The man was a stranger

Layout by revolutions Header by savedean

This journal is access only, comment if you'd like to be added.

So. In 2 weeks I'm going to be in Chicago, very anxiously and impatiently waiting to see a Doctor about some hormones. First visit is mostly blood tests I think, and other general health stuff. Then I've got about a month wait until I go back and (I hope) get my first shot. This is all very exciting for one thing.

So of course my boss keeps talking like she might close down the shop for a few weeks. I don't know if that is going to happen, but if it does happen I'm going to be a little fucked when it comes to paying for blood tests and hormones and buses & everything.

I'm considering selling homemade stuff to help defray the costs & if the worst should happen I hope I can still afford it. (I'm uninsured for one, and insurance often will not cover things like this anyway.)

( I'm considering selling these keychains, cut for pic )

So, here's the deal.

There is a clinic, the Howard Brown Health Center down in Chicago that will prescribe T* for transition based on an informed consent model. This means I don't need to hoop-jump (or pay) for a therapist in order to get hormones. I've considered myself transgender for about a decade now, I'm not changing my mind at this point and I resent the implication that being trans automatically makes me mentally unsound**.

So this clinic exists and they will work on a sliding scale, which is great, since I'm not working many hours and I am uninsured at this point. The appointments will probably not be the problem, the problem is transportation.

WHAT I NEED HELP WITH: I live west of Milwaukee, I can probably drive my car into Milwaukee (or Madison!) where it would be easy enough to get help if something happens to it, my car is less than reliable. I am looking to take some form of mass transit between Milwaukee and Chicago and then wherever I'd end up in Chicago, I'd probably need some help getting to the clinic itself. I've gone to Chicago via Amtrak before, and that'd be around $50 round trip, plus whatever subway and/or bus costs in Chicago. I've also been pointed at megabus.com, which could range from $25(with some really awkward times) to $40 it looks like. Can I do it cheaper, or are there alternatives? I need to be able to do the trip in 1 day, I don't have anyone I know to stay with in Chicago. I'd even consider a ride along with a commuter (contributing to gas $$) if I could meet the person beforehand. I am physically able to walk a ways if needed. I will need to make at least 2 and possibly 3 trips in total.

I have not yet made a specific appointment, I wanted to make sure I have the money to get there and pay for the appointment so I know that I will be able to make it.

The clinic address is:
4025 N.Sheridan Road
Chicago, IL 60613

Making this happen would mean the world to me, you don't even know. I appreciate any information anyone can give me. Comments are screened for both of our privacy.

* Testosterone

** Note to my friends, I understand if you've got concerns here, but uh, we can discuss that under access lock, ok?

So, hello, I am less of a mess today than I have been for the past week or so. I got some (small) stuff done, but it is done and I have done it, accomplishment. Primarily I have done LAUNDRY, so that I can now have SOCKS, w00t!

I am making progress on being somewhat social via dw, that is, responding to comments and things. If I haven't responded to yours yet, it's probably because of my own big hairy issues, not because you've said something wrong. Uhg. Also, my weekends tend to be much much busier than my week-days at this point, so yeah.

Bad, bad bad anxiety this morning. I wish I could tell at this point what issues are what even, any-more. Living in my head, it's not really that fun.

I had it in my head to write about spirituality today, except mine is sort of vague, and that leads to rambling. I'm a tinkerer/dabbler by nature, and it's one of the things I both love and despise about myself, I half-start so many things, and know the most random things about this assortment of topics, but I can't ever seem to make myself commit. My focus and control has gotten better with age, but it makes intense study on things I'm not very inclined to quite difficult. Spirituality it seems falls into this area of periodic interest where I now know a bunch, but I need to do something to make any more real progress. I've had bouts of Christianity, Paganism and Buddhism, in assorted flavours, and I suppose at this point I consider myself sort of pan-spiritual in this weird sort of way, I can see where they're *all* coming from, but none of them truly fit me. I don't know, that's where I'm at, generally, for now.

So H50, I have been waiting, per promo-spoiler, and now it is MONDAY NAO! \o/

If you happen to be wanting to read my fic, it is all archived at AO3. If you'd like to subscribe to my fairly infrequent new fic posts I can be found at thecatwasnot. There is always the potential for Supernatural fic, with a good chance for Hawaii 5-O, and assorted others, maybe Leverage, White Collar or RPF.

PS. I have Archive Invites! If you'd like one, pm me your email and I will send it post-haste. If you'd prefer to go to the main page and join the general queue, I have it on good authority that it's a few days wait but climbing.

Title: I could see, you home with me
Author: pixel/pixelinfandom
Character/Pairing: Danny/Steve
Prompt: Sensitive
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: None
Spoilers None
Summary: Danny wonders if he should write it on the calendar.
Disclaimer/Author's Notes: Transformitive work, I disclaim!
For my h50_50 prompt table: Sensitive.
Beta by the darling queenklu who made this better and told me nice things, because she's awesome like that. Any other mistakes are mine.

