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Hello! 👋 This is my personal journal / diary where I blog whatever I want to myself without the stress or the character limit restrictions of more “mainstream” social sites. It’s also a good way for me to practice my writing. xP

This is primarily a fandom space for personal fun. 18+ only. Here are some of the things I may post about:

SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG. ALWAYS. (read: ESPIO)
Random thoughts, mostly with a focus on media and various internet things I like
Liveblogs
Shipping and other fannish nonsense
My art and my thoughts on art
🔞insane horny thoughts
Miscellaneous personal stuff

🔞⚠️ I draw and write whatever I want, approve of any and all fictional ships/genres no matter what, and like to write purposefully outrageous and cringy text like this: “[Character] would save so much money on toilet paper if he were my boyfriend. ^-^” So, if that already makes you uncomfortable, you’re not going to want to view or follow this journal. I'm openly kinky and kink positive and am not interested in "discourse". I want to have fun!!!!!!!

Access list: I only use public and private right now, so I'm not adding anyone to it. Private mainly for posts with heavy salt content for when I feel like bitching into the void about random fandom wank or anything so personal I’ll most likely regret posting it and delete later. You are missing nothing of importance.

💜FUB Free Forever💜 = you are free to follow, unfollow, and block me.

Subscribe, unsubscribe, comment as much or as little as you want no matter how old.

Also, I like talking to people, and you don't need to be following me to reply or DM anything - BUT, my replies shift between shockingly instant or as slow as if I am shipping my reply to you via boat. It all depends on the random number generator in my brain that gauges how “easy” a message is to respond to. *sweats* Sorry in advance! orz

If you enjoy what I do, that's cool! I appreciate you and love you! If not, I hope you find someplace else that is more your speed. Well, that's all for now. Just remember: give in to the desire, it will only improve your life.

Thanx for reading~🔑

art sites: tumblr(sfw), pixiv(nsfw), inkbunny(nsfw)

Current Mood: dizzy
Current Music: Touch the Sky - S3RL

You ever have moments where you try to socialize A LOT, and then you just feel like an oversharing idiot and go hermit mode for at least a month hoping everyone forgets? That's me. Hi. Hello, my Dreamwidth.

I've kept wanting to write here, but stop myself from anything public because I assume everything I say is soooooooo stupid. So, so stupid... Bro, I am so stupid. Can this broken brain of mine make a coherent thought today? Let's find out!!!!!!

Anyway, I just slept the entire Friday away somehow. I thought I was taking a nap Friday afternoon, and now it is Saturday morning. What. What just happened. I got warped forward in time, give me my Friday back, bro. Maybe this is the consequences of missing out on sleep to obsessively play CrossWorlds since release...

...I feel like I got more things to say, but now that I'm typing I'm drawing a blank. There is much to do. I'd like to become more active again, but I end up assuming I am annoying and it's better to have nothing than any kind of comment or interaction I make from how annoying of a person I am. This is probably from having friends in the past who would show me comments they got on their work to say they were annoying when all I saw was someone being enthusiastic. I think to myself: OH! That's me! I'm the annoying commenter now!!!! And then I go back to hermit mode, far away from others so that I don't stink up the place. Uuoghhh......

I feel like an up and down graph of it's over. WE ARE SO BACK! it's over.... WE ARE SO BACK!!!!! it's over...... pls. I have so many messages to catch up on, OUGHHHHh....again. I'll try to make another post later with some stuff I've been doing and whatever blah blah, you know the drill(???)

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: Sonic Forces OST - Theme of Infinite

I got logged out of Dreamwidth and it made me too lazy to want to login and write a post I wanted to make earlier. It's funny to be pointlessly lazy like that... the tiny extra bit of friction of having to log back in has stopped me more than once from posting or interacting with people in a timely manner. Besides that, I got mentioned in a weird post on Tumblr where someone was making polls comparing people's art?? I... I can't be the only one who finds this incredibly rude. I don't want to see the poll answers. I.........how DARE you??? I don't draw to be in a competition with other artists!! I didn't sign up for this!!!!! I'm just going to ignore it instead of draw attention to it. It really annoyed me at the time though.

