Confessions From A Sassy Mouth

I have shared before that my mouth can be so sassy. Quick and snippy.

Ask my husband. Ask my boys. They will tell you.

I am not shy about this confession anymore. Two reasons... (A) I know God's power is made perfect in my weaknesses, therefore I will boast all the more {2 Cor. 12:9} and (B) I know that I know that we all struggle with this to some degree. James 3 says, the tongue is a restless evil.

My struggles are not with cut-downs or foul language. My sin lies mainly in frustration towards my children. A raised voice. A heated and impatient rebuke.

My loud, snappy mouth is oftentimes my response to being ignored or feeling unappreciated. Maybe they are playing the Wii and not hearing me. Or complaining about what I made for dinner. Ugh. SO. Frustrating. Can you relate?

While reading through Psalms on Saturday, oh my, how a verse spoke to my core.

I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. Psalm 17:3b

I wrote it down immediately. And prayed. My journal reads, "Lord this is my cry. But I know that this is absolutely impossible apart from you. Keep this passage at the forefront of my mind. Write this on the tablet of my heart."

Resolved (zamam) - plan, purpose, to consider, fix thought upon.

Today, my thoughts are fixed upon my mouth and how I speak to my boys. Today I will consciously consider how I greet my husband. Today, I purpose to use my words for His glory. Who can I encourage today? Who can I lift up? Does someone need a hug and a prayer?

Today, I intentionally plan to use my words to bring life to my house. Not death.

On my own, I will fail. In Christ, my plan succeeds.

How do you struggle? Is it gossip? Do "bad words" slip? Is it negativity? A raised, impatient voice?

Will you resolve today, joining me in my prayer, that our mouths will not sin?

When Busy Gets Your Best

We are in the thick of busy around here. Campus Crusade - busy. School-age children - busy. Fall sports - busy. Caring for Mamaw - busy. Fall is our craziest time of year. Not to mention, the kitchen sink is clogged, we're going out of town, the yard needs mowing, I'm co-chair of a 5K...I could go on.

Life. Is. Busy.

With my whole heart have I sought You, inquiring for and of You and yearning for You; O let me not wander or step aside [either in ignorance or willfully] from your commandments. Psalm 119:10 AMP

And when I'm busy, things slide. I slack on recycling, laundry piles up, I skip flossing my teeth, I'm snappy at Brent, and even worse ... I jip myself of time with the Lord.

My marriage and my walk with God - I am always amazed by the similarities of these two relationships. Both take similar amounts of intentionality. Time. Affection. Talking. Loving. But when one goes south, usually so does the other.

If I'm not intentionally pursing the Lord, I switch to spiritual auto pilot.

If I'm not intentionally pursuing Brent, my marriage sets to auto pilot, as well

My busy gets my best. My Best gets my last.

O let me not wander or step aside. Psalm 119:10 AMP

Oh, the subtle act of stepping aside. What a word picture - this stepping aside.

Can't you just see it!? "Oh, life is so busy Lord, I will just be right over here. Let me step aside for just a minute while I take care of this. And this. And this, too ..."

Stepping aside even sounds dainty doesn't it? "Oh pardon me, Lord."

Well, I tell you, the pardon I really need from the Lord is for my negligence.

There's nothing dainty about wandering from the Lord. Careless is a better word.

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:25

Get this ... to "keep in step with the Spirit" simply means to stay in line.

Let us go forward walking in line. Gal 5:25 AMP

Walking in a line - that is Kindergarten 101. Stay in line. Keep your eyes on your Leader. Don't wander off.

I got one spankin' in Kindergarten. For what? Getting out of line in the cafeteria hallway and talking to another class who was passing by.

Ahem, thirty years later, here I am. Still wanting to get out of line.

Today, let us get in step with the Spirit! Let us not wander from our God, but seek Him with our whole heart.

