Crossroads

Here I am. At probably the biggest crossroad of my life...yet.
I got into Medicine. And passed out without much worries or anything. It was cool. It was college. There were sports. There were Dance shows. There was college politics. There were friends and foes. There were teachers. There were exams. And all that Jazz. That's all life really was. I didn't really ever do anything extra ordinary. But still, with that security of a life around me, I could see the world. I could still sit and observe. I could ponder and analyse. I could comment and learn. I could do any damn thing I wanted to. I started this blog. Have written more than 100 posts in college itself about a range of topics. I talked about philosophical thoughts, current affairs, big issues and mostly about me. My life. My feelings. And I did pretty well. Wouldn't say I came up with posts very easily. There were many many times when I couldn't. But there were many times when a lot of things popped up in my head as potential subjects for something to write and thus to think about. But I couldn't write about then when I actually got down to writing. That is another matter.
Now that I sit here to write, to think, I have nothing. And I have had nothing for days on end bout not even anything about myself. The problem here is not that I don't have anything to blog about. It's just that life has changed so dramatically and I am not sure if I am ready for the change.
I am a Doctor now. I am a professional now. I need to earn. I never actually paid a lot of attention to the act of earning to be honest. I was always to busy looking in wonder at the world and learning rather than learning 'Secrets to be successful' which every young professional seems to have learnt in since birth. I see people so determined for success as if that's all they wanted since they were small kids. I never really did. I admired scientists and musicians and artists for going into places no one has ever gone, never really businessmen or the World's richest people.
OK,enough of the background. I am in that part of life now where decisions I make can make or break my life. Everywhere I look I see people either earning money or thinking about a way to earn some. It does feel like I should too. And all I feel doing is still learn, not just about medicine but about everything. every damn thing one can learn. That wonder of learning new things that we have as kids probably was a bit too much in me. It has helped me gain a lot of knowledge for sure but I think it has overstayed a bit too long. I would love to travel the world to know about different cultures, not just on a holiday.Would love to learn to play a guitar. Would love to create something new artistically. The list is endless. But then that's where the decision making comes in. My profession doesn't allow me think of anything else for a minute till I am 40 or atleast 35. It's a different matter that I still am thinking although it's high time I quit it now. I don't know what is gonna happen of me in the future. I am somehow living my life. Confused. Days go bye. There really is no excitement or anything to write home about...literally.
So on one hand I hope for a nice future which only I can create on the other I wish to live life better than a vegetable. I don't know why still watching a documentary on the History or Nat.Geo. channel or a Football match excite me more than studying or working or...all those things adults do.
When will I ever grow up?!!

P.S. Don't have a clue why I have written this post. Just had to.