Dining Room Table & Chairs- Before

When we were looking at houses in North Carolina and trying to decide if this was the house that we wanted, one of the factors we kept thinking about was our furniture. This house is about 200 sq ft smaller than our house in Nashville which isn't a huge difference, but the layout makes the rooms a lot smaller. We knew that a lot of our furniture wouldn't fit. 

Someone gave us a good piece of advice and said, "Don't buy a house based on your furniture. The investment of furniture doesn't compare to the investment of a house." True story. But we had only had our furniture (that we bought brand new) for 5 years so it felt a little painful to get rid of.  

Obviously we ended up buying this house, so we had to figure out what we were going to do. 

The was our old dining room table & chairs in Nashville. 

The chairs (that were a gift) are from Pottery Barn. 

We found this table at Rooms to Go. We loved it but it is honkin. 

Clearly these weren't going to fit in our dining area in our new house:

We put them on Craig's List and they sold quickly. I was happier to part with them when I found out the wife had been looking for months and made her husband drive down from Kentucky to get them, AND they were huge UK fans. 

Once we moved here, it was time to look for a new set. I knew that we didn't want to buy something brand new again. Good thing refinishing old furniture is "in."

We looked at Shelton's- a huge furniture warehouse in downtown Raleigh. It's the same place where we found our TV Stand. 

Amidst a jungle of furniture, we found this set..... 

We knew we had to see past the finish & upholstery to try to find the right shape & size, knowing that we were going to refinish everything ourselves. This set was the perfect size for our little dining area so we took it.  

This upholstery was something for sure. 

One we got everything home I realized how much I loved these chairs. 

I love the details on the spindles. 

It came with 6 chairs but only 4 fit well at the table.  

While it fits well in the space, clearly there was lots of work to be done. 

And lots of work I did with a lot of help from other people.  

I turned to Pinterest for inspiration on what I was going to do. 

For the table, I knew that I wanted to stain the top and pain the bottom like these:

Source: Brittany Makes

Source: Design Stash

This picture convinced me that I really did want to stain the chairs- as daunting as that sounded (and believe me daunting it was). 

Source: Houzz

For the color, I wanted to use green chalk paint. 

I really liked this color:

Source: Simply Seleta

Source: Copper Roof Interiors

I wanted to use Annie Sloan and had originally thought that using a lighter version of Antibes Green would give me what I want but from everything I found on Pinterest, it goes on much brighter than I wanted. 

The Annie Sloan seller here has pieces that she has painted in different colors, and I was really surprised when I asked what color something that looked like this was:

Source: Oliver and Rust

It was Chateau grey without any Old White added. 

The paint chips for Cateau Grey look like this:

 I was really surprised at how green it went on. 

So I went with that and it was exactly what I was looking for. 

So that's the "before" and I will share the "after" soon with the daunting process that it took to get there.  I'm excited to share more of our home with you! 

Where to Begin?

Where to begin? I really, really miss blogging. So why don't I just do it? That's a great question... that I can't answer. I've considering doing a "relaunch" of sorts. But let's be honest, I'd probably fail on like day 2. So I'm going to just go for it and try my hardest to start writing more. We'll see.

SO where do I start. With a major life update. How does that sound?

"Look at the birds of the air' they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?... See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin." Matthew 6:26&28b

I wrote this post back in the fall..... "What to do when you just shut down?"

Clearly it had been a long, hard season. I implied it from time to time, but never came out and talked about what was going on. So here goes....  For the longest time I have longed to be a mom. I've always loved babies and kids. I started babysitting when I was really young. I remember being 13 and rocking a baby I watched regularly to sleep thinking, "One day when I'm a mom, I can't wait to do this with my own baby." It has always been something I've looked forward to. At the same time, I have always had issues with my endocrine system and knew deep down that I'd have problems with my reproductive system when the time came. The last several years have been a roller coaster of health issues that go even beyond those issues but definitely have a significant impact on this area of my life. So that's where a lot of the pain and frustration has come from. Dealing with all of these problems. And waiting.

For the longest time being a mom has seemed so far fetched, so many steps away with too many hurdles to jump over to ever get there. I've watched people seemingly cough, blink, and sneeze and get pregnant and been perplexed. I've struggled to not feel defective. Struggled to not feel like an insignificant woman.

