Yes, its the Freaking Super Bowl

And I asked my buddy Hyperion to help me out here, so its a joint post. If you hate it, I am only half to blame



My friend Hyperion and I only agree on three things, but one of them is that SPORTS = AWESOME.

With the Super Bowl on Friday, we decided to do a joint venture, and rank the NFL teams by their Cognomen. (Their team names, for those of you in the Dover area.)

We ranked the teams by Conference, and worked separately from each other. We didn't know the other's picks, and it's interesting to see how similar we think and times, and how different, too!

My Picks are highlighted for my beloved NFC (with Hyperion's in parenthesis), and then we reverse it for the AFC.

Enjoy the lists, and Enjoy the Super Bowl!

NFL COGNOMEN - The Definitive Ranking(s)


NFC

16. New Orleans Saints-Ok, look at the pope, is he intimidating? I thought not
(Hyperion - #16 - Redskins (Washington) - The Worst Cognomen in professional sports. Imagine a racial equivalent.)

15. Green Bay Packers-While I love the Packers, when I think Packers, I think GED graduate sending me my office supplies
(Hyperion - #15 Seahawks (Seattle) - What the hell is a Seahawk? They don't have the guts to just call them gulls.)

14. San Francisco 49ers-In it for the money
(Hyperion - #14 Cardinals (Arizona) - Hey, I've been a big supporter of Arizona throughout the playoffs, but cardinals are boring birds. Now if it were the super-priests, then we might have something.)

13. Arizona Cardinals-Cardinals are a winter bird, tiny, and for gaia's sake red. Unless it gets your eyes, you are not fearing
(Hyperion - #13 Packers (Green Bay) - I salute the hard-working meat packers of Wisconsin. I also salute plumbers and garbage-men. I don't want teams named after 'em.)

12. Dallas Cowboys-Of the men that are in the Mascot world, a wrangler can only beat a guy shipping boxes
(Hyperion - #12 Saints (New Orleans) - You could never take a saint to the Maxim Super Bowl party.)

11. Washington Redskins-The name is offensive to some, and while there is honor in it, a Redskin is not a Chief, hence the number.
(Hyperion - #11 Rams (St. Louis) - I can think of at least 25 different horned animals I like better.)

[EDITORS' NOTE: SPARKY DUCK AND HYPERION WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THE OFFENSIVE REDSKINS' LOGO, SO WE DECIDED ON THE BEST POLITICALLY-CORRECT SOLUTION]

10. Seattle Seahawks-The claws are killer, but its smaller then an eagle, and its Seattle, the damn bird is probably soaked
(Hyperion - #10 49rs (San Francisco) - It's kind of cool how they were known for the Gold Rush, but do you think those guys ever bathed?)

9. Atlanta Falcons-Could a Falcon take a ram, perhaps, but its just a big chicken
(Hyperion - #9 Falcons (Atlanta) - This is a pretty sweet bird to represent you. They go 140 mph and have talons, baby!)

8. St Louis Rams-The horns would hurt, but its slow and its a relative of a goat
(Hyperion - #8 Eagles (Philadelphia) - About the only bird better than a falcon, and that's only because Eagles can carry off goats!)

7. Philadelphia Eagles-The symbol of the USA, giant birds. But they are birds
(Hyperion - #7 Cowboys (Dallas) - America's last civilized savage.)

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers-The problem with them is that a Buccaneer is a pirate, and Johnny Depp was a pirate
(Hyperion - #6 Giants (New York) - They're big! What's not to love?)

5. Minnesota Vikings-Helped by the fact they carry an Axe
(Hyperion - #5 Vikings (Minnesota) - They marauded, they pillaged, they made Columbus look like a pansy.)

4. NY Giants-Huge, but a human, the speed of a bear or a lion could take them out
(Hyperion - #4 Panthers (Carolina) - Is there anything sexier than a panther? At least in the killer-cat variety? I say no.)

