Whirlwind

Whew. Where do I even begin. The last 2 months have been a whirlwind. We moved to Raleigh almost a month ago, and I don't think I've actually been here for a consecutive week yet. It's been crazy.

The dynamics of transition, leaving, and grieving are funny things. Last weekend I took a quick last minute flight back to Nashville to take care of some final things at the house there. As I left after an emotional and stressful weekend {that involved spending half of the day on Saturday dealing with almost being scammed selling something on craig's list}, I realized what the uneasiness and pit in my stomach was from.

In 6 months I've left 2 places that I love. As you know, leaving East Asia was so hard and emotional, and left a feeling that I can only describe as an emptiness in my heart. There have been many facets to that emotion from missing relationships & a place that grew in my heart and held so much meaning, to a realization that life goes on after you leave & not knowing where you now fit.

I knew I still missed EA, but it wasn't until this weekend that I realized the process of walking through all of that isn't over. The hardest part though, was realizing that I was now going through that same process at the same time with Nashville as well. And that strange feeling I can only describe as a strange emptiness in the pit of my stomach is suddenly doubled. It's funny, the whole stupid craig's list thing left me feeling vulnerable & humiliated, that comes when you feel like you've been taken advantage of.... which was a catalyst for realizing everything else. I'd been doing a seemingly good job of stuffing everything, and it just took something unsettling to bring it all to the surface.

I'm so tired of transition. I want a break, and honestly I felt like once I left Nashville it would be over. Silly me. The whole "transitioning to something new" element hadn't crossed my mind. So now I deal with transition on more levels that I feel like own my own I can handle....

.....away from a place on the other side of the world that had burned a place in my heart that I really didn't want to leave, away from people & a culture that I love in a completely unique way, away from a completely different way of life that I'd grown really accustomed to, away from a place of monumental growth & development both individually & in my marriage, back to America & a culture that is familiar yet so foreign, back to our old house, back to wonderful old relationships I'd missed, while dealing with the beginning of missing new ones, back to meeting with doctors regularly & dealing with ongoing health issues, back to life in Nashville just long enough to settle in again....

And the next thing I know, I'm leaving there, clearly according to the Lord's timing. I didn't grieve leaving Nashville in this way when we went to EA because it didn't seem so permanent. It was still our "home base." We didn't sell our house & we came back to it just how we'd left it. It was also like we hadn't left & the last 2 years were an amazing crazy dream. When we left Nashville with the moving truck in November, I had been going non-stop getting ready to leave, I didn't give myself any room to process or grieve. Getting "gone" was going to be a relief from the stress of moving. It wasn't until we took one last walk through the house that I realized what we were leaving there.

That quote, "Home is wherever I'm with you," that's how I feel, but I will say our marriage was built in that home. We went through A LOT in those first 3 years there, and grew so much together. Around 6 that night after the truck left, we finally got everything done and hit the road to drive halfway & stay the night at my mom's. We locked the door, hugged in the yard and the tears started welling. Adam got in his car and I got in mine, and I burst into tears.

I had to pray that the Lord would make me engage with my emotions & allow Him to meet me there. From my house until I passed the airport on i-40 I sobbed and thanked Him for so many things: for all He'd done in our marriage there, for allowing me to live in the same city as my family & Eve, my lifelong very best friend. For our time at Vandy, as hard and as wonderful it was. For Beth, Betsy & Ashley on my team there who have been monumental to my growth. For the relationships I'd developed there. For Catherine & Marissa whose friendships have come to mean so much to me. For Anna my EA kindered spirit & the ways she's spurred me on on both sides of the world. For the time I got to live there in a different season with Jamie & Erica, my best friends from college & high school. And for so many other people who have been so special to me, and so, so, so much more.

Once outside of Nashville, tiredness hit me and my focus turned to staying awake for 4 hours. The madness only picked back up when the moving truck pulled back up to our new house. We left for a conference a few days later, and I feel like have been on the road off and on since then. I hadn't given myself much time to really think about any of it since. Last Sunday afternoon as the plane left Nashville I fought the tears hard, and did everything I could to distract myself.

