Too Connected...We're Disconnected?

Tuesday night Brent and I tucked the boys into bed and began settling into our evening routine. I popped our usual bowls of popcorn and turned the TV on for The Biggest Loser (whoop whoop!). Brent needed to download a few songs on ITunes, so his laptop was up and running. He sat with his computer open on his lap, head phones in his ears and the Ipod nearby ready to load. I needed to catch up on a few emails during commercials so I set my Netbook on the end table beside my spot on the couch. My cell phone chimed informing me of a new text message, so I grabbed my phone and began replying back to my friend.

We heard footsteps on the stairs. Then a little voice, "Man, there's a lot of technology going on down here. So much light and electricity."

Grant. Wasn't he asleep?

I walked him back to bed, tucked him in once more then sat down at my place on the couch.

Just called out by my own son.

"Is this what my boys will remember of their parents? Mom and Dad on separate ends of the couch totally enthralled in technology?"


Is this the new "My Dad read the newspaper all the time" memory? Or the the "I don't remember my mom and dad ever kissing" memory? I have those memories from childhood. Do you?

Gosh, I love Brent. Oh. My. Word. Yes. We have a great marriage. Really. Tuesday evening wasn't a true representation of our relationship or our hearts for each other. Yet, try telling that to my eight-year-old who will only remember what he remembers. Amen?

That dern Internet. I have such a love/hate affair with it. Such a blessing yet such a distraction. It both sucks life and brings it.

What if Grant had walked downstairs to find his parents in the middle of the couch together, sharing a bowl of popcorn and talking. Or even seeing his mom and dad sharing a big blanket reading our own books quietly. Less noise. Less "light and electricity." What if turning off all of the technology let Brent and me make a little electricity of our own. Oh yes, I just typed that. Isn't it so TRUE?

Are we so connected that we are disconnected?

Disconnected from the Lord and each other?

Oh, how the Spirit has been talking about this. For sometime now. I find it funny God will finally grab my attention through an 8-year-old little boy.

Lately, I've been drawn to scripture about silence. To scriptures about drawing near. I am led to books about silence. And drawing near. I want to discipline myself in the art of quiet. And strengthen my ear's Holy listening.

Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

During this season of Advent, I have thought much on "quiet". Can you imagine the 400 year period of God's silence? Geez, that must have been excruciating. But hindsight we all know that this period was a good thing. We know now that the redemptive sound of a baby's cry would soon break the silence. The gentle coos of our Savior, pleading us to come. To draw near.

Silence meant preparation. Silence increased the hunger of God's people.

Silence draws us nearer to our God.

I will do anything it takes to draw nearer to Him. Less noise. Less light. Less electricity. Even if it means shutting down this blog for a season (gasp)...I will do it. (Although I'm not excited about the idea of that. I love this thing. Too much, I know.)

So. There you have it. The rantings of a tech-junky. Confessions of the "too connected".

This Advent, let us pull away and unplug a bit. Silencing our lives - as if embracing the bundle of a new born babe. Let us draw near our hearts and stare and the face of the One who came to save us.

Let us all disconnect, so we can reconnect to the Light.

The Light of the World.

When Busy Gets Your Best

We are in the thick of busy around here. Campus Crusade - busy. School-age children - busy. Fall sports - busy. Caring for Mamaw - busy. Fall is our craziest time of year. Not to mention, the kitchen sink is clogged, we're going out of town, the yard needs mowing, I'm co-chair of a 5K...I could go on.

Life. Is. Busy.

With my whole heart have I sought You, inquiring for and of You and yearning for You; O let me not wander or step aside [either in ignorance or willfully] from your commandments. Psalm 119:10 AMP

And when I'm busy, things slide. I slack on recycling, laundry piles up, I skip flossing my teeth, I'm snappy at Brent, and even worse ... I jip myself of time with the Lord.

My marriage and my walk with God - I am always amazed by the similarities of these two relationships. Both take similar amounts of intentionality. Time. Affection. Talking. Loving. But when one goes south, usually so does the other.

