Attracting The Wrong Types...Part 2

Good day again.

This posting is a continuation from my previous as some of my friends have requested for more information.

Well, here goes and I hope this is useful.

As previously mentioned, Self Esteem is the key reason for one to keep attracting the wrong types in relationship. And that people with low self esteem would send out different energy as those people with high self esteem.

Recently, a friend of mine came to have a talk with me and we had a discussion about it. I posed her the following questions and interestingly, her answers kind of matched what I had in mind too.

"How would one feel towards him/herself..." and "What would you do or be like"
1) ...if attracting nice and good people is intended?"
2) ...if attracting 'weird' people is intended?" (weird as in, people who seems to like you, but are making you feel awkward or acting weirdly around you. These people make you guess their feelings for you.)
3) ...if attracting (pardon my language) jerks?"

Before I give you the answers I gathered, please do answer these questions and list down what are the feelings that you would have towards yourself, if you were in one of the above three positions.

E.g, I would feel Confident if I want to attract nice and good people. And that I would be friendly and nice.

Next, let's see how many of our answers matches.

For 1)
Feelings => Confident, feel good, passionate, clear, positive, strong.
Do/Be like => Genuinely nice, friendly, caring.

For 2)
Feelings => Nice, Feels like being taken for granted, cautious, unclear, doubting.
Do/Be like => Getting wrong ideas or worried about giving wrong ideas and impression.

For 3)
Feelings => Insecure, desires attention, have alot of wants but afraid of wanting.
Do/Be like => Fun, Flirts (in some cases), loose, party alot, be quiet, self conscious, hiding behind walls or emotional barriers.

I can't say for sure that the above answers may not represent everyone. However, the answers that you give may not be too different as above.

So, as you can see for yourself, there is a similar pattern. Just as my friend did.

And she posed me this question, "So what is it that this person should work on first?"

My straight answer was, "Instead of finding the 'right' person', work on self first."

If you want to attract the right type in your life, you have the be a right type yourself.

If you want to attract the right one for yourself, you have to first be clear and confident about what you want and know you deserve.

If you want to attract the love of your life, you have to first be able to love yourself.

It is that simple.



So the question which you would want to ask yourself is this. "What is it that you want?"

If you answer is "I don't know", then good news. In the next article, I will share with you how to find out what you want.

Til then,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! And may your new year be prosperous and health be with you and your family!!!

Cheers!
Ken

Subjects Of Love

Dear friends

Well, this article spun off from a conversation which I have had with my friends in indon last year. During which, I had a crazy "philopsophy" on the topic love, and how to find the right partner. It is called the Science of Love.

For you to find someone that you love and loves you, it is important that both must share similarities in the following Subjects of Love.

Chemistry
When you are in love, there would be a special chemical reaction in your brain which makes you feel in love. Well, I can't put my finger on it, but different people feels differently when they are in love. And you would be able to sense it yourself. BUT point to note, research done has shown that this chemical reaction in your brain lasts about 18 months. Which would explain why 18 months is a "make it or break it" point for a lot of relationships.
Therefore, while you will feel that everything is "magical" during the so called "honeymoon" period, but do remember to ground yourself in case you make irrational decisions.

Physics
Are you able to emit similar energy that attracts each other? Are you able to feel the same frequency with the other person, and able to communicate at the same wavelength? If you have heard of the Law of Attraction, you would understand Like Attracts Like. What you would be looking for is a balance of energy between you and your other half. Just like Yin and Yang.

Geography
Long distance relationship almost never work out. And this is strongly advised against by the two love gurus, Dr John Gray and Dr Barbara De Angelis. Reason being, in a relationship, it is the PRESENCE that matters, not the presents. Most of long distance relationship are found to never work out. So, if you have someone in mind, and that person is going to be overseas soon, rethink your decision to starting a relationship.

