Sadness

Eight Belles

Weekend Bumping Uglies

Trust me, I never thought I would ever be using that as a title, I mean seriously, so many better ways to talk about meaningless random sex. Aren't there?

Anyway, let me direct you over to a little quiz at the Monkey Barn.


A Time to Screw

I figured that I have some pretty sick twisted perverted imaginative readers, so why not let them lose on a Hyperion and Company creation. So wander over, answer the questions and tell em the fine feathered friend said hello. Plus lemme know so I can see your answers.

A Twisted Question

What if you are really not that good at the one thing that anyone seems to want to hire you for in the first place. Kind of makes for quite a daunting task or a quandry, isn't it?

I may have just about seen it all

Watching the Browns and Ravens game wrap up today and it was one of those freak moments that you talk about in a bar 20 years from now.

The Browns blew a big lead and allowed the Ravens to take the lead with about 30 seconds to go. The Browns get a nice kickoff return and then complete a couple of plays to get into field goal range. Long field goal range, but field goal range none the less.

Phil Dawson sets up for the kick, I think it was about 49 yards or so and doinks it off the right upright (at least right if you are watching it on TV). As the ball spirals, it goes and bounces through the crossbar and then hits the support pole that is out of bounds in the end zone. The ball promptly riccochets out back onto the field back over the cross bar again.

The field goal is declared no good. As you read Coach Romeo Crennels face, you see him mouthing the words "well fuck me" Game over, Ravens win.

Not so fast my friend as the referees go to look at the instant replay, though it is not really a reviewable play. I guess its more like a holy shit did you see that, we better go look again kind of play. The field goal is declared good and the Browns eventually win in overtime.

The chances and physics of the ball hitting the upright, then the support bar and then bouncing the one direction that makes it look no good to the naked eye has got to be astronomical. I guess when they say you never know how the ball will bounce, you should always remember to take it literally.

Helping out in DC

The Thursday Thirteen is going to be delayed a little bit, gosh darn it if life does not decide to throw off blogging now and again. What is with that? So check back later this afternoon.

W had one of his always enterntaining press conferences yesterday. Luckily I only had to catch the highlights later in the day, I must have been distracted by a Judge Judy rerun when it was being held live. Richard Wolffe of Newsweek asked the President an interesting question yesterday, what his definition of the word torture was.

W in his usual duck and spin tactics saying Torture is whatever the Congress defines it as and its something that the United States does not do. It would have been good if he said something like 'something unpleasant' or 'a form of punishment we detest'. But no, lets make sure the leader of the free world continues to look like a boob.

So, as a special help to the President, here is the definition of torture, as defined by Dictionary.com, who takes the information from the Random House Dictionary of 2006. I found this on the internets there Mr President.

-noun
1. the act of inflicting excruciating pain, as punishment or revenge, as a means of getting a confession or information, or for sheer cruelty.
2. a method of inflicting such pain.

Why Indeed

Why does one part ask an opinion on something, and then when part two gives there opinion, after heming and hawing, saying I don't care what decision is made, why exactly does part two end up being the bad guy when there opinion did not concur to the decision being made, part two is the one that ends up feeling like the bad guy or girl or duck?

Had a Grand Post planned

It was all political and complex. It probably would have pissed some people off, which is something I really do love doing. But, I turned around and it was 10:00 and the kitchen was still dirty from dinner, Garden State was the on TV set (a darn fine movie by the way) and I was stuffed.

Plus, golfing again tomorrow morning, at Makefield Highlands or something like that. Subway and Doc are in town, its Subway's annual family reunion at the shore and they come by and see us before they head down for the weekend. This happens every summer at this time and it usually involves an exhibition game of the Eagles. Yep, we got the tickets too, so we are off to do that tomorrow night. Sounds like a full weekend, all crammed into one day, which is usually how it is when Subway and Doc head up this way.

So, next week, the post in my head. So now, how do I tick people off before I go?

Starrlight sent this to me this week, and I said to myself I am going to go nowhere near it. Eh, Fuck it.

Ladies and gentleman, the V.P. as Kreskin...

Thank Goodness Thats Over

Barry finally broke the career Home Run record last night. It had to have happened late, because it did not even make the 11 o'clock sports report here, Barry was still just 2 for 2. And all I can say is I don't really care. It was inevitable, unless the big Giant broke a leg or a wrist or something. He was going to break this record. I don't know if its because of the steroids cloud, or if it was because it was a West Coast thing, so it was hard to follow. Or if it is just ESPN fatigue, since they have been following his every move including his first BM of the day. So yes, I do not care really. Its just a number. Good for him, now SF can disappear off the radar again for the rest of the season.

