Top 11 Bollywood thrillers with English names

No, there is no valid reason for me to blog on this. It does not make any sense. I know all that. But hey, what the hell, is this blog not supposed to be about what I want to write about?

Let me spell this out: despite its rich history of other genres, thrillers and horror movies have not been the forte of Bollywood. Of course, there have been efforts, serious efforts. For example, Yash Chopra made Ittefaq in his pre-chiffon-saree-amidst-smoke visuals — in other words, when he was one of the greatest directors around.

Ittefaq remains one of the finest thrillers in the history of the industry. While music stole the show in Teesri Manzil, Ittefaq had to ride only on the script and a criminally forgotten performance from Rajesh Khanna — for there was no song, while Nanda and Sujit Kumar did not really form an ensemble cast.

Samay featured a dynamic Sushmita Sen in a taut script. While some claim it was loosely based on Se7en, the stress should probably be on ‘loosely’, not ‘based’. There was also Kaun, made in 1999 — an era when Ram Gopal Verma was synonymous to quality movies: trust me, watching Kaun inside a dark theatre was not easy for me.

No, this is not about these movies, though this is a perfect time to mention Khamosh, Ek Haseena Thi, Kahaani, and Talaash. This is about a list of Bollywood thrillers and horror movies with English names. Bollywood directors possibly work under the concept that these genres are western concepts, and should hence be given English names. I cannot think of any other reason. Perhaps English names sound cool. I have really no clue.

Conditions:

1. Only full-length feature films are included. As a result, Anurag Kashyap’s Last Train to Mahakali misses out, as does Rajat Kapoor’s Private Detective (Two Plus Two Plus One). PS: Both are excellent movies, but were aired only on television.

2. Addresses do not count as movie names. As a result 13B and Plot No. 5 (and even Shanghai) miss out.

3. Official remakes (Pizza) are also ruled out.

4. Movies involving only names (Raman Raghav 2.0, Aamir) do not make the cut, either. Technically the former should make it (it also has a name), but, well, if you have seen it…

5. 100 Days has not been included because I did not feel like it.

I will not give away the plots because — obviously — these are thrillers. I will, however, list plot keywords.

Note:

Before I begin, I guess I owe the uninitiated a word or two about Plot No. 5, starring Uttam Kumar, Amol Palekar, and Amjad Khan. It seemed a riveting plot, but unfortunately the audio quality of none of the copies (they are basically copies of the same copy) I came across was good enough for a thriller. If you find one with decent audio, do let me know.

Now that pistol jail mein aa chuka hai, let us get cracking with the ones that missed out.

Honorary mentions:

Blue Oranges (2008)

Rajit Kapur does an excellent job as a detective, but the script drags a bit.

Chocolate (2005)

Remaking The Usual Suspects was not easy: Chocolate falls reasonably short. However, if you can forget the original, it has its moments.

Table No. 21 (2013)

The script is fast-paced and the ending neat, but the movie is pulled by poor individual performances. Paresh Rawal cannot save you every time.

Reporter Raju (1962)

I am not sure whether this qualifies as a thriller, but what the heck, it features Feroz Khan, father of you-know-who.

Murder 2 (2011)

Murder 2 is not a sequel of Murder, but a remake of the Korean movie Chaser. More of a slasher than a thriller, it does a better job than expected. Emraan Hashmi puts up an honest show, but Prashant Narayanan easily steals the show.

The Pool (2007)

A surprisingly good movie: with commendable performances from Nana Patekar, Venkatesh Chavan, and Ayesha Mohan. The characters are surprisingly real, and we as delve deeper, they get better. The downside? It is probably not a thriller; borderline, maybe.

Via Darjeeling (2008)

Such a promising premise; such a great cast (Kay Kay Menon, Vinay Pathak, Sonali Kulkarni, Rajat Kapoor, Sandhya Mridul, Simone Singh); such ordinary execution. It hurts.

Race (2008) and Race 2 (2013)

If only Abbas-Mustan realised that “too many plot twists” is a thing! From ensemble cast to catchy (albeit copied) music to fruit-eating detectives, Race had it all, but they ruined it with overkills. As for Race 2, I typically sit through movies.