For years I've continued to see doctors and specialists who have worked together to help me move forward towards progress and healing in many areas. Sometimes I forget how great of a gift from God these people have been, but I can look back and see exactly how He used them in my life. Often it seemed like one step forward three steps back. Yet, I can see exactly how he worked through all of it.

Part of moving to North Carolina meant finding a new reproductive endocrinologist- or fertility doctor. Dr. Fritz was recommended to me with great praise, so my doctor in Nashville referred me to him and I was able to get in soon after we moved here. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am that I was able to get connected to him. Just a little side note/plug- if you know anyone in the Raleigh/Durham area who has had any problems with getting pregnant, you have to recommend them to Dr. Fritz at UNC Fertility. I can't sing his praises enough.

In August, after seeing him for 9 months, my body was finally at the point of being ready to start more aggressive fertility treatments- around that time I wrote that blog post about shutting down. I was prepared for months and months of sticking myself with needles, being poked and prodded more than I cared to, but hopeful that it would be worth it in end. We started the first round of injections....another side note- if you know someone who has to do this, I'd be happy to talk to them. It really wasn't bad AT ALL. So yea, first round of injections, going to see the doctor every day or two for poking and prodding, and I was convinced that we would have to cancel the cycle and start over- because that's pretty common in the first round with this type of treatment. It is usually for figuring out what dosage works for you. But everything kept going smoothly and follicles grew, and levels increased, and for the first time in my life with the help of hormones injected into my body, my endocrine system did what it was supposed to. So we waited, with low expectations but encouraged and hopeful for the next cycle that would probably start a couple of weeks later.

But there wouldn't be a next cycle. I went back for blood work and Dr. Fritz called me. "Well young lady, You. Are. Pregnant." The three words I thought I'd never hear. My head spun and I thought "This can't be real!" It took days for it to sink in and of course I was reluctant to get too excited, but as my levels went up like they were supposed to my nerves subsided and reality set it. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time was one of the most incredible moments of my life. I'm 26 weeks along now and it still doesn't seem like reality.

As I look back, I often think about my response to the Lord's goodness to me. I don't want to take any gift He's given me for granted. Yet, it is so easy to praise doctors, medicines, and processes. But He created this sweet life in His perfect timing. He saw me. He knew my heart and desires, He used a really hard season of my life to work in my heart in ways that I desperately needed. I want to respond in gratitude to this precious gift. And not just to the gift of this little one growing and kicking inside of me, but to the fact that He is good, that He has done a great work in my broken body, that He did hear me and have compassion on me, that He has seen my tears and brokenness and comforted me. He knew what He was doing all along.

It's the greatest news I've ever received and while I know that so many are right here with me, I know there's someone out there that it hurts. And what can I say to you? He sees you and He knows. I feel hopeful for you as others felt hopeful for me when I had no hope.

"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him."

1 Samuel 1:27

Coming May 22nd, 2014. By the grace of God.

Every good & perfect gift comes from above. 

Our "New" Retro TV Stand

 When we moved to North Carolina, we had to sell a lot of our furniture because the layout of our house is so different here and the rooms are smaller. We didn't want to buy brand new furniture again, and because refinishing old furniture is "in" we decided to go that route. We found a really cool place in downtown Raleigh called Shelton's where we found a few different pieces of furniture that just needed some TLC. 

In Nashville, we had our TV mounted over our mantle. Our living room here is definitely not big enough to do that again, and I thought I wanted to find a cool old sideboard. 

But when I saw this:

I knew it would be perfect. It was pretty retro as it was, so as soon as I took it home I got to work on it. 

The top was a bit scratched up, so I filled and smoothed those out. 

Then I got to work priming.

Then it was time to paint. I chose Benjamin Moore "Gentlemen's Gray."

I painted the inside light blue to give it a little contrast and make it easier to see inside. 

Once I put everything back together, we put it in place (yes this was before Christmas last year..oops)....

And TA-DA! 

I love it. It is perfect for our living room! 

What do you do when you just shut down?

You give yourself grace. Hard as it may be.

The last several months have been hard. And dry.
Waiting. Trusting. Wondering. Longing.
to the point of exhaustion.
It got to the point a few months ago where engaging with where I was emotionally became too hard.
I was tired of being sad and disappointed. So I shut down emotionally.
I just keep going through life like everything is fine. But I was just coasting. Not allowing myself to feel much beyond "fine."

I hate being in that place. But sometimes it's just reality.
What I really hate is knowing that I can't really engage with the Lord when I am not engaging with myself. It's like trying to connect with a person by being someone you're not.