3. Carolina Panthers-Quick, and muscular. But smaller then the rest that are left. I have an affinity for cats
(Hyperion - #3 Buccaneers (Tampa Bay) - Let us not forget they were pirates, and cold-hearted scoundrels at that. By the way, do you know how much it costs for pirates to get their lobes pierced? A buck an ear!)

2. Detroit Lions-The King of the Jungle, huge, and I would love to see a battle 1 and 2, but you have to give it to #1
(Hyperion - #2 Bears (Chicago) - If there was an animal Royal Rumble, this is who North America would send.)


and the number one NFC Cognomen is.....

1. Chicago Bears-A bear, a giant animal that could rip your neck out. ITS A BEAR!
(Hyperion - #1 Lions (Detroit) - They team has been terrible forever, and may always be terrible. But Lions are the King of the Jungle, baby! Hear them Roar!)

AFC

#16 Browns (Cleveland) - The Browns are named after the owner of Cincinnati's team! And if you're going to be named after a color, why not something cool, like the Blacks or the Silvers or the Purples! I would totally follow the Purples.
(Sparky Duck - 16. Cleveland Browns-Paul Brown, old, dead, but not a Mascot.)

[EDITORS' NOTE: SPARKY DUCK AND HYPERION AGREE THAT IF "BROWNS" REFERRED TO JOHN BROWN (ABOVE), THEN WE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING]

#15 Patriots (New England) - Anyone who feels the need to tell you he's patriotic is either obnoxious or hiding something.
(Sparky Duck - 15. Houston Texans-I am sorry, I can not rank a human being higher then a bird, just because I see a Texan as a really fat guy.)




#14 Texans (Houston) - "Ooh, look at me! My team name is my state!" Get over yourself, Texas.
(Sparky Duck - 14. Baltimore Ravens-While I like Edgar Allen Poe, and the movie the birds scares the crap out of me, a bird that you can avoid by going inside is not scary.)




#13 Chargers (San Diego) - What are they? Lightning? Light-Brigaders? Shopaholics? Major points off for being too clever.
(Sparky Duck - 13. Pittsburgh Steelers-I maybe biased, but a guy in a union? Scary team, not a scary mascot.)





#12 Steelers (Pittsburgh) - Mad props to the good folks who bring us Steel. But I don't want you for a team name. That's just weird.
(Sparky Duck - 12. Indianapolis Colts-Though the same name as my high school, its a baby horse known for running, are you intimidated?)

#11 Dolphins (Miami) - Dolphins are supposedly pretty smart (though: why can't they avoid the tuna nets?), but do you really want to be representative by a playful....fish?
(Sparky Duck - 11. Miami Dolphins-Ok they scare sharks, just not anyone else)





#10 Colts (Indianapolis) - Yeah, it's a horse, but it's just a baby! (Now, if it were a Colt Revolver....)
(Sparky Duck - 10. Denver Broncos-Look at my description of the Colts and then just make it older and if its Denver, probably colder.)




#9 Bills (Buffalo) - Buffalo Bill was surely a great man, but the joke of naming the team "in Buffalo" after him had to get old in like a week. I think the Buffalo Buffaloes would have been much better, and this gives me and excuse to tell you about the coolest grammatically correct sentence imaginable: "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."
(Sparky Duck - 9. Buffalo Bills-Ok its big and scary, but also slow as hell!)





#8 Ravens (Baltimore) - Ravens are smart, but mostly I like 'em because they get to hang out on the bust of Pallus ad torment poets.
(Sparky Duck - 8. Oakland Raiders-I maybe biased by the fans, but it looks like a pirate, a pirate does have some heft)

#7 Broncos (Denver) - See, if you're going to have a horse represent you, this is the one to pick. Who can ride the untamed Bronco? No one, except A.C. Cowlings!
(Sparky Duck - 7. San Diego Chargers-This one was hard, its a natural phenomenon, but if it hits you, you are dead)




#6 Raiders (Oakland) - While not as specifically evil as a pirate or a Viking, they are still stealing stuff (by definition), and that's always good in my book.
(Sparky Duck - 6. Kansas City Chiefs-The real native Americans of the US, look what a Chief did to Custer.)