The main list

11. That Girl in Yellow Boots (2011)

Director: Anurag Kashyap

Cast: Kalki Koechlin, Naseeruddin Shah

Plot keywords: Prostitution, quest

A girl’s quest for her father sounds simple, but things turn out to be more sinister as every layer is unfurled. I found it disturbing, and I am sure I was not the only one. It is not recommended if you get disturbed easily. There are “happy endings”, but…

Oh, and keep an eye out for those surprise cameos.

10. Special 26

Director: Neeraj Pandey

Cast: Akshay Kumar, Anupam Kher, Manoj Bajpayee, Jimmy Shergill, Divya Dutta, Tiku Talsania

Plot keywords: Gang, heist

Bollywood has had its share of heist movies, but most of them are loud and rarely make sense. Special 26 is sensible yet fast-paced: while the big guns are given the screen share they deserve, they are never given precedence over the script. There are several amazing twists, and some of the underrated names on the list pull off surprisingly good performances.

But… is a heist movie a thriller?

9. The Stoneman Murders (2009)

Director: Manish Gupta

Cast: Virendra Saxena, Arbaaz Khan, Kay Kay Menon

Plot keywords: Serial killings, The Stoneman

Do you remember Stoneman, the serial killer who went on a rampage in Calcutta in 1989? If you do not, here it is: ‘Stoneman’ smashed the heads of 13 pavement dwellers (on separate nights) with stone slabs and — here is the catch — never got caught. I remembered being scared, but little else. I never expected they would make a movie on this.

The movie is as fast-paced as thrillers are supposed to be. You do expect Kay Kay to do well, but Arbaaz surprised everyone by pulling off easily the greatest performance of his life (who would have thunk?). The characters, especially on the side of the law, all look three-dimensional, while the Mumbai nights pull off an impressive support act.

8. 404 (2011)

Director: Prawaal Raman

Cast: Imaad Shah, Nishikant Kamat, Tisca Chopra

Plot keywords: Hostel room, suicide, psychology, supernatural, atheism, hallucinations

A haunted hostel room and atheists make the perfect condiments for a B-grade movie. I cannot think of any other reason for 404 going through theatres with a near-anonymous stature. If you think about it afterwards you will realise that the script is hardly complicated, and yet it is executed so subtly that you will sit through it without realising that two hours have passed by.

7. Karthik Calling Karthik (2010)

Director: Vijay Lalwani

Cast: Farhan Akhtar, Deepika Padukone, Ram Kapoor

Plot keywords: Telephone calls, psychology, introvert

Just like millions of others in the world, Karthik feels trapped in a mediocre world until, well, the rest of the movie happens. While I am not a big fan of Farhan Akhtar’s acting skills (that voice, ugh, that voice), he pulls off possibly the greatest performance of his career. My biggest problem with this movie is the inexplicable underutilisation of Deepika: why not go for a lower-profile female lead in that case?

6. Being Cyrus (2005)

Director: Homi Adajania

Cast: Naseeruddin Shah, Dimple Kapadia, Saif Ali Khan, Boman Irani, Simone Singh

Plot keywords: Murder, gangs

Even if Being Cyrus had nothing in it, the stellar performances by each member of the ensemble cast — supported by dark, dry humour — would have made it successful. The tone of narration varies between the unassumingly smart and unapologetically sinister, setting up the tone for the climax beautifully. Saif deserves special mention for holding his self alongside Naseeruddin, Dimple, and Boman.

5. Ugly (2013)

Director: Anurag Kashyap

Cast: Anshika Shrivastava, Ronit Roy, Rahul Bhat, Tejaswini Kolhapure, Siddhanth Kapoor

Plot keywords: Kidnapping, missing child, marital relationships, ambition

Do not believe if they tell you that Ugly is about a little girl who gets kidnapped. Ugly exposes the dark side of human psychology in a manner so gruesome that you cannot stand to watch the movie. At the same time, so brilliant is the script and so convincing are the performances that you cannot look away. At times I felt claustrophobic and nauseous — probably because I could identify the characters, most of them, around me; and in the end it gave me at least one sleepless night: yet another Anurag Kashyap movie.

