Pearl's Been Home for 1 Month! How Our New Normal is Going...

 

Tonight we went to a park.

 

We had a picnic, played on the playground, took a walk and rode bikes.  All normal things that other families do.  Except that we had a super special reason to celebrate our family time together.

 

One month ago today, we stepped off an airplane and began our new normal as a family of five.

 

As you may have already read or seen from my posts on Facebook, things are really, truly, going surprisingly well so far. Pearl has adjusted. Grace and Gloria have adjusted. We have adjusted.

 

We have a list a mile long of things we are grateful for, things we (& others) have prayed specifically for that God, in His kindness and generosity, have answered.

 

But...according to some adoption "experts" and others who've adopted (i.e. Jen Hatmaker), we are still in the honeymoon stage, basking in all the newness, but with a (possible) harsh reality around the corner.

 

If so...so be it.

 

But tonight, I wanted to chronicle just how well the past month has been going.

 

I'll start with the most popular question we've gotten: "How are things with Pearl and Derek?"

 

Let me just tell you how stinkin' excited I am to say, "SO much better!"  

 

Bless him.  He has had to work really, really hard to gain her trust and frankly, get her to like him.  Sometimes he said he felt like Adam Sandler's character relating to Drew Barrymore's character in the movie, "50 First Dates". He and Pearl would be best buds by bedtime, but unfortunately would have to start from scratch the very next day.  But his pursuit of her has definitely paid off and perseverance, persistence, and love have won.

 

The two of them go for nightly walks outside. He reads to her. He pretty much does the whole bedtime routine and just today, held her during the entire church service. Pearl returns his love with big kisses, high-five's and "knuckles" constantly.

 

One of my favorite things she likes to do with Derek is to play "Copycat", a game she initiates all on her own. She moves in a certain way (shrugs her shoulder, claps her hands, folds her arms, etc.) and he copies her.  It's really amazing to watch her come up with so many different things and even more hilarious to watch Derek mimic her movements. This type of play keeps her engaged with him and is pure entertainment for the rest of us.

 

Overall, she is sleeping really well; honestly we can't complain.  She sleeps about 10 hours in the Pack 'n Play next to our bed in the evenings.  She may stir a couple of times during the night, cry out, but then quickly works herself back to sleep, without us having to get up to tend to her. 

 

During the day, she takes naps in her crib in her bedroom.  While she's gotten better with the routine of going to sleep in her crib, her naps have only averaged about a half hour each this past week. Thirty minutes is not enough for her...or me. But an after-church miracle occurred today when she slept two hours.  Oh, how I'm praying this will be her new routine!  Eventually, our goal will be to transition her to her crib in the evenings.  But for now, this is working and we don't want to throw too much at her, too quickly.

 

One of the things we are most thankful for is how well she has taken to the variety of foods we eat here.  We were pretty worried when we first came home a month ago, but certainly have no worries now. Our pediatrician was correct. She does want to eat whatever we are eating, especially whatever Grace and Gloria are eating. Positive peer pressure is a wonderful thing! 

 

Whereas she was a vegan before, she is most certainly an omnivore now.  Each meal she seems to try, and like, something new.  Recently, we've added cucumbers, carrots, grapes and hot dogs to her list. So far, her most favorite foods are sweet potato pancakes, oatmeal, protein smoothies, bananas, dates, pineapple, apples, strawberries, blueberries, cereal, goldfish, string cheese, yogurt, peanut butter sandwiches, black bean/cheese quesadillas, rice, quinoa, spaghetti, hamburgers, pizza, French fries, any kind of bread or dessert (like us all...) & of course, Chick-fil-A nuggets.

 

Slap some red, white and blue on our girl and call her an American!

 

It's been so cool watching all that her little brain has been soaking up--all she's seen and heard the past month.  Her level of comprehension is super high; now her vocabulary is attempting to catch up.  She LOVES music and LOVES to dance (especially to Toby Mac).  She also gets in the groove whenever we play some Bollywood for her. She loves when we sing to her.  The song she tries to sing by herself the most is the "ABC song".  Basically she just keeps repeating "A-B-C...A-B-C...A-B-C...", so one of us always has to step in and help girlfriend out with the other 23 letters in the alphabet!

