Short & Sweet (with update)

I'm referring to my time with Mr. W, not this post.

Mr. W was home by the time I got there yesterday. It was beyond wonderful to have him there!!! I had already left a pork roast in the crock pot that morning, so we had barbecue for dinner. Then we just enjoyed each other's company all night. It was wonderful

But now he's leaving again tomorrow. This really bites. I know I've already got the Cross-country-migration-conception plan so I'll be able to see him in about a week...but this still sucks. I just want him here for the holiday season. I know we'll be together for Christmas...but that's not the worst day. It's the build-up to the day that gets to me. And it's been especially rough, lately. Not just the holidays, but everything. It's crap. But what can I do. Such is the life of the military wife.

I seriously admire the spouse out there whose significant other is gone for months at a time. It's not an easy thing to be married to the military. I don't even have it as bad as many others, and it's still not easy.

But it's CD3! Yay! I should be flying out to be with Mr. W on CD10 or 11. I'll fly back CD15 (I have to be back at work the next morning). Hopefully I'll get my LH surge on CD15...but even if I don't get it until CD16, it could still happen this month. I'm excited to be trying again! Yay!

******UPDATE******

Now Mr. W is being told that I cannot fly out during this trip. I am trying to not cry right now, because I’m stuck at work. I don’t know what to do. So now he’s flying out tomorrow…I won’t see him for over two weeks (right after him being gone for 9 days and only having him home for less than 48 hours)…and there’s no TTC this month. I really need a break right now. A break from the crappy things that are getting in the way of any resemblance of happiness for me. And I know you’re all probably thinking that I’m all doom and gloom for some not-so-big reasons, but there are other things going on that I just really don’t have the strength to blog about.

I really needed to be able to spend some time with Mr. W. I really need to be able TTC this month. I really need to get away from things for a few days.

Hooray!

Mr. W will be home in time to tuck me in tonight!!!!  Yay!!!

I am such a dork

I seriously just figured out that I can reply to comments when I receive them in my inbox. I'm being honest. I just realized that if I hit "reply" and type in the box...the commenter will get my response. How stupid do I feel right now?

So I promise, from now on, I will respond to everyone when they ask me a question in a comment!!!

But on another note, if you don't have an email linked to the account you comment with, I cannot respond. :-(

It happened...

It happened 3 1/2 years ago. It could have happened yesterday, and I'd still feel the same about it. How could you do it? Why did you do it?

I loved you at one point. I even thought at one point that you were "the one". When you said you didn't love me anymore, my world began to crumble. But I moved on. I created a better life. I became happy. I even met someone new. I didn't know where things would take me, but I was very satisfied with where I was.

Then I saw you again. I had been dreading this moment since our life together ended. All the dreading seemed to be for nothing, though. When I saw you...the feelings were gone! There was no love there. There was no pain there. The only things left were the memories of the good times we had. I knew that we could truly be friends, and I was elated!

We hung out. We talked about the turns our lives had each taken in the year since we had last seen each other. You had moved on, like I had. You made a joke about us having ex-sex. I laughed at your joke and told you no. We had a good time.

We drank. I trusted you. After all, we were friends. You're supposed to trust your friends. I didn't know how much I was drinking, though. The drink was good and my glass was never empty! We hung out with other friends. We all went swimming.

I got drunk.

I passed out.

You raped me.

I know you raped me, because I had a few moments of not-quite-full consciousness. You were on top of me as I lay there unable to move. You raped me.

At one point afterwards, one of the times I woke up, you told me you still loved me. How could you do that to me? How could you take from me? After all you had taken from me the year before, after what you had just done to me, how could you say that?

And you meant it. I heard it in your voice.

When I finally woke up enough to move, I ran from you.

When I saw you next, I asked you why. You told me I wanted it. You told me that as I lay there passed out (where you put me...next to you), that I moved my hips against you.

But you were lying. I did not want you. I did not want to have sex with you. I did not want you to rape me as I lay unconscious where you put me.

It was my bad choice to trust you. It was my bad choice to drink with you. It was my fault that I passed out.