Lord, forgive me that busyness has gotten my best. Let me keep in step with you today. Let me not wander or get out of line. Today, I love You first. Today, I will intentionally love Brent well. I say "no" to auto pilot. Let me walk forward, not wandering from your commandments. Forgive me of any negligence on my part. Today, I keep my eyes fixed on You. I love you, Lord Jesus.

Does busy ever get your best?

The Fall of June Cleaver

An excellent wife who can find? - Proverbs 31:10

Last night turned ugly.

The evening started very well. Cool weather. A pot of soup on the stove. Brent walked in the front door to a happy wife in the kitchen and happy kids playing in the back yard.

We all sat at dinner and shared our Friday highs. Afterwards the boys threw football with daddy while I cleaned the kitchen. Bliss.

The kids came in for baths as I folded laundry. (June Cleaver never had it so good.)



Brent said, "Hey, I think I'll go get us a movie. I would enjoy some alone time. A little solitude to refuel."

Great idea. A movie. A refreshed husband. A calm, post-bedtime house. Love this idea.

So he left. I headed downstairs to make popcorn for the boys.

Well, I don't know what happens from the top of the stairs to the bottom, but a blissful night with children can turn to chaos in 0.2 seconds. Amen? In the blink of an eye, the boy's blissful behavior turned to fighting and name calling. The hush of my happy home became crying and crazy. And whose fault was all of this?

Brent's.

How could he leave me at bedtime? Arguably the most difficult part of the day! I'm tired, they're tired. And I'm now left to break up fights, read bedtime stories, brush teeth and do this all alone. Poo.

I call him. (Bad idea.) "Where are you? Are you almost done? I am struggling here. Could you come on back."

"Yes."

And he comes home. Long story longer, I should have never called. He needed that time. I needed to leave him be. I'm a big girl. I can handle fussy kids at bedtime. I've done it 1,000 times. I just shouldn't have called. (So much for June Cleaver.)

Was he mad? No. Was he frustrated? Very much so. I don't blame him.

An excellent wife who can find?

Excellent: (chayil) Virtuous, strength, might, efficiency, ability, force, power, leader of the army, upright, integrity, as the strength of a tree.

The word excellent means woman of strength. "It is the same word used to describe the character of Israel's Judges indicating that they were able and well qualified for their profession. So it follows that a wise woman is able and qualified for her work, has command of her own spirit and is able to manage others. She is a woman of resolution who, having chosen godly principles, is firm and faithful to them." - Dillow, The Creative Counterpart

Last night, I did not have command of my own spirit. I turned into a big baby and placed undo blame on my husband. I was not acting as one well qualified for my job.

Too often I get that "Well, I don't get a break" attitude towards Brent. And that's not fair. Nor is that really true. The Lord gives me several opportunities to refresh throughout the day. I don't always take them, but He always offers me rest. Rest only found in Him.

Dillow writes, "A strong bond of faithfulness and trust must have existed between the woman in Proverbs 31 and her husband. This trust can be applied to her husband's confidence in her ability to manage the household affairs: he knew that she was competent and that when he returned from his work each evening, he would find the home and family not in chaos but in order. Which of these situations does your husband find when he walks in the door."

Umm.

Brent, I am so sorry. I confess that I was not being compassionate towards your needs last night. I was being selfish. Forgive Buster?

An excellent woman who can find? Well, not in my house last night.

But today, I revel in the mercies of a new day. In faith, I am woman of strength in the power of the Holy Spirit. So are you.

Oh, how I need the Lord. My goodness.

In my own strength, I wuss out with fussy boys at bedtime. But in HIS POWER, I can lead an army.

Flying Off The Handle

I had every intention of writing a different post today. I even started typing it.

But the Lord whispered in my soul...You're ignoring me.

So here the deal. What is it with me and anger lately?

A few nights ago, I went to visit a friend. We sat on her front porch watching our kids climb a Magnolia tree and play a game of kickball.

Something struck me about my friend's interaction with her children. She talked to her kids. Yes, when she needed to correct them, she talked to them. Notice the "to them."

I, on the other hand, talk at my children. My friend dialogued with her kids when giving instruction. I, however, monologue with my children. One-sided. "This is what you do. This is how you do it. Get it? Got it? Good.