I also knew that I was missing out on what He wants to do in my life through this season.
I am confident that "all is grace."
That nothing happens in my life outside of His will, and that is not intended ultimately for my good and His glory.
Even if it hurts.
Think about it.... if everything is good, do I see my need for Him?
If I never hurt, how can I be comforted?
And what ultimately brings more joy?
Life being hunky-dory all the time, or being comforted by the Creator and Sustainer of all things... comfort being one of those things?
He is so much greater. And in pain we get Him. intimately.
And what more do I want?
Don't get me wrong, when things are good, we get Him too.... but in our humanity, it's so much easier to rely on our circumstances when things are good. And attribute them to anything else but the provider of them.

So what do you do?
I could scold myself for not doing the "right thing" by allowing myself to feel sad
or on the flip side I could beat myself up for feeling sad.
or throw myself a massive pity-party and demand the same from others (no denying that hasn't been reality at times)
or avoid anything that might make me feel anything other than happy (impossible, but believe me I've tried)
or I could "fake it" and do the right "spiritual activities" to try to make God think that I was being this fantastic follower of Him by pretending to be fully surrendered and consider it "pure joy in my suffering." Honestly, I was too exhausted for that.

But let's be honest, He can't be fooled. And He definitely doesn't demand any of this from me.
When a child is broken, and devastated and exhausted does a good parent tell them they need to get it together? Not in my opinion. They just hold them and comfort them.
He isn't phased when I tell Him, "I AM SO MAD AT YOU! Why are you so mean to me!?!?" {Because believe me I have} In those moments I know that He's not mean, but it sure feels like it. I know that in my very finite mind I just don't understand what He's doing.

I heard/sobbed through a talk in January when the speaker shared a story about his daughter. In a nutshell, when she was a toddler, she got extremely sick and the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong. It came to needing to do a spinal tap. So he was forced to hold her down while they did it. And they missed. And they missed again. And they missed again. Can you imagine being this man? Holding your screaming daughter down, who has no idea what is going on or why she is being tortured? And who can't begin to understand why in the world her loving dad would hold her down and force her to go endure this torture? He said he just wept and sang to her, repeating a little song he sang to her that went something like "Daddy loves {little girl's name}" over and over again. All that she could understand was, "Daddy if you love me, then why are you doing this to me?"

I'm confident that God holds us weeping while we wonder what in the world He's doing, but knows that ultimately it will be so much better in the end. But even in those moments when I wonder "Why are you so mean to me!?" He gives me SO much grace. He knows that He is good. He doesn't need me to feel it for it to be true. I can't imagine the sorrow His heart felt when His Son cried "Why are you forsaking me!?" as He hung on a cross bearing the weight of my junk, pain, brokenness, failure.  He turned His face, but knew that it was the ultimate good that would result in glory. And I'm sure as Jesus was resurrected it all made sense, as it will for us all.... one day.

So you learn to give yourself grace. You throw "should" out the window. And you just be.

Be accepted. Be loved. Be comforted. Be sustained.
By the one who demands nothing in return.
There's nothing I want more.
He is good. All is grace because of Christ.

Love Story: Part 4

I don't really remember leaving that awkward interaction where I discovered I had a new "v-card buddy." All I know is that I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After our little revelation, I remember talking to him from time to time, but not much about spiritual things or his lifestyle. We would shoot the breeze when he was on our floor hanging out with my neighbors, but not about much beyond how pledging his fraternity was going, and how I was enjoying classes. He was probably avoiding going much deeper- and rightfully so. He was 2 for 2 on getting an earful from me. 

One afternoon, he came up to our floor where my roommate, our neighbors, and I were studying, and asked if anyone didn't have class on Wednesday afternoon- all 3 of them did, but my roommate said, "Haley doesn't, why?" He explained that he had a set of tickets to an event at Keeneland through his scholarship program. Keeneland is the horse track in Lexington that runs all month in October & April. It, alongside basketball, is kind of a staple of life in Lexington, especially among college students.

He shrugged and ask, "Want to go with me?" I didn't see why not- and I knew he wasn't asking me out since he had just opened the invitation to anyone who would accompany him, so I said, "Sure!" 