But I said "no" when you jokingly asked while I was sober. And I did not "black out" and give consent...I passed out. I was not conscious. There was no consent.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

For you all...

I was awarded with the Blogger Flame of Fortitude by Farah at Fertilize Me.

I would like to pass this flame on to everyone in the IF blogosphere. As I am really late in the game on responding, I'm sure you've all already received it. But just in case anyone missed their flame, here it is! You are all wonderful, strong, and amazing people! Your strength and support do more for my, and others, struggle than I ever could have imagined. You guys rock!!!

For a great list of "you guys" click here and view the far left sidebar.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

I'm trying to focus on the positive things right now. I'm having a really hard time, though. (Notice the CD ticker above has not been reset, yet...see the previous post if you don't know why this is such a bad thing.)

Mr. W will be home in a couple of days!!! I miss him more than I thought possible, right now. I'm working on a menu for the night of his return. I'm leaning towards a cro.ck pot potato soup. He loves potato soup, and this way I can cook while I'm at work and leave my evening free for him! Yay!

I'm slowly but surely getting the house decorated for Christmas. The stockings are hung (I need to get another stocking holder for my stocking. I want something cool, though.) Of course you've all seen the toilet decor! :-) I've also got a wreath on the door and some battery operated candles in each window. Oh yeah...and the tree. It's up, but that's it. I still have to arrange the branches, put the lights on, and decorate it. Good times (massive amounts of sarcasm here. lights + OCD = insanity)!

Now if only I could get the furbabies to wear cute little costumes for a quick photo op I could do some wonderful cards!

Don't pee on the snowman!!! (with added note)

So who all thinks I'm tempting fate by putting anything white and absorbent beneath my toilet bowl? Yeah...

Mr. W should be home in a few days...guess I'll have to scotch guard it before then. Snicker.

*************************************************************

On the TTC front:

CD 29 is an hour away from being out the door. No AF, yet. She's been sending her wicked sister (spotting), but not even enough of that to make me sure I'll start tomorrow. The whole Cross-country-migration-conception plan won't really work if CD1 doesn't get it's ass in gear and show up. If CD1 starts tomorrow and I ovulate on CD15 then I'll be flying home on my second day of peak fertility. If CD1 doesn't start tomorrow or I ovulate on CD16 or later...

I went to church. Shock! Gasp! I know. I went back to the same church that has the pastor that spoke in tongues; the same church with the pastors wife that blindsided me with late condolences. I had a good conversation at God while I was driving to church. I let him know, in no uncertain terms, that I had to have a pretty direct message if he wanted me to come back to this church ever again. Minutes later, as I sat squirming in the seat, the days sermon title popped up on the screen, "Why Attend?" OK. I got it! Point taken. I asked for direct and boy I sure got it! So I will be going back. I also spoke with the pastor afterwards and he alluded to the BCMEP so I brought it up for him. He gave me his condolences and then proceeded immediately to let me know he wanted to do something for me before Mr. W and I start TTC again. He told me that he wanted the church to especially pray for me at a service. After explaining it would have to be this coming Sunday if he wanted to beat the TTC re-kick-off, it was set. He asked me to start some faith-talking/praying. (I think it's a good idea, and I'll post more on this later.) So this coming Sunday I will have a congregation of about 20 - 30 people praying and thanking God for a successful pregnancy for me and Mr. W. I've got so much more to say on this subject, but I'll leave it alone for right now.

I spoke to my brother today and he told me that evil SIL passed the "fetus" yesterday. I thought she was 4 weeks pregnant? This is where my ignorance about pregnancy shows...at 4 weeks can you distinguish it? (no answer is really necessary...i'm just effed up at the thought right now)

Maybe once I get my head a little settled and I can focus a little better I'll get back to commenting. Maybe I'll get back to blogging in some sort of coherent manner, too. I miss Mr. W.

***Added Note***

I even took an HPT this morning in the hopes that it would bring AF. I'm guessing you can't fool those suckers, though. They seem to only bring AF when there's an actual hope that a positive is an option. I guess the damned test knew that any swimmers that entered my body were kept from coming into actual contact with my cervix...much less any possible eggs. (on another side not...those dollar store tests are so much fun with their little droppers and all!!! and I'm being serious, here. I felt like a little kid with a baking-soda and vinegar volcano kit!!!)