And here I am back in Raleigh. Hear me when I say, I really like Raleigh & I'm really excited to be here. The pain of leaving the other 2 places I love doesn't take away from that. That's what makes it hard- there are 3 places I want to be, and I'm forced to grieve the loss of 2 of those.

And now I enter the "transition to" process.... to a new city that I don't know, a new house, looking for a new church, new opportunities for community, a new job sitting at a desk all that that it a huge adjustment, new doctors & looking ahead to a daunting process of dealing with fertility issues, among many other things.

There are moments when I think "I HATE TRANSITION!" But I know that it's all a gift. It's all grace, in that I have the privilege of walking with & depending on the Lord in new & different ways that are for my good & His glory. I don't want to miss out on this season for that reason.

I do feel hopeful & expectant. I am hanging in there. I don't feel despondent, and I don't feel paralyzed. Praise the Lord. As I've said, I can't walk through this on my own. But by His grace & through His strength, we're making it. I'm eager to see what He has in store for us here.

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening :) I needed this to process more than anything else. It's a good reminder of why I even have a blog.

He is good. I am grateful.

More Highlights From Our Time in America

We made it back to EA safe and sound last Sunday and have been getting settled in since then... and Adam has been sick since then and now I feel like I'm fighting it too. Other than that, it feels good to be back- out of a state of limbo, back into a routine, and back into living in this little community we love. I finally got everything switched over to my new computer, and so I can get back to updating on our time in the states. 

We loved our time in America, not necessarily because of the food or the luxury of living in our house there {as wonderful as both were} but because of the relationships we have there. "Living" everyday life here isn't that hard. Sometimes I appreciate the lack of convenience that we have here in comparison to instant, convenient America. But being away from the people that we love is the hard part. So I tried my hardest to cherish the time that I had with people. 

Here are more highlights from our time in the states {minus Ohio- that'll be the next post with our new nephew!} 

I spent as much time with this little chunk of love as I could. His aunt Hay couldn't get enough kisses in to last the next year. 

.....and cherished spending time with his sweet mama too. She's a good one at that :) 

Time with my cousins {not enough though!} 

Watching So You Think You Can Dance with Erica & then reminiscing about dance class in 4th grade when we convinced everyone we were sisters. 

for all of you who danced in the 90's.... "lyndie and back step"

Time with my sweet Thomas boys! 

Ty was a BABY when we left. Now he's a little blonde curly headed toddler with quite the funny personality

and their sweet mama Betsy too!

I enjoyed time with my Nashville friends 

Aubs & me {fail on getting pics with other people on my part} 

I spent the better part of a week with my Twinks! 

Catherine flew in from Dallas to spend 4 or 5 days with us which was WONDERFUL after 14 months apart. 

We shed a few tears at the airport

We enjoyed some cooking together

We had a nice cookout and time with some of our fave Vandy alum

John caught all of this fish and it was delicious!

Lucy wanted some too

It was a blessing to be able to spend quality time with Catherine. She came back to Nashville to move into her new apartment a week and a half before we left, and was such a big help in getting everything together to leave. 

After Catherine left in July, my dear friend Brookie stopped through for a quick visit with her sweet puppy Bella.....

and little Finn who's still cooking in the oven {not for much longer though!} 

It was definitely not enough to satisfy the time we've been apart, but I was thankful for some great time together. 

We were honored to be invited to the Vandy team's "kick off the year" dinner, and loved spending time with these dear friends. 

Adam enjoyed some good man time with some of his favorite guys 

We ran back up to Johnson City for a weekend to go to a big Whitson family reunion at my dad's house...

with lots of 2nd, 3rd, once removed and such cousins, most who I haven't seen in quite a while

...and their cute kids.

my daddy and 2 of his cousins

cousin Tam

aunt Louvella

cousin Jessica

I'm so glad I went up to see everyone. It had been years since I'd seen most of them. 