Well, besides that, I've been getting a lot more kind random messages these days since I started being more social again, which is nice. I'd like to focus on that and write some kind of Today In Video Games post to talk about some of the latest games news I've been interested in besides Sonic.......but also Sonic. I've also been thinking of some older artists that influenced me a lot that deleted their galleries and I want to write about that. Much to do. Too much, even. I hate that being social requires... being social. It's as overwhelming as it is stimulating.

Oh, I've also never posted my art here before despite saying I willl, but I don't know if the first art of mine I want on this journal to be Espio getting fisted by Vector. A friend of mine mentioned it to me offhand and I just HAAAAAAAD to make it real. It looks as ridiculous as I thought it would. I don't know if I'm gonna color it or leave it a sketch, LMAOOOOOo... it'll be on Inkbunny eventually either way. Oh. Inkbunny is the only site that feels like it has a lot of Sonic artists outside of Twitter?? Weird. Oh, but I'm really rambling off all stream-of-consciousness like now and that'll never end. Back to werk.

Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Strangers Like Me · Phil Collins (Tarzan)

Feeling like I got nothing to write here because I'm been spending my time being publicly feral on my Espio sideblog again. Especially with all the CrossWorlds news being dropped from gamescon!!!!! Oh, and a new Bubsy game lmao. Sonic fans still eternally doomposting no matter what the news is. Whatever. Nothing of note other than it's getting harder to stick to my morals and not buy CrossWorlds at launch because it's 70+ fucking dollars.

I'm feeling weirdly motivated to try to improve my art again. I really want to get better and more consistent and not cringe at literally everything I make and feel embarrassed I actually showed it to people and want to hide under a rock and--

Anyway, I need to kiss Espio desperately.( random unhinged nsfw fantasy text )

I never really understood what people meant by a comfort character, but I guess I do now. Life really feels so much brighter when you spend a portion of your time gushing over a fictional magenta chameleon.

Current Mood: energetic
Current Music: Lovely Gate 3 (Egg Quarters) - Sonic Adventure 2 [OST]

I feel like I've been being too negative on here lately. Well, I suppose this IS my personal diary, and that tends to mean writing things I don't wish to say to others. Most of that will be negative things... pretty normal diary behavior. BUT! It's been bringing me down to look at my past entries and see how bad my mood has been, and I want to keep better track of all the things that make me happy too!!

I've been thinking about how I feel an overwhelming desire to hug and kiss all my friends when they are nice to me. This is actually annoying, seeing how I can't do that because it's a social faux pas to be overly affectionate to your friends. I wish it wasn't though!! I dislike that physical affection is seen as some sexual act... I don't want anything more. I want to show how much I love people without words. I love very strongly, and on one hand it's annoying like I said, but on the other hand, I don't want to lose that feeling. I don't want to stop feeling how much I love and care about everyone. I wish I could focus on that feeling alone and never feel scared or nervous again. I really love everyone.

I don't really talk about my IRL directly outside of private posts for personal reasons, but I like gardening... I feel accomplished just sitting there and doing nothing but watching the bees and butterflies pollinate the flowers. Strange bugs I can't identify, wasps... I feel so calm in that silence... I wish for nothing else in those moments. I could sit on the ground and do nothing but stare into the dirt and watch the tiny springtails move around forever and I would be happy. How wonderful it is to create a space for life to grow.

Besides that, I've been experimenting with some smaller sites.(more on this later) Experimenting with art... well, the art experimentation is always a constant. I should post some of my art here and blab about it sometime, I always write walls of text underneath my art on all the other sites I post it to. ldghldsh maybe archiving it here where the tagging system is more robust would be fun? I don't know... I've been sitting on my blank personal site for over a year now, LOL. Only using it to selfhost an oekaki to doodle in every now and then. I really should get off my ass and finish the site and put my art there for true longevity and safekeeping. I love to make art.

