It’s How You Look at It

I’m 19 years old, camping in DuPage County’s Blackwell Forest Preserve with three guys whom I’ve known since high school. We decide to take a nighttime walk up the big, grassy mound of Mount Hoy.

Illinois is flat. You don’t get a “Mount Hoy” in Illinois until the landfill becomes too full. I think “Hoy” is the sound you make when your nose discovers it’s downwind from the methane vents.

As we emerge from the woods, we’re surprised to see the entire hill garishly lit by a couple of streetlights. The sky is dark, the grass is tall, and the vents stand like dark sentinels, casting long shadows in our direction. I lose track of the conversation, intrigued by the shadowy towers of some complicated structure that stands beyond a metal gate on the other side of the grassy field.

“Look!” I say.

“What?”

“Get down!” I whisper.

They look at me. No one moves.

“Get DOWN!” I hiss. “I don’t think they’ve seen us yet.”

“Who?”

I jerk my head in the direction of the ominous structure. “The guards.”

They don’t see any guards.

“I’m going in,” I whisper, taking a quick glance at the looming towers. “One of you take the left side. I’ll go right.”

A grin spreads across Ben’s face, then he’s suddenly serious. He looks me in the eye and nods curtly.

“Go,” he whispers, moving off to the left.

“What are you doing?” yells one of the other two.

Ben and I ignore him. If we’re on our own, so be it. Furtively, we thread our way through the tall grass. The guards do not see us. In parallel fits and starts, we move all the way up to the perimeter without being spotted. We’re just that stealthy.

At the wall, I nod to Ben. He nods back. Somehow we know exactly what that means.

Ben covers me. Keeping one eye on the dark towers, I cross over to the gate. It’s locked. Of course. Plus, it’s dark in there and I don’t think it’s very smart to climb over a locked gate. We abandon the mission. We’ll live to fight another day.

The abandoned quarry equipment that was still standing there almost 40 years ago is now long gone, but I remember the hidden base, our daring approach, and the thrill of evading the watchful eyes of the guards.

Four of us went for a walk. Two of us had quite an adventure.

“That’s Never Happened Before!”

I used to paint belt buckles for a living. No, seriously, I did. I found this job listed as “Jewelry Assistant” in the classifieds. This small shop in the light industrial section of town actually churned out thousands of belt buckles. The buckles came in as finished bronze or pewter castings and went out colored with lacquer and/or epoxy resin. I got the job and loved being paid piecework.

The owner/boss was a guy who went by the name of “Cooper.” When I joined the shop, there was just himself, his niece and one other employee. Cooper could not be rattled by anything. Nothing seemed to faze him. Anytime anything went wrong, he would gasp, and exclaim in mock surprise: “THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!”

“Cooper, I used the wrong hardener and this is going to take forever to cure.”

“THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!”

“Cooper, the lacquer ran. I’ll have to clean it off and redo all of these.”

“THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!”

“Cooper, this batch of heart-shaped buckles has DUST in every one of them. So, we’ll have to buy these and they’ll have to rush us some more…at our expense, right?”

“THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE!”

With one outburst of feigned amazement, he defused everything. He almost invariably got a laugh. It also allowed us to get on with it and actually deal with the issue.

Sometimes, when I think I’ve really messed up something, I hear Cooper’s voice reminding me that this is just one of those things. Don’t get all worked up about it.

People Who Lent Me Guitars

My mom was the first. She had a nylon string guitar made in Ecuador. The first time I got to use it was when I was 14 years old. I was instantly hooked. By Christmas, my parents had bought me my own, partly so Mom could have hers back. Eventually, she gave that one to me, too, when I wore out the one they’d gotten me for Christmas.

Dave Clay lent me his Guild F-112. I was playing a lot of John Denver at the time, and it just sounded so much better on a 12-string. I kept it for weeks at a time. He never complained.

A guy named Chuck came to my town for the summer and brought his Hohner knock-off of the Beatles’ famous Hofner viola bass. He let me play it, and eventually donated it (along with a honkin’ Standel amplifier) to the radio station. Nobody ever mistook me for Paul McCartney.

Jimbo Savage lent me his solid body electric. I think it had a Formica top. I made my first sound-on-sound, multi-track recordings with it. He also lent me his Fender Jazz Bass, simply by not showing up for a recording session in the studio in which I happened to be practicing. That was the only time I ever ended up on a vinyl pressing.

Steve Hopkins lent me his Aria acoustic for a gig with a couple of other guitarists. Suddenly, the least-experienced guitarist in the room had the best instrument. Steve had just changed the strings. People joked that the guitar needed a haircut. I thought they were talking about me.

Juan Zalles lent me his Takamine 12-string for an unscheduled performance for a youth group–just handed it over and let me play it.

Ben Hill, Jeff Talbot, Ken Grafham, Coach Rau, Mr. Fulghum and more than a dozen other folks from my high school didn’t just lend me a Guild F-212 12-string acoustic. They passed around a hat and bought one as a surprise. They delivered it to my house the night before we left on choir tour so I could bring it along and perform with it. Still blows my mind. I had no clue.

All this happened before I turned 18. It didn’t stop there.

Steve Harrell hired me to work at a record store when I was 21, insisting that I buy back the 1966 Gibson ES-335 that I’d sold an hour before. When he found out I had already used the money to pay bills, he lent me his Keith Richards setup Telecaster. I played that for almost two years until he moved into a house where he could finally play it himself.

A guy named Rick lent me his beautiful rosewood Martin acoustic for about a year until I was able to get my Regal rebuilt. He kept giving me new strings for it.

Michael Wilke lent me his fretless Tobias bass and I was stunned by how expressive it could be, even in my fret-requiring hands.

Ben Rapson lent me his jet-black (Yamaha?) bass until I could buy a bass for myself. I played the heck out of it, finally giving it back when I got a job that allowed me to buy an M.V. Pedulla 5-string.

 

To everyone who was involved…people, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate this.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What’s This All About?

Everyone has stories.

I have a lot of experiences that I enjoy going over in my mind. My wife, my kids, and some of my friends have heard some of these tales ad nauseam.

I’m going to put as many of these stories as possible right here, so I can tell them properly and continue to enjoy them.

SURGEON GENERAL’S NOTE: In case of nausea, stop reading and go on about your day.