Gertie (@gertieok) / X

Gertie

38.5K posts

Gertie

@gertieok

Real Estate Investor, Libertarian at Heart, Stand-Up Comedian during Recessions Only.

The Dream

Joined August 2007

Pinned
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 19, 2025
Replying to @skinclasshero
My kid jinxed me in the parking lot on our way into Office Depot I couldn’t talk until she said my name So I bought a laptop without uttering one word And the staff started signing to me It was so sweet Gained a lot of respect from the kid that day 80s kids are committed
400K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 29, 2025
Replying to @DGlaucomflecken
Everyone with glasses completely understood Also we couldn’t see well enough to have an opinion
603K
Gertie
@gertieok
Aug 20, 2024
Replying to @Parkerlawyer
I finally explained to a client: “You email us as much as 25 clients combined. So you can email us the agreed upon amount each month or pay us what 25 clients combined would pay.” That worked! (We received 436 emails from that one client over a 9 month period.)
548K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 9, 2025
Replying to @snarkademic
Now rethink your childhood but this time they were both having affairs with flight attendants
250K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 15, 2025
Replying to @OGUNGOODZ
I taught some Spanish to my preschool students, but I had one student who was a native Spanish speaker and she didn't participate Her parents told her "No Spanish a la escuela!" So I made her my translator. If a kid didn't know what I was saying I directed them to ask Heather.
202K
Gertie
@gertieok
Dec 24, 2023
Replying to @TheFigen_
Took me 7 kids to realize that was her pregnancy age and not the child’s current age I almost had a heart attack
276K
Gertie
@gertieok
Dec 26, 2023
Replying to @BernaEWriter
Women used to keep secrets to their graves We have lost that skill
258K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 29, 2024
Replying to @buddy7
I got turned down for a job Asked why They said I scored too high on the test And smart people got bored at that job I convinced them to hire me anyway They turned out to be right Lasted a month
295K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jun 16, 2024
Replying to @realgirl_fieri
You need sleep, not exercise Get hormones checked by someone who knows how women work I did an exercise challenge with an insane gym and my doctor said it was killing me. I didn’t lose one pound but followed the diet and exercise plan perfectly My doc said I would lose more
808K
Gertie
@gertieok
Sep 6, 2024
Replying to @treesey
The judge asked her to use the words “sex scene” instead of “rape.” God help us
199K
Gertie
@gertieok
May 15, 2024
Replying to @rach262003
Tell him rent is $1500 starting June 1 But you will give him an excellent reference to any other landlord should he choose to move Keep it transactional
505K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jan 22, 2025
Replying to @anammostarac
Ketamine is an amazing drug It does so many different things that it’s a typical drug to carry on the field in war time Military amputees were using it for their limbs and then realizing their lifelong depression was gone Do I trust J&J with it? Not a chance
185K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jul 8, 2025
Replying to @FeralHeather
My niece refused to be held by anyone but her mom as a baby And then I came to visit And she did not protest me holding her Because she fully believed I was her mom Sister power (You might just look like everyone’s mom is what I’m saying sorry)
80K
Gertie
@gertieok
Jan 19, 2024
Replying to @KatieDeal99
Remind him about that World’s Greatest Dad mug
154K