~Motivational Monday~ Keep Dreaming...

(or Tuesday, I'm a little late!)

So I took a little time away from my blog.  Not because I don't love you all and not because I don't need this blog.  But because I needed a mini vacay from my brain and all my thoughts and analyzing!

And now I'm back....
so fresh and so clean clean  :)

Lots of people have checked in on me over the past several months.  (some have been checking for longer than I realized!)  Lots of friends have left me with kind words, prayers, even little gifts here and there to let me know that everything is gonna be alright.
People keep asking how I am.
People keep saying they are sorry for what I'm going through.
I'm so VERY VERY lucky and thankful for ALL your kind words and support and thoughts and prayers.
I truly truly am.

So here is what I want you all to know.
I'm ok!  :)
and I'm just gonna keep on dreaming! BIG!!  :)

Someone told me recently that they were going to have to stop reading my blog because it was too sad.   I told them - it's not sad, it's HOPEFUL!  (I mean... it IS right?!)  And that person said "you are one resilient individual"
Thing is.......I choose to be!

You see.... people go through trial and heartache every day.  We are all VERY good at hiding it.  But trust me, the amazing thing about me writing here is the feedback I get in return.  Not just people supporting me, but people asking for support and prayer from me.
People - THAT is what life is all about!!!
Not pretending to be something that your not!
Not pretending you have the BEST life out there!
Not putting on a face so that everyone envies your life above everyone else!
It's not our job or our RIGHT to make others feel inadequate.
People do it to make themselves feel better.  And trust me, it makes you NO BETTER!
Get down off your high horse and open your heart and look around.

Yes.  I'm honest!
Yes.  I'm an open book!
I will tell you the truth.  I will tell you details that maybe most wouldn't.
I have nothing to hide.
Am I perfect?  Absolutely not!  But I do my best every day to make someone around me feel loved.
Have I been hurt?  yes.
Will I give up on people?  No.  Never

I had faith in a man and a marriage that let me down.
But guess what.... as much as it broke my heart going through - I look back now and I realize God saved me.  He saved me from walking down a LONG road that would have only gotten worse.
I don't believe in divorce.  I don't think God predestined me to BE divorced.  But I do think that people make decisions and choose paths against God's will (infidelity, lying, cheating, disrespecting, dishonoring) that are out of our control.  And for that reason, judge me if you will, but for that reason I DO believe that divorce is sometimes used to save one life because another is gone astray.  Rather than two falling down, at least one chooses to be saved.

I looked back one night at blogs I posted after I got married, and the fact of the matter is... as much as I loved him and believed in us.... I couldn't make him love and respect me the same.
Yes he will go on and tell people I was a hateful bitter woman and no one will ever live up to my expectations, and yes in the beginning I wanted to shout what he did to me from a mountain top and defend myself.  Yes.  There is ALWAYS an ugly side in us that wants to look better than the other person.
But here is what I have learned through all of this....

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

I forgive and move on.   And frankly - I'm just done talking about the PAST and the pain and the regret and the mistakes.  I have forgiven not just him, but MYSELF also.
And for that - the door to my future is happy and positive and WIDE OPEN!


Will I find love again with a man?  maybe!  :)    I have faith!
And if I don't find it in one man, I will find it in ALL the world all around me  :)

"All you need is 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you something great will come of it"

Here is my challenge to you ALL for the week!!!!!

Christmas is just around the corner - right?!  Everyone is caught up in the hustle and bustle of gift buying and the commercialism of what Christmas has become.
I read something on facebook tonight that someone did  - and it inspired me!
I am therefore passing this along to inspire EACH and EVERYone of you!!

Here is her post........

"I told myself I was going to bless somebody today. I bought a gift card while at Walmart...walked up to a complete stranger & said Merry Christmas. She looked at me like I shocked her. I told her I don't know if she needs it or not, if she doesn't to pay it forward to somebody that does. She thanked me, we hugged and I walked away. I received a blessing today as much as her.♥"

I challenge each of you to do this very thing this week!

Please please share any feedback or blessing you share or receive in this endeavor!

TRULY INSPIRING!  :)

Out of the GRAY and into the BLUE - yes some days - I NEED the fantasy world!

After a few days of grumpy crabby cry-baby Tami - I get sick of me and refuse to stay there.. in that crappy gray world!
SOooooo - because I'm me and this is what I do - I devise a way out.
I have an un-earthly gift to alter my world with my mind... It's a protection mechanism of sorts I guess.
I can change direction, shut off emotions, or shut someone out in a snap.  It's what I do.
So - guess what - I'm over crappy gray Tami and I have flipped the switch.... off on my new direction in my new little world!
Wanna roll with me?!?!!!  hee hee
Soooooo - I'm finishing up classes in December (AGAIN)  These are the additional pre-req classes that I have to have (after finishing WKU last year) in order to be accepted into the Sonography program.  Hopefully (fingers crossed MAJOR) I will be accepted into the program and get to start next August.  Meanwhile, I will have the spring and summer semesters off from school.   It's been a LONG time since I have not taken at least one class per semester (ok - I got lost for a minute)  The point is...  I'll (hopefully) start in August 2010 and finish in the summer of 2011.   At that point, my child will have 2 more years of high school before heading off to college.  Sooooo.... that gives me two more years to work here in the hometown and get a little experience under my belt.
Now - here is where it gets crazy (and fun!)
Here's my plan:
after getting Z off to college, moved in, started, rolling in the right direction, I'm thinking this is what I'll do.
* put the house on the market
* get online and find a new job....
Wanna know what I want to do???  Still sonography - BUT I wanna travel.  I have family that travel as RN's and they spent 6 months in Hawaii last year.  Paid to work, paid to travel and paid to live in Hawaii!!!  =)
yes......THIS is what I'm working for  :)
(does anyone know someone that does this for a living?  Sonography?  what about a traveling sonographer?)
Yes ... some may say I'm crazy - I don't care.... THIS is my goal.

And get this.... My girls and I really started hanging out a little over 3 years ago.  And if you had told us 3 years ago that we would ALL still be single 3 years later - we might not have believed you.  SO - Here's what I'm thinking (shut up -it's my story ... no judging)
One friend already works in radiology, one friend is an attorney and the other works in healthcare education. (and actually told me last night that she has thought about going back to school to be an RN)
What if.......stay with me......WHAT IF - 3 years from now, we are all still single...tell me HOW cool it would be to travel and work together.  Traveling sonographer, MRI radiographer, RN & our own attorney  =)
hee hee
 I'm just saying...it's been a crappy couple of days and when I get down.... I dream....NOT plan.....just dream.  You just never know what God has in store for you  =)
Happy dreams (and working towards my goal) from here on out!
No one stands in my way of getting what I want  =)
It would be cool (ahhhh ... the fun we could have) if I got a bonus and got to travel and work with the bestest girlfriends I could have ever dreamed of.

*PLUS - someone is gonna have to pay for college......sheeeeesh!!!
check out the song!  It's G.R.E.A.T!!!!!!!!!  (there is some dead time at the end of the song....)