crazy ride...

Little Mighty's case is going nowhere fast.  I spoke to the county worker (who is the 'horse's mouth', so to speak) She is leaving to go work for CPS.  I wanted to know what the bios had to do towards reunification.  She said they had to take parenting classes, mental health counseling, they have to understand the diagnosis of FAILURE TO THRIVE.  They have to attend substance abuse counseling and dr's appointments for Little Mighty.  They have to KEEP visiting with him and stop canceling.  They have averaged one visit a week since December...canceling often. They also have to keep Bailey in counseling and follow through on doctor's orders for her.  The main worker, Genie, has been supervising the majority of the visits so she is experiencing all kinds of crazy.  She is seeing the ups and downs of bio mom and dad.  It seems that if one is stable the other is not and vice versa.  

Little Mighty is THRIVING!  At 15 months old he is over 21 pounds and pulling to stand. He was not even sitting up back in October when he was placed here.  He is crawling on all fours instead of doing the worm across the floor.  He is pre-talking and babbling.  His speech is probably at a 6-7 month age and his gross motor is around 10 1/2 months.  I am so proud of his progress. 

His bios think that I am the block to him going home.  They think that I control the reunification process.  Bio mom said yesterday that it's taking too long and the county should just 'take him' because he's never coming home anyway.  They want to know why they can't have visits in my home and phone calls.  (Usually visits are only held in the foster home if the bios are sane (they are not) and homeless (they are not).  Phone calls wouldn't work either because Little Mighty can't speak.  And to be brutally honest, it's not worth the 10 minutes of my time every night.  I am fed up with them complaining about his clothes and his runny nose (it's winter in NY....EVERYONE has a runny nose). He is eating, sleeping, playing, peeing, pooping, fever free and happy...why would I take him to the dr???  I wish Genie would filter a bit more of the bios opinions.  

The easiest part of foster care is taking care of the kids.   

And so goes the roller coaster...

Just thought I'd mention that the agency worker has already told me not to get too attached to Little Mighty.  I am quite aware that the goal is always reunification.  But this boy as been neglected for the first almost 11 months of his life.  It's about time he find out how nice life is supposed to be.  Little Mighty is almost crawling now. He can get up on both hands and knees and rock.  He can (with support) lean on something standing on his knees.  He is eating quite well.  A 6-8 ounce bottle of formula for breakfast with a 6 ounce jar of cereal/fruit.  A 6-8 ounce bottle about 3 hours later.  He'll take a 2 hour morning nap.  For lunch he usually eats 2- 4 ounce jars (one fruit and one veggie) and a 6-8 ounce bottle again.  He'll play for a while then have another bottle and go down for a short nap.  When he wakes up he's eating another 2- 4 ounce jars (one dinner or veggie and one fruit) and before bed he'll have another 6-8 ounce bottle.  I thicken his baby food with a bit of rice cereal so it doesn't fall off the spoon.  This also is preparing him to eat thicker textures.  He has no aversion to textures that I can tell of.  He loves Ger*ber puffs and wagon wheel*s.  He also loves pudding, mashed potatoes, scrambled egg, and pizza crust.  He has 8 teeth...4 up top and 4 on the bottom.  He never turns food away.  He will keep eating until he gags.  The first few times I fed him I gave him 8 ounce bottles and then his jar food and he spit up a bit.  When we limit his bottle to 6 ounces he does much better.  He does take a pacifier.  I am trying to limit this to nap and bedtimes because of his teeth. 

That being said...

Last week we had someone new transport for the visit and HE said that the bio parents are appropriate and the visit went well.  Ok, what now?!?! 

On Wednesday, the agency worker (Genie) transported and supervised and said that there were a few red flags.  Bio mom is complaining again that she has to feed Little Mighty during the visit.  In MY defense, it was during a meal time.  She also complained that since I get his W*I*C checks that she has no money to buy food.  But they BOTH smoke cigarettes.  She made no effort to look in his diaper or change him while he was in her care.  She just sits there and complains about ME! 

On Friday, Barbie transported and supervised and she is such a realist.  She told me that the bio dad said that the neighbors smoke p0t next door and it must be seeping through the walls.  (Is anyone else laughing right now??)  Bio mom said I am abusive because Little Mighty gained so much weight in such a short time.  She also complained that she has a Urinary Tr@ct infection and that she missed her mental health counseling appointment and hope she doesn't get in trouble for it.  Her new baby is due next month and I am waiting to hear if they're going to be removing this one as well. 

This ride is crazy and I cannot predict the outcome.  I can only do my best with Little Mighty and HOPE it's what he needs at this time in his life. 

Ya just can't fix stupid...