I forgot what else I wanted to talk about, oops. I need to start keeping lists of what I want to do again... I really want to finish all the VNs I started reading and talk about them. I want to rip all the files and CGs from the games and hoard them for the sake of hoarding them.....I love... love......I love... I want to say all the affectionate words and how happy I am. Love love. I love... I want everyone to do well and be happy. It really is overwhelming.

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: UNDO UNDO · Rolobi

I worried for so long about being weird, but since getting more into BL, I've realized I am so completely unremarkable it's not even funny. Okay, it's a little funny. So I saw some fujo post some insane shit about how they needed to wrap their fav's socks around their face so every breath they take is full of his musky foot stink and they need that more then they need to eat everyday. and....... MY HOME. MY PEOPLE. Insane horny fujos understand me.....

Bad news for this: if I want to actually socialize with these people I need to actually use Twitter or Bsky and I hate microblogging and the culture of these sites with all my heart. I'd probably be very good at it though, because I never shut the fuck up and every four seconds I'd be like "I think it should be an Olympic sport to overstimulate Espio until he passes out!"

Worse news: I joined a few BL Discord servers and one was pretty ded and the other you needed to legit send them a pic of your actual real world ID to verify for the NSFW channels and uhhhhh....... FUCK NO. Fuck that. Tumblr also doesn't seem to really have people talk about the specific things I like, but maybe I could try to make a new blog and just post shit anyway? Hrmm...

Where is that image with the dog looking through the fence looking at the other dogs playing and the caption is like "This is the life I always dreamed to have" I feel like that right now. AAAAA!!!!!!! LET ME INNNNNNNNNNNN LET ME INNN!!!!!!!

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: múm: Mild at Heart

I've decided to become a parade / CLOCKUP truther after playing (and now eternally obsessing over) Room No.9 and will now go through as many VNs this company has made as I possibly can. I won't make any extremely lengthy liveblogs of the rest of the VNs because it is a pain in the ass, and also I'm taking them far more seriously which leads to me being very quiet compared to my flippant attitude when I first played Room No.9 LOL. I was soooooooOoOoo blind, I really had NO IDEA how much it would break me after it was all over. (I'm gonna cry if I think about it too hard UWEHhh Seiji my waifuudljghl) BUT!
I just... I just gotta put this here:

Hiroyuki??????? YOUR FJKDGHD< FSHIRTI!????? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS??? ldjGHLlsUTY~!!LJHFLSUH!! Yeah, I'm going for him first. Stupid slut is asking for it.

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Gallery Piece (Long Version) · of Montreal

I need to format all my liveblogging thoughts later so I can post it here, but after ruminating on the endings I have this to say: Scenes incredibly hot, but if I think about the entire context and all the endings I feel guilty about it. (Which seems to be the intended reaction after reading the dev commentary when you get all endings LOL) ABSOLUTELY BROKE MY HEART!!!!! I feel empty. I managed to get every ending "in order" by complete chance, so, I got the "good end" last and it was so painful. My chest physically hurt and I had a hard time parsing what I felt. I love it and it's one of my favorite BL things I've ever read. I'm really picky with BL / Yaoi and hate anything that leans too heavily on generic Yaoi tropes and this didn't do that. Love to be heartbroken watching the deterioration of two best bro's friendship. I'm glad I read it, but it hurts soooooooooooo bad AAAAAAAAA! .........though some of those scenes are perfectly designed for me and me alone and I'll think about them forever.