If I'm not intentionally pursing the Lord, I switch to spiritual auto pilot.

If I'm not intentionally pursuing Brent, my marriage sets to auto pilot, as well

My busy gets my best. My Best gets my last.

O let me not wander or step aside. Psalm 119:10 AMP

Oh, the subtle act of stepping aside. What a word picture - this stepping aside.

Can't you just see it!? "Oh, life is so busy Lord, I will just be right over here. Let me step aside for just a minute while I take care of this. And this. And this, too ..."

Stepping aside even sounds dainty doesn't it? "Oh pardon me, Lord."

Well, I tell you, the pardon I really need from the Lord is for my negligence.

There's nothing dainty about wandering from the Lord. Careless is a better word.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:25

Get this ... to "keep in step with the Spirit" simply means to stay in line.

Let us go forward walking in line. Gal 5:25 AMP

Walking in a line - that is Kindergarten 101. Stay in line. Keep your eyes on your Leader. Don't wander off.

I got one spankin' in Kindergarten. For what? Getting out of line in the cafeteria hallway and talking to another class who was passing by.

Ahem, thirty years later, here I am. Still wanting to get out of line.

Today, let us get in step with the Spirit! Let us not wander from our God, but seek Him with our whole heart.

Lord, forgive me that busyness has gotten my best. Let me keep in step with you today. Let me not wander or get out of line. Today, I love You first. Today, I will intentionally love Brent well. I say "no" to auto pilot. Let me walk forward, not wandering from your commandments. Forgive me of any negligence on my part. Today, I keep my eyes fixed on You. I love you, Lord Jesus.

Does busy ever get your best?

Pursuing Intimacy

"Arise, shake thyself from the dust, and put on thy beautiful garments. Remember it is sinful to doubt his Word wherein he has promised thee that thou shalt never perish. Let the eternal life within thee express itself in confident rejoicing." - C. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

I had every intention of blogging today about my new discipline tool for the boys. But, again, that's just not where my heart is. Maybe I will write about that next time.

Or maybe not. We'll see.

No, today the Spirit is teaching me and it is fresh. Hot off the press.

Oh, how the Word of God speaks.

God speaks to His people through His Word. Period.

Think about that. The LIVING GOD will speak to YOU.

Why wouldn't we pursue that like crazy?

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

This book is alive. It is sharp. It penetrates our soul. It judges our thoughts and attitudes. It addresses our hearts.

I think that's my answer....Why wouldn't we pursue His Word?

Because exposure can be a scary thing. And no one really likes to be exposed.

But listen, His grace abounds in that place of exposure.

Lately, my heart needs some addressing. And exposing.

On Tuesday, I was on the phone with my mentor. I was telling her how much I've struggled recently with the Mamaw situation. I shared how hard it has been to keep up with my "normal" life (that is relative) as a wife and mother of three and then add all that comes with a heightened situation of elderly care.

She asked, "Has something changed with you spiritually, Becky?"

I thought for a second.

No, nothing has changed spiritually.

And therein lies my problem.

Nothing has changed spiritually, but everything has changed circumstantially.

My external climate has elevated, but my spiritual climate has remained the same.

Do you see my problem? I haven't gone backwards spiritually. But I haven't pressed the gas either.

I'm like a parked car. When the car beside me pulls forward it gives the sensation of backward movement. I haven't moved, but everything around me is pulling forward.

I must press in to Jesus. Rekindled a fresh intimacy.

And I use "intimacy" very intentionally here. This is what I need.

Intimacy: something of a personal or private nature

The Lord and I need a private place, just the two of us. To rekindle the flame. To ignite intimacy between the two of us.

Brent and I went overnight for our anniversary. We stayed at a Bed and Breakfast not far from our house. No one was there. No little boys. No other guests. No Inn keeper.



And no Internet.

The latter was the best of all.

As thankful as I am for the Internet, it can be such a distraction.