Fast forward a few nights, and I was sitting at my desk writing a paper while my roommate watched TV when our door flew open. "HHHHAAAALLLLEEEEYYYYYY!!!! WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE POOONNNIIIIEEEEESSSSS!!!!!" A large bottle of something fell out of his sweatpant leg. "OH! I NEED THAT!" and he ran off. We giggled, and I shook my head. He was back soon enough to keep the entertainment going. I don't think I need to explain the state he was in, but I have to admit that even then I thought it was kind of funny to see this shy guy letting it all hang out. "Yup, we're going to see the ponies." Side note: the horses at Keeneland are anything but "ponies"- they are race horses that go for & make millions. 

Wednesday rolled around, and Adam came upstairs to meet me. This event was a banquet in the club house, so he said we were supposed to dress up.... which most girls do anyway. He wasn't very fancy, so he had borrowed his {very sophisticated} roommate's sport coat that was a few sizes too big. He looked even more like a 13 year old than he usually did. Want proof?

I know, I know.... he might have looked 13, but I probably couldn't pass for more than 14 myself. We looked like babies! My neighbor shot this picture for us in front of her fish tank shower curtain. Classy. 

We walked the 1/2 mile to the freshman parking lot at the football stadium, and got into his Suzuki Sidekick. Yes. That's what he drove- Suzuki's version of a Geo tracker. If I'm honest, I was a little embarrassed to ride to such a classy event in such a fashion, but I didn't know him well enough to insult him by suggesting we take my car. So superficial. I don't really remember what we talked about- maybe his family, but again it all was small talk. We arrived at Keeneland and walked another 1/2 mile to the clubhouse from where we parked. I just remember feeling kind of awkward. I really didn't know this guy, and here we were little freshmen who looked like we were 13 at this classy event. We saw a few people I knew and chatted with them, before going out to the track to watch a few races. 

We watched a few races, and I picked the horses with the coolest names to win. He remembers that I won a whopping $2. We decided we'd go ahead and head back. As we started the long walk to the car I finally brought it back up. "Hey...um.... you know how you said you were a Christian that night? What do you believe?" He replied like all good churched kids would, "Well, uh I guess that if you believe in Jesus you'll go to Heaven when you die." Wide open door for a great conversation about the Gospel. Where did I go? "Well, you know if you are getting drunk all the time, people are going to be confused by what you say you believe, right?" {bleh. really churchie?} "Uhhhhh, yea, I guess." 

I continued to press in, "So why do you do it? It isn't fulfilling is it?" 

"I don't know, it's just what I've done for a long time." 

"Well it really hinders your witness." 

And so we went in circles for a while as we walked back to the car. He just got kind of quiet, clearly not wanting to get into this any more than he had to.... again, rightfully so.  

I think I talked a little bit about my life and my story, but stayed centered on behavior and far from grace. It wasn't the Gospel. 

Once we were on the road, I brought it back around to him. "You know, you could really have an influence in your fraternity for the Gospel, but right now you're just using it for drinking." I was judgmental of people in fraternities- because I assumed that everyone just wanted to get drunk all the time, but I didn't go there- I just used it as a means to make him feel guilty. I will say that there was a small part of me that wanted God to be glorified, and at the time this is what I thought it looked like. But a bigger part of me was on a mission to break the stereotype many teenagers had, that Christians were hypocrites because they acted like good little saints on Sunday after getting drunk & doing stupid stuff on Friday & Saturday night. All the while neglecting the fact that my attitude was more hypocritical than the behavior of anyone around me. 

I remember where we were on Mason Headley Road when I said that, and he replied, "Yea, well it's just too hard. This is who these guys think I am, and I don't think I can change that...I don't really see the point anyway." Right as we pulled up to the stoplight at Harrodsburg & Waller Ave. I thought to myself, "This kid is hopeless." And I dropped it. This kid is hopeless.... I vividly remember what I was looking at, and those exact words running through my mind. "Okay." I replied, and I dropped it. We endured more small talk for the last mile or 2 back, and he dropped me off at my dorm. I'm fairly certain that he probably never wanted to talk to me again. I wouldn't want to. I had probably done nothing but confirmed his desire to never be like me.

Looking back I see that I needed the Gospel to change my heart as much if not more than he did. I needed to learn what it would look like to treasure Christ in my heart over my behavior & appearance. The Gospel has nothing to do with our behavior. In fact, it has everything to do with the fact that there is nothing we can or can't do to earn favor with God. It has everything to do with the fact that Christ did EVERYTHING by paying my ransom on the cross. By His grace, we would both eventually come to treasure this truth. 

