That Saturday...

Last Saturday was bio mom's first unsupervised visit with Jaden and Doc.  The plan was for Jaden's foster mom and I to drop off the kids at a gas station for 9:30am and bio mom would pick them up in a cab. She would then get them down to her house for a 4 hour unsupervised visit and the cab would bring them back up to us for 2:30pm where the other foster mom and I would be waiting.  I got there at 9:20 am and bio mom was there with the cab.  I waited until Jaden and Doc were secure in their seats and left.  It was a very quiet morning.

I got there for pick up around 2:20pm.  About 10 minutes later the other foster mom showed up with her husband and pulled beside my truck. We waited for 15 minutes discussing how easy it would be for bio mom to 'run' with the kids.  The cab finally pulled in at 2:46pm.  By this time I was a bit peeved that my Saturday was dwindling away and I felt to set boundaries and let bio mom know that this was NOT ok.  I got out of the car and said "This is not ok. You're 15 minutes late and I understand that you want time with your kids but this is MY Saturday too. It's MY time with my family and I'm spending it here waiting for you. I'm not very happy right now" It took all of 3 seconds for her to be in my face and nose to nose with me, so close that I could smell her breath. She said "Do NOT talk to me like that. Do I drive?" I said "Well, you should have planned your time better." Trying to avoid and further issues I went to open the cab door and get Doc out.  She them inserted herself between the cab and I and she asked the cab driver what time he picked them up. He answered that he picked them up at 2:20pm. I said "So you gave yourself 10 minutes for a 35 minute drive...POOR PLANNING".  She was yelling and cursing and I was just trying to get Doc and leave but she went around the other side of the cab and got Doc out. She yelled to me "and DON'T tell MY daughter she can't change her clothes when she comes to MY house.  MY house MY rules".  At this point Doc was hysterical crying and clinging to bio mom.  Bio mom took this opportunity to say "I'm sorry you had to see your foster mom talk to me that way. Does she talk to YOU this way? Is THAT why you don't want to go back to her house?  She looks at me at said "SEE?? Now she doesn't want to go with you!?" I rubbed Doc's back and said "C'mon Doc. You did nothing wrong. I'm not angry with you. Let's go back to the house and have a good day."  It took a minute for her but she came to me and I put her in the car seat and closed her door. Bio mom pat Jaden on the head and got in the cab.  She was screaming from the cab but I only caught her say "It's ok Doc.  I'm working hard to get you back.  You'll be home soon. And foster mom?! You won't have my daughter anymore!"

I closed my window so I don't know what else she said but as soon as I calmed Doc down I called the agency on call number and explained everything. The on call worker told me to follow up with my worker on Tuesday as it was a holiday weekend. As I pulled in the driveway my daughter came out to say that someone from the agency left a message.  I called her back and it seems that bio mom called her and I called on call. Both workers are from my agency and they had already spoken so again, I was told to follow up with my worker.  I spoke to Doc about what happened but I didn't blame anyone.  She pretended an alien got her voice and didn't talk for almost an hour.  The worker who left a message called me back about 45 minutes later and told me that bio mom called her again demanding that Doc be moved from my house immediately. She alleged that I was physical with her, that I was using profane language with her and that I ripped Doc from her arms. The worker had already spoken to the other foster mom and she said that if anyone got physical...it was bio mom.  She said I didn't even raise my voice aside to talk over bio mom. The other foster mom told the truth and I'm so thankful she was there because if she wasn't it would have been MY word against bio mom.  The worker said she pacified bio mom with a promised visit to see Doc and make sure she was ok...which meant we had to wait for the worker to show up at the house an hour later around 5pm.  My (Satur)day began at 9:30am and ended at 5:30pm.  I was a bit offended that they pacified bio mom by coming to my house. My character at my agency for the past 5 years should speak for itself.

Unfortunately, I had all weekend to brew and be angry. I spoke with my husband and we decided that since my agency won't have my back that I need to set boundaries.  I WILL NOT be available for Saturday visits anymore.  It is family time and since the agency workers and county workers aren't working...neither am I.  I also decided that I WILL NOT be able to transport Doc to visits or counseling where bio mom will be because I will not put myself in a situation that she can allege something happened.  She is mentally ill. SHE initiated Doc be moved here. We are Doc's 4th move in 2 years.  Did I mention she is 5?  I spoke to the supervisor and HER supervisor and told them my new 'boundaries' are to keep my family and I safe.  If they need to move Doc...so be it.  She and Sprout are constantly fighting and when you try to explain the lack of 'peace' in our home I usually her something patronizing like 'that's why we value our foster parents' then I hear 'well, that's what you signed up for'.  Not sure how this will end but I can tell you that the lack of peace in our home right now is hard.  Everything we know as 'normal' has changed.  I really value the foster homes that can take older children.  This is really our first time having an older child (than 3) in our home.  It's not easy. There are many emotions that go along with foster care.  Right now, I feel like I HAVE TO do what's in the best interest of my family. Court is this coming Wednesday.  Bio mom has requested she get Doc (and only Doc) back. I can't imagine what that will do to Jaden when he hears that bio mom is only fighting for his little sister.  I feel we have so much to offer Doc but 
AT WHAT COST?  

Merry Christmas!

It's like Christmas in May!  I love having a house FULL of boys!  Sprout, Little Train and Smiley are keeping me busy...but in a good way. I told the case worker that every morning when I wake up I have that 'Christmas morning' anticipation! The boys are getting  along well.  Little Train is supposed to go back to his foster home on Monday and I am definitely going to miss him.  His little personality is really coming out and he is such a happy boy.  He is just starting to walk and loves to explore.  He is trying really hard to keep up with Sprout. Smiley has been here a week today.  We are still figuring each other out.  He is a good eater and sleeps through the night.  Both Smiley and Little Train go to bed around 8pm.  Sprout gets some extra loving for another hour and then he's in bed around 9.  To be honest, I've been in bed at 10pm each night to make sure I get enough sleep to deal with these little men. 

Update on Smiley-  Looks like Smiley will be going to a paternal grandma.  He is 7 months old.  We are just waiting for a home study to be done on her and a background check to be done on her 'friend' who lives with her.  But I have no problem loving on his chubby little self until that time. 

My heart is so happy with all these BOYS in the house!  Looks like I might NEED some more 'keepers'.  :)

Moments

Sprout is definitely adjusting to having another little person here.  Baby B is very easy going and always has a smile on his face.  He is quite handsome!  So many times throughout the day I stop and realize what I have.  I watch them play (or fight) and I smile knowing that God (for now) has blessed me with the desires of my heart.  Baby B is bonding well with our family.  He doesn't sleep as well as Sprout but I am learning that I don't need as much sleep as I thought I did.  Looking forward to the moment when Sprout realizes that having a 'baby brother' can be fun.  Off to enjoy my sweet baby boys.  (Baby B is not with us through foster care)  Yesterday, I found out that bio dad wants to file for custody. 
Not sure if that will happen.