History
Having shared similar past experiences or activities is always a way for building stronger connections with your other half. It is easier to understand and talk to each other. And because you have went through something similar, you will find it easier to related to each other.
For a relationship to be strong, having gone through various UPS and DOWNS in life and coming out of it together is impertinent. Remember, UPS and DOWNS. There are some people who will only be with you during your good times, but when your bad times come, they disappear.

Psychology
The way you think, process information and how you perceive this world you strongly affect the relationship. If a couple are both open to new ideas, then, communication becomes easier, and the channel is smooth. But if one is closed up, and the other tries to barge into the world, challenges arises, and unless the mindset is changed, it is almost impossible to reconcile.

Biology
Well, humans will still have instinctive needs. Therefore, the biological needs plays a key part in a healthy relationship too. The other aspect of biology would be age. A 40 year old man, matched with a 25 year old woman may sound like a wonderful match. But there may be times where the man would not be able to keep up to the woman. E.g. the 25 year old woman may be involved in higher energy activities, such as dancing, sports. But the 40 year old man may not be able to sustain at all.

Language
International language is love...or so they say. But when you are unable to communicate with the other person, or unable to understand your other half, frustration arises. And it builts up.
Imagine the anguish that can happen if your other half speaks a completely different language from you, and can only understand 10-30% of what you are saying. How would you feel?


Anyway, this is just an article that I feel is interesting to share. Something that I have in my mind. haha.

Please feel free to comment and discuss with me.

Cheers!
Ken

New Earth Inspiration - Flapping Ducks

Dear friends,

Some of you may be curious to read the title, Flapping Ducks. Well, just a little something (yet profound) which I would like to share with you, something that I learnt from the wonderful book, A New Earth.

In the book, Mr Eckhart Tolle wrote on his observations on ducks. He noted that immediately after two ducks finishes a fight, they would swim away in separate directions, flap their wings vigorously and then float around as if nothing has happened. And he explained that through flapping their wings, the ducks were able to release all the negative energy that was built up during the fight and they do it immediately. So, the ducks are able to revert to the calm state almost immediately.

Imagine, how wonderful it would be if we can do the same. But alas...alot of us can't do it. Or rather, we "chose" not to.

Everyday of our lives, we face challenges, quarrels or fights and huge amounts of negative energy and emotions are built up within us. And more often than not, we keep that energy in us and that energy grows, to the point of hurting us in the end. Question to ponder over, is it worth it?

Of course not. But the strange thing is, the one who allows the hurt to grow and to build up, is none other than ourselves. It is we that who are not willing to forgive, to let go and to forget. Why? It all goes back to our EGO, the identification with things, whether tangible or intangible.

Think about it, unless involves the safety and future of another, a fight (either emotionally, physically or verbally) is usually started because we feel that something is right and we are defending it against another. It is usually started because of a clash of what you believe in, and what the other party believes in.

"It's mine."
"You're wrong."
"That's not true."
"I am correct."
"I don't agree with that."
"I am offended."
"What're you talking about?"
"That's absurd."
"Oh, why can't you shut up."

And to make matters worse, even after when the fight is finished, your mind still holds the scenes of the fight, repeating it in your mind, again and again and again and again.

Recall...all the fights you have ever had...and you would see that this is so true.

But the question is...Is what you think truly right? Is what the other person says, truly wrong? How certain are you? Could it be possible that, there could be flaws in your own ideas? Could it be possible that, there could be truth in the other person's thoughts?

And unless you are arguing about the natural laws of life (like gravity, heat, earth revolving around the sun, aging, etc), can you really be so certain that your way is the right way? And if not, is there truly a need for the fight in the first place?

What I would just like to ask, is it worth getting upset, hurt, angry or sad just to win an argument or fight? Is it worth hurting and upsetting another just to get your point across? If it doesn't hurt anyone, wouldn't it be better to just turn your back and leave the fight? And if the fight has already happened, wouldn't it be better to just be like the ducks, flap yours wings, clear all the negative energy and just move on?

What is more important? Your health or your EGO?

You decide.

Cheers!
Ken

Reflections - Part 2

Hi again friends.