Corn and Crab Bisque

This turned out WONDERFULLY!!!

Corn and Crab Bisque

Prep Time: 15 Minutes
Cook Time: 30 Minutes
Ready In: 45 Minutes
Yields: 8 servings

***edit***
Substitute half & half for the whole milk.  This recipe is 4 points per serving.
***edit***

"Fresh corn cut from the cob and crab meat come together in this hearty, creamy, and easy to prepare bisque that's spiced up with cayenne and Cajun seasonings."

INGREDIENTS:

• 1/4 cup butter


• 3/4 cup onion, chopped


• 3 (14 ounce) cans chicken broth


• 3 cloves garlic


• 2 bay leaves


• 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper


• 1 teaspoon Cajun seasoning


• salt and pepper to taste


• 4 ears corn, kernels cut from cob


• 1/2 cup heavy cream


• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour


• 1/2 cup milk


• 16 ounces fresh lump crab meat

DIRECTIONS:

1. Heat butter in a large pot over medium heat. Stir in onion; cook until soft and translucent. Pour in chicken broth, and bring to a boil. Stir in garlic, bay leaves, cayenne pepper, Cajun seasoning, salt, and pepper. Stir corn into boiling broth. Simmer about 10 minutes. Reduce heat to medium low.


2. Remove 1 cup of soup, and set aside to cool slightly. Then pour into a food processor. Pour in half-and-half. Puree for 30 to 45 seconds, and set aside.


3. In a small bowl, stir together flour and milk. Slowly stir into simmering soup. Stirring constantly, simmer for 1 to 2 minutes. Then stir in pureed mixture.


4. Reduce heat to low, stir in crab meat, and cook until warmed through, about 5 minutes.


5. Sprinkle with cheese and serve with crusty bread! Enjoy!

Doh!!!

I cannot believe I let the holiday doldrums get me so down that I forgot one of the things that I am most thankful for...MY FRIENDS!

I only have a few IRL friends that I can really talk to. I am thankful for them. One in particular invited me over to hang out after I couldn't bear my family on Thanksgiving. Even though I shammed on her, she didn't even feel a need for forgiveness and gave approval that I had been out of my house for the many hours I'd been out. Thank you for understanding that it's just really hard for me to do many things. And thank you for not making a big deal out of it.

I have more OL friend that I can really talk to. I am even more thankful for them. One in particular has helped me keep the remains of sanity that I have now. She helped me realize that I am not a freak of nature, regardless of how I feel at times. She has been a beacon and a buoy in some very trying times of late. For this and so much more, I am very thankful.

You guys really rock and I love you!!!

Thank you and No Thank you

Yeah, Thanksgiving just wasn't what it usually is, yesterday. I wasn't very thankful. I'll try to keep this in proportion, though.

Things I was not thankful for

• Mr. W is out of town. (military life. yay.)
• My sister let the cat out of the bag that evil SIL got another BFP
• My sister also let it out of the bag that evil SIL's beta has already begun to drop
• My brother was supposed to tell me all of this the day before
• My mom told me that evil SIL's beta was already down from 5 to 3 and my only comment was, "She's not pregnant, then. How did they even consider this viable?"

So yeah, I really miss Mr. W. This is the first holiday that we've been apart. I knew it was something that would eventually happen. I'm not even really complaining, I'm just down about it, right now. And he'll be back soon. I'm lucky that he's not one of the guys that gets sent places for months at a time.

My sister felt horrible for telling me about evil SIL. She assumed that since I had spoken to my brother, that he had actually told me. Especially since the rest of my family told him that he really needed to do it before Thanksgiving (given that I'm an emotional basket case, right). She really was afraid that it ruined my day. She didn't know I'd already spent part of the morning crying for no reason other than the fact that I was feeling sorry for myself.

Any why couldn't my brother tell me? Who knows. I've given up on wondering why my brother does (or does not do) the things he does. I love him and accept him as he is. It would be nice if he would step up to the plate once in a while, though.