Today is supposed to be the hottest day of the year. Last night was pretty damned hot, so I am not sure how much warmer it can get today, but its gonna be awful. Raise your hand if you are glad you have A/C.

Weird, I was jonesing for an ice cold Coca Cola as opposed to my usual coffee this morning. And it is going down great, but I am concerned that I am going to be dragging from the lack of caffeine later in the day. Well, Dunkin Donuts is just down the street and DD equals Iced Coffee!

Thursday Thirteen #46-The Purple One

Thirteen Things about Purple 1.Purple is my favorite color 2.Any shade of colo between blue and red on the color spectrum is considered a purple. 3.Purple exists as a combination color, with shades of red and blue, while violet, which is considered a shade of color by most, is really a different shade of blue as opposed to a combination of two colors itself. 4.The word purple comes from a version of Latin, termed purpa. 5.Purpa has its historical deriviation from Greek and porphura, which was a dye that was eventually squeezed out of a snail (yum) 6.Purple has always been considered a color of royalty, all the way back to Alexander the Great. 7.Purple is associated with Saturday on the Thai Solar Calendar, which is the official calendar of Thailand. If you were born on a Saturday in Thailand, you are legally allowed to dye your hair purple. 8.In Christianity, Purple stands for the color of the evil sin of pride. This would be one explanation to me for having lenten colors be purple, since you are supposed to fast for 3 weeks before Easter. Though I could be wrong. 9.Ironically, or possibly not so ironically, on a Gaypride Rainbow Flag, the purple also stands for Pride. 10.Purple has magikal properties in which it centers any spiritual undertaking and focuses it more. 11.In Wicca, burning a purple candle stands for luck, protection, wisdom and reaching your higher self. 12.One of the greatest albums of all time, at least for sheer amount of really really good songs on it in my opinion, was Purple Rain by Prince and the Revolution. 13.Sport teams that use purple in there uniforms: Colorado Rockies, Minnesota Vikings, Phoenix Suns and the Los Angeles Kings. In college, many teams use purple, though the most well known ones would probably be Northwestern University, Louisiana State University and the University of Washington. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Speaking of Rachel Ray

One thing I do not need to hear from her is "Its a party in your mouth, its a party in your mouth." sheesh

Wiki better watch out

The new FiOS is awesome. When they say ride the light, they really mean it. I still have not gotten the power cord situation resolved, but that is more of a monetary problem then a finding the cord that works for the laptop problem. But, if you can get your hands, or at least your USB plug on FiOS, go out and do it. And, it is actually cheaper with the combination of the unlimited calling program then it cost for DSL.

OK, Verizon commercial over. One problem with the new internets is that you can find a lot more things that can tick you off. Now, I will not take the credit for being turned onto Conservapedia, Lewis Black has to get the credit. But, when you dig deep into the site, it actually is a tad scary! Ok, more then a tad. Let's compare some definitions with Wikipedia.

Homosexuality:
Wikipedia=Homosexuality can refer to both sexual behavior and sexual attraction between people of the same gender or to a sexual orientation. When describing a sexual orientation, it refers to enduring sexual and romantic attraction toward others of the same sex, but does not necessarily involve sexual behavior.

Conservapedia=Homosexuality is an immoral sexual lifestyle between members of the same sex. It is more than simply a sexual act, it is going beyond the boundaries that God has setup for marriage; one man and one woman.

Planned Parenthood:
Wiki=Planned Parenthood is the collective name of organizations worldwide who are members of the International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF). The Planned Parenthood Federation of America (PPFA) is the U.S. affiliate of IPPF, and one of its larger members. PPFA provides both reproductive health and maternal and child health services. The organization's status as the United States' leading provider of surgical abortions has put it in the forefront of the US national debate over that issue.

Conserva=Planned Parenthood (officially the Planned Parenthood Federation of America) is the largest organization in the United States that performs abortions, provides birth control[1] and a limited amount of health care. Planned Parenthood is the largest abortion provider in the United States.[2] It performs nearly 200 times as many abortions are referrals for adoption.

Evolution:
Wiki=Evolution is change in populations of organisms over generations. Offspring differ from their parents in various ways. When these differences are helpful, the offspring have a greater chance of surviving and reproducing, making the differences more common in the next generation. In this way, differences can accumulate over time, leading to major changes in a population.

Conserva=The theory of evolution is a naturalistic explanation of the history of life on earth (This refers to the theory of evolution which employs methodological naturalism and is commonly taught in public schools and universities). The concept of materialistic evolution differs from the concept of Theistic Evolution in positing that God does not guide the theorized process of macroevolution[1] A majority of the most prominent and vocal defenders of the naturalistic evolutionary position since World War II have been atheists.