Now, am finally back in Singapore, seated in front of my home computer. As promised, here goes the second part to my reflections.

Before that, I would just like to share with you hoWw my 2009 started. Well, what happened was my plane left Medan 20 mins before ETD. And arrived 30 mins before ETA. And there I was, happy that I could go back home earlier...And that's when "bad luck" struck.

As I waited for the luggage, I messaged Peter as to how many luggage and boxes I should retrieve. And that's when he replied that he was still in Medan. Flight delayed for close to an hour...and I was like, "Oh man...that means I have to wait for an hour!" What to do.

So, I took all the luggage. So, I went over to T1 from T2 and waited for him. And along the way, I told myself, "No matter what, I am going to start my year 2009 right." So, I changed my state immediately.

Decided to watch the DVD which I bought from Indon, Yip Man. Good thing, the show was great and I didn't feel my time wasted. haha. And finally, Peter came. And he was smiling away. We must be sharing the same thought as to how NYE was turning out.

So, in the end, I only reached home around 1230.

Well, interesting way to pass the NYE. But anyway, it was nice to receive many smses from Dea, DD and even my student from China. :) GREAT!

I picked up Martial ARTS AGAIN!!! WOO HOOO! Rediscovered my passion for the sports. And this time round, through Brazilian Jujitsu and Mixed Martial Arts. The adrenalin rush keeps me young. And I must say, the first few weeks of training, I simply couldn't sleep after the training simply because I was too excited. haha. But it was great.

Sept was the time I ran my first even, Exam Game Intensive. It was great and a program was created to allow students to finally see the "secrets" behind exams and what needs to be done to do well in it. I am going to run two more sessions again in Mar, and so far, the first session is already FULL. WOO HOO again!

Learnt about something really powerful through Ernest and Cecilia (a friend from Malaysia). And will be furthering into it as the potential it has is marvelous. Am sure with this new found Tech, I would be able to reach out to more people.

Went to Medan, and am glad that I have made some great contacts. Now, I will plan to proceed ahead with my 2 plans for personal and financial growth. Soon, my 2 dreams will come true. Am sure that it will materialise in 2009.

I bought a great phone, C902 from Sony Ericsson and WON a Playstation 3. haha. Going to collect it on the 2nd. :) Lucky!

2009 is going to be great. I just know it, and I will create it. I hope that all will be well. Most importantly, I hope that you would take some time to really think about who you want to give thanks to, and think about the magic moments ofr 2008. Attitude of Gratitude.

Before I go, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! May 2009 be a year of fulfilled dreams for you.

Cheers!
Ken

How You Love Your Other Half Is How You Love Yourself

Recently, a strange idea got me really excited and I sort of came up to this phrase "How you love your other half is how you love yourself". It is just my thoughts and I would like to ask for some comments and feedback. So, please feel free to voice your opinions here. Thanks first!

Okay, here I go.

Many of us have experienced this before, or have "committed" such an act before in our lives. When we are interested in a certain person of the opposite sex, we start to treat the person really well, taking care of the person's needs, being really sensitive to the other person's moods, almost all the time. It usually happens during the dating period.

BUT then, things start to change once you become attached. You think that you are treating your other half the "same" way, but your other half starts and keeps complaining about you, gets upset at you for small little things that you didn't do, and you two end up fighting or having cold war. Sounds familiar?

Well, for most of the people I know, it seems to be the case. And recently, I thought about it and in my own opinion, the reason is because, you have started to treat the other half as part of you, and therefore, you treat the other person the way you usually do to yourself.

Yes, it may sound alittle crazy, but let me do my best to explain to you what I mean.

Before you are attached, you are two separate entities, and you do your best to please the other person (at least for most people). You would even do things which you never thought that you would do. You would even do things which you would never even do for yourself! It is quite normal. You are "in love" and the chemical reactions in your brain sort of make you do all those crazy things.