Seriously? That's the comment I had? Am I that big of a bitch, now? Wow! I really have to work on that one. I do feel sorry for evil SIL. Really I do. And I'm sure her beta had to be above 5 for the docs to say she was pregnant. (now I really don't understand why they would give her another blood test if her beta was already down to 5...that's considered negative.) My brother told my mom that they were going to "get a shot that wouldn't let this happen again). I can only assume that this means she's going to start getting a birth control shot. So be it. I've previously stated that I really don't think she should procreate anymore than she already has.

Things I am thankful for

• My sister lives across town from me (this is not our hometown) and welcomes me into her home anytime. She is there for me.
• My parents drove down to spend Thanksgiving with me and my sister.
• Mr. W called me the day before Thanksgiving just to wish me a happy Thanksgiving.
• My brother is "up to the plate" and is there for evil SIL in what I know is a difficult time (even for an evil person)
• It's the day after Thanksgiving and I can start putting up Christmas decorations!

So now I've got to jump into the shower so I can head over to the sister's house. I'm going to make dinner for the parents, sis, bil, the angelic niece, and the heathen nephews! Yummy!

Hopefully I'll get home in time to do some more cleaning around the house so I can have my tree up tomorrow. My parents are coming over for dinner and I'd like to have, at least, the inside of the house decorated. Does crab and corn bisque go with Christmas decor? Haha!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

How late is too late...

i googled how late is too late and got this image

I received a phone call from my Pastor's Wife, today. She was very nice and just wanted to make sure everything was well with me. She told me that my sister had informed her that I had laryngitis. Blah blah blah. More pointless conversation. Then out of nowhere, this woman that I've met once in brief passing, says, "And I heard about the baby..." (no really, she let the conversation end like that.)

So two months to the date after the miscarriage part of my BCMEP someone wants to bring it up. Someone that I do not know. Someone that heard about this from someone else. Although I'm sure she meant well...I don't know.

What do you guys think? How would you feel if someone randomly brought up such a sensitive subject close enough to the time it happened that it's still raw yet far enough away that you're not openly mourning anymore?

BCMEP

B-Bio
C-Chemical
M-Miscarried
E-Ectopic
P-Pregnancy

Those are all the terms I heard during my BFP related doctor's appointments. That's how I'm going to refer to all of it from now. My BCMEP. I'm sure some of my posts re-showed themselves if you subscribe to blo.glines or any such feed-reader-thingy. Sorry about that!

Salisbury Steak (with note)

Mr. W left today. Sniffle. But that's OK. I have family coming in this week and we're all going to get together at my sister's. It will be really nice. And I agreed to cook dinner for the entire family one night, so I think I'm going to make Salisbury steak and garlic mashed potatoes. It's so easy and kid friendly. Maybe toss a green bean casserole beside it. Yummy!

In case you're interested, here's the super easy super quick recipe!

Salisbury Steak

1 lb lean ground beef
¾ tsp seasoned salt
¼ tsp pepper
2 Tbs butter
8 oz sliced mushrooms
2 Tbs vermouth
1 14 oz jar or 10 oz can beef gravy

1. Mix ground beef, seasoned salt, and pepper. Form mixture into ¼” oval patties. Spray large skillet with cooking spray. Cook patties over med-high heat for 3 minutes on each side, or until browned on each side. Remove to plate and cover with foil. Drain grease (if any) from pan.

2. Add butter to pan and melt. Add mushrooms to pan and sauté for 3 -5 minutes. Add vermouth and cook for one minute. Mix in gravy.

3. Add beef patties to gravy. Cover and cook over low heat until patties are cooked through.

4. Serve & Enjoy!

Dirty Kitty

So the kitty was curled up in some funky type of heap on the recliner. I just had to (attempt to) take a pic. Can you tell where his head is? Haha!



Believe it or not, kitty is black. He looks a little ratty, huh? I think maybe I should suck it up and give him a bath. Ugh!

On another note, Mr. W leaves in the morning. :-(

Ever seen Money Pit?

I'm pretty sure whoever wrote the screenplay for that movie had my house in mind. No really, they had to!

Mr. W asked me to help him find the cause of a little leak he found under the house. Ok...easy enough! This should only take a few minutes!