 

Pearl loves riding in the car, in the stroller, in the wagon, and sitting in her high chair.  All things we were concerned she'd hate when we were back in India.  Bath time is improving, too.  Last night was the first night in a very long time when she didn't cry when the water was turned on and when she sat down in the tub.  This is a very good thing.  Not only for bath time, but also for our upcoming trips to the pool. We're all pretty curious as to how she'll do in a huge "tub" of water; maybe somebody could invite us to come swim so we can find out? :)  Good news is that she has a darling new swimsuit we can't wait for her to wear.  At the very least, she'll look adorable if she decides to throw a ballistic fit.

 

Her interest in toys has grown the last month as well.  Basically, we've had to teach her "how to play" from the get-go.  We're not sure how she spent her time in the orphanage all day, but thanks to her big sisters, she is learning how to play with baby dolls, Barbie's, and stuffed animals (which she's still not a fan of).  She is easily entertained with any toys with music and/or buttons that play music, so we're relieved to know she's a typical two-year old in that sense.

 

Pearl loves both of her sisters very much and squeals whenever she is reunited with one of them, even if it's only been a super short time since she saw them last. As anyone might have guessed, Grace is basically a second mama to her, loves to play with her, thinks whatever she does is adorable, and actually enjoys changing her diapers. Gloria is her playmate, but also her competition. The two of them play wonderfully together, but can also butt heads. Gloria comes up with some of the greatest games for them to play, but can also aggravate her little sister a bit, too. We think she seems to be enjoying her new role as a big sis, and all the privileges (and power ;) ) that come with it. Both Grace and Gloria are amazing helpers to us and Pearl.  We have been completely blown away at their fierce love for Pearl and how they constantly care for her.  We are SO proud of them!

 

And thanks to them, to Derek's new relationship with her, and to "blanket/towel time", I am finding some freedom and a little of my personal space back.  Whereas Pearl has been my shadow (um...leech) the past month, signs of great growth and security in her and in her relationship with the other members of the family are completely evident now.  I love that I am able to spread a towel or blanket in the kitchen while I prepare food, upstairs next to the desk while I work on the computer, or in my bedroom while I get dressed, place some toys on the towel, tell her to sit down and she will play contentedly a few feet away from me while I accomplish what I need to accomplish.  It's like a miracle. A super awesome miracle! (Thanks to my friend, Kelly, for reminding me of this tip, which I'd totally forgotten over the years.)

 

The past month has been filled with way too many emotions to record here, but my favorite by far, is joy.  We have laughed more the past month than honestly, I thought we would, especially this early in the game. 

 

I knew adoption was hard work.

I knew going back to the toddler years would be hard work. 

I knew language acquisition would be hard work. 

I knew that making sure my bio girls were okay, felt loved and acknowledged would be hard work. 

I knew staying connected to my husband would be hard work. 

I knew learning to care for a new little person in our home would be hard work. 

But I didn't know, or consider, or make room for, the tiniest, spontaneous, light-hearted, unexpected joy-filled moments along the way, even when I had actually prayed for them.  Shame on me for that.

 

One month into this new normal and we all have far more to be grateful for than to belly-ache about.  We still shake our heads in wonder and awe at how God orchestrated this entire thing. 

 

How he would draw us to the country of India, break our hearts for the mistreatment of girls in India, call us to adopt a little girl from India, provide for us to get to go to India, then match us with our daughter, whom no one would ever suspect, or guess, or believe, was born in India, but instead, actually looks a whole lot like us. Crazy.

 

Only a creative God could write a story like that. We are so humbled we are a part of that story. For His purpose. For His glory. For Pearl's present and for her future. 

 

"I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which He is to be praised,

according to all the LORD has done for us--

yes, the many good things He has done for the house of Israel (Fort),

according to His compassion and many kindnesses." Isaiah 63:7

 

Looking ahead and looking forward to all the awesome works He will perform for, and in, our family.  Here's to month two and beyond!

 

 

Cocooning - Insight into What Life Will Look Like for Us When We Get Home

It’s. Time.

