She Designed a Life that she Loved

and she didn't even realize it.
*That's gonna be my new book title*!  LOL

You know - we have choices every day.
Some we take so seriously and some are just made on a whim....

But I realized today... I HAVE designed a life that I love!

I had a conversation with my son recently.  *he started college this year*
He is - as were almost all of us at that age - wondering about his path.
College... career.... school... CHOICES.
Those life altering decisions we make.
He's trying to find direction.  (and I applaud him for that!)

my advice....
"Sit back little one and enjoy the ride"

Don't get me wrong... we should have plans.
Goals.
a Focus.
Somewhere you desire to be in life.

But don't get so overwhelmed in WHERE you are going that you close your eyes and miss the journey.

I am 37 years old.

When I look back over my life .... just starting with high school graduation... it's as though I have lived a million little lives all rolled into my ONE big life!
And even though there were times that I didn't know HOW I would make it through... I did.
And I look at them now and smile.

When I graduated high school - I had NO idea who I was OR who or where I wanted to be.
I WAS caught up in the moment.
maybe a little TOO much  ;-)
And I definitely have scars from it.

But I smile now.

People often ask if you could go back and change things in your life, would you?
And everyone says NO.  "Everything happens for a reason"
and that is true.
But lets just be honest.
If you COULD, you WOULD.
You would take what you know NOW and USE IT for back when you didn't have a clue!
Don't lie!
It seems that you could be so much further in life with the knowledge that you have now.
On paper, that would just seem to make sense.

Maybe the heartaches wouldn't have hurt so bad....... you would have known better

Maybe the money would have gone to smarter places.... you would have been more financially wise
Maybe the time would have been better spent... you would be more together and organized
Maybe the lack of direction would have been shorter lived... you would have known where you wanted to be.

~ BUT ~

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

......maybe the heartaches TAUGHT you things and shaped your heart into what it is today... maybe they taught you to LOVE... to really LOVE.   Above and beyond no matter what.

Maybe that tender place you have in your heart for young single mothers would be dark and cold... maybe you learned COMPASSION.... on a whole other level.

Maybe the lack of direction and confusion that left you scared and bewildered TAUGHT you PATIENCE... maybe you learned to APPRECIATE a job and even more so a job with PASSION.

Maybe the waste of time that you spent bouncing around from jobs and people and places and circumstances TAUGHT you how to know a REAL friend when you see one.
Maybe that time "wasted" wasn't wasted at all.
Maybe you have memories that you can look back on and smile and know they never be replaced.

Maybe you wouldn't have had all those "nights at BW's with the best girls ever"
or those early morning shifts at Raffertys with people and managers that you STILL refer to today!

Maybe you wouldn't have all those memories with a son who KNOWS you better than almost anyone on this planet.  Maybe you wouldn't have the inside jokes about "Friends" or "Spongebob" or "late night drive bys" or "Nancy" or "Moach"

Maybe you couldn't look into your child's eyes and know there are lessons and morals and values and respect  and LOVE that YOU taught him... you showed him... you instilled into him.

Maybe the LOVE and PASSION and APPRECIATION and PRIDE and HONOR and COMPASSION and PATIENCE would not even be there today......

if you didn't Design a Life that you LOVE!

Dream big.

Make plans

Have goals

and know that EVERY decision you make is designing a life for you to love.

Know that when you are 18 or 22 or even 29 - you may not see it or understand it.
But you will....
That's what your 30's are for.

You will know who you are, where you are and what really is important.
And you will appreciate all of life's journey!

And on that note - I will soon be redesigning my blog in order to more accurately represent WHO I AM, what I stand for - and the life that I HAVE DESIGNED!!!

Ohhhh... now I know!

Growing up - we ALL knew everything.
You NEVER believed that grown ups were smarter than you.  I mean - hello - didn't we know it ALL!!!??
I did!
...and I would be the first to tell you!
I knew how things worked.... I knew how to do everything.... I knew what the consequences were... and most of the time, I really couldn't have cared less!
Grown ups were stupid and they DEFINITELY didn't know how to have fun.
And gosh they were always planning and setting goals and being all responsible and crap.
Who needs that?!!