Isn't it time to press forward? To separate ourselves from the hustle in order to pursue intimacy with the Lord?

A time to arise. To shake off the dust, as Spurgeon says.



If so, let us close our computers and open His love letter to us.

Don't be afraid of what it will expose. Don't be overwhelmed its volume.

He will meet you there.

Right now.

Open the Word.

He is waiting.

The Pressured First-Born

Three boys: One baby. One middle. One first-born.

When I found out we were having a third child, my focus went to the middle son. Many prayers began for Ethan, in effort to avoid the plague of the Middle Child Syndrome.

Then comes the baby, full of joy and demanding attention in the best kind of way.

Then there's mom, trying to over compensate for Ethan being the middle child. Lavishing him with an abundance of attention and words of encouragement.

But in my efforts to avoid cooing too much over the baby and ignoring my middle son...I fear I have created a new syndrome: The Pressured First-Born.

Grant is so stable, smart and self-sufficient. He is my big helper and strong leader. I am so proud of him.

But is that how he thinks I view him?

Probably not.

On any given day, this is what Grant hears from me...

"Grant, stop that. Be an example for your little brothers."
"Grant, let's calm down."
"Grant, will you quit that?"
"Grant, you are teaching your brothers wrong behavior."
"Grant, you know better than that."
"Grant, you are big enough to do that on your own."

He is the God-ordained oldest of the brothers, yes. Does this come with special responsibility? Yes. I tell him it is a privilege to be the oldest. God saw fit for him to do this big job. But, lately I'm seeing the pressure I put on him.

Last night, just about every sentence out of my mouth to him was a form of correction.

Very little encouragement.

I am feeling very unbalanced as a mother here.

So...

What is the balance between discipline and encouragement?

What is the balance between instruction and grace?

I don't want my oldest to grow up as an anxious child - worrying if he is doing everything right.

Am I molding him into a nail biter?

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25

I'm sure my words weigh him down. But...

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

My words have been more like the honeybee than the honeycomb. Stinging and painful.

Gracious (in Hebrew - no`am ) means pleasant, kind, delightful, beautiful, favour.

Grant needs to know that I delight in him. Even when he has the sillies and is driving me a little crazy - I really do still delight in him.

I want to speak life into my children.

I don't want to sow seeds of disappointment. I want to sow seeds of encouragement, joy, enthusiasm and favour.

In every circumstance, we will reap what we sow. Parenting included.

My mentor, Debbie, said this other day regarding parenting (get a pen this is good) - "Speak to your child's potential, not their fault. Restore them. Say, 'I see this good thing in you. I see that good thing in you.' Hug them. Tell them how proud you are that God gave them to you. Tell them how they bless your life. Speak God's Word over them. Tell them how you love and pray for them. Speak to their God-given potential."

Wow. How often to do I speak to Grant's fault? Often.

What if Grant heard words like this on a more regular basis:

"Grant, you are such a great leader. Thank you for helping mommy just now. You are such a servant-hearted little guy."

"Grant, the Lord has given you such a smart mind. I am proud of your hard work at school. This pleases mom and dad. More so, it pleases the Lord."

"Grant, I see you have the sillies. I am so thankful for all of your joy and energy. Let's bring it down a notch or go outside with it. There is an appropriate time to be silly. Just not right now."
(Or something like that) :)

The Bible is very clear that when we do this, speak these good words, it makes them glad, brings health and is sweet to their souls.

Discipline with encouragement. Instruction with grace.

This is the balance.


I am so proud of this kid.

Media and My Mouth

Re·treat: an act or process of withdrawing (b) the process of receding from a position or state attained
2 : a place of privacy or safety : refuge
3 : a period of withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction under a director

Last week I retreated away with the Lord. We didn't go anywhere. But He withdrew my heart away for "a period of prayer, meditation, study and instruction."

I wish I could say he took it to Malibu, where we relaxed all-inclusive, ocean side on plush white towels, His sandal-strapped toes in the sand.

