Paperback 978: Pemmican / Vardis Fisher (Cardinal C-253)

Paperback 978: Cardinal C-253 (1st ptg, 1957)

Title: Pemmican
Author: Vardis Fisher
Cover artist: Daniel Schwartz

Estimated value: $7-10
Condition: 7/10

[from the Laura R. Braunstein Collection]

Best things about this cover:

• The only thing scarier than her fright makeup is her linebacker hands. Look at those meat claws, dear god!
• Why would you kneel in the river like that? Serious question.
• Her mouth! We get it, she's "savage," dial it back.
• I do like the way the light shines off her hip.
• Chief Wahoo on Cleveland Indians uniforms. Dakota Access Pipeline. This dehumanizing shit must be exhausting.

Best things about this back cover:

• Ah, the "savage white girl" trope. See Natalie Wood in "The Searchers."
• I wish this were titled "A Virile Young Scotsman, or, The Debauchery"
• Rawboned! The bones of this book have not seen fire! Like sushi, are these bones!

Page 123~

"Coming!" he whispered.

He whispered with an exclamation point? Wow. Graphic.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 747: The Strange Brigade / John Jennings (Cardinal C-137)

Paperback 747: Cardinal C-137 (1st ptg, 1954)

Title: The Strange Brigade
Author: John Jennings
Cover artist: Rudy Nappi

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• If 'love' wasn't just a word, what else was it??! A deed? Are you talking about sex? You are, aren't you. 
• Speaking of sex, this book is at least in part about trappers, i.e. beaver.
• "Hey … hey baby … hey … I like your ears …" Ugh, I can practically feel his grog breath on my shoulder.
• Steve did not take well to losing the "Who Wore It Best?" competition to Lionel. Even the awkward consolations of a concerned squaw could not alleviate Steve's fist-clenching fury.

Best things about this back cover:

• Mmm, I love bois brûlés. My favorite dessert. Always puts me in the mood for bone-cracking / love-making.
• I do love a woman who acts "quite otherwise." 
• "Sinister half-breed"—I would think that in vintage paperback-speak, that would be redundant.

Page 123~

Here were abundant varieties of smaller game: hares and rabbits, chattering squirrels, the white partridge, and spruce grouse, foxes, beaver, martins, musquash, otter and a dozen others. 

This is a really weird list, not so much for what's on it, but for how it's set up. Why do the squirrels get a behavioral detail? Why is there a "the" with the white partridge? Why do we start a new list with a new "and" just before spruce grouse? Why do you list so many and then say "a dozen others?" Why not keep going? You're half way there, for god's sake. Also, "a dozen"? That's a pretty specific number. Are you sure it wasn't a baker's dozen? 10? This is what happens when you think too much about a random filler sentence in a middling historical novel from 60 years ago.

[Alternative comment: "Musquash Susie / Musquash Sam / Do the jitterbug out in Musquash Land …"]

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 715: TCOT Perjured Parrot / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-379)

Paperback 715: Cardinal C-379 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Perjured Parrot
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Ric Grasso

Yours for: $8


Best things about this back cover:

• Woman distraught over loss of parrot attempts suicide by costume jewelry, gets tired, quits.
• "Maybe if I just lean here sultrily, my parrot will just fly back in the window."
• I unironically love her dress.

Best things about this back cover:

• Wait, I can't see Perry, WHERE'S PERRY!? Oh, there he is. Phew. Thanks, Giant Red Arrow.
• Not often you see the phrase "collection of guns at the public library." At least not where I'm from.
• Remember when people watched scripted television on Saturdays!? Good times.

Page 123~

"You're putting me in a very difficult position, Mason," Bolding said irritably.
Mason's voice showed surprise. "I am? Why, I thought you'd put yourself in it."

Perry Mason, Smug Dickhead-at-Law

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

P.S. This is one of 97 paperbacks I bought yesterday at the University Book Sale. "Bingeing" doesn't really get at it.

Paperback 555: The Saracen Blade / Frank Yerby (Cardinal C-124)

Paperback 555: Cardinal C-124 (1st ptg, 1953)

Title: The Saracen Blade
Author: Frank Yerby
Cover artist: James Meese

Yours for: $10

Best things about this cover:

• Steve was quick to anger when people insulted his empty-swimming-pool harem. "It's a spatial commentary on the ways the traffic in women occludes ... oh you did *not* just roll your eyes at me! En garde!" 
• Steve erupted in anger when the judge of the No T-shirt Contest gave him only a 5.
• MC Hammer closes in on the man who stole his pants. "Please, Hammer ... don't hurt me."
• There is a paperback cover phenomenon I call "black hand"—it's a subset of "mystery hand." The mysterious / exotic Other reaches in from the margins ... oh you did *not* just roll your eyes at me!
• This cover follows the old paperback cover art maxim: bondage must enhance boobage.