NO!!! WRONG!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!

We managed to make the leak show itself (before it was a wet spot on the ground). It wasn't promising. Then Mr. W cleared out the cleaning supplies from beneath the kitchen sink and cut a hole in the wall. Nope...leak was higher up.

Mr. W cut cleared out the cabinet to the side of the sink and cut a hole in the wall. Nope...leak was a little lower. Damn it!!!

***background info***
Mr. W has redone our kitchen two times already. He has put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into my beautiful kitchen.
***back to story***

Mr. W cut a hole in the wall between the counter top and the cabinet. We have a winner!!! The pipe in the wall was freaking busted!!! And not only was it a busted pipe, it's the main drain pipe for the master bathroom. Disgusting!!!! (for those that don't know, as I didn't earlier, everything that goes down my toilet, down my sink, or down my tub drain, goes down this pipe. please hold while I vomit and wash my hands profusely.)

He and I then spent the next few hours trying to cut and piece this pipe. We had holes all through our kitchen wall, and couldn't get it fixed. Mr. W even crawled under the house again to try and cut the pipe and pull it down. No good.

Finally my sister's hubby came over. He managed to put a new perspective on the same stuff we'd been trying to do. They finally had to pull a few pieces of siding down and cut out the outside wall to fix it.

This "little" project started around noon today. At 11:27 this evening, it's done. Well, the functional part of it is, at least. Tomorrow I get to clean everything up. Mr. W gets to patch drywall. Mr. W and I get to hang some new siding. Yay.

I guess I should just count myself lucky that I have someone who is capable of doing these things. Sigh.

Crap!

I almost let this day get away without blogging! What kind of NaBloPoMo-er would I be if I missed a day???

So my topic today is WTF is up with Mysp.ace?? I do have a Mysp.ace account, I admit it. And I've actually found it useful once in a while. If it weren't for Mysp.ace I wouldn't have met the dear friend that got me started with this blog. But, Wow! Some people on there!

An old friend from high school found me recently. We hadn't been friends for over a decade, but what the hell! That was so long ago! We've all grown up a lot in that time span, right? Apparently not.

Oh yeah! The past is the past for a reason! Time to put it back there!!!

Porcupine Meatballs

PORCUPINE MEATBALLS

PREP TIME 15 Min
COOK TIME 30 Min
READY IN 45 Min
Yields 4 Servings

INGREDIENTS
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/2 cup uncooked instant rice
2 tablespoons finely chopped onion
1 tablespoon minced fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 pound lean ground beef
1 (10.75 ounce) can cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
1 cup water
2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/2 cup sour cream
Cooked Egg Noodles

DIRECTIONS
1. In a bowl, combine the egg, rice, onion, parsley, salt and pepper. Crumble beef over mixture and mix well. Shape into 1-1/2-in. balls. Place on the rack in a pressure cooker. Combine the soup, water and Worcestershire sauce; pour over meatballs.

2. Close cover securely; place pressure regulator on vent pipe. Bring cooker to full pressure over high heat. Reduce heat to medium; cook for 10 minutes. (Pressure regulator should maintain a slow steady rocking motion or release of steam; adjust heat if needed.) Remove from the heat. Immediately cool according to manufacturer's directions until pressure is completely reduce.

3. Mix sour cream into meatballs and sauce. Serve over cooked egg noodles. Enjoy!

This recipe was tested at 10/13/15 pounds of pressure (psi).

Can I have a chaser of 9-healthy-months with that shot?

Background info: My cold has turned into a sinus infection and laryngitis. I unable to speak in anything above a whisper.

Funny how people feel the need to whisper to you when you whisper to them. (not funny haha)

I went to the dol.lar tree looking for HPTs. I'm not doing anything proactive this month so I figured I'd stock up for the future. I had to ask where the tests were, because I couldn't find them.

Of course I had to whisper when I asked.