But no.

He took me through tough terrain. We hiked steep, rocky mountains in blazing hot sun. We stopped only for boot camp drills - my heart jumping tall tires and leaping high walls. It wasn't pretty. But He had some work to do with me. Work that lounging by calm water would never produce.

He set out to detox my soul.

Main Entry: de·tox·i·fy
1 a : to remove a harmful substance (as a poison or toxin) or the effect of such from

God set out to remove harmful toxins of Sin. To cleanse me from the poison of hurt, fear, anger, sadness, apathy, laziness and greed.

Detox is never pretty.

But it heals.

While retreating, God led me into a fast from media. Ouch.

Internet.
Facebook.
Blogging.
Television.
Movie-watching.
Googling.
Amazon.

All of it.

I did, however, ask Him if I could start on Tuesday. I really wanted to see who Ali chose on the Bachelorette. He said Yes. :)

The boys joined me in this media fast, too. I was scared. No Playhouse Disney. No PBS. No computer games. No Wii. Surprisingly, they did great.

During the day I was fine. But come evening, when the boys went down, that dark, blank TV screen stared at me. As if to say, "Turn me on! Pop your popcorn. Put on your bathrobe. Sit down in your nest. Prop up those polka-dot slippers. And rest with me."

Oh, do I ever find rest there.

But I refrained. Instead, Brent and I talked for hours. We worked on a couple of household projects. I read and read and read. And the Lord met me in the silence.

I realized how much noise is self-inflicted in my life. I add stress to my own day by creating unnecessary noise. I realize that the TV hinders my marriage by fighting for my affection and attention.

But even more, I started wondering what life would be without media. How would I be different as a person? How much is my thought life, speech, character and heart affected or "infected" with cultural impurities.

What fruit does my life subtly reap from pop culture media?

Let's address...

Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
Matthew 12:33,34

Jesus is saying, if you want to know what is going on in someones heart, listen to his speech. Words come out of the abundance of the heart. My words come up from my soul.

What I put into my mind goes into my heart and comes out of my mouth.

And the fruit of my life is the "visible expression of power working inwardly." - Vines

Good fruit is this...."The visible expression of the invisible Holy Spirit in those who are in Christ."

Good fruit can not be faked. Good fruit is a visible expression of the Holy Spirit. I can not just "change my words" to make my fruit healthy. I have to change what goes into my heart.

The heart is a vital organ, not only to physical health, but to the spiritual. We must protect our heart.

The Word says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

Wow. Above all else.

Did I turn the T.V. back on after my fast? Yes. Am I condemning myself because I choose to watch television? No way. I love the sound of Wheel of Fortune while I give the boys a bath. :) It takes me back to my childhood.

But the Lord wants me to be more guarded. I need to keep constant evaluation of what I watch and how much time I spend there. He wants me to evaluate my relationship to media and measure the effect it has on my marriage, on my family and on my walk with Him.

Search me, O God and know my heart...See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23, 24

I would love to hear how you balance media in your own life.

A little grace and a whole lot of balance...

So, yesterday morning I pull into the garage after coming home from the gym. It is very early, and I expected everyone to still be asleep, but instead Grant darts out of the kitchen to greet me. "Mom! I drew you a picture! So did Ethan! We drew a picture of you!" This should be good.

So here's Ethan's picture (age 4).......

"Ethan, what is mommy doing?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what's that big blue box?"
"A swimming pool."
Grant adds, "We are drawing pictures of you in the summer!"
Oh. I guess I am relaxing poolside. Still doesn't explain that hair.

Now here's Grant's drawing (age 6 1/2). This is his picture of me in the summertime.


Wait a minute. Aren't we supposed to be playing at the pool? Eating Popsicles at the park? Walking around the zoo? What in the world?

Sigh.

Very, very telling.

Is this how my kids view their mother? In front of the computer? With those short legs?!

Well, don't you know that this picture sent Becky Crenshaw into the land of self evaluation. Exactly how are my kids experiencing me? I would have hoped Grant's picture to look like this....



