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Lady Voldemort
18.2K posts
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Lady Voldemort
@LadyVoldemort09
Ex-litigator. Mother of bassets. Bookworm. Aerialist. Outdoorsy. Stevie Nicks disciple. “I lived, bitch.” TX ↔️ FL
Joined March 2021
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  • user avatar
    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Aug 17, 2024
    Skill issue. You’re raising spoiled brats and are gonna be shocked in a few years when you realize your kids are spoiled brats. The move was to give the babysitter extra for the tantrum and leave. You ruined that couple’s date and should have paid for their meal. Me, me, me, me!!
    user avatar
    Robert Sterling
    Friendly Bookkeeping
    @RobertMSterling
    Aug 17, 2024
    I talked my wife into going on a date at a swanky restaurant tonight and it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. - Our two-year-old with anger-control issues refused to stay with the babysitter, so we had to take her with us. - She also demanded that her older sister come with
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    5M
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Aug 17, 2024
    Replying to @deestiv
    And she “demanded” her older sister come too… and he says she has “anger control issues.” If there’s no diagnosis for those behaviors, she has “anger control issues” because she’s never been told no in her entire life. This is entirely a parenting issue.
    195K
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Aug 17, 2024
    Replying to @LadyVoldemort09
    This guy: “I was just trying to get it in!!” Have you tried…. ✨putting the kids to sleep and then trying to get it in✨ DoorDash swanky restaurant food, have some champagne! Like wtf obviously at some point you made the second kid with one kid at home, just do that again???
    230K
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Aug 17, 2024
    Replying to @LadyVoldemort09
    I was 4. Mom went out of town. Dad took us to Chili’s. I slid under the table. Brother followed. My dad scooped us up, threw a $50 down, left, and belted the holy hell out of me when we got home. I DO NOT believe in hitting your kids but we never acted up at a restaurant again.
    239K
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Aug 17, 2024
    Replying to @Emilymakescoff1
    I was gonna say, what do you bet he didn’t pay the babysitter a dime. Just wasted her time.
    104K
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Feb 15, 2022
    5 years ago today, I found out my “boyfriend” was actually NOT single, and cried in my office all day. I told my friend from Twitter on Google Chat, who then emailed me a Starbucks card wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day and trying to brighten my day. Anyways, now we’re married🥰
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Jun 3, 2021
    📢 Epipens should be sold over the counter for $10 or less, and everyone should have one in their first aid kit. I will die on this hill. I fucking hate it here.
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Jun 22, 2024
    Replying to @caitlincanahey
    New vet: so are there any other animals in the house? Me: no, he’s an only Vet: Me:
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    36K
  • user avatar
    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Dec 15, 2021
    Holy shit, I just got a $20k raise out of nowhere!!!!!!!
  • user avatar
    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Oct 6, 2022
    Today I puzzled over some docs produced in discovery for hours before calling new paralegal in to see if I was the problem. She goes “It’s not you. Wow you really just sat in here and let some spreadsheets gaslight you for 3 hours? Millennial culture is fascinating.” Ma’am.
  • user avatar
    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Dec 29, 2022
    New paralegal: I heard someone crying in the bathroom earlier, so I did a headcount when I went back in our suite and everyone was there, so it must have been someone “visiting” from another floor! Is that a thing? My sweet summer child, you always go elsewhere to cry at work
    20K
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Sep 7, 2024
    Replying to @shawtyastrology
    Scorpio Venus. If you can go 24 hours without talking to me, you’re gonna go the rest of your life without talking to me.
    9.4K
  • user avatar
    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Nov 14, 2021
    Well we did the damn thing @Singlemaltfiend is my HUSBAND
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    Lady Voldemort
    @LadyVoldemort09
    Dec 22, 2021
    Putting in contacts every single day and one eye is like “oh cool, we’re doing this again like we’ve done daily for years” and the other eye is like “what the fuck is this shit”

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