#5 Jaguars (Jacksonville) - Basically panthers that aren't black. Still menacing, and they make better purses! (Sparky Duck - 5. Tennessee Titans-Another tough call, since a regular Titan would not stand up to a giant wild cat, but some Titans were giants and defeated Greek Gods. Hence a Top 10 mention.)




#4 Chiefs (Kansas City) - Not sure I buy the Native Americans as Team Name thing. Some of them I hate. That said, if you were going to have one, Chiefs is the way to go. They're Indians = cool, and they're in charge! (Sparky Duck - 4. NY Jets-Look at a Jet, it is either filled with man made destruction, or huge as hell, not scary but have a 767 land on you.)

#3 Jets (New York) - You gotta look at football like a war. Be honest. You want some stealth bombers on your side or not?
(Sparky Duck - 3. New England Patriots-Saved the USA, If not we would be watching Chelsea vs Salt Lake FC Sunday)





#2 Bengals (Cincinnati) - Okay, they may not be as cool as Siberians, but Bengals are still tigers, people! Let us NEVER forget that.
(Sparky Duck - 2. Cincinnati Bengals-There team sucked, but go to a zoo, look at a striped cat and see if you want to mess with it.)


and, the number one AFC Cognomen is.......


#1 Titans (Tennessee) - The Titans came before the gods. They were bigger than the gods. Oh, and lest we not forget.....this guy was a Titan.
(Sparky Duck - 1. Jacksonville Jaguars-Take the description of #2 and make them really really fast.)

Bonus Picks - SUPER BOWL

Sparky Duck - The fact that Wisenhunt knows everything about the Steelers, up to what gum Roethlisberger chews will make a difference. The Cardinals will steal a win, 35 to 24. Fitzgerald will catch 2 touchdowns, someone will block a punt and Roderick Hood will intercept the pass that seals the game.

Hyperion - I picked Arizona (plus the points) in all three playoff games, and took much heat for it. When the spread opened at +7 I liked the Cardinals to cover, but now I like them to win. Have I been influenced by their crazy run and my tender feelings toward them? Yes. This is why fans should never bet, but what the heck. Arizona to somehow win. Just a gut call, but I'm picking Bud Light to have the best commercial.


Have a Great Weekend!

Sparky Duck/Hyperion = Harky Duperion!

Interesting Eagle Question

The score is 14 to 10, Eagles. McNabb scrambles and sprains his knee. He is out until the 4th quarter. Who plays Kevin Kolb or AJ Feeley?

Personally, I play Feeley. He is battle tested, played in a big time conference and knows how to win a game. While Kolb played two big games a year in college, one early and one in a bowl game, that he usually lost.

So, speak, please???

I miss College Football

I got nothing so we go with Cheerleaders

Sue Me

Wildcard Weekend Recap

This was one of those orgasmic football weekends that only comes around a few times a year. Naturally, I watched almost all of it.

Arizona faced off with Atlanta in the early game and while most of the country probably did not care, I did because of my alegiance to the Cardinals. I thought in the beginning the Warner was looking old, but the Edge looked like the running back from Indianapolis and Rod Hood played like an Eagle, giving the Cardinals a hard fought win.



The best game of the weekend was the one that looked like the best on paper, with Indianapolis and San Diego facing off on Saturday night. I know I maybe one of the few people in the country that has ever heard of Darren Sproles, but he singlehandly sent Peyton Manning into golf season.



The worst worst game of the weekend was Miami hosting Baltimore. Once Ed Reed ran back that interception for a touchdown, you knew you could go and take a shower, which I did. In fact, this game is not even worth a picture.

Finally, it was time for the Eagles vs Minnesota. Deep in my brain, I knew the Eagles would win, just because they are the better team. However, I was not convinced of a win until Westbrook did what Westbrook does on a screen and sent the Eagles to a matchup with the hated Giants. There will be plenty of email smack talk this week for Sparky Duck.