Man - OH MAN - I wish I could go back and know what I know now.

As a mother now - I find myself trying to steer my son one way over another... trying to teach him to be responsible for himself.  To think ahead.  To plan ahead.  To be independent.  To work towards something.  Have a goal.  Have a passion (and that's NOT sitting in a dark room all night playing video games!)  PRIORITIZE!!!!
The things that "seem" important in most teenage eyes are NOT.
They just aren't.
Although at the time, it might just feel like LIFE OR DEATH..... trust me when I say.... NO!  It's NOT!

What IS life and death??

Having priorities.  Having goals.  Pushing yourself.  Taking care of YOU and not worrying what others around you are doing or planning.

As a kid - even though I knew it all... there were still things I wondered about.   But I wouldn't DARE ask someone.  I would figure them out on my own.
*I did after all - have my "I know everything" reputation to uphold!*
Guess what?
I usually figured wrong.
I had no direction.
I was all go with the flow.... ehhhhhh whatever.

That attitude....didn't get me far.
In fact - it got me nowhere quite fast.
Spinning my wheels... wondering why life didn't get easier?

So, what did?

When I sucked it up and realized - I am responsible for ME!
ME!
It is MY job to pay the bills and buy the house and work the job and buy the clothes and buy the groceries and put gas in the truck and on and on and on......

So I set some goals.
I changed my life path....
(and I still change it almost daily.)

Oh sure - some things are constant... but they are constant because I finally REACHED them as a goal.
Everything that I have in my life started with one little glimmer one sun-shiny day when I realized... 

"this is what I want and THIS is how I will get it"

And most importantly it started with LOSING that "I know everything" mentality and realizing that I didn't just KNOW everything.  There are people out there that have actually been through this.  And they know the right v wrong path to take.  And if I will just sit down and prioritize on what is important, I too - will find that right path.
And so I did.

But I look for new paths all the time.

The key to growing up is never giving up the ability to grow.
You become a better person every day.
You learn EVERY day.
You make (hopefully) better choices every day.
You learn from experience.
You learn from mistakes
but most importantly - you LEARN that you DON'T know everything and that is OK.

I, on a regular basis have moments when I think....... "Ohhhhhhh..... Now I know!"
And those moments.... yeah - I live for them!

My most recent one.....
I never understood why people did things that induce vomiting.
I HATE to puke.
HATE.  
IT.  
PERIOD.
HATE!
(is that clear enough?)
Both of my brothers ran cross country.... and for anyone who has ever work the "PUKE CHUTE" - you understand the vomit inducing sport of cross country all too well.

WHYYYYY would someone WANT to run so hard and so far that you THROW UP????

Stupid.

Guess what I have learned......
(wait for it.....)
YES - I have always wondered what it would feel like to literally work out to the brink of puking.....
and.... NOW I KNOW!
and......I wondered WHY anyone would WANT to work so hard that you are at the brink of puking....

Ohhhh......now I know!

PASSION

PRIDE

ACCOMPLISHMENT

SUCCESS

There is no greater joy than to know that YOU worked for where you are.  No one put you there... no one snuck you through the system... no one did the work for you.... no one made excuses for you and told you "it's ok"....
Someone PUSHED you.
YOU pushed YOU.
and you reached your goal.
No one can teach you that.
and no one can take it away.

Someone go back and tell my stupid teenage "I know everything" self that!

Thanks.
ohhhhhh...... NOW I know!
And every day I understand life just a little bit better!

{{PS - I know, according to yesterday's blog, My Inspirational Weekend I was supposed to be sharing some news today - but I had to share this first.... before ... so that you can understand the magnitude of the impact of the information that I am about to unleash on you!!}}

Wait .... for ..... it.....

Here. We. Goooooo......

