So, it's always healthy to have a good rant. That's always been my belief. Forgetting about paragraphing and the proper structure of introduction-body-conclusion can be quite a relief, although, for me, keeping the spelling, grammar and punctuation will have to remain just for the sake of it. I have a lot of work to do over the winter holidays. I have around five pieces of work to do already and I probably will get three more. I have to go on holiday soon and I don't know what to do about my blogs, especially 'Do you hate it too?" I guess I'll ponder that some other time, but right now, it's about the rant. It's about raving on and on about everything that you just want to say but wouldn't say on a regular basis because nobody would actually care. Yesterday, I rearranged the furniture in my room. I made it more convenient for me to do everything on my bed. I like having my laptop beside me everyday as I fall asleep. I don't want to have two more days of school. It's quite taxing having to be at school. You know what I really want to rant about? I don't want my classmates reading my stupid blog. I should never have made it public to them because they actually know me but not well enough as some of my out-of-school friends. They know things about me through my blogs but they shouldn't because I really don't trust them. It speaks volumes that I trust a potentially worldwide online community more than the people I go to school with every single day. What they do is they read my blog, they go to school, they see me, think about what I said in my blog, judge me, discuss about me, go home and read my blog again. That's what they do and I'm so fucking paranoid about it and I hate thinking that way but that's the truth. I dislike the way my best friend treats me too. My alleged best friend. He seems to think that he can treat me however he wants to treat me but that's the case with all of them, all these darn people that I call my close friends. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what to do. I don't know why it is that I'm continually drawn towards them even though I despise being around them and talking to them so much. I hate the way he thinks he's high and mighty and thinks that I'm nothing but a lonely asshole that has no other friends. He has to stop thinking that way, he has to stop it because i'm SICK AND TIRED OF IT AFTER HAVING IT BE THAT WAY FOR SEVEN YEARS NOW. Why can't he ever just be a little kinder towards me? Damn. Nothing good can come of ranting here. Classmates: hope you've enjoyed it. Especially you, He Who Trust Me The Most. You really are better off being with the others. You fit in that 'circle' and I find you despicable sometimes thanks to your low EQ. You never try to be closer to me. You never try to push me away either. Give anything a try and shock me before the day we leave each other. Best friend: you know, this is a term I've never thrown around. I call you 'best friend' because you literally are the one that's stuck by me the longest, but I've figured out that you only do that because you're the lonely asshole. I don't know what it is you plan on doing when I leave Hong Kong but damn it, I don't just throw those two words around. I mean it, and you should mean it too. Perhaps reading these blogs every now and then would serve you good and give you a true indication of what I really feel about you. You say you don't care about me so openly. I believe you. Bloggers: That's me, I'm an angry Asian teenager. Go on, give me your words of advice, whether it be I need to change or whether it be I don't need to change. Compliment me, critique me, call me names, whatever. The truth is, I may do either. You're all much wiser than me. But the moment I see any bit of goddamn patronizing adult-to-child crap... well, I won't do anything. I just won't take your advice to heart.
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(update after realizing I got too angry the first time)
Alright, alright, something happy, something happy. I like blogging, really. I think that some of the stuff people come up with educates me greatly and will benefit me in the long-run as I not only practice my writing on a regular basis, but I also will be able to consider other people's thoughts and philosophies more easily in the future. It's a good thing and I appreciate all the comments and I comment on all of your blogs too because it shows that we're all sharing this blogging experience together. I like a lot of things an I'm not just all hatehatehate. Even though I hate their behavior, I can honestly say that I love them. I love them to the bitter ends of the Earth. I just hate what they do and say sometimes and there are many good things about them that make me drawn to them (answering myself with regards to what I said above). I love television and food and genuinely long walks on the beach, although, it's the beach I like, whether I'm running, swimming, wading, digging or diving, whether they be long, medium or short walks, runs, swims, wades, digs or dives. I listen to any music that's mainstream and I prefer it to be hot and sunny rather than cold and damp. I have to go do something. I'll be elaborating on my winter plans in the next post.
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11 comments:
michael :)
everyone is entitled to express true feelings openly. I believe that's what this whole blogging experience is valuable for. we get to choose what we want to write and it doesn't have to be sugarcoated to fit anybody else. I like that you don't hide or fake how you feel. you were angry and you put it out there for everyone to read, not caring what people would think of you. I do admire you for that. it takes great courage for one to do what you did.
well, I also wanted to tell you that I hope you have a happy holidays. I'm not sure what your plans are yet, but I hope you enjoy it! :)
i agree with jessica (:
besides, ranting is great sometimes; i mean sure, if you were doing it continually, then that would get a little frustrating, but it's bound to happen something when we try to ignore our discontentment with something.
and blogging is primarily a means to express yourself. however you're feeling.
hmmm it's hot, hot summer here. i love the internet global community (:
Go on, Michael, rant, scream, express your feelings. But I guess, the friends mentioned in your blog are not going to be too happy when they read your blog! Do note however, you will still be facing them on a day-to-day basis, and can you take their nasty looks or jibes?
It's your blog and you should write whatever you're feeling. If people in your RL don't like your portrayal of them, maybe they need to take a good, honest look at themselves.
Jessica: I think I don't hide my feelings consciously. People just need to ask me and I'd tell them straight up. Thanks for the holiday wishes. I'll be stopping by your blog soon.
Larissa: I wonder how it feels to live in Australia. As I believe I've said before, I feel overwhelmed just thinking about how there are so many people out there from all walks of life that get along so well here.
Everyday Housewife: They're not people to express how they feel. Stoic or poor communicators or cold.
J.J.: I will try to fit in a post where I take a good, honest look at myself.
When you are on holiday, take a pad and pencil with you. Eschew the laptop, try writing thoughts down. Then post them when you get back. Just a thought. You may have to fight editing them when you take them from paper to computer.
Relationships have strange dynamics. We sometimes find ourselves drawn to people we don't like and oddly alienated from ones we do.
Rants are good. When they are over, I always feel like I have broken the fever of an emotion.
I would stop posting over holiday, your online friends will be here when you return. And I would go to a gym and beat the living shit out of a punching bag, even better if in private. That always takes the edge off for me!
whoa when / how did you find out my name? not that i'm incredibly discreet or anything but =/
not that i mind you knowing it lol, must keep anonymous for the people who know me ;P
Australia is great, maybe you should try coming here someday, I love it. (:
I do love a good rant, especially this because it wasn't just one of those rants where there is a lot of cursing and it never making sense in the end (which I am probably most guilty of) I understand what you mean by being drawn towards people who you would think logically in your head that you wouldn't be friends with. It has happened to me many times. But eventually i just told them to fuck themselves and went to find people who would be better friends, it may be lonely at first but it is so much better for you in the long run.
Good rant. Feel better?
Douglas: I've sorted it out. And yes, relationships are strangely dynamic and dynamically strange.
Alan: Haven't used my gym membership for a while. Will go, will go.
Larissa: Australia is on my university choice list.
Emmett: Yes. I figured. It will be better in the new year.
thumbsUpsmile: I do, I've sorted myself out now and I know what needs to happen in the new year. :)
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