What you missed if you did not pay attention to Twitter

Though I promise you, I never said I was brilliant.

1.Brilliant Wade Phillips quote-"we need to play better" 5:57 PM Dec 28th, 2008 from web

2.watching Emerald Bowl on ESPN 360 8:54 PM Dec 27th, 2008 from web

3.The Wisconsin Badgers seem to blow 6:47 PM Dec 27th, 2008 from web

4.I am out of my fantasy playoffs thanks to Amani Toomer 8:24 PM Dec 15th, 2008

5.I have 1 cigarette left, and I am trying so so desperately to not smoke it tonight 10:36 PM Dec 12th, 2008 from web

6.Thank you to Oklahoma for ruining my night 9:55 PM Dec 6th, 2008 from web

7.This would have been a blog post, but its so late, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MRS DUCK 7:54 PM Nov 24th, 2008 from web

8.Its over 4 McNabb in Philadelphia 9:16 PM Nov 23rd, 2008 from txt

9.A twitter for some one special, Ole Miss rules!!! 9:44 PM Nov 22nd, 2008

10.Troy 31, LSU 23-What the Hell??!!!?? 10:58 PM Nov 15th, 2008 from web

Sparky Duck's Bowl Game Contest

Sure, its Football, but it is also all about luck. Plus the winner will receive a $25 Visa Gift Card And the person that does the worst will also get a special prize from good ole Sparky Duck!

So, the rules. In comments, pick the winner of each of the 10 bowl games, and then the 2 tiebreaker questions. Pretty easy. As a special bonus, anyone that mentions the contest in there blog and gets on person to sign up will receive a bonus point. So, it means you can screw up one game! Deadline is 12/27 at 9 AM EST

The Games

1.December 27, Meineke Car Care Bowl
West Virginia
North Carolina

2.December 29, Papa Johns Bowl
Rutgers
NC State

3.December 30-Holiday Bowl
Oregon
Oklahoma St

4.December 31-Insight Bowl
Kansas
Minnesota

5.January 1-OutBack Bowl
Iowa
South Carolina

6.January 1 Capital 1 Bowl
Georgia
Michigan State

7.January 1-Rose Bowl
USC
Penn State

8.January 2-Sugar Bowl
Alabama
Utah

9.January 5-Tositos Fiesta Bowl
Ohio St
Texas

10.BCS Championship Bowl
Oklahoma
Florida

Tie Breaker 1

International Bowl Jan 3
UConn
Buffalo


Tie Breaker 2

How Many Yards will Sam Bradford (Oklahoma) throw for against Florida?

Reggie Bush kills the Blue Ducks

The playoffs started this weekend in my fantasy football league, and one mistake will mean that I am not advancing to the finals.

I personally blame work, because it kept me from making informative decisions, but that is just a cop out. I should have played Kevin Smith against the awful Colts defense, rather than Bush against the stoudt Bears.

Here I sit however, hoping that Amani Toomer fumbles twice and gains no yards. Chances of that? Slim and None

2008 Blue Ducks Division Champs!

Yes, we have moved on. I am quite pleased with my fantasy choices over the last 3 years. I got in the playoffs year one as the wildcard, year 2 just missed out due to a tie (just like the Eagles will) and in year 3, I have won the division behind Drew Brees and DeAngelo Williams.

So, when you are watching your football tomorrow night, root for Brees to throw for 360 yards and 3 touchdowns and for Reggie Bush to get one TD on his own. Its for enterntainment purposes and all, but extra cabbage for enterntainment would be nice.

What we Don't need is Florida/Oklahoma

I love bowl season. It is the chance for some of the little guys to play the big guys. And I have been all over the FBA Bowl Site to see what T-Shirts/Sweatshirts I really really need.

I am excited for every game but Oklahoma Florida in the BCS Championship game. When oh when are they going to have a tournament. It is good enough for my boys from Delaware, why not the Bigger Guys? Oh yea $$$$$!!