4. Manorama Six Feet Under (2007)

Director: Navdeep Singh

Cast: Abhay Deol, Gul Panag, Raima Sen, Sarika, Kulbhushan Kharbanda, Vinay Pathak

Plot keywords: Lies, murder, village, author, engineer

Despite being based on Chinatown, Manorama Six Feet Under keeps you hooked. I thought hard, but could not come up with a better compliment. Every single member of the cast fitted into their respective roles, each drier and yet more intriguing than the other. True to the spirit of the original, Manorama gets more and more sinister as it goes on…

3. A Wednesday! (2008)

Director: Neeraj Pandey

Cast: Naseeruddin Shah, Anupam Kher, Jimmy Shergill

Plot keywords: Common man, hostages, terrorism, bomb blasts, telephone calls

This is the second Neeraj Pandey movie on the list. Fast-paced and near-real-time, A Wednesday! rarely offers a dull moment, but that is not its biggest USP. The problem is, it is impossible to describe why it is so revered without giving away the plotline. Let me put it this way: Naseeruddin and Anupam Kher have done justice to the brilliant script, while the script manages to remain unpredictable without being unconvincing. All in all, one of the best made in India.

2. No Smoking (2005)

Director: Anurag Kashyap

Cast: John Abraham, Paresh Rawal, Ayesha Takia, Ranbir Shorey

Plot keywords: Addiction, psychology, rehabilitation, surrealism

No, I have not read Quitters, Inc., the book on which this is based. I know I may not like No Smoking the day I read, for my experience says movies rarely live up to the books. It is also Kashyap’s greatest movie by a distance — of course, this is a personal opinion.

No Smoking is (I am trying my best to stay away from spoilers here) a journey of the soul. Even if the movie had fallen flat on its face, it would have been remembered as a remarkable effort. But No Smoking emerged a great success — albeit not commercially: I remember watching it in a near-empty multiplex and people walking out at random moments, never to return.

Kashyap made No Smoking years before his bigger hits. Exactly why John was cast for this movie is not very clear, but to be fair, he looked perfectly convincing. He could have had a more impressive career had he chosen his directors and scripts more wisely, you know.

1. Jewel Thief (1967)

Director: Vijay Anand

Cast: Dev Anand, Ashok Kumar, Vyjayanthimala, Tanuja

Plot keywords: Doppelgangers, mistaken identities, plots and subplots, and obviously jewel theft (s).

I know people for whom Jewel Thief is “the movie with songs on the B-side of Guide”. Even if one removes the English-name criterion, it is difficult to find a Bollywood thriller at par with Jewel Thief.

I do not even know where to begin. The scenery? SD Burman’s magic? The background score that never lets the pace drop? The performances? The script? The concepts? The many, many twists that leave you hanging despite its three-hour length?

I am itching to go on for hours, but how does one do that without giving plot points away?

Jewel Thief turns fifty this year. If you have not watched it, do. Yes, they used to make movies like that here.

Note:

The exclusion of Red Rose was deliberate. It was a poor effort by any standards, but hey, all that can be forgiven for this one song.

Dear vs Bear: The greatest story ever told

There are good movies. There are outstanding movies. Then, there is Gunda. 

And then, there is Dear vs Bear.

While Gunda elevates your understanding of cinema, Dear vs Bear takes you down an unforgettable trip that satiates your senses and leave you churned inside out. It is that kind of movie that questions the neo-dynamics of your quasi-existence.

Gunda makes you analytical and erudite. Dear vs Bear makes you a better person. The two are not comparable. 

While Gunda teaches you to be violent, Dear vs Bear ensures you do not kill humans; or bears; or snakes; or even urinate on them; even if they are animated. 

There are many differences between the movies, but that is the fundamental one.

*** SPOILER ALERT ***

*** Do not read any further if you intend to watch the movie. ***

Let us start with the protagonist, Kapil, played by Uttar Kumar (who has written the story, screenplay, and dialogues for the movie as well). Uttar plays Kapil, a North Indian football player. Do note the subtlety: Uttar, North. Get it?

Two minutes into the movie the team for a club (probably called Hi-Tech Football Club) is chosen with the gorgeous Annie (Lovely Joshi) as captain. On the same evening Annie's and Aryan's parents get together to fix up the engagement between the two. Aryan, after all, is all set to be the captain of the male counterpart.

Overwhelmed by this development, this guy (supposedly a footballer) announces a "small-scale" party.