I am doing something I swore I'd never do. It starts with putting myself out there!!!
It's not that I was looking or found a "new" me... It's more about discovering a piece of me that I never knew was there!!!
It's embracing another piece of me. Another strength.
It's work.
It's a hunger.
It's a desire.
Accepting the before.... while working towards the "after"

I am INSPIRED
and I want to INSPIRE.....

So......

I have officially been "heavy weight training" for about 5 months now.  I CAN tell a difference in my body.  Granted, it may not be exactly where I thought I would see the difference, but it's there!!!

My legs are firmer... my arms are tighter.... my butt...  well - it's THERE.  (I was lacking in that area before!)  ha ha

Some may see this as arrogance.... or some form of bragging or flaunting or how ever you might choose to twist and turn this...

But in my eyes... I'm PROUD
When I talk about it, it's not condemning you, but it's with passion. Passion for me. Pride!! :)

As women we look at ourselves every day and think "what we wish we could change"
We wish and hope and dream and pout and complain
but we NEVER do anything about it.
There's not enough time.
I don't have the energy.
I'm not strong enough...

Trust me. I've used them all!!!

But in the end, The hunger... The desire... The will to fight... The refusal to give up is what drives you!!!
You have to KNOW what you want and fight. Push. Never give up.

This is true not just in the gym, but in life!

I have set my mind to many things and pushed my way through...
It's always hard and some days hurt more than others.
But in the end, it's ALWAYS worth the fight and the strength you gain from it!!!

A little over a week ago, I did something I never thought I could do and SWORE I wouldn't. But I survived. And I came out stronger. With a new desire to take into 2013!!

So on this journey, my sweet B-rad (who's holding my hand along the way) has started me a YouTube channel... which I'm now going to share with you. (HUGE step for me... I'm not one for putting myself out there like this.... it makes me accountable!)  I will begin this at what I consider to be just the beginning for me...
I've come a long way to get to where I am today. But my first competition is my beginning. To a fun filled healthier stronger lifestyle that I plan to embrace every day

You are welcome to join me

I know I have limits, but I haven't found them yet ;-)
And when I do - I'm gonna push them as far as I can!!

Check out my competition on you tube. Here's the link to one video but you can see them all if you so choose!!  (search for BGPR Tammy Green)

PS - We ALL wore our pink socks to the competition that day..... Breast Cancer awareness socks!  :))

Motivational Monday :)

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug....
Today -  CHOOSE not to be THAT bug!!!
Don't let life run you over!
Hold your head high and face Monday with PRIDE and a big ol' smile!!!

I have recently spent a little time in my pit. (in case you hadn't noticed from my last few posts!!)  ha!

I read a book some time ago that I have lent out several times called "Get out of that pit" by Beth Moore.  Oh how I love her story... and that book in particular.
Anyway - she speaks of things in her life that should and could very easily break ones spirit and leave you in a pit... where you wallow around in self loathing and pity.
I myself have found myself in that pit from time to time.  Whining about what life (God) has "let me" go through.  Complaining because I don't have this or can't have that... Taking things people say way too seriously and letting those things break my spirit.

As I read my daily devotional - it reminded me of who I really am... and the things and people I have in my life to be THANKFUL for!!!  It reminded me of how far God has brought me and what he has given me and blessed me with.  It reminded me of GRACE!
And I got out my ladder and stepped back out of that stupid pit I had fallen into.

I would like to share my inspiration with you today!

Grace be with you.  I Timothy 6:21
Without sharing the entire story with you - I just want to share the line that moved me.
"What has happened has happened.  You can face it all with bitterness, or you can face it all with grace"
And with that - I realized... I have made mistakes, and I'll continue to make mistakes... in parenting, in friendships, in my daily walk, and in life!  People have hurt me with words and actions and sadly - I have done the same.
All that is left to do is forgive those who hurt me and most importantly - forgive myself.

And each day vow to pass along....  just a little bit of grace... a little bit of caring.... a little bit of blessing.... a little bit of hope... a little bit of inspiration....
THAT is what this blog has always been about.