While in JC I also got to do some shopping with mom, and see a few other special people like my dear friend Jami....

......and 1/2 of the LeClair fam. They truly were my 2nd family throughout high school, and I was so bummed to miss them during our first visit to JC. 

Barbra is one special mama. I LOVED getting to catch up with her. I'm pretty sure we could have spent another 12 hours talking non-stop. 

....and we got to hang out with the soon-to-be-wed Chris & Emily! Chris was my baby bro & now he's getting married! I kinda can't handle it. 

I love the Leclairs and was glad to see at least 1/2 of them. 

Then back to Nashville for some quick good-byes

.....with wonderful people like my beautiful Grandmama

.....and {SNIFF} my sweet puppy :( 

She is now happily residing with my dad in East TN. 

 There are so many people that I'm so bummed I didn't get to see. Next summer, it WILL happen. 

I'm also bummed I didn't get pictures with more people.... like my MOM! Seriously, we were having too much fun together to think about taking a picture. I guess she'll just have to come visit again this year :) 

Okay, 2 more {at most} updates like this and it'll be back to regular posting of mostly funny life things here and craftiness {got some some fun ones on deck}. And you should see the amount of crafting & sewing supplies I brought back with me. I have recently delved into the world of embroidery and along the same lines, even have 2 needlepoint canvases that I started when I was 9 that I'm just dying to share. Hope you're looking for a laugh. Get excited. 

Joyfully Surrounded,

Summer Wedding #3- Tracie & Zach

Wedding #3 of the summer.... The Prichards!

June 5th

I love this girl. Trace-face & I went to high school together, but I was 2 years ahead of her, so we didn't become friends until my senior year, when I somehow got nominated to take her to school everyday :) I'm so glad that I did (I'm pretty sure it was when her regular ride tore her ACL & could no longer drive), because she became a wonderful friend very quickly! We spent most of our free time together over the next year until I left for college. She even rode with me to Lexington when I went to college, and consoled my mom on the emotional ride home :)

Tracie, Erica, & I were the "3 Amigos" in high school (i know you like our sweet hand sign)

Tracie & I walked through a lot together in our friendship... especially being there for each other through the ins and outs of relationships. Zach is absolutely perfect for her, and I couldn't be happier for the both of them.

The beautiful bride and her daddy

Gazing deeply into each other's eyes as they exchange their vows

Their wedding was so unique and full of their own personal touches that were so them- from the ambiance of the wedding & reception and the music (they walked out to the song "Good Life" by One Republic) to the personally designed programs and the band that they have followed for a while.

For their first dance, they danced to a song that his sister sang & one of his groomsmen played on the guitar. So sweet.

Instead of a big wedding cake, they had Naticakes! Best cupcake place in middle TN ;)

Tracie is a very talented graphic designer, so she of course designed their amazing invitations, programs, and favors......

These are the programs....

She designed the quote that is printed on vellum on the front, and bound everything together with yellow stitching.... so creative.

This is the inside- again, all designed by Tracie herself.

She also designed these really cute notepads for wedding favors completely herself and had them printed locally, just like the invitations and the programs....

.....with this cute little personal touch on the back. Love it.

....and Zach is a phenomenal drummer, so he took the spotlight and played with the band for a little while

I also loved having the chance to catch up with a lot of old friends from home. It was kind of like a little mini-reunion that was a great blessing.

Erica, Emily, Tracie, & me

The Bohon twins! So grown up and absolutely beautiful!

I was so excited to see Aaron & his sweet wife Sarah

Megan, another WONDERFUL friend from high school who stuck through everything with me through thick and thin, AND who I have to thank for being where I am today in my walk with the BG 9 years later.

Their wedding was a blast- It was such a reflection of them and I had a great time seeing lots of wonderful old friends!

Love you Trace-face! So happy for you and Zach!

Joyfully over-joyed for a sweet friend,