The reason I hate Oklahoma Florida is because I hate both teams. I hate Bob Stoops with a white hot passion and I think Florida plays every big game at home and are a gimmick team. Yet, they are the 2 teams representing the College Football Championship. Yet, Utah and Boise St went undefeated. Yep, alot of sense.

LSU Alabama is not all

Though, it is an awesome game. However, I would like to kick CBS in the gonads, because the return of Nick Saban to the Bayou with the #1 team in the nation deserves an 8 PM kickoff, not 3:30. How are the Bayou Bengals fans going to have the chance to get them selves half in the bag?

But, there is more, Oklahoma State at Texas Tech screams trap game, any time USC is playing is an opportunity to giggle with glee if the Trojans manage to lose. Heck, Ga Tech vs UNC excites me.

This has been a fun college football season, there has not been a weekend so far that was a waste, though the Purdue Oregon game did save one of those Saturdays.

Geuax Tigers!

I missed the Train

Though, I think I may have mentioned a fat delusional ex drug addict. Yet I decided not to, because I looked at this commercial and think it is poetry in motion. Plus, good for Nike, I do not fast forward through this commercial.

Blue Ducks Win!

Yes, ladies and gentleman, it is Fantasy Football! And yes, I won my first game out this week, thanks partly to the fact that Drew Brees and Reggie Bush decided to blow up points wise, but also because Tom Brady had a figurative arrow jammed in his knee. And really, a win is a win and I will take it.

The funniest thing is that this weeks opponent has Matt Leinart as his backup. Coincidentally, Leinhart is also the back up for the Arizona Cardinals. That is synergy and perhaps a second win for ole Sparky.

And of course, when I mention football, its time for a egregious Cheerleader picture. Courtesy of the Seattle Seagals

Sunday Mish Mosh

Its Sunday, which means the brain is all over the place. Which of course is great news for you, my lovely readers.

1.We are used to the teams from out in the Pacific Time Zone being the BCS Busters in college football. After watching what East Carolina did to West Virginia yesterday and what they did to the Hokies of Va Tech last week, they could be this years buster.

2.Joe Biden did adequate at best today on Meet The Press. It was almost like he was not awake until 11 am. Not the best start, though at least he was in front of the press as opposed to some other candidates.

3.As I type, Jake Delhomme hits some dude named Rosario to get a Carolina win. The games today were dull, but they finished well!

4.I grabbed the meatloaf from the oven last night and now it seems that I may have an alien growing out of my thumb. Or its a high 1st degree burn. Though alien sounds sexier.

5.Speaking of sexy...Google Haley Bang

Hanna and her droplets

Yes, TS Hanna has rained down on the I-95 corridor today. And while we have only have a few hiccups power wise, it has still been a rainy yucky day. I said during the week that I was looking forward to a down day. At abou 3pm, I was cursing down days!

This also was not a day to bet with Sparky Duck. While I just missed hitting 2 exactas because I was cheap, almost every team I rooted for in College football managed to find a way to lose, the most appalling was Washington vs BYU, but I will kevetch about that at another time. In the end, it was not the day to bankroll Sparky.

I did love how MSG Plus said on there little scoreboard screen below the game, said that Texas Tech was losing to Nevada 42 to 17. Nevermind that is is 8:30 now and the game is just kicking off.

Back from Vacation, really

Though if you were paying attention, I sort of wandered in and out yesterday.

But, Mrs Duck and I are now back from a lovely time with friends at the Cape, and smartly, we took the rest of this week off. Going back to work midweek after a vacation is one of the stupidest ideas that I swear I will never ever do again. Of course, I have thoughts rattling around in my brain, so lets get em out.

1.I missed the best football game on the college football level because I could not find it. East Carolina blocking a punt and running it back for a touchdown to beat VaTech at its own game had to be exciting to see. For someone...


2.Joe Lieberman is not a Democrat, I wish he would just stop saying that he is. The party kicked his ass out in Connecticut, so stop misleading everyone already.

3.Sarah Palin made my balls shrink occasionally last night, almost as much as the Jersey Shore ocean water did the day before.