This is what the "small-scale" party looks like. It is a perfect message for people who constantly complain about space crunch. This is possibly the smallest terrace on which a party this big has been held. 

In case you are wondering why there is no staircase, elevator, or escalator, the director throws more questions at you: where are the light effects coming from?

Obviously, satisfied by this wild party on the most cramped space ever, they promise to host another party two days later on Aryan's appointment as captain.

***

But the selectors obviously had other ideas. They decided to recall Kapil, a person who had been banned as captain three seasons back, to the helm. They also go to fetch Kapil — in this car.

What is Kapil like? As Ruby, Annie's friend, would say, "aandhi hai woh, toofan hai woh". The moment Ruby utters these words, Annie disowns her.

*** 

I thought the fathers would be annoyed and try to bash up Kapil, but to my pleasant surprise, they turned out to be rather sporting. In fact, the following conversation actually happened:

Annie's father: Ek chhoti si ichchha thi, main do captains ki shaadi dekhna chahta tha.

Annie: Papa, aap bilkul chinta mat kijiye. Hum tab tak shaadi nahin karenge, jab tak ye shaadi do captains ke beech mein nahin hoga.

***

Meanwhile, Kapil arrives with his lucky football (?) and hogs Annie's seat in the Maruti Omni. Annie tries to dislodge him, but cannot. Once again, there is an exchange of lines which may find their names in history:

Annie: Main tumhari jaan le loongi.

Kapil: Pehle mujhe theek tarah se jaan lo, phir mera jaan le lena.

Anyway, the car gets going. There are six people in the car barring the driver: Annie, Kapil, Aryan, Ruby, the "small-scale" party-announcer, and the coach. All six, for whatever reason, wear orange shirts.

This is what they encounter on the road, and choose not to notice. Bhaloo Ghaati aka Bears Valley aka Valley of Death.

Once they enter Bhaloo Ghaati, they roam around with only Kapil in the car, snoozing away to glory. Then this happens.

This is Ruby, being eaten by a bear (erm, literally). As the bear eats her, Aryan and Annie argue on whether to save her or to run away. Exactly what the bear is doing to Ruby is, well, debatable.

While Aryan escapes (though not before Annie tells him "you are kaawaard"), Ruby picks up what she undoubtedly thinks is a lethal weapon to chase the bear off (do note the size of the stone).

No self-respecting bear can be happy with this attack. This is also our first glimpse of the bear.

Meanwhile, Ruby falls off the cliff and dies (and nobody bothers). The bear, apparently, is not keen on eating Annie. Instead, it is interested in her coat, which results in one of the most brilliantly thought-out scenes of Bollywood.

But then, clever Annie gets rid of her coat and runs for the car. The bear is obviously not interested in Annie's coat.

Meanwhile, Annie trips, and this is the position she finds herself in.

Meanwhile, Kapil wakes up from his slumber and utters the word "ffffff; bathroom kar leta hoon". 

Unfortunately, he never gets a chance. Realising exactly what is going on, he pulls Annie inside the car. What follows is this.

We now get to know exactly why this car has the words Hi-Tech printed on it. Do note the background, which looks like a cross between Cassiopeia and an alga. 

Here is more proof regarding the Hi-Tech bit. Also note the startling change in backdrop.

They obviously land on the other side, when Annie slips, and hangs by a vine. 

She Tarzans a bit before she lands on this jutting bit of rock. Do note the dimensions. We will come back to this later.

Kapil, meanwhile, had been looking for a spot to relieve himself. A bear and a breakneck car journey had stopped him, but he was not going to hold back any longer.

He goes for it, and find this.

Obviously, he Tarzans a bit and lands on the same rock that Annie is on. They are stuck on the rock, and extending the vine is the only way out, so Kapil asks for Annie's tie.

Annie, unfortunately, comes under the impression that Kapil is trying to molest her. Under these circumstances. More importantly, on this rock: "Nahin nahin, ye tum kya kar rahe ho? Tum itne bure nahin ho sakte!"

Knowing Annie's penchant for reduced surface area (remember "small-scale" party?), this should not come as a surprise.

Thankfully, Annie sees logic, and both decide to hang by the vine to get as low as possible. Unfortunately, this is when Kapil decides his bladder cannot hold any longer, and comes up with this expression.