Me: "Do you have any pregnancy tests?"
Girl whispers back in an almost superior tone: "Yes. Do you need one?"
Me: "Yes."
Girl: she just stood there.
Me: "Where are they?"
Her: "There over there. Behind the counter. (insert pause as she just stares at me) Are you really whispering? Or..."
Me: "I have laryngitis. I really can't talk."
Her: "OMG. I'm so sorry! People come in here and there all secretive about questions like that."
Me: "I have no problem asking! We've been trying for a while."
Her: "Oh, it hasn't happened yet? You know they have that shot..."

Seriously! The world needs a huge dose of education as far as IF is concerned!!!

0-5 and CD16 is my friend (updated)

I'm giving that 1/4 day back to the cold. It earned it, I did not. My two hours of work do not count for me yesterday because I was miserable the whole time. As I am today, also. But here I sit at my desk, the dutiful employee! Grrrr

But my CBE monitor showed me the pretty egg today! Of course this isn't my monitor, because I'm on CD16, but that's what it looks like. Pity this egg is going to waste... But it's for the cause! Taking one for the team! Everything is falling into place for me to fly out to meet Mr. W for BD. If it all goes as it should (given my body's full cooperation), I'll either start AF two days before Christmas or test on Christmas. I'm not naive, though. I have enough sticks for my CBE and enough Pre-seed to last me through January (or February...not sure exactly).

***UPDATE***

I have NO sense of smell or taste (I know they're directly related). This is actually very very weird. Even with my worst colds I've always had some sense of taste. Not today. My coffee is like warm thick-ish liquid. Nothing else. I'm sure as the hot drink helps to open my sinuses my senses will return. Just a funny think I had to share!

1/4 - 3 3/4 and What's CD15's problem??

I'm at work right now, but by the time I actually post this, it will probably be from home. I've got a little bit of work that I cannot get out of, but I'm only here for an hour or two. This cold is seriously kicking my butt. The theory is floating around that since I got a flu shot Monday evening, I may be suffering from a mild version of the flu. I would buy that idea. Oh, and for the record, the taste Zi.cam multi-symptom Cold & Flu cannot be hidden by orange juice. Save the juice for a chaser and take the nasty medicine as a shot. Otherwise you're stuck drinking a whole glass of OJ that tastes like medicine. YUK!! JMHO.

Today is CD15 and my CBE monitor still shows me as high fertility. No egg? WTF? For the three months before my deceptive BFP I ovulated on CD15. Now today...nope. This is very disheartening.

I've seen the tarot card thingy on quite a few blogs lately so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm not so sure I like my results, though.

You Are The Empress

You represent the ideal female figure: beauty and nurturing. You bring security and harmony to many. At times, you are also a very sensual person. You are characterized by love, pleasure, and desire. Your fortune: You need to take some time to think about the role of commitment in your life. It's possible you need to commit more to others, or deal with how others have treated you. It is very important for you to support your friends and family right now, difficult as it may be. You may need to look at your relationship with your mother, or your relationships as a mother.

What Tarot Card Are You?

0-3

At least I managed to make myself go to the store. It was the first actual stocking trip Mr. W and I have made since my short lived BFP. Needless to say the cupboards were extremely empty.

Old Mother Hubbard's cupboards are no longer bare, but she still has a cold. And she shared with Mr. W. :-(

0 - 2

Yeah, the cold (flu maybe) is still kicking my ass. Score two days for the cold.

Mr. W has gone to the store (second night) for more supplies. S.prite and Z.icam cold & flu. Ugh.

I've been able to read up on all the blogs I try to keep up on...unfortunately I don't have the energy to comment. :-(

I Surrender

I'm waving the white flag. The cold has officially won. I surrender!

Now please pass the ty.lenol and a few more blankets, please.

So unsure

I am so unsure of myself lately. I have plans and goals and dreams...I'm just not sure of them. My job, my life, my self...just not sure. I feel like I'm doing this all wrong.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not as depressed/hopeless as this post sounds so far. I am just so damn confused! I feel lost in myself, and I'd like out of here, thank you.

I adore my husband, but he's getting on my nerves. I feel like I'm neglecting him, but don't see how. I want to spend all my waking hours with him, but I get upset when one of his trips gets cancelled and I don't get my night to myself.

I hate my job, but can't force myself to leave it. Enough said on that one.

