Explosion

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Quito, Ecuador, circa 1978 – It’s my senior year, and I’m taking a class that I absolutely need in order to graduate from high school. The teacher is famously hot-headed. I’ve taken one of his classes before, and I’ve seen that bomb go off at close range. Over the years, we’ve all heard the ruckus from our desks in other classrooms. That angry voice cuts through multiple walls of concrete. If we catch each other’s eye, we say nothing. There he goes again.

This whole semester has been quiet. In fact, it’s been basically normal. Until today.

Someone walks in late, interrupting the instruction on a complicated topic. The teacher’s eyes narrow. His face gets red. The bomb detonates.

The late student gets blasted for the disruption and sits down in abject embarrassment. The rest of us are paralyzed at our desks. My heart is pounding, and I’m not even the target. The destruction ends. There is a short silence.

“You have your assignments,” the teacher says, finally. “Get on with it.” He stalks to his desk and starts working. We hear papers shuffling.

We take out our own paper and start working on the assignment. I find it hard to concentrate with cortisol racing through my bloodstream. Five awkward minutes go by, maybe ten.

The teacher gets up and comes to the front of the class. He sits on the stool.

“Can I have everyone’s attention for a minute?” he asks.

Like we’re gonna say no.

He looks over and addresses the late student by name. “I need to apologize,” he says. “You were late, and that was wrong but my response to it was inappropriate. That was unnecessary and you did not deserve it. I owe you an apology. I’m sorry.”

The late student mumbles a shocked acceptance.

The teacher accepts it and tells us to carry on. Then he walks back to his desk.

He’d blown up in front of the whole class, and has the guts to admit he was wrong–not just to the student in private: in front of the whole class.

This example of adulthood I will not forget.

Here’s the Pitch

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Quito, Ecuador, circa 1970 – I’m ten years old and I’m going to Little League for the first time. Other expat kids do it. Maybe I’ll like it. I know nothing about the game, but I love airplanes so I’m thrilled to be drafted by the Pan Am “Jets.” Perfect.

Before I get my uniform, Pan Am pulls sponsorship and we are now known as “Parker Drilling.” I have no idea what that is.

The game of baseball proves to be a madman’s experiment in kinetics and self-defense. This rock-hard projectile comes hurtling toward me at high speed, and I’m supposed to either deflect it with a stick, or absorb all of its energy into myself and hurl it at some other kid. Practices are interminable. My left hand is a tenderized pork chop and my right arm is a half-ton noodle hanging from a shoulder socket. My neck hurts from all the ducking.

The good thing is: I’m a quick study. I soon learn how best to evade the projectile, whether I’m holding the stick or wearing that oversize leather hand cover. A combination of leaning away, closing my eyes and turning my head works like a charm. This allows the spent ammunition to come to a harmless stop elsewhere.

I also discover I have an unerring ability to get “out.” Holding the stick becomes a formality. Unless the guy on the little hill throwing rocks at me is exceptionally unskilled, I simply eschew the bases. This is not deliberate; it’s a natural talent. For me, being in the batter’s box is the metaphorical kith of a million monkeys sitting at typewriters banging out Shakespeare.

Despite my efforts, Parker Drilling takes second place. We all get trophies.

Once the season is over, my memory of Little League mellows quickly. The silver trophy helps. I imagine myself taking that wide stance: feet planted, bat gripped firmly, steely eyes focused.

There’s the windup…aaaand here’s the pitch.

Once again, I lean away, close my eyes and turn my head. My flailing stick sweeps through the air, making the sound of a million monkeys pounding on typewriter keys.

“STEEEEERIKE THREEEEE! YERR OUUuuuut!”

The Perfect Gift

Bangkok, circa 2003 – It’s the last night of my first business trip to Thailand. Having failed to get to the shopping center the night before, I head out on foot. This time, I make it.

Everything in the mall is lit brilliantly and polished to a dazzling shine. Having just come in from the heat and humidity, I also glisten. Excessively. No matter. I’m on a mission. I want a proper Thai outfit for my wife. I’m lucky she is Asian: it gives me a better chance of finding something in her size.

I move quickly from store to store. Most of the more traditional offerings clinging to the bosoms and waists and draping down the legs of the mannequins are overly complex. Fabrics tend to be uncomfortably crisp. Colors are almost garish. Prices include digits my budget cannot accommodate. I keep looking.

The stores will be closing soon. I scale the escalator in leaps and bounds, grateful for the air conditioning. The second floor has nothing more suitable than the first. I head for the next floor. I’ll look in every store if I must. Time is running out.

Different colors, different fabrics, shifts in design–from more Indian to more Japanese–none of these are any closer to what I want.

I’ve come to the last store. A petite young clerk approaches me, using the best English she can muster. I try to explain: I’m looking for something classy but casual. She points out a teal/red/white costume that would not be out of place at the opera, onstage. I smile apologetically and walk around the store one more time, just to be sure. The clerk follows at a polite distance. The store closes in five minutes.

Wait. There. That. YES. That’s EXACTLY what I’m looking for!

Hanging on a rack of miscellany somewhat out of the way is a simple, fitted, long-sleeved, bronze/gold dress. Traditional peg-and-loop buttons go down the front from the low-rise Mandarin collar to the waist. The naturally crinkled fabric is soft to the touch. The slightly flared skirt splits just above the knee on one side. The whole design speaks of comfortable elegance.

I cannot find a price tag. Perhaps it’s a return. I don’t mind. It’s the right size. It’s perfect. I ask about the cost.

“I’m sorry; I cannot sell that to you,” says the clerk, graciously.

It’s precisely what I want, so I inquire again. Apologizing anew, the clerk insists that this dress cannot be sold to me. I’m baffled.

“Why can’t you sell it to me?” I ask. Surely it’s available. She’s wearing one just like it.

“That is our uniform, sir,” she says.