomorrow, and I'm also behind on prepping for starting med-surg clinical in a week and a half
+ I got my laundry done despite feeling all kinds of crappy
- I had to cancel my plans to have brunch & Renner movies with belle_abroad and bloodredrache
+ When Demi offered to come over anyway and bring me anything I needed, I told my usual internal monolog of OMG I HAVE TO DO THIS ON MY OWN I CAN'T NEED HELP I NEED TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT to shut the fuck up and took her up on the offer. She's coming over at 2 and bringing me OJ and soup & company.
+ Her email response to my explanation that I would be in pajamas & hadn't vacuumed & shit was "Low stress, no stress, we are your family, not your guests." Which quite honestly made me tear up a tiny bit. Found family FTW, for reals. I love those two a whole bunch; I'm so glad they're in my life.

One of my students tonight got upset--they were sad, because their patient did something that moved them, but that patient didn't have the social/societal/familial support to do okay out on their own, but they were still frequently discharged (and then readmitted). The student was really feeling helpless to, well, to help the patient, feeling like nothing they did was ever going to make a difference.

( What I told the student is important for all of us to tell ourselves, I think. )

How the fuck did it get to be 6 o'clock already?

Oh, right. I have had an AWESOME DAY, that's how.

Everything went swimmingly today--bellies were (over)stuffed with food, there was plentiful tea, and we watched two Renner movies which were...both great to watch? But one of them was TERRIBLE and yet the kind of terrible that is AWESOME, and the other was just pretty much awesome except for the end (which wasn't a surprise to me since I'd seen that one before). Basically, many more people need to see both of them, so we have more people to talk about them with, and also so there can be fic. They both really need fic.

( The terrible and awesome movie was Monkey Love. )

We were originally going to watch some of The Unusuals after that, but I declared that I couldn't deal with anything else that had surreal elements and a prominent diner setting (most of Monkey Love takes place in a diner), and bloodredrache and belle_abroad agreed this was for the best, so we watched Neo Ned.

( EVERYONE needs to see Neo Ned. No, seriously. EVERYONE. )

Anyway. So after that, Rachel and Demi helped me hang my Michael Walsh inks of Clint and Phil, and then they left because it was nearly 5:30.

IN CONCLUSION: AWESOME FUCKING DAY. And go watch Neo Ned. And maybe Monkey Love. But definitely Neo Ned.

(do I really have to go back to work tomorrow?)

I have continued (created?) the tradition of posting a new ficlet in the Plan of Care universe for More Joy Day! highlander_ii responded to my previous post without picking any of the specific options, so I decided to take her saying "you pick" as a prompt, and here we are! Thanks for a super quick beta from Reinventweather.

You Pick (605 words) by shell
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Hawkeye (Comics)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Additional Tags: More Joy Day
Series: Part 3 of Plan of Care
Summary:

"You pick." Phil's voice was firm, and his hand was moving comfortingly up and down Clint's spine. "Anything you want."