Paperwork is being gathered, bags are being packed, and on Monday, as in THIS Monday, Derek and I will be boarding a plane and making the long trek to India.  (Still in total, complete shock over here...)

THANK YOU to all of you who have prayed for us, given financially, or just asked about the process. The support we have felt has been overwhelming and it is taking all I have not to walk around a continual, blubbering mess right now.

I wanted to give a little insight into what the next few months will be like for our family and tell you how you can help.

Pearl has lived just about every single day of her two short years in an orphanage, supposedly a “good” one, but still an institutionalized orphanage. She comes from a multiple-caregiver situation, has been taken care of by devoted nannies, but she has never known the concept of a Mom or Dad.

In her world, any adult in the room (most especially women) are there to take care of her. We will be spending the next year teaching her, and demonstrating to her, that we are Mom and Dad.

We will need to teach her to trust, love, and attach/bond with us.

Our prayer is that she will attach to us, and her sisters, but ultimately to her good, good, heavenly Father.

The best way for us to teach her these things is by “cocooning”, which basically means we'll be circling our wagons and hunkering down with our little family for a while.

She will be overwhelmed by foreign people, foreign smells, foreign language, etc. when we come home. It will take time for her to feel safe and secure with us.

For her sake alone, we will make her world small by not taking her out very much, or introducing her to too many people or places at first. We will essentially attempt to recreate the newborn/parent connection that she missed out on.

This principle is not permanent, but absolutely necessary in the beginning.

The best way for us to do this is by Derek and I being the ones to feed, hold, hug, instruct, and soothe Pearl. As we repeat these things over and over again, she will learn that Mom and Dad are to be trusted and loved.

 

Once Pearl establishes these bonds with us, she will be able to branch out and build other relationships (yay!)

You guys can play an important role in all of this.  We ask you to set physical boundaries at first. For a little while, this would include things like holding, excessive hugging or kissing, etc. Children from these backgrounds tend to attach very easily to anyone and everyone. 

Things like waving, high fives, and blowing kisses are TOTALLY appropriate & welcomed!

Also it will help in the healing process, if you guys redirect Pearl to us. If she comes to you for food, or to be picked up, or for emotional nurturing (like if she gets hurt), you redirecting her to me or to Derek, will help tremendously in us establishing who we are as Mom and Dad, those she can absolutely trust to meet whatever need she has.

We pray that Pearl’s healing will come quickly, but we also understand that this is a life-long journey for her and us.

We are heading into the trenches, y’all.

Please pray for Derek, Gloria, Grace, Pearl and me during this time.

Pearl is one super blessed little girl to have so many people who love her, who are cheering for her and are praying for her already!

Thank you for loving us so well!

PASSPORT, baby!

"Like cold water to a weary soul,

 is good news from a distant land."

Proverbs 25:25

From an orphanage in a country far, far away...

To an adoption agency in this country just a few states away...

We received the best, most awaited, most "scream and dance around the kitchen worthy" news.

THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!
THE PASSPORT IS READY!

AAHHHHHH!!!

Okay. So what comes next?

We are still in need (I know...I know...) of a form called Article 23 which is issued from CARA (governing agency of all things adoption related) and which usually comes on the heels of the passport.

No biggie. We should, we hope, we pray, have it this week.

Once our agency has Article 23, they will:

• coordinate our arrival with the orphanage
• schedule our appointment with the medical office where we have to take Pearl for a physical and TB testing before we can leave
• arrange our VISA appointment with the U.S. Embassy in Delhi.

While our adoption agency is taking care of those details, Derek and I will be working with an adoption travel agency to book our flights.

We will fly into the city where she is and stay there several days, then fly north to Delhi where we will stay approximately another week to complete the adoption process. Lots (& lots) of flights ahead for us!

Estimated time in India?  About two weeks.
Estimated time before we get on a plane to go to India?  About two weeks.

Eeek!!!

Let the full-force packing begin!

Why I Will Never, Ever, Ever Forget My 40th Birthday

There are many reasons actually. 

Hundreds of birthday greetings on Facebook and through texts.

Thoughtful cards in the mail.

Finding signs placed in my yard by a caring friend and also finding a big package on my doorstep sent to me by another generous friend.