BUT when you get attached together, things change. Things sort of stagnate alittle, and you are not as "romantic" as you were during dating. Reason, I feel, is because, you feel that your other half is a part of you, or is YOU (whether consciously or unconsciously). And because of this, you don't do those "special" things for your other half anymore, BECAUSE, you don't do those "special" things to yourself in the first place.

To make things easier to understand, maybe this would help.

A person who always hurt himself would end up hurting his other half.
A person who is stingy with herself would usually be stingy when it comes to her other half.
A person who has no drive for a better life would not have high expectations of the other half.
A person who cannot love him/herself, can never love his/her other half.

And the same goes for people who usually have a relationship that works out wonderfully.

A person who splurges on himself would usually be able to splurge on the other half.
A person who is able to spend time with himself is usually able to spend time with the other half.
A person who is able to be open to herself about feelings and emotions is usually able to be as open to the other half.
A person who is able to love him/herself, can truly love his/her other half.

(Please pardon me if this sounds confusing. I am just voicing this out here, haphazardly. So please help me by providing comments. I want to clear this in my head too. :S It is a strong feeling that I am onto something really big here, and I want to get it right.)

This is usually the case, or rather, this IS THE CASE for everyone. Before we are in a relationship, we treat the other person as different, and that the other person has a different expectations. So, during "courtship" and dating, we change and adjust to match to that expectations.

BUT, when we become attached, Two Becomes One...or rather, Two Becomes YOU. And that is when, if you don't see this fact, the problem arises. You start to treat the other person the same way you treat yourself. You start to thing that, that person's expectation is actually your expectation of yourself. You start to treat that person the same way you treat yourself, thinking that person will not mind (and boy, are you wrong about that!).

That is when the challenges of relationship come about. And unless you are able to resolve this part, the problems will just keep mounting.

So what's the solution for this? My suggestion is, rather than working on the relationship, the focus of work should be on ourselves instead. The "war" is not with the External world (your other half), but rather is in the Internal world.

Do you truly care about yourself? Do you truly take good care of your own wellbeing? Do you feel good about yourself? Are you honest with yourself? Are you open to your emotions, whether negative or positive? Do you accept yourself, your strengths and weaknesses? Do you love yourself?

When was the last time you even had a conversation with yourself ABOUT yourself?

Your answers to the above question will determine the sort of relationship you will have.

If you truly care about yourself, your health and takes care of your own wellbeing, you would be able to take care of your other half's health and wellbeing.
If you feel good about yourself, you would be able to feel good about your other half.
If you are honest with yourself, you would be able to be honest to your other half.
If you are open to your own emotions, you would be able to be open to your other half about emotions.
If you are able to accept yourself, strengths and weaknesses, you would be able to accept your other half, strengths and weaknesses.
If you are able to love yourself, you would be able to love your other half.
If you are able to have a close, heart to heart conversation with yourself about yourself, you would be able to have a close, heart to heart converstaion with your other half.

I came to realise that whether a relationship works out or not, it is a choice of whether you want to work on yourself first, and never on what you can work on the other person. It is a choice whether you are willing to take responsibilities and take charge of yourself, and not on the other person. It is YOU first, before the other. You are the cause.

So, if you are always in a relationship where you get hurt, or where there are huge problems, it is because of YOU and only you. You created those problems.

BUT, if you are having a fulfilling relationship with your other half now, good for you! It is also because you have CREATED the results.

It is all you.

So my last question to you is this, when is the last time you have had a honest conversation, about your own life, about your own future, about your own happiness, about your feelings, with YOURSELF?

Regards,
Ken

(Pardon me too, if there are any spelling errors or grammar. So I can amend.)

How To Ace Chemistry?

This Article is for those students whom are asking about how to do better in "O" levels Chemistry. I hope to share some insight on what you can do to improve on your Chem.

One important key that all Chem students must know is that, this is a subject whereby you need to build a strong foundation before moving up to the next level. It is a subject whereby the earlier topics are more important as the latter subjects. Without the basics, you would definitely have difficulties. DEFINITELY.