Baseball:
Wiki=Baseball is a sport played between two teams usually of nine players each. It is a bat-and-ball game in which a pitcher throws (pitches) a hard, fist-sized, leather-covered ball toward a batter on the opposing team. The batter attempts to hit the baseball with a tapered cylindrical bat, made of wood (as required in professional baseball) or a variety of other materials (as allowed in many nonprofessional games). A team scores runs only when batting, by advancing its players—primarily via hits—counterclockwise past a series of four markers called bases arranged at the corners of a ninety-foot square, or "diamond." The game, played without time restriction, is structured around nine segments called innings. In each inning, both teams are given the opportunity to bat and score runs; a team's half-inning ends when three outs are recorded against that team.

Conserva=Baseball, known as rounders in England where it originated, is a game consisting of nine active players on each team (except for those teams having designated hitters) who take turns playing defense on the field and batting one at a time. The object is for the batters to hit a ball thrown by the pitcher into "fair" territory such that it is not caught in the air and gives the batter time to run to a base. The offense strives to advance these baserunners until they circle the three infield bases in order and get to the fourth base, called "home". This results in the scoring of a run. Failing to reach a base during their batting attempt results in an out, and the offense is only allowed three outs before they must take the field once again. Each team is allowed nine of these "innings" during the course of the game, an exception being that a team does not bat a ninth time if they are winning after the other teams ninth attempt. If the game is tied after nine innings, additional innings are played until there is a winner.

Hey they sorta agree!! Or maybe not.

Rock the Vote:
Wiki=Rock the Vote is a non-partisan 501(c)(3) non-profit organization founded in Los Angeles in 1990 by Jeff Ayeroff for the purposes of political advocacy. The first Rock the Vote campaign was called, "Censorship is UnAmerican." The Canadian version of Rock the Vote was founded by Nat zeke Zavier in 1981, while the Irish version of Rock the Vote was founded by Patrick Cosgrove in 2006, and was active during the 2007 Irish elections.

Conserva=Rock the Vote is a controversial left-wing organization, founded in 1990 in what the group claims was "a response to a wave of attacks on freedom of speech and artistic expression." They were once affiliated with the MTV network.

Well, I guess we can all agree on sports.

You can get Blog fodder from anyplace

Really, its true. You can get ideas from newspapers articles, something stupid that you hear on the radio, and of course, the natural place to get blog junk, YouTube.

Today, I am pulling my information from the one soap opera that I watch all the time, One Life to Live. Yes, I do watch a soap opera, and I swear this is the only one I watch faithfully. Its best on TiVo because you can bypass the stuff you don't care anything about. But, here is my question. If you could save your ex (husband/wife) by giving them a piece of your liver or kidney, would you? And lets take the idea that it is the father/mother of your children. Just look at it as you and him, would you do it if you could?

I, myself, think I probably would, just because I spent alot of my younger life with my ex. Since their is some part of a history their and I still would not want anything terrible to happen to her, I would probably do it. Now, explaining it to Mrs Duck would be a whole other egg to crack.

Another Fantasy Addiction

I have 3 teams currently over at Fafarazzi. This is my team that did best so far, with the season ending tomorrow. I think I will finish somewhere midpack. Not bad for someone a tad pop culture dense.

Panic "Not" at the Disco

Do you remember when you were in middle or high school and on Sunday night, you would get that horrible feeling in your stomach because you didnt study enough, or didnt complete the project you were supposed to finish. Or, the big bully Nelson was going to pop you in the nose? Good.

Now answer me this, why would a 35 year old man get the same feeling on a Sunday night when they have no tests, projects or bullies?

Thursday Thirteen #22-The OCD One




Thirteen Neurotic Things about Sparky's start to his day I do alot of my great thinking while in the shower, it seems to be where I come up with alot of my blog ideas, gift ideas, what things I need from the store, and the meaning of life that day. So, it should not be any surprise that if I do not do things in the shower in an exact order, I lose track of what I have and havent done. I cant tell you how many times I have washed my hair more then once because my mind wandered. So, here's the list from shower to jockeys. 1.Test the water and hop in. Do you know how much I hate to feel the cold water that has been trapped in a showerhead before it comes out hot. Rude awakening 2.Lather up with a bar of soap. Very important to be sure to get the pits here. Personally, I prefer Irish Spring. 3.Shampoo the hair next, I dont mess with the conditioner as a seperate step either, too much time wasted. So a 2 in 1 shampoo works best. 4.Shave. One of the easiest things to double check that I have done, especially when the mind is off on someplace nice. Plus, since I dont do it everyday, its even easier to check. 5.Shower Gel. Yes, men can use Shower Gel and those puffy sponges, and I am damned proud of it. Ok, I use the Old Spice Shower Gel, manly enough? 6.Noxema Face Scrub-Sue Me, I have bad pores and the orange scent is invigorating. 7.Clean out my Ears and be sure to rinse off my face. A very important step, since I have allergies out the wazzoo. Now, I just want to stress that there is always a rinse involved in between each step, I just figured that was self explanatory 8.Dry, though honestly I like the Rod Tidwell idea of drying, air drying is better for the skin. Now what movie is that from? 9.Brush the Teeth. I have found that I have to do this before deodorant, just because for whatever reason if I dont I end up having to do the deodorant under the shirt thing. 10.deodorant-and it has to be those clear gels. the sticks dont work! 11.Mouthwash-with Listerine, you can really feel all those germs dying on contact. 12.Get dressed-yes ladies The Duck has been naked the entire time, mmmm hows that for daydreamin (ok I must still be delusional) 13.Brush the hair-I have a bush on top of my head, so if I brush it before Im dressed its all over gods creation. Ok, I know, way too much time on my hands... Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)




Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants



Keep your fingers out of my ears

We all get these emails from time to time, talking about stupid laws that are still on the books in the United States. You know what Im talking about, like the fact that its legal to have moose as a pet in some town in Maine. Ok, I am making that up, but, you know its possible.

But, I am not making this one up. Though luckily, its only a proposal, but come on now. I wear my Ipod to avoid dealing with people, especially the ones that are on the street corners looking to get me to donate to there children's charity, vote for some councilman I cant even vote for, or trying to get me to spare a quarter. So, no, I am not a fan of this law, even though I dont find myself ending up in New York City Ipodded anytime soon. Like the police in one of the biggest cities in the United States doesnt have anything else better to do.

Yes Jay...

you are right, sex would be better!

DeLurking Daze

Yes, its another one of those get out and get connected times in the blogosphere. Its National/International Delurk Week. But, since I am so far behind on all the little posts in my head, you will only have to deal with this button for the next few days.

So, If you are out there and you stop by to read, but dont send me little nuggets of wisdom, now is the time, or this is the week, or maybe its now is the week? Well, you can all see I am not going to find myself in writing advertisement any time soon. But, leave a comment if you haven't before, or if you have and you just wanna say, um Sparky, whats with the dogs!!!

Button courtesy of Papernapkin

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So you want to date a porn star??

So, I was listening to Preston and Steve yesterday and they had a in studio guest appearance by the crazy porn star and dancer, Mary Carey. First off, she still sounded drunk from the night before, which always makes for great radio. But, during the interview, it came up in regards to her dating habits. The question was asked if her boyfriends get jealous, to which she said, because she only does lesbian scenes, they dont.

So, this got me to thinking, if you were dating a porn star, or even an exotic dancer, is it cheating if he/she is sleeping with the same sex. Now, one would think that if you date a porn star, you would actually understand that this is how they make there living, so it goes with the territory that they are sleeping with other people. The thing I found odd was that it would be ok to sleep with women, and not ok to sleep with men. Shouldn't it be all or nothing?

Im not weird, im eclectic

My buddy Local Girl over at Island Life decided to tag me for this 6 weird things meme. Now first off, she lives in Hawaii, so there is no way she is local to me, but I digress. And, I prefer to think of myself as eclectic, as opposed to weird, since to me weird now adays is the norm anyway. So, here goes and then I get to lay out 6 other people, you lucky dogs you.

Oh yea, ya need the rules...

The Rules:

Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.


See, simple enough isn't it? And awayyyy we go....

1.I watch One Life to Live everyday. If I am not going to be home to watch it, I make sure the TiVo is set for either the 2pm ABC showing and/or the 2am Soap Network viewing. Though I do admit I dont watch the full hour, some of the plot lines just annoy me.

2. If I was 15 to 20 years younger, I would so be a Goth. This is strange because I am as close to a Prep as you can get without the sweater tied around my shoulders.

3.Mice scare me, like piss in my pants scare me.

4. The spice in our spice cabinet are in alphabetical order, seperated by things that are salty and spices that go in sweets.

5. I adore the Indigo Girls. This is probably weird because they are a duo that leans heavily to the lesbian population of the listening crowd. And i was a fan of theres 10 years ago, when they were full entrenched in the Rainbow flag cause.

6.I wish it was okay for guys to drink those fruffy fruity drinks out in public. You know the pink ones with the fruit and umbrellas. While none would ever top a dirty martini, the Wailea Sunset was so so refreshing. And who could resist a Pina Colada or a good Cosmo?? Hmm tell me, who who? Ohh Appletinis!

Yep, im eclectic. Now, what 6 brave souls shall I tag as even more "eclectic"?

wordnerd, jenny ryan, momish, buttercup & bean (either one), twyla (who found a great snow flake website btw) and finally old man hancock you lucky people you.