A homemade, beyond delicious, key lime cake, baked and carried over to my house by my mom and dad.

And most certainly, spending a wonderful week leading up to my 40th in Destin, Florida with the people I love the most in this world.

 

 

A week doing all the beachy things families sometimes do.  We swam in the water.  We played in the sand.  We ate seafood.  We put on headlamps, grabbed our flashlights and found 100 sand crabs in the dark.  We went to the Gulfarium, a marine park, and watched a dolphin and sea lion show.  We went to the movies and saw Dolphin Tale 2.  We got pedicures.  (Well...the girls and I did.)  We lounged.  We relaxed.  We soaked in all the goodness of God's handiwork.  And had an absolute blast the whole time.

Booties...um...I mean...beauties on the beach. :)

They loved sharing a room together.

After finishing this mermaid, Derek asked,
"Can we count this as art class for the day?"
 

Derek and Grace went kayaking out in the ocean.
I stayed on shore and prayed no sharks would eat them.

What better place to catch the opening night of
"Dolphin Tale 2" than at the beach?

 

Going out to celebrate ME! 

 

Night before birthday dinner.

But by far, the most favorite thing we did at the beach was getting up early and going for morning beach walks.  Taking a stroll, collecting seashells, looking for dolphins.  Cold sand under our feet, sun barely lifting upon the horizon, no need for sunscreen, no crowd.  Nothing compared to it.

The night before waking up to the reality of turning 40 years old, I told Derek I wanted to go for an early morning run on the beach.  Though I've taken too many walks on the beach to count, I've never actually gone running by the water's edge.

For the record, I actually like running, which is why I didn't think this would be a big ordeal at all.  But what happened last Saturday morning is the main reason, among all the previously listed reasons, I'll never forget my 40th birthday.  Because four days later, I still bear the visual reminders on my feet.

When I run here at home, I have on shoes.  Running shoes.  Nice running shoes with lots of cushion and padding. 

But for some reason, feeling feisty, footloose and fancy-free on my birthday, I opted not to wear those cushy running shoes. I chose to run barefoot instead.

When I kicked off my flops and stepped onto the sand, I felt energized and ready.  I told myself since it was my 40th birthday, I would run for 40 minutes, 20 minutes to the right, turn around, and then run 20 minutes back to the condo.  Easy peasy.

From the moment I picked up the pace, I felt glorious.  My heart felt strong, my lungs felt strong, my legs felt strong.  I felt good.  I felt alive.  Praying as I ran, I gave thanks to God for a multitude of things: His creation, my 40 years of life on this planet, my precious family, my health, for the things I've experienced, for things to come, etc.

But as I approached the 20-minute mark on my watch, I noticed my feet didn't quite feel right.  I looked down, didn't see anything unusual, no blood or visible wounds, so I kept going.  When I hit 20 minutes and turned around to go back, my feet really didn't feel right.  But because I was still a fair distance from the condo, I kept running.

Soon my run turned to a jog, then to a walk, as I realized what was happening.  I was getting blisters. Not blisters from the sun, but from the sand. The last day of vacation, my 40th birthday, I was getting blisters on the bottom of my feet.  Great.

I had to force myself to keep going because the pain had really intensified by now.  I didn't have my phone, so I couldn't call Derek to ask him to come give me a piggy back all the way back to the condo, which would probably have given him blisters, or even for him to get the car, drive down the strip and pick me up.

So I started talking to the Lord again.  But this time, the prayers had changed.  They were more like, "You know that Footprints in the Sand poem, Lord?  You know the one where You carried the person when she was in anguish or suffering?  Well...Lord, any possible way you could physically carry me all the way back to the condo, like right now?  Because I don't think I can take one. more. step."

I was so far away that I couldn't even make out which condo was ours from the shoreline.  My pace got slower and slower as the pain increased.  I tried walking in the water to soothe my sensitive soles.  I tried walking up on the softer sand, but that just slowed me down even more.  The only thing I could do was keep going.  One painful, laborious step at a time. 

Which I did, even when I thought to myself, "This really feels like I'm walking on shards of broken glass.  Yes, that's exactly it.  I'm walking on glass.  Wait.  What is sand actually made of?  Broken bits of rock and shells?  Oh my goodness!  It's like I AM walking on shards of broken glass!"