Some of life's best gifts come in small undramatic moments.

This is a new day;  Face it with Grace!

Motivational Monday ...this is how we (should) roll

"I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention.  To not be like your parents.  To not be like your friends.  To be yourself.   Completely."  Henry Rollins

I read something recently, at the recommendation of a friend. 

(NO - not 50 shades of gray... I already read that.... no one needed to recommend THAT!  ha)

Anyway - it's called The Iron  by Henry Rollins.  (feel free to click that link and read it yourself!)
When I read it - it sent my head into a tailspin!!!  I felt every single word written there!!!

Don't you remember being a teenager.... and gosh there were SOOOOO many expectations... you had to dress a certain way, and talk a certain way, and attend certain parties, and go to certain places, and have certain friends....  I mean the EPITOME of high school was being "just like everyone else!"   So you fit in!!!  My oh MY how high school warps us for real life!!

I tell people all the time, the older I have gotten, the less I care what people think.  And it's true.  I don't NEED to be like anyone else.... I don't need to do anything but be ME!  Now don't get me wrong.  I don't walk around intentionally stepping on people or intentionally hurting people's feelings for the sport of it.  But I HAVE learned as I've gotten older that accidentally hurting someones feelings is the least of my worries!  Now don't get me wrong - we all want to be liked and accepted.  And I'm not telling you to be a hateful old prude with no feelings.....  I'm just saying - be you and be comfortable enough to be that... be at ease with who you are!
Remember.... #1 - no one is gonna take care of me, but ME!  If the bills need to be paid, well I need to keep a job making enough money to PAY the bills.  DUH!!  It is no one else's responsibility but mine.  If someone likes me or doesn't, I still have to take care of me.  And the irony is - I don't have to work at a certain place, or dress a certain way, or go to certain places in order to get that done.  I don't "need" someone else's approval.  It's on me.  Period.
This isn't high school people.
This is real life.

Your best friend isn't gonna be waiting at your locker to remind you how AWESOME you are (chances are the ones in high school that did that were likely talking about you behind your back!)

The reality of life is this - "nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain" (Rollins).  Whether it be what you want out of life, what you want in your job, what you want in a relationship, what you want in your family, or what you want out of your mind body and soul.....  good doesn't just appear.  You must work for it.  Sometimes you learn from the BAD in order to work for the good.
It's the circle of life!
And those hard times, those trials, those learning experiences.... the times that push you to the edge and you have NO choice but to keep going...  it is out of THOSE times that you TRULY find WHO you are... WHAT you are made of.... the person that you are deep down inside.  THOSE are the times to be thankful for.....
"I have never met a truly strong person who didn't have self-respect."  (Rollins)
Out of those times, we look back and reflect.... look what you just survived... look what you just came through... and your still standing.  You may have war wounds... there may be scars that stick around forever - but they only serve to remind you just how strong and resilient the human body and HEART truly are!!!!

.... and others will see THAT.   Not who you dress like or who you act like or what you drive.... It doesn't work like that....  when people look at you - they should see the extra pep in your step... the way that you carry yourself... the pride in discovering who you truly are!!
"Strength reveals itself through character"  (Rollins)

As adults, love who you are.... and love what made you who you are.  Don't spend so much time trying to please everyone else...... who cares?!  Hurt someones feelings (not on purpose... that's not what I'm saying)  but stop running around trying to prove something to someone.... stop worrying that you aren't who someone thinks you are.
JUST.  DO.  YOU.
After all - God doesn't make mistakes...... he made you just as you are.
BE.  YOU!!!
and be PROUD of it!!!!

She's the girl that believes what comes around, goes around.  

The one that hopes for a better day.  The one who won't give up on you.  

She's the girl that's unlike the rest.  

The one that spent her days smiling and her nights crying.  

She's the girl that would love to be loved.  

The one that looks so dang strong, but feels so dang weak.  

She's the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.....

Forgiveness - the KEY to survival

What is forgiveness?