Best things about this back cover:

• It's slightly unusual to have to have the back cover relate the scene depicted on the cover. It's highly unusual to have the back cover *tell* you that's what it's doing (possibly because it seems insultingly redundant)
• "And even when he did think—which, admittedly, wasn't often—..."
• Compound adjectives can be things of beauty. Then there's "adventure-crammed."

Page 123~

"You're not a stranger," Gautiette said mildly, "and I shall need your aid. The truth of the matter, good Pietro, is that Toinette has disappeared..."

"It's a hairspray, it's a perfume, it's a home perm, it's ... Toinette!"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

The P. Morrison Donations #11: TCOT Demure Defendant / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-323)

The P. Morrison Donations #11

Cardinal C-323 (2nd ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Demure Defendant
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Charles Peitz

Best things about this cover:

• Once again, the breasts act as if the dress weren't even there.
• How much vaseline is on this lens? Everything looks like it's been coated in margarine.
• "Sorry, your honor, I didn't hear you. I was just playing with these marionettes here, and, well ... yes, OK, I'll stop."
  That is one George Washington turkey leg tornado of blond hair.
• This title reminds me that I get "demur" and "demure" confused, which may be why I never use either.

Best things about this back cover:

• Fewer things are sexier than residuary legatees.
• Mosher Higley, who earned his name for his exuberance at '90s punk concerts.
• Erle Stanley Garnder has the signature of an insane person.

Page 123~

"The prosecution expects to prove that the defendant deliberately became a poisoner, a murderess, a blackmailer and became ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity."

Somehow "ensnared in the toils of her own iniquity" is a mess, metaphorically, but it's still awfully fun to say.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

Paperback 431: The Disappearance / Philip Wylie (Cardinal C-40)

Paperback 431: Cardinal Books C-40 (2nd ptg, 1952)

Title: The Disappearance
Author: Philip Wylie
Cover artist: Tom Dunn

Yours for: $10


Best things about this cover:

• Quiz: Our hero is

a. trying cast the "Disappearance" spell on her dress
b. ordering five beers from the hologram waitress
c. saying "Up top! Don't leave me hanging, Betty!"

• "Suddenly for men there were no women"—that may explain why he's not interested in the advances of this particular "woman": "Stop right there. Pete, I know that's you."

Best things about this back cover:

• There's lots of interesting stuff here, but it all pales and fades before the claim that Philip Wylie is "famed as the exposer of Moms." How do you get *that* job? (outside of the niche porn industry, that is)

Page 123~

In due course a thunderous water wall had poured back upon the gleaming "dent" where Chicago and its environs had been.

This was during the period when Wylie was experimenting with sexual imagery. His wife would later suggest that perhaps "dent" was not as evocative of female genitalia as he thought it was.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter and Tumblr]

57 Books from the University Book Sale: Book 16

Title: The Education of a Poker Player (Cardinal, 1961)
Author: Herbert O. Yardley
Cover artist: N/A

Yours for: SOLD (11/21/09)

• I love this book. Design is impeccable. Vegas/neon-style font = total WIN.
• All poker players should look like this guy. Those douchebags on ESPN2 make me want to stay as far away from the game as possible, but I would sit next to Fred Mertz here.
• "Lusty!?" — not a word I would have associated with this guy, but OK. Good for him.

• OMG it's an interactive quiz cover!
• "One Big Pair" — see "Lusty," front cover.

Page 142 (page 123 is a buncha technical poker stuff) ~

The only kibitzers were Maria, Bing, who spied on foreigners, and a Polish girl who broadcast Chinese propaganda — for what reason I could never understand, but then most foreigners managed to get on the Chinese payroll.

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

Paperback 114: The Case of the Cautious Coquette / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-332)

Paperback 114: Cardinal C-332 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: The Case of the Cautious Coquette
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: John Fernie

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• Georgia's audition for the "New Avengers" ended very, very badly.
• I'm no fashion expert, but I'm pretty sure a pink cape does not go with a strapless orange jumpsuit. Not that I don't admire her courage.