So, it is of the utmost importance that you must review your notes and textbooks of Chem for Chapter 1 - Chap 8 (up until Atomic Structure, Electrons, charges, Reactivity series and why certain element are more reactive/less reactive, Periodic table arrangement, etc).
Now, while this may sound like a lot of work. BUT, once this portion is done, the rest of the chapters will become soooo much easier. So, it is definitely worth your investment of time and effort.

Now, why is it that Chap 1-8 is important? Let me give you an example.

In the latter chapter of Ionic bonding and Covalent bonding, what is it actually talking about? It is talking about the reactivity of the metals and non metals, and how they will bond together. BUT, if you chunk down further, it is testing more of your understanding of the periodic table arrangement and electrons . It is because of the lack or additional number of electrons which causes the instability, which explains the reactivity level (Cation / Anion).

(Just an interesting note for you, reactivity can be equated to the insecurity of human beings. The more things (in Chem, it will be electrons) that a human (elements, metals or non-metals) is missing, the more this human wants to bond (either sharing or taking of electrons) with others. But if this human has extra, then, this human will only feel secure through giving aways or share with others all the extra things. See if this helps you to understand Bonding better.)

So, imagine if you don't even know how the periodic table is arranged, what electrons are, what is missing, whether is it a metal or non-metal, do you think you can answer the questions properly? Obviously no.

Another example would be Oxidation and Reduction. One was of seeing whether it is Oxi or Red is whether there is loss or gain of electrons. So, what is the basic topic of this chapter again? Back to Chapter 1-8 again. If you don't understand the electrons, and how to identify, you would definitely face challenges.

To score an A for O Levels Chemistry, is very easy, and you just need to do your work on a daily basis. Take the next 8 days, focus on doing well in your basics, in the first 8 chapters (or up until Atomic structure, depending on which text you are using). Upon completion of this part, you can be sure of easier path ahead in your studying of Chem.

Now, if you are keen to know how you can guarantee an A for your Chem, drop me a message here.


Ken Koh is the Co-Trainer and Consultant of the highly successful Super Teens Holiday Camp and Smart Kid Training workshop. He has positively impacted the lives and personally coached over 15,000 students from Singapore, Malaysia, China and Indonesia. Ken is one of the rare few in Singapore to be personally trained and coached by Dr Ernest Wong. For more information, please visit www.learningmastery.com.

Delayed Gratification

Dear all, This is an article which I gathered from Wikipedia. It is about Delayed gratification. Please read it first.
"The marshmallow experiment is a famous test of this concept conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University and discussed by Daniel Goleman in his popular work. In the 1960s a group of four-year olds were tested by being given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence, and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Another famous impulse control test is the "gift delay," in which children were shown a nicely wrapped gift but told they must complete a puzzle before opening it. Researchers then calculated a "delay score" based on how long the kids hold out. When independent examiners interviewed the test subject years later, they found that boys who had not delayed were "irritable" and that the girls were "sulky." In contrast, the patient boys were "attentive" and the girls "competent."

Isn't that interesting? The fact is, please understand that Delay Gratification is a trait which is proven to help one succeed in life. And more importantly, know that it is also a trait which we can develop in ourselves.

How to do that?

Possibly one of the best way to develop this is just focus on the process and enjoy it. Whichever tasks which is given to us, whatever job we are given, focus on the process and just simply make it enjoyable. Chances are, the outcome will be what you wanted initially, or better.

Isn't there a time in your life, where you worked really hard for something, completed the tasks (delaying the reward), and when you finally accomplished it, the celebration and joy is simply just ecstatic? Well, that is also part of D G. The reward is much more heart felt and remembered.

So, practice this. You will see a great difference in your life.

For students, this is possibly what you need to do now. Just delay playing the computer games for a few days (or a few months), just delay chatting on the MSN chat, just delay going out with your friends for movies, just delay your bad habits. You will find that, the results at the end will be more than worth it!


Simply note, if you can do something like Studies, Discipline yourself for this 6 months (til your final year), you can be sure that you will DEFINITELY be able to achieve great results in life!