Finally, one hour and five minutes from the time I started my run, I arrived back at our condo.  I've never been so happy to see a building before in my life.  So happy I nearly dropped down and kissed the ground in front of me, but then I stopped.  Well...because this was the very same ground which had given me blisters, so...just no.

Gingerly, I made my way up the stairs, rinsed my feet, put on my flip-flops and walked up to the condo, "Ow-ing" every step of the way.

All I wanted to do was go inside, put my feet up and go back to bed.  But as soon as I got to the door, I remembered it was my birthday (the balloons and the 40th birthday sign my sweet husband had taped outside the door was a big reminder).  I also remembered that we had to pack up to go home.  Ugh.

Of course, they all wanted to know why I looked like I was in pain, so I explained my run...jog...walk...nearly crawling, adventure to them.  To which my husband looked at me and asked, "So...why didn't you wear your running shoes?"

I forgave him quickly, seeing as how he and the girls had so sweetly decorated the condo for me. Hobbling away, I went to get dressed.

Just after my run.

 

After breakfast at the Donut Hole and a 6+ hour drive, in which I nursed my tender toes, we made it back home.  Waiting on my front porch was a package I ordered before we left for vacation.  For my birthday I had ordered myself my very first pair of TOMS shoes.  (Yes, tardy to the party, I know.) 

 

Blisters or no blisters, I just had to try them on to see if they fit.  And the crazy thing is that they felt great.  Amazingly, the soles of my feet didn't hurt quite like they had the rest of the day.

 

It was then that I sifted through the other paperwork in the box and found the picture of impoverished children also wearing TOMS shoes on their feet.  You see, TOMS' mission statement is "One for One".  With every pair of shoes you purchase, they give a new pair of shoes to a child who needs shoes.  According to their website, TOMS has given more than 10 million pairs of shoes to children in need.  That's pretty amazing.

 

Standing in my kitchen with new shoes on my feet, tears welled up in my eyes.  Because the gift I'd just opened meant something very different to me than it would have had I not just experienced what I'd experienced earlier that morning.  In a very, very small way, I could understand.  I had felt pain.  And I now, I had felt comfort.  And I found myself praying the same relief for the child who receives a pair of shoes because of this pair of shoes.

 

I am beyond grateful to have had such a wonderful birthday.  I felt loved in a multitude of ways.  And now that I'm considered "over the hill", I may begin to forget a few things here and there, but I can assure you, I will never (like ever, ever) be able to forget my (very unforgettable) fabulous 40th birthday.

(And I will also never forget to wear shoes the next time I run on the beach...)

Our Top, Best, & Most Memorable 10 in 2013

Because I love good summaries, closure, and wrapping things up in neat, little bows, I thought I'd present our family's highlight reel for the year 2013:

1. Mini-Vacations and Family Getaways: 
January - Invited by friends, we spent MLK, Jr. weekend in a gorgeous cabin in Blue Ridge, Georgia.  Rode four-wheelers, ice skated and enjoyed hanging out in the beautiful North Georgia Mountains.

June - Told the girls we were taking them on a mystery trip.  Packed their bags and surprised them with a quick weekend getaway to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.  Attended the Dixie Stampede dinner show, went to the infamous Dollywood amusement park and stayed at the Wilderness at the Smokies lodge, where we rode the giant indoor water slides, surfed the waves, and swam in the pools.

September - Girls and I joined my parents on their vacation in Destin, Florida for a few days.  Prior to this beach trip, our toes had not touched the sand in four, very long years.  Nothing like a little beach therapy to make up for lost times!

October - Thanks to my aunt and uncle's extreme generosity in letting us borrow their camper, we got to spend a few days camping at a local state park.  Hiked, roasted marshmallows, rode our bikes on the trails, kayaked, and even hosted Grace's 10th birthday at the campsite. We decided camping (in a nice, clean camper) is definitely our thing.

2. Softball:
Two girls.  Two teams.  Bring on the spring...and fall.  Both girls signed up to play softball in the spring and in the fall of this past year.  Derek was the head coach for both of their teams, both seasons.  Made for some crazy-busy evenings, lots of "go, go, go", but also lots of great memories!

