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BREAKING: A reporter just asked Mike Johnson for the first time at a press conference, “Why should we even ask you any questions today when you never read or hear about anything anyway?”
The Halfway Post
@HalfwayPost
Dadaist graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire for your doomscrolling by @DashMacIntyre. I don't report the facts, I improve them.
- BREAKING: ICE just announced it is pausing the hotline where people can call to report undocumented immigrants because 90% of the calls are from people reporting Elon Musk.
- BREAKING: Several gay dating apps are reportedly threatening that, if the Supreme Court bans gay marriage, they'll reveal all the closeted Republican officials and members of Congress who have accounts on their platforms.
- BREAKING: The gay dating app Grindr says if Florida doesn’t stop passing homophobic and transphobic laws, they’ll reveal every Republican legislator and party official who secretly uses the app.
- BREAKING: ICE has reportedly been getting hundreds of phone calls every day from citizens citing Elon Musk’s apparent illegal immigration to the US.
- BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious because his latest threats to leave NATO have backfired as European leaders are proposing to replace the US in NATO with Ukraine, start curb stomping Russia all together, and then make Trump utterly irrelevant in all the negotiations.
- BREAKING: An executive of the gay dating app Grindr says the Republican National Convention is “basically Grindr’s Super Bowl.”
- BREAKING: Dozens of downtown Milwaukee bars and nightclubs are hosting drag shows each night this week so Republicans have nowhere to go to party after the convention.
- BREAKING: Elon Musk is reportedly furious people keep calling Tesla vehicles “swasticars.”
- BREAKING: After Donald Trump tweeted that some of Joe Biden's presidential pardons could be nullified, federal judge Anderson Wilkerson announced, “Well, in that case, looks like it’s time to send some J6 rioters back to jail.”