HAH, I wrote porn!

( ain't got much to say )

I will not regret this, I will not regret this...OH HAI SHINY FANDOM!
h50_50 Claim: Danny (with a distinctly Steve/Danny bent, I never can predict these things...)

001.	Goosebumps.	002.	Touch.	003.	Numb.	004.	Sensitive.	005.	Heat.
006.	Cold.	007.	Darkness.	008.	Bright.	009.	Silence	010.	Noise.
011.	Stink.	012.	Aroma.	013.	Friction.	014.	Parched.	015.	Moist.
016.	Full.	017.	Empty.	018.	Heavy.	019.	Light.	020.	Smooth.
021.	Rough.	022.	Soft.	023.	Hard.	024.	Tension.	025.	Relaxation.

Oh hai, most people are doing this at various communities but, I'm weird. So I'm doing it here, and leaving it unlocked.

Five things I love about Dreamwidth:

1. They re-did all the site-specific html tags to actually make sense and be cross platform compatible (in more than one way!)

2. No ads! No ads for ANYONE. Can I say it again? NO ADS!

3. Diversity Statement of Awesome.

4. The sheer amount of awesome people I've been able to find. Really, YOU PEOPLE, I like you, so much.

5. The commitment of mark & denise. As copperbadge said earlier today: I want someone with the guts to say "Fuck you, Google" in my corner.

I'm pondering three weeks for dreamwidth. I totally support the cause, and would like to participate I am just having a terrible time deciding what I want to do for it. Writing fic is a bad plan, I do not respond well to challenges/deadlines. I thought about trying to make posts to communities to encourage discussion except I think I made a total of 4 community posts on LJ in 2 years (three of which were posts for a fic I wrote so don't really qualify.) so it's not a DW thing it's a me thing. I don't have monies to put towards credits....

My content is already only at DW and InsaneJouranl (and I'm fairly sure no one reads it over at IJ) I'd really like to help try to foster some of the SPN communities on DW, because they get a few fic posts here and there but that's kinda it. Still don't know HOW 'tho. Maybe run some sort of challenge over here? I'm afraid it may overextend my limited organizational skills.

Ok, explanation (with update,) GO!

The events are thus:

• Livejournal.com committed a change to their code base that makes gender a mandatory field for all new users.


• Livejournal.com committed a change to their code base that makes editing one's profile error out if one does not choose 'Male' or 'Female' (So, if people, like me, have chosen 'Unspecified' it will error and ask me to choose 'Male' or 'Female')

NOTE:This code is NOT live on the site (you can't go to your profile and observe this in action.) On the other hand, this is code that has been asked for and possibly reviewed by someone and would have* gone live come this Thursday or next. I have looked at the changelog and it is a fairly clear change, this is code that is being ADDED to the code base. This is not something that could be an accidental bug unless the coder who wrote it is a complete moron.

• Many (many many <3 <3) people wrote to feedback at livejournal protesting this change, thanks to synecdochic's post.


• Livejournal.com has started backpeddling like crazy in replies to feedback. (And implying that synecdochic is misleading people, which if one is able to read the code, is blatantly not true, she just make it accessible to non-coders.)

*As of now, Thurs. Dec 15th, 9:27am (CST) the changes have been rolled back, they are no longer slated to go live.

Some interpreting of these events:
In short, what it appears we have averted here is Livejournal selling human dignity for advertising dollars. THIS IS NOT OK. The Unspecified gender option has long provided some sort of refuge for a number of gender variant folks, as well as cisgendered folks who are disgusted by/uncomfortable with gender targeting advertising. The gender field is not made public on livejournal, the only possible use it could have is is to tell advertisers what gender you are so that they may better target their ads to you.

And here I go into opinion/rant mode:
I have to ask, point blank, are you comfortable with that? I'm really really not.

I'm having a really REALLY difficult time articulating how much this hurts. This directly targets me and MY PEOPLE, trading a part of our personhood and dignity in a place that could be considered a home and a safe space on the internet so that a company can make more money. I realize that considering livejournal a safe space is a rather stupid idea, it is not and has never really been that, these events make it too clear. At the same time, I have people I care about, friendships I cherish and a whole lot of sweat and tears (if not blood) invested in my journal, it's not just a place I go sometimes, it's a daily part of my life and a place I felt I could explore many sides of my life.

Ironically, I always expected that the biggest target was the fandom part of my interest/activities, that livejournal would try to go after that before going for the gender thing, I think that is why this hurts so much. They hit a soft spot, I wasn't ready for it.

I don't for a second believe that this code was not going to go live without the protest of so many livejournal users. I also don't see anything that even remotely resembles an apology. Just a shit ton of 'OH WHOOPS IT'S A BUG, STOP BEING UPSET.' Which feels like even more silencing.

I can not in good conscious do business with livejournal.com anymore. I just can't. I am going to go think about what my best options are and I'll let y'all know.