Yesterday, I was asked to bring Little Mighty up to the county building to have him fitted for a new convertible car seat.  His bios asked the agency worker who, in turn, asked me.  I didn't understand why he needed to be there but I went {out of curiosity}.
Bios have never greeted me appropriately.  Yesterday was no different.  Yesterday, bio mom just said "that is the temporary foster mom.  LM is coming home tomorrow."  While her statement of me being the foster mom is TRUE...she could have begun our time together with a simple HELLO!!! We proceeded to the back room to fill out paper work and get a car seat.  Bio dad is a talker.  He just keeps talking and talking but nothing he says really makes sense or matters to the conversation.  Kind of like verbal diarrhea. 
He was explaining that they needed a new infant seat because the one they had was broken.  (When I picked Little Mighty up from the hospital, they had a brand new car seat.  I chose not to use it because it smelled like smoke.  I returned it to them.  The car seat they brought to exchange was a totally different car seat!)  He said that the one from the hospital was borrowed and had since been returned.  We all introduced ourselves to the instructor and then watched a video of car seat safety.  (All the while I was questioning why I had to be there).  The instructor came back in to the room with a convertible car seat and an infant seat.  We filled out some registration papers and started to go through how to install the car seat.  Bio mom then asked the instructor if she could have a GIRL car seat because she is expecting a baby girl.  The instructor was a little taken back and told her no, they only had gender neutral car seats.  Bio mom started to complain about how LM was kicking her very pregnant stomach and handed him to bio dad.  Bio dad kept telling me what an awesome kid LM is.  (I already know that!)  Bio mom took out her phone and brought up the definition of mal*nutrition (which is undernourishment caused by poor diet).  She told me that since they were feeding him and he wasn't gaining weight that's not their fault and it's NOT neglect.  I just sat there and listened and thought to myself "ya can't fix stupid".  We were there for about 20 minutes before I took Little Mighty our of the car seat. I wondered why no one wanted to get him out sooner. They proceeded to tell the instructor all about how they already know how to install car seats and ask if they could bring home BOTH car seats.  The instructor said that the convertible seat was going home with LM because it's FOR HIM.  They were not happy.  (I think they planned on selling it.  They don't have a car and they don't drive.  The hospital would give them a car seat when they tried to leave the hospital without one).  When Little Mighty started getting fussy I took out the bottle I had prepared and snuggled him to feed him.  He drank about 3 ounces (of the 8 ) and began playing.  I handed him to bio mom.  It was about 45 minutes of instructions and passing the baby back and forth between mom and dad. When it was finally over, bio mom asked if I'd drive them home (they walk EVERYWHERE) and she'd give me gas money.  I said yes because it was raining (but I requested that the agency worker come as well...she said yes)  It was an 8 minute drive home and all bio mom complained about was the fact that she still didn't have a girl car seat and bio dad complained about the instructor because she was VERY detail oriented.  Then bio dad tells bio mom that he's going to buy a girl print car seat and use this new one as a back up.  (insert HUGE eye roll here!!!)  AHHH!  Why did I just waste an HOUR of MY LIFE to do this is if they're not even going to use it?!?!  THEN. When I dropped them off at their house he told me I could leave the convertible car seat.  I told him that I'll bring it with LM's things when he comes home after court tomorrow.  (2 can play his game).  Foster mom -1 Bio dad- 0
:)

Then today, well let me start by saying this...
Each case in foster care is as different as each child. Just when you think you have things figured out, something twisted and crazy pops up.  Little Mighty was left in a car while his parents took his older sister into a department store to use the bathroom.  They see nothing wrong with this...which TO ME translates to THEY'LL DO IT AGAIN!  Let me rewind.  Since visits are now in the bios home I only have to transport one way and only to the agency building where someone then takes LM and continues on to his parents house.   The agency case worker, lets call her *Genie, has transported and supervised visits so far.  Now that visits are in the home there is someone else who will transport and supervise the visit.  Today, that person was *Barbie.  When Barbie dropped LM off after the visit I asked her how it went.  She was VERY unhappy with the bios attitude.  This was her first time meeting them and she was greeted with bio dad coming out to her car with a bottle of water saying that the priest was coming over to bless the house because someone committed suicide there.  She said she was a little overwhelmed with his personality.  Then she brought LM into the house and bio mom was sitting on the couch all quiet because "she didn't get her baby back today".  Barbie was a bit freaked by them.  She said that they left LM on the floor in the living room to show her around the house.  She said that bio dad showed her the paper work from when they left LM in the car sleeping when they went into the department store.  He kept defending himself saying he did nothing wrong.  They kept saying that they weren't happy that I was holding his bottle to feed him and they felt that he should be holding it himself.  (While I totally agree with them...LM is VERY delayed because of lack of nutrition and stimulation. He needs to bond and feeding is one way to do that with an ALMOST 1 year old).  Bio mom told Barbie that the only reason LM gained 7oz (it was 2 pounds) in the hospital those first 5 days was because the nurses gave him minced meat.  Barbie was quick on her feet and asked why THEY weren't giving him 'minced meat' if they knew that would help him gain weight.  They claim they were feeding him and yet Barbie had to tell them to feed him lunch or at least prompt them to ask if he's eaten yet. 

When Barbie brought him home to me I was SOOOO glad to hear her be REAL (unlike Genie) and tell me what really happened and how she REALLY feels this case should end.  While I do appreciate Genie for being impartial I REALLY hope Barbie will be transporting and supervising the 3 visits per week from now on. 

**Names have to changed to protect identities.

I am trying to be very detail oriented in documenting because of the lenience of the court in this county.  I am also getting in touch with LM's law guardian prior to court being continued in 2 weeks.