After I collect all my thoughts I'd like to read through the VN again now that the initial excitement and adrenaline has worn off. Now I can think about it with more nuance. The emotions are so painful. ~~Revisiting some of those scenes from time to time wouldn't hurt either, it's given me hella good NSFW art ideas...~~

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Denki Groove - Nothing's Gonna Change (Lexy & K-Paul Remix)

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Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: Let's Get This Over With · They Might Be Giants

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Current Mood: mischievous
Current Music: sex noises (japanese)

I had a dream Espio was presented in a new CrossWorld’s trailer and I was excitedly taking screenshots and making gifs………...That is the most MUNDANE dream I could ever have about him right next to the “stress dreams” of not having money when seeing new merch of him at the store. Why can’t I dream something cool, huh?!! @_@ I also dreamed awhile back that an official Sonic artist had a side alias and was working on a Vecpio doujinshi and publicly asked for advice how their relationship should be lmao. Why did I wake up before finding out more about it? Dreams are so cruel...

Last year I had a dream the Chaotix were driving around being chased by ~~disgusting black creatures~~ the black arms in the Shadow 05 setting. I want to have fun dreams like that!!

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Paranoia Agent Opening Theme Song

So I just read chapter two of the new Sonic Manga. Ehhh, it's okay-ish so far. It's intended for children and that comes with annoying self-referential / cheesy dialogue. I wasn't the biggest fan of the Shadow Manga either, for similar reasons.

( spoilers )

I'll still be reading it as it comes out every month even if doesn't excite me or anything, I'm still looking forward to how the story progresses. ~~Which is more than I can say about the IDW comics.~~

My favorite of the new Sonic manga is the little tie-in comic they made for Crossworlds that was posted on Twitter. I want to see more little short comics like that hehehehe. ~~When will Sonic Channel give me another Espio comic??? Please please please plea-~~

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Cyber Space 4-C: Arrow of Time Remix

Sooooo, I finally made a Pixiv account. (R-18, so it will look empty unless you're logged in.)

I wanted people to be able to easily find my dumb niche Sonic (Espio) porn
so I thought pixiv would be the best bet despite having to painstakingly censor everything I do, but after posting I found out you can’t view NSFW without an account anymore. AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

I hate current year. x.x There are no more good sites to post adult work to… maybe I’ll try to get a baraag account? Ehh, but how many people care about Sonic porn on the lolisho Twitter-like??? There aren’t many adult Sonic artists on bsky either, and I don’t really like the rules against noncon. Ughhh, and I desperately don’t want to make a Twitter account, I don’t care about “reach” I just want somewhere to post uncensored art so people can find it without me spamming DMs instead, sldgjhslgjLDJGHljhg… Inkbunny is also an option, though niche and you still gotta login to see it - Unsure how many Sonic artists are
there.

I’ll have to think about it. I’m only willing to keep up 2 art sites at a time, anything more than that is too much trouble. If only everyone just used Dreamwidth. u-u (Even though I’m uploading images off-site when I post here...)

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: wow

I periodically fall down a rabbit hole of digging through web archives looking for ancient fanart. Today I was browsing the Team Artail art archive (my reuploaded DL link) and ended up looking up old users, websites, jumping through old Sonic webrings... the usual. Here's some of my favorite Espio arts from around 2005 ~ 2008 I found:

( Lots of Images! )

Ughhh, I got so much to say, maybe I'll post more old Sonic art and sites later. While there's a good amount of old web Sonic sites to browse through, there's still very minimal Espio / Chaotix fanart, but I'd still like to talk about them sometime!!

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: PC-98 Music: https://youtu.be/RKNliailakA?si=45NQHRsGWHX63QUO

I saw this shipping meme floating around and wanted to fill it out too!!
( Read more... )

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Native Patties

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Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Sus Factory

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Sticky: 📌Introduction

crawls out cave

When You're too Lazy to Login

No News Is Good News

Affection

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NO, THANK YOU!!! Liveblog-ish

Finished Room No. 9

Dirty Vecpio Thoughts

Room No. 9 Liveblog 01

Mundane Espio Dreams

Sonic Manga

Finally Made My Espio Porn Public Lol

Old Espio Fanart

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