I don't really like who I am right now. I'm bitchy. I'm needy. I'm insert negative feeling one can have towards one's self here. I am still crying randomly.

Mr. W says that this is par for my course. I've not been on medicine for a while, now. This is not something I've ever dealt well with. He says that, while it's not his favorite me, he knows how to and will deal with it. I love that man.

While it's wonderful that Mr. W is ok with this pit of self loathing and confusion that I've thrown myself into, I am not. I would really like out. Now, please.

Now that I've gotten all of that out, can I just tell everyone how much I love this cool weather?! The fact that it's dark when I get off of work doesn't amuse me, but the beautiful weather makes up for it! Anyone for hot chocolate in front of a nice fire? (btw...by cool weather I mean 40-50 at night and 50-60 during the day...I love "cool" coastal weather!)

Starbucks Oracle (and my retort)

I found this on The Island.

The all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Lame

You're a simple person with modest tastes and a reasonable lifestyle. In other words, you're boring. Going to Starbucks makes you feel sophisticated; you'd like to be snooty and order an espresso but aren't sure if you're ready for that level of excitement. People laugh at you because you use fake curse words like "friggin'" and "oh, crumb!" Everyone who thinks America's Funniest Home Videos is a great show drinks Tall Vanilla Latte.

Also drinks: V8

Can also be found: On the couch at home

Lame? I think that's a little harsh. I am a little on the boring side, though. I do feel a little more sophisticated when I go to Starbucks...not quite as sophisticated as if I go to a real coffee shop instead of a chain, though. Isn't a latte a shot of espresso with steamed milk? And anyone who knows me IRL knows that I cuss like a sailor. Cover your ears because I very little control and drop the F-bomb at random! And for the record, I cannot stand ?America's Funniest Home Videos and can only tolerate V8! But you can always find me "on the couch at home"! Haha!

Super News!!!

Check out the good news!!!
http://fertilizeme.blogspot.com/2007/11/breathe.html

Oh...and if you don't subscribe to Lost and Found and Connections Abound , I highly suggest you do. It's a wonderful way to keep up on people you already know and love and to find new friends or lost friends!

Vote for Mel & National Infertility Awareness Week

Vote For Mel!

She's a finalist for Best Medical/Health Issues blog and she needs your help. Please click here to vote for her (you can vote once every 24 hours). Hopefully it will allow her to raise awareness for infertility in what is National Infertility Awareness Week.

To fly or not to fly (with added dialogue)

That is the question. I'm terrified of flying. I have never done it and have always been of the mindset that if God wanted me to fly, I'd have wings. Now I'm faced with a situation (read: offer of a mini vacation and the possibility of conception). Here goes.

Mr. W will be out of town with work for two weeks in December. Right in the middle of those two weeks is when I will be ovulating and when we would be allowed to start trying again. I was pretty upset by that at first...but now an opportunity has been made available. I've been told by Mr. W, two of his co-workers/friends, and his boss that I should fly out.

I know about when I should be ovulating. I have a ton of vacation days available. My job has already told me that I just need to give them enough notice if I'm going to take time off. Why shouldn't I do this?

Here's why:

1. Even the thought of flying terrifies me. By terrify, I pretty much mean petrified with fear.
2. It will cost about $400 for the plane ticket. Although I know that's not that expensive, this is two weeks before Christmas that I'm talking about.
3. Seriously...have I mentioned how scared I am to fly?

So I'd really like some input from all of the wonderful people out in the blogosphere. What would you do?

Oh yeah...and I mentioned this to my bosses...and told them why I wanted to go(I'm over trying to be secretive about TTC). One's response was, "Why not wait until January?" My reply to her was, "Because that would mean that we wasted a month." Her response to that was, "So! You've got the rest of your life to have kids. Once you have them you have them forever." I chose to argue my family history of early menopause. Other boss said, "You might get so stressed out [due to flying] that you won't even drop an egg." My response to her was, "It's possible."

My pitiful yard...

You can click on the pictures to see in detail how icky my poor plants look.

