The first time I heard Method Man’s “All I Need” was 32 years ago. As I am relistening to it and taking a trip down memory lane, I am reflecting on my relationship with my wife. Throughout our marriage, we had our ups and downs, but we kept it real.
“All I Need” starts off with pounding bass and soaring keyboard intro, in which RZA sampled from Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell’s “You’re All I Need to Get By.” RZA drops the beat and the hook kicks in: “You’re all that I need, I’ll be there for you,” Meth and Streelife rhyme, “If you keep it real with me, I’ll keep it real with you.” It’s a mutual respect and commitment from both sides. She keeps it real with me; I keep it real with her.
With his gravel voice and infectious flow, Meth begins, “Shorty I’m there for you anytime you need me / For real girl, it’s me in your world, believe me / Nothin’ make a man feel better than a woman.” Physically and emotionally, nothing makes a man feel better than a woman. Meth continues, “There are few things that’s forever, my lady / We can make war or make babies.” We chose to make babies and ended up with four boys.
“Back when I was nothin’ / You made a brother feel like he was something,” Meth hits the nail on the head, “That’s why I’m with you to this day, boo no fronting.” I didn’t have much when I met my wife and that was when I knew her love was real. “Even when the skies were gray / You would rub me on my back and say, ‘Baby, it’ll be okay.’” My wife always had my back even when I was low.
Meth goes on, “Now that’s real to a brother like me, baby / Never ever give my pussy away and keep it tight, aight.” It’s the hip-hop way of saying to stay true to your man. I trust her to be my faithful wife. Likewise, I would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. Meth ends the first verse with: “I’m realizin’ that you didn’t have to fuck with me / But you did, now I’m going all out, kid / And I got mad love to give….” I love the way Meth applies the double entendre. In addition to being physical, “fuck with me” means being “down with me.” If you’re down with me then I’m down with you.
“Five minutes alone I’m already on the bone,” Meth confesses, “Plus I love the fact you got a mind of your own / No need to shop around you got the good shit at home.” My wife is an independent woman and she knows I don’t “shop around” when I am out and about because I got the good shit at home. She keeps me grounded. No matter where I go or who I meet, my heart is always at home. It all comes back to trust and commitment.
Drew Dixon, who was director of A&R at Def Jam Records at the time, recognized the charms of Meth’s lyrics. She reached out to P. Diddy to do a remix. Although Dixon never received the credits she deserved, “I’ll Be There for You / You’re All I Need to Get By” blew up the airwaves. In the mid 90’s, the remix pumped out of the speakers at every club. As much as I appreciated the match made in heaven between Method Man and Mary J. Blige, I preferred the rawness and ruggedness of the original version. In the remix, Meth changed three words and the entire song was ruined. One: “Never ever give my cootie away.” My “cootie”, how corny is that? Two: “You got the good stuff at home.” “Good stuff” is nowhere near “good shit.” Three: “You didn’t have to funk with me?” Meth, get the fuck out of here with that “funk with me” crap. These are the testament that when hip-hop lyrics get sanitized, the realness is lost.
Eighteen years ago today, my wife and I tied the knot and we kept it real and honest with each other. We had many disagreements. We had many arguments. We had not, however, doubted each other. We kept everything open between us. We had nothing to hide from each other. At the same time, we gave each other some space. We needed a break from each other once in a while. She definitely deserved a break from me every now and then.
Staying together for almost two decades was a long time and not everything had been rosy. In fact, there were certain things that we didn’t see eye to eye and we probably never will. Deep down, she has a good heart. I love her for her kindness and generosity. She’s a wonderful mother. My boys are so lucky to be under her wings. She takes great care of her mother too even though she’s the youngest of her siblings. On top of all, she manages to keep her professional career.
As a wife, she’s all that I could ask for even though we couldn’t be any more different. I speak my mind, but she doesn’t express her feelings much. I talk a lot of shit, but she gets shit done. I know my flaws and she knows them too. She points them out to me all the time. I recognize my issues and I am working on improving myself. It’s not easy being with someone for almost two decades. The journey ahead will continue to be treacherous and hazardous, but we will make it through together. As long as she keeps her faith in me, I keep my faith in her. Unless she won’t want me to, I will be by her side until the end. That I can promise.
But then something happened a few months ago. Our marriage survived, but our relationship had forever changed. The vows we made had shattered. Promises had been broken. For the first time in all of our years together, I am insecure of our future. I could lose everything and that broke me.
I have grown to depend on my wife. I have become too attached to my kids. I just can’t imagine my life without my family. Each of them means so much to me. I need to do anything I can to keep them.
As promised from the start, I will never walk away from our marriage. I haven’t changed in that regard, but something else has. I no longer engaged in anything that would put our marriage in jeopardy. I no longer share things like I used to. I have to be really careful what I say and how I feel.
We used to argue and get into heated debates, but we were cool afterwards. Even though we might have offended each other, we spoke our minds. We kept it real. We were being open and honest. It is no longer the case and I need to make the change.
I am learning to let go. I let go of the negative and focus on the positive. I let go of anything that bothers me and focus on the things that make me happy. I let go of anything out of my control and focus on things that are within my reach. It comes down to controlling myself.
I used to share all of my thoughts without any filter. Now I have to filter out the goods and the bads. It works out better that way anyway. I appreciate all the things that my wife has done for me. I am happy that she’s still here with me. I need her, but I can also lose her any day. Just the thought of that has me depressed. I am no longer worthy. I can be discarded any day. Without the kids, I have nothing left.
No matter what goes on and no matter what happens, I will always love my wife. She had been the closest one to me until she wasn’t. Moving forward, I hope that we can rebuild our open connection. I hope that I won’t have to hold anything from her and vice versa.
Eighteen years together is a milestone, but we know couples ended in divorce after twenty or thirty years. Nothing is certain anymore and this past year is the proof. I do hope that we’ll weather it through until the end of our lives.