The song of my heart this morning

I couldn't help but share the overflow of my heart this morning, in awe of a good God who loves abundantly, beyond measure.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song i my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust,

who does not look to the proud to those who turn aside to false gods.

MANY O Lord my God are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us no one can recount to you;

were I to speak and tell of the they would be too many to declare!"

Psalm 40:1-5

I keep coming back to this song and the line "All I have needed, His hand will provide, He's always been faithful to me." It all comes back to that cross on a hill.

Morning by morning, I wake up to find, the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.

Season by season I watch Him amazed, in awe of the mystery of His perfect ways.

All I have needed, His hand will provide, He's always been faithful to me.

I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain.

I can't remember one single regret in serving God only and trusting His hand.

All I have needed His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me.

This is my anthem, this is my song, the theme of the stories I've heard for so long.

God has been faithful He will be again, His loving compassion it knows no end.

All I have needed, His hand will provide.

He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful,

He's always been faithful to me.

Walk through the day with the knowledge that He loves you, He is good, He is for you, He is sovereignly in control of every area of your life, He knows, He sees, He is with you, He is faithful. Even when we can't see through the fog & we don't understand, we have this promise to cling to.

The Joys of Purging

A huge part of our transition back to the states & moving to NC has been PURGING. HOW in the world do we accumulate so. much. stuff. And I say we, because surely I am not alone! I knew when we came back that we had way more stuff to get rid of than a trip to Good Will called for. This was the time for our ONE and only yard sale. EVER {we'll see....}

I spent forever getting ready for it. 

I had YEARS of stuff....

I went through boxes & boxes of my old stuff in my mom's attic- ALL of my decor & trinkets from my teenage years & tons of toys. We cleaned out my moms closet & house when I was home in September, so she only added to the huge collection of STUFF.  

I sorted and priced and priced and priced. I am too type-A to just put stuff in a bin that says, "Everything in this box- 25 cents." We had a few for stuff like t-shirts & stuffed animals, but for the most part I labeled every single thing. I wont tell you how many neon orange dot stickers I went through. A LOT. 

Here's what I learned about having a yard sale:

1) People will come rain or shine to get first dibs on the goods. The weather was TERRIBLE on the first day. It stormed like crazy all night, and was monsooning in the morning when we were supposed to start. We decided that we would just leave everything crammed in the garage/basement which is on the back side of the house. I assumed that no one would come that early. I was very wrong. They started pouring in. We made just as much money in the rain on Friday as we did in perfect weather on Saturday. 

2) You can't predict what people are going to want to buy. 

The top sellers at ours: 

Craft/Scrapbooking Supplies, Jewelry, Used/Broken Electronics, and Cosmetics, Toiletries & Makeup. Seriously would not have predicted that. 

Things that didn't sell as well:

Books, Purses & Bags, Picture Frames (had at least 150-200 too) Basic Kitchenware like cups, mugs, & plates. 

3) You never know who you're going to meet. We had so many great conversations with people. I thoroughly enjoyed meeting lots of new people. We even had 2 East Asian families come by and I was so excited to talk to them. One of them went to Grad-school at UK and lived in the apartments right next to my dorm my freshman year. Small world. 

4) Prep work goes a long way. I can't tell you how many people said, "This is one of the most organized sales I've seen" or something of the sorts. People don't want to dig. If they can see it all, they are much more likely to buy it. 

5) Get as creative as possible with how you display things.  I found that flipping rubbermade bins over makes a great way to display anything. 

All of the hard work paid off for sure. 

At the end of the day we loaded up what was left & took it to Good Will. We sold a TON of stuff, and still had enough to have another sale. 

It just about killed my mom & I. She was SO helpful. And has no idea I caught her snoring away on the couch.... icing her arthritic feet with a bag of peas from our freezer. 

My apologies for a picture of my feet, but this is what my normal boney turned swollen feet looked like at the end of day 2. My toes looked like beanie-weanies. 

It was ALL worth it! 

{looking real rough on day 2}

We made $1,650 for our friend's adoption! 

My hope is that we will NEVER accumulate enough stuff to have a yard sale again.... at least not on our own. So my one and only yard sale, was a huge success. 

After the sale, we put the house on the market and moved about a month later. While we were moving I found myself thinking, "How in the world do we STILL have this much stuff?!" 

My goal as we've unpacked has been to continue to purge what we don't need. I've taken 2 boxes to good will, and plan to take more soon. 

I look forward to the freedom of less stuff!