I'm just diggin' my polka dot apron. Studying the Bible, serving up fresh fruit, organic veggies, fresh milk. A sweet, servant mother. Loving Jesus. Always loving my life.

*smack! smack!*

Wake up Becky! This isn't you. The truth of the matter is, you DO spend too much time on the computer. Too much time frustrated with your kids. Too much time on your cell phone. Too much time running. Too much time slappin' some nuggets on a microwavable plate and yelling "Dinner!"

I don't mean to sound self-condemning. I do give myself lots and lots of grace. We are busy people in full-time ministry with three boys and an 89-year-old, sometimes live-in, grandmother. But I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and say, "Yeah. My mom stayed home with us, but most of the time we were in the van, at the Y or she was on the phone." How sad.

So, Lord Jesus, I come humbly. Needing a little grace and a whole lot of balance.

In 1 Corinthians 11:1 Paul says to the church in Corinth, "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." You see, the best way for Paul to point the people of Corinth to Christ was to point them to a Christian they could trust. The Gospels had not yet been written. So to learn about Jesus, they had to look to Paul. He was all they had to go on.

So true for our children. We are who they trust. We are the example of Christ to them. My children are too young to understand the Gospel on their own. They need a shepherd to guide them. Someone to observe. And do they ever observe.

So I am evaluating myself, with grace not condemnation, to see exactly how my children are experiencing me. I am asking God to give me their little eyes so I can tweak my example.

My prayer is they will see first and foremost my love for Christ, my love for their daddy and my love and genuine servant's heart for them.

However, this is what I am afraid they are seeing...
* Mommy on her cell phone almost every time we get into the van
* Mommy at the computer a lot
* Mommy asking me to "Hold on a minute" until she finishes whatever she's busy doing
* Mommy leaving us to go for a run
* Mommy always asking us to "hurry up"
* Mommy not playing with us much
* Mommy fussing a lot about crumbs in the floor, going outside with Popsicles and unmade beds.

Sigh again.

I do want different for them. I really do. I want my example to point them to Christ. I want my example to be of love and patience. I want to be present with my children.

Just because I am always with them doesn't mean I am always present.

Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, seeing as overseers - not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be. 1 Peter 5:2,3

My little sheep need an alert shepherd. A shepherd, on her toes, to guide them toward the Giver of Life. Towards the Chief Shepherd Himself.

If I'm not searching Him out for myself, my boys are in a world of hurt. How will I know where to lead them? It starts with me!

(and Brent, too, of course. But for all purposes today, I am thinking of the daily grind of being at home for the summer).

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. Ephesians 5:1,2

I am to imitate Him. To love like He loves. To give of myself as He gave Himself. It is a trickling effect!

If I don't give my kids an example to follow, the world sure will. The world has much to offer.

I must say, we are very guarded parents over what our kids are exposed to in the media. But the other night, Grant and Ethan couldn't wait to watch Minute 2 Win it because Kevin Jonas was going to be the contestant. What? Since when did my kids start keeping up with the Jonas Brothers? Wow. At least it was just Kevin Jonas (I myself am a silent Jonas Brothers fan). However! I sure as heck don't want my boys to start making idols of these guys! They are just that - guys. Cute little, talented guys that can sing very well and happened to make it big. They, too, were created by the Creator - just like us. They are to be admired, yes. Imitated, no.

God has called me, as a parent, to imitate Him so I can teach my children to be imitators, as well.
We are to be "examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, [we] will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away." 1 Peter 5:3,4

I pray that with summer coming, that the Lord would use me to imitate full surrender to Christ. To be an example of His love, grace, structure, discipline, balance and lots and lots of fun.

I drew this and posted it on my refrigerator. This is my prayer. This is how I pray my children will remember their mother. This summer and for a lifetime.

Arms opened wide. In abandoned surrender to the King.


Still diggin' that apron.

Be blessed.

Becky


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