4.Hurricane Hanna is bearing down on the Southeast coast and is going to make a mess of a weekend for us folks along the I-95 corridor. For some reason, I do not really mind.

Duckettes getting hotter and hotter

I am just saying. And, please, Oregon is whipping a conference opponent, while LSU & Penn State beat up on 1-AA opponents. Let me know, Wordnerd, when you actually play someone.

Ladies and Gentleman, Ducks Football

In about a half and hour or so, Sparky Duck will start the roller coaster ride that is University of Oregon Football.



And yet, I am looking so forward to this!

Hey, whats 663 miles amongst swing states

Yes, good ole Sparky is a blogger jumping on the McCain is too old bandwagon. Apparently, Senator McCain has been telling a story for the last 35 years that when he was held as a POW, he gave the name of the Green Bay Packers O-Line as his copatriots when captured. Admirable, trust me, beyond anything that I could ever do, being a POW.

Except when you use that history as a political talking point. Like this past week, where he said he used the Steelers O-Line as his fellow soldiers code names. Lets guess, shall we, where he made this statement? A prize for the first blogger that says Pittsburgh.

But, apparently, the honorable senator just sort of forgot.

Now, the distance, as per mapquest, between Green Bay Wisconsin and Pittsburgh Pennsylvania is 665 miles, give or take. Sort of a great distance to forget, but hey, they both have shitty winters.

Lets look at the Packer O-Line

LT Bob Skoronski 29 7 0

Green Bay Packers / 5th / 56th pick / 1956
LG Fuzzy Thurston 30 5 0

Philadelphia Eagles / 5th / 54th pick / 1956
C Jim Ringo*+ 32 10 14

Green Bay Packers / 7th / 79th pick / 1953
RG Jerry Kramer*+ 27 5 0

Green Bay Packers / 4th / 39th pick / 1958
RT Forrest Gregg*+

Looking really quick, I myself have certainly heard of Jerry Kramer, Forrest Gregg and Jim Ringo. Kramer and Gregg are football Icons.

And on to 1963 Pittsburgh

LT Charlie Bradshaw* 27 5 0 1 fumble recovered

Los Angeles Rams / 8th / 94th pick / 1957
LG Mike Sandusky 28 6 0 2 fumbles recovered

San Francisco 49ers / 4th / 46th pick / 1957
C Buzz Nutter 32 9 0

Washington Redskins / 12th / 136th pick / 1953
RG Ray Lemek 29 6 0

Washington Redskins / 19th / 227th pick / 1956
RT Dan James

Charlie Bradshaw has the same name as a really famous Steeler, who will come around about 15 years in the future and Sandusky is a town in Ohio. But, nope no reall hall of famers here.

The Packers went 11-2 and the Steelers went 7-4. Yep memorable I am sure to the Steel City.

I hate when my favorite sport is dragged into this bullshit, and then I hate more when it is kinda laughable.

Oregon will slam the door shut tonight

This could be one of the final chances for Senator Clinton to get out in front of an audience of supporters and give a victory speech, as the fiasco that the Democratic Party calls Primary season, winds its way towards Kentucky and Oregon. And yes, Senator Clinton can still finagle a way to sneak into the presidential nomination, but unless you really count Puerto Rico as a contest, Kentucky could be her last confetti and balloon moment until the whole carnival gets to Denver.

The reason for this is after probably getting a comfortable 10 to 15 point win in the Bluegrass state, the voters of Oregon will start the "Na Na Na" singing to Senator Clinton, giving Senator Obama a comfortable win in one of the liberalist states on the map. And while she will win Puerto Rico, he will end up getting Montana and Idaho, or Montana and a Dakota, or whatever two Big Sky states that are left to vote on June 5th and the math will still show her behind. Plus really, when was the last time Senator Clinton had 80,000 people showing up to see her at a rally?



Though she did get a tour of Makers Mark, which is something I would sure like to do someday.

On a side note, if this was a discussion about college football instead of politics, a game between the University of Kentucky and either of the big time football schools in Oregon would be an exciting one.