To give up resentment of or claim to requital for; to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

This seems to be one of the hardest concepts for our feeble human minds to comprehend.  Why?  Because everyone wants justification, vengeance, honor.... Revenge.
When someone wrongs us or hurts us in some way, our selfish pride feels some sort of obligation to hurt another in retaliation.  It's how human nature is.
Evil.
An eye for an eye...

So forgiving someone who has hurt us is hard.  It takes alot of love and faith.... and well... true soul searching and selflessness.  And it doesn't happen overnight.  Nor does it last overnight.  Most of the time, you have to forgive on a daily basis.  Remind yourself everyday that you have forgiven and let go of that pain and that need for self gratification.

The even harder thing about forgiveness is this....... you MUST forgive yourself.
People make mistakes and hurt us.  Yes.  But guess what.  We are HUMAN and we often make mistakes that hurt others along with our own selves.
At that point, you must make a point to forgive.  Not just yourself for hurting someone else (which is very important too... along with hopefully their forgiveness)
But the thing that stifles us most, is actually being able to forgive ourselves for being human.
We make mistakes.
We choose wrong paths.
We hurt people.
We are selfish.
We are resentful.
We are prideful.... oh how we are prideful.
And in that prideful persona, we put ourselves into a self inflicted bondage.
It's like our pride is so important to us that actually ADMITTING we were wrong or did wrong, is a life threatening blow to our ego.
Which gives us something to constantly hold over our OWN head.  And something we constantly feel the need to justify and "make up for".
We find ourselves over compensating in other areas of our lives in order to bury that mistake that we made.  If we make up for it in other ways, it justifies our wrong doing.

Truth of the matter is, without forgiveness of our OWN faults, you will never be happy with yourself.  And without being happy with yourself, you will never find TRUE happiness or contentment with anyone else either.  You will live a constant lie.  Habitually ridiculing and criticizing others in order to make you feel better about YOU.
"well.... at least I didn't do what HE did"
"at least I'm good at this...."
"at least I went to church last Sunday"
"at least 'so and so' likes me BETTER"
Constant rectification and justification and prideful indulgence - that I can assure you my friend will NEVER give you the peace you are so desperately looking for.

Some of you that read my blog are Christians and some are not.
Either way - you can take this to heart.
And if you have questions, comments, or opinions, please don't hesitate to share.
I read something last night that TOTALLY hit a chord with me.
It says this:
"If you ever cease to understand the value of repentance, (admitting you were wrong and asking for forgiveness) you allow yourself to remain in sin.  Repentance is a gift of God.  Our natural life can only be turned spiritual through sacrifice.  If we do not sacrifice the natural to the spiritual, the natural life will resist and defy the life of God in us and will produce CONSTANT TURMOIL.  God will not be involved in your natural lives as long as we continue to pamper and gratify it (sin, selfishness, and wrong doing) !"

People struggle every day with finding their place in the world.  Their niche so to speak.  Where they feel comfortable and can truly be at peace with themselves.  The fact of the matter is, if you have refused to forgive others or forgive yourselves and refuse to give up that PRIDE that you hold so dearly to.... God can not bless you and you WILL be in constant turmoil.

Romans 12:9-21
  ⁹ Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹ Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³ Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
 ¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
 ¹⁷ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:
   “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
   if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
 ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I implore you today....... search your soul and find those bitter hurtful things you are harboring inside and let them GO! 
Search your soul for those things that you feel and do on a daily basis, that you justify and hold so dearly to... all for the pure reasoning of protecting that selfish pride.
Forgive those who hurt you.
Forgive yourself for hurting others.
But MOST importantly, forgive YOURSELF for being human and let go of your past.  Believe it or not YOU YOURSELF can NOT justify the mistakes or "make up for them".  You can only let them go and learn from them and start living life better rather than living life in constant turmoil to make up for wrong doing.
Ask God for forgiveness and know that if HE can forgive you, you CAN forgive yourself.
Let yourself off the hook.
We are human.
But we are saved by grace and we are FORGIVEN!