I'm at a loss with my landscaping. I've tried! I promise I have! My azaleas in the back yard started dying over the summer so I went to the local plant guy and asked him what was going on. He told me that it was due to the heat. The solution he gave me was to move the mulch away from the plants so the roots could get more air. Done. Did it save them? Nope. They're holding on, but it's not due to moving the mulch.

He told me that it was also due to pests (unidentified). Sprayed the recommended spray. Did it save them? Nope. They're covered in black spots and barely holding on. Poor little twigs with, at most, 1/2 the leaves they should have.

Now it's moved to the azaleas in front of the house. :-( My poor azaleas. Oh yeah...it's also almost completely killed the baby cherry tree in the front yard.

Any suggestions are welcome...

Drunk Blogging

I'm taking a break from a block party that's going on (wasn't supposed to start until tomorrow night...preparty now I suppose). I've decided that I'd much rather be pregnant that drunk. Yeah. I already knew that, but this is the first time I've actually been intoxicated in a while, though. The last time I had an opportunity to drink I was "waiting". It was post-miscarriage pre-methotrexate, though. I was told to pretty much act like I was pregnant until they decided whether or not I was pregnant.

So all of the above was written last night. Tonight was the actual block party. It was a blast! I think I enjoyed it more because I wasn't drunk. How could I drink tonight. At 5 o'clock I was still trying to deal with my hangover. I found the cure...4 extra strength ty.lenol and a beer. I finally felt a little like a normal human being after that. It will definitely be another day or so before my stomach recovers. Haha!

Yeah, I just really don't know what I have to say, lately. I've got a lot going on in my head, but no words for it. I know it will come out eventually, just not now.

I also feel like a bad blogger. I'm reading everyone's blogs, but just don't have words for comments. I've tried to comment but always end up deleting because it just doesn't sound/feel right. But I promise I'm still thinking and still care.

Tomorrow is always another day.

3 FREE IVF CYCLES, Jacksonville, FL

Posted: Oct 27, 2007 9:46 AM Hi Ladies,

I know most of you are not in Jacksonville, FL area, but still wanted to share this wtih you:

Fertility Awareness and Family Building
Free Patient Education Seminar
Sat. Nov. 3, 2007
10-12:30

They will have speakers from the three Jax area fertility practices. And they will be giving away 3 FREE IVF CYCLES!

www.geocities.com/jaxfertility

The Book of Life

There is a church in NY, The Church of The Holy Innocents, that has a shrine with a book of life in it. The shrine is "dedicated in Memory of the Children Who Have Died Unborn". I went to their website and entered my baby into this book. This is the letter that they emailed back to me with a certificate. It was a surprisingly relieving way to help me grieve. There's something calming/relieving/peaceful about knowing that my never-born-baby is recorded somewhere.

Dear Amanda and Mr. Wonderful,

Your beloved baby, Baby Wonderful, will be forever remembered, loved and honored as your child's name has been inscribed in the Book of Life here at The Shrine of the Holy Innocents. In the words of our late Holy Father, Pope John Paul II, your baby is now "living in the Lord". We pray that you find comfort in knowing that your child is not alone, but rather, in the loving arms of Jesus. Attached is a Certificate of Life, in memory of your baby. (For help in opening/printing the file, please see below.)

Your child is a sacred, special, unique and unrepeatable person, made in the image and likeness of God, whose earthly life was brief, but significant and beautiful. God loves you and is with you on this journey of healing. I pray that you allow Him to touch your heart and bring you peace, especially in times of hurt, frustration, and questioning this life of ours.

Thank you so much for sharing about the life of your precious one. We are honored to remember your baby along with you. I pray that knowing that your child will never be forgotten here at the Shrine will help to console your hurting heart in some way.

On the first Monday of every month, our 12:15 pm Mass is celebrated in honor of the children whose names are inscribed in the Book of Life and for their families. Please contact me if there is anything I can ever do for you. If ever you are in NYC, please know that you are more than welcome to visit, to see where your precious baby's name is held. God bless you, I am praying for you.

Peace,
Siobhan

Siobhan M Bertone
The Shrine of the Holy Innocents
128 West 37th Street
New York, NY 10018
212 279-5861 x 224 (voicemail only)
shrine@innocents.com

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