Q: What is she doing with her left arm?

• a. trying to clear the frog from her throat
• b. doing the first part of a Sammy Sosa-style salute to her fans (peace sign to follow)
• c. wiping blood from her chin
• d. preparing to throw an elbow at the small man standing behind her whom we cannot see
• e. doing her post-murder celebration dance

Best things about this back cover:

• First paragraph = How to cop a feel, Perry Mason-style! "I'm looking for a gun!" Man, I gotta use that one.
• After so much exposure to it, I now feel that Erle Stanley Gardner's signature is trying to send me some kind of secret message...
• Check out the ad for another book - exploitation of the advertising potential of the back cover is a late development, and would be unwelcome if it didn't give me a great window on the literary context of the time. Plus ... miniature cheese/beefcake!

Page 123~

"But all this isn't going to do you any good," Drake said irritably. "You're simply crucifying yourself. Figure what the papers will do when they - why, hang it, Perry, it will put your neck right in a noose. Evidence of flight is evidence of guilt."

~RP

Paperback 113: The Case of the Half-Wakened Wife / Erle Stanley Gardner (Cardinal C-283)

Paperback 113: Cardinal C-283 (3rd ptg, 1958)

Title: The Case of the Half-Wakened Wife
Author: Erle Stanley Gardner
Cover artist: Mitchell Hooks

Yours for: $7


Best things about this cover:

• Truly incredible design. Most of these Cardinal reprints are dreadfully boring, but this one is gorgeous - subtle, yet eye-grabbing. I swear to you that until this very second, when I scanned the cover (and thus blew it up to an abnormally large size), I did not notice the silhouette of the man in the fedora inside those slashing black lines. Very nice effect.
• "Half-Wakened Wife" really really wants to be "Half-Naked Wife" every time I look at it.
• I know that when *I* am half-wakened, I can't help but reach blindly for my revolver. It's just normal human instinct.

Best things about this back cover:

• "Chiseler" is one of the all-time great words in the crime lexicon.
• "This is a Genuine Cardinal Edition" - I'm trying to imagine all the bootleg and rip-off versions out there: Oriole? Cardinale? Sorny?
• Gardner's signature remains certifiably insane.

Page 123~

Ellen Cushing once more raised her voice. "I guess you've got to come out, Mother."

~RP

Paperback 107: Love in a Goldfish Bowl / Jack Sher (Cardinal C-409)

Paperback 107: Cardinal C-409 (PBO, 1961)

Title: Love in a Goldfish Bowl
Author: Jack Sher
Cover artist: one very confused photographer

Yours for: $8


Best things about this cover:

• The dog. By far, the dog. The dog is looking to us for help.
• This cover would actually be beautiful if you just replaced the photo with ... well, anything. Title font design is gorgeous.
  
• I know a Jack Sher. Hey, Jack, you wrote a book ... many years before you were born. Congratulations. [my friend's real name is Jack Shear, so this is funny only to me and possibly him]
  
• This photo = rejected Alpo campaign still #178
• What ... I ... just what the hell is supposed to be happening here? Why is she ... what is that ... what's in the ... why are they ...?
• "Gee, Blythe, where'd ya get the giant snail, and why are you keepin' him in a goldfish bowl on your belly out here on the beach?"
• This cover is the reason words like "camp," "queer," and "ambiguously gay duo" were invented.

Best things about this back cover:

• "SNAFuglugluglug..."
• SNAFU = Situation Normal: All Fucked Up. A most apt description of the front cover.
• How come nobody's named "Gordon" any more?
• The last two paragraphs are so ambiguous that they allow me to imagine that the people pictured end up addicted to heroin and turning tricks ... in Balboa.
• "It was the bending end" - that's what she said!

Page 123~

"Gordon, where are you going?" my foolish, fuzzy mother asked.

"I think I'll sleep on my boat," I said.

"You'll do nothing of the kind!" she said.

So there I was, stuck with Holloway for the night.

~RP

Paperback 19: Cardinal C-362

Paperback 19: Cardinal C-362 (1st ptg, 1959)

Title: A Murder Is Announced
Author: Agatha Christie
Cover artist: Harry Bennett

Yours for: $7

Best things about this cover:

Not much, except the fact that this woman can apparently make the phone magically float up to her face. Otherwise, this is a pretty generic late 50s cover.

RP