3. Adoption:
Whereas 2012 was filled with announcing our desire to adopt, filling out loads of paperwork, organizing fundraisers, and being matched with an orphanage in India, 2013 seemed to follow a much different pattern.

In the spring, we hit a wall with all the progress we'd made and since then, have been experiencing a long, dry season of nothingness.  This extended time of waiting has been difficult, but also beneficial.  We've learned to lean into God's promises even more, choosing to spend this season resting in His presence now as He continues to prepare us for what's ahead in the future.

But one exciting thing happened in November relating to adoption.  We got to hang out with hundreds of other adoptive families when we heard of an opportunity to participate in a music video shoot for Christian recording artist, John Waller. He'd recently written a new song entitled, "Orphan" and had asked families who'd adopted, who are in the process of adopting or who have a heart for adoption to come out and be a part of the video shoot. We didn't want to pass up the opportunity, so we drove over an hour away and stood out in the middle of a cow pasture in the rain for several hours just to be a part. So glad we took the time to go and make the memories that we did.  Priceless.

4. Secret Keeper Girl Dates:
After attending our first Secret Keeper Girl event in January, I bought the book, 8 Great Dates for Moms and Daughters to do with my oldest, Grace.  Starting in February, we went on one date a month, leading up to her tenth birthday.  Of all the experiences this year, Grace still speaks about these special times with me.  Whether we were having tea at a local cafe, getting our nails done, touring a museum, walking the local botanical gardens, shopping, stopping for hot chocolate at Starbucks, or listening to a former Victoria Secrets model's testimony, we both enjoyed these special moments together.

5. 20-Year High School Reunion
Spent the evening catching up with some of my fellow Bulldog classmates.  It was great to see so many faces I hadn't seen in a long time as well as seeing face-to-face others I only get to see on Facebook!  Loved my sweet friends then; still love them now.

6. New Position at Work

After spending the last 16 years teaching math to middle/high students (bless him), as well as working as the Instructional Technology Specialist at his school, Derek moved to the Central Office and into a new role as Lead Technology Specialist for the county in which he works.  Though it's been a transition for him filled with new growth opportunities, it's also been a welcomed change in the last few months. (The girls even like to visit Daddy's new office and write on his very clean dry erase board.)

7. Started 3rd Year of Homeschooling
Biggest accomplishment this school year has been not only our six year old, Gloria, learning to read, but absolutely exploding in reading.  Once she got it, she got it.  She's made such a huge leap into reading this year that we still can't believe all she's reading, including chapter books, her Jesus Calling devotional and even the Bible.  Big deal for our little girl!

8. Celebrated 15 Years of Marriage!

As a present for our fifteenth anniversary, we went to NYC over Labor Day weekend.  New York had been on our bucket list since we'd gotten married, and so we decided to bite the bullet and go.  Times Square, Broadway, Staten Island Ferry past the Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, Upper West Side of Manhattan, Brooklyn Tabernacle, Chinatown, carriage ride through Central Park, etc.  Great few days of sight seeing, eating and exploring the city that never sleeps!

9. Hosted a Small Group in our Home
One of our favorite happenings this year was deciding to be small group leaders at our church for the fall semester.  We opened the doors to our home and every Sunday in walked some amazing friends. Along with the rest of the small groups in our church body, we made our way through the book, Sun Stand Still.  We read, we discussed, we shared, we prayed and we were challenged to walk in and pray with audacious faith.  Daring to ask God, believing Him for the impossible.  We also had way too much fun if that's even possible on Sunday nights.

10.  Gloria's Baptism
By far, our most memorable event in 2013 happened in March.  Our youngest daughter, Gloria, decided she was ready to make public something that had happened privately in our home and in her heart.  She was ready to be baptized in front of both her immediate family and her church family, demonstrating her choice to follow Jesus and her spiritual adoption into His family forever.  It was definitely one of our best days ever, equal to the day our oldest made the same choice four years earlier.  Our hearts are beyond grateful.  And we have been richly blessed.



So, goodbye, 2013.  Hello, 2014.  Can't wait to see all that the new year brings!