Obviously, this calls for a solution, so Annie agrees to unzip him with one hand. Exactly how Kapil manages to urinate is best left to guesswork.

Anyway, they fall down, and Annie manages to injure her knee. In a refreshing reversal of traditional Bollywood cliches, Kapil ties Annie's knees to heal her. 

Just when things were warming up between the two, they reach a fork, where this conversation happened:

Annie: Raasta idhar hai.

Kapil: Tu kuchh zyada samajhdaar hai.

Annie: Yes. Graduation kar rahi hoon. DU se. Samajh mein aaya kuchh? Delhi University.

As expected, Annie is chased by a bear, Kapil returns.

Annie: Mujhe laga maine tumhe kho diya.

Kapil: Main koi saamaan hoon, jo kho diya?

But the bear has its vengeance, and this tug-of-war happens. 

Obviously, since Kapil is a footballer, he kicks the bear away, and they start running again...

... until they fly...

... and land somewhere. Annie cannot walk anymore, so Kapil carries her on his back.

Elsewhere, Annie's father is justifiably anxious. To make things worse, Kapil's mother blames Annie for eloping with her son, which leads to this priceless expression on Annie's father's face.

Meanwhile, Kapil and Annie travel through the forest till night falls. This is where the director cleverly inserts a product placement. Kapil tells Annie, "Maine Discovery Channel mein dekha hai, kabhi bhi jangal mein bhatak jaao, to raat humesha ped pe bitaani chahiye."

Dear Discovery Channel, how much did you pay for this?

***

Travelling through Bhaloo Ghaati, Kapil and Annie stumble across this place, complete with mountains, waterfall, an island, clear blue water, and still sky. Obviously, Annie starts to dance.

Things were going fine, unless Annie got a carried away. While this was not too bad...

... this, followed by throwing the orange shirt away (why were they wearing identical orange shirts anyway?), was possibly not the wisest thing to do.

Poor Kapil obviously had to part ways with his own coat.

Meanwhile, the investigating officers come across some mysterious clues. The man in the vardi asks, "woh zinda hai, to kaunsi duniya mein hai?"

While the duniya had a surreal look to it, it was not the safest duniya imaginable, because of this...

... and these.

PS: Do note the return of the lucky ball.

Lost cause? Not quite. Trust Kapil to come up with a solution.

Kapil: Tum ek kaam karo.
Annie: Bolo.
Kapil: Neeche baith jaao. 
Annie: Kiyun (had this been me, I would have been suspicious as well)?
Kapil: Main bhi dikha doon ke main football player hoon.
Annie: Ye tum kya keh rahe ho?

Kapil: Dekho Annie, jabtak mere pairon mein football hai, ye mujhe touch nahin kar sakta.

So the greatest show on earth takes off. Kapil keeps kicking the ball from one bear to another...

 ... while Annie, on her knees, sneaks past the bears.

Unfortunately, Kapil's adventures do not last long. A fourth bear arrives; each one grabs a limb of Kapil's and starts pulling him in four directions.

One of the bears actually does this (the screenshot is not capable of showing that it is actually swinging Kapil).

Poor Kapil somehow gets away joins Annie on the tree (Discovery Channel, anyone?), but the bears are in no mood of giving up.

So Kapil comes down and bashes the bears with a branch (why did this not occur to him before?)

They find (and slide down) a mysterious chute, and land up in this position. This is not what it meets the eye. While the side view reveals the slope...

... the top view gives a completely different idea. Do note the bright blue water.

They eventually fall off, and guess what they land next to? The lucky ball!

For a moment I felt very sad for Kapil and Annie: what if clinging on to each other and the lucky ball was the closest they would come to having a family?

It seems they would lose the battle, but what was that lucky ball for? They spotted the helicopter that was looking for them.

There was, however, one question: what happens to the ball as they climb up the rope? This is how they do it (though they drop the ball midway).

Obviously, Annie breaks up with Aryan once she returns, and asks the question her father had been dying to hear: "Papa, aap do captains ki shaadi dekhna chahte the, na?"

This resulted in the happy family "THE END" picture.

Of course, that was not where it ended. It ended with a simple message. 

With a cohort of bears, snakes, cliffs, forests, and an orange shirt-flinging girl around, who else can you believe in (barring, of course, your magic ball and Discovery Channel)?