I don't know if it is me being t.i.r.e.d. or maybe p.m.s. I could be just flat out crabby. Nevertheless, I've recently been short-tempered and flying off the handle at my boys.

Here's the deal with anger...

1. My boys will learn these same behaviors from me - yikes. (Proverbs 22:24)
2. I demonstrate foolishness. (Proverbs 14:29)
3. I stir up strife. (Proverbs 29:22)
4. I'm brought to shame. (Proverbs 25:8)
5. You shouldn't really be my friend. (Proverbs 22:24)
6. Anger just leads to more quarrels. (Proverbs 17:14)

I'm not writing this to be down on myself. I writing this to be honest with myself. And honest with you and with the Lord. I am in agreement that I can not display outbursts of anger at my children. They are little people. Not sounding boards. They deserve to be talked to...not talked at...and fussed at....and, even worse, yelled at.

I am in agreement with God and His Word that anger is for the birds.

Know this my beloved brothers (and sisters); let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. James 1:20

I might need a tattoo.

"Be quick to hear." My eight-year-old has said 1,000 times, "Mom, you didn't let me finish what I was saying."

He is right. I am too busy talking at him. Ugh.

Lord Jesus, your Holy Spirit lives within me. You are my Helper (John 14:26). Help me operate in self-control. I can do anything with You. Nothing is too difficult.

Here are the benefits of controlling my anger:

1. I have great understanding (Proverbs 14:29)
2. I can quiet contention - nice. (Proverbs 15:18)
3. Ceasing from anger is honored (Proverbs 20:3)
4. I will inherit the earth - no kidding. There is blessing in obedience. Think about Joseph. His brothers threw him under the bus, selling him into slavery, but his lack of anger led him to prosperity for himself and an entire nation. (Psalm 37:9, Gen 45, 50:15-21).

Thanks for listening as I process.

Do you relate to this in anyway?

More verses I need on the tablet of my heart... Have a blessed day.

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit that he who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Proverbs 17:27

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Hallways of Regret: A Guest Post

As I am planning for an upcoming speaking event, my dear friend Sue has been gracious enough to guest post on Cup Of Joe today. Full of the Holy Spirit, wife and mom of three, Sue writes an incredible blog at LivingFreeInHim.blogspot.com. This post, Hallways of Regret, spoke to quiet places in my heart. Have a great day my friends. I am so glad that we are Living Free In Him today. - Becky

Hallways of Regret

Last weekend, I went to a play at my old high school. Nineteen years have passed since I last walked those hallways.

Emotions stirred up in me as I opened the once familiar door. Ahead was a long hall full of past memorabilia with cases of trophies and plaques covering the walls. Countless basketball, football, track, tennis team pictures from the 1960's to present lined the hallway. As I walked a few steps, I saw the band room door. That had been where I had spent a majority of my high school years.

High school should be some of the best times and happiest memories of childhood. For me, looking back can be painful. God has healed me and redeemed my past, but memories did haunt me as I stood there in that hallway looking in the gym. Writing this is even difficult because I don't like looking back. There were some fun times, but the bad decisions I made and the people I hurt overshadow the fun times.

I know, I know...don't regret, you wouldn't be the same person you are today if you hadn't made those mistakes. Maybe not, but I still regret. I still wish I would have made better choices. I know I can't go back and change the past, but I wish I could.

Although going back in time isn't an option, God is so good and He makes all things new. We just have to choose to follow Him. His path leads to restoration.

And they shall rebuild the old ruins, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations. Isaiah 61:4

It doesn't matter if your family has a history of pain, regret, or shame. When you received the Lord, you entered into a new family.....a family of hope, healing, life, joy, peace. God wants you to have a beautiful life, and you have the opportunity to change the history of your family for the generations to follow! How incredible is that!

Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.

Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs. For I, the Lord, love justice;

I hate robbery for sacrifice; I will direct their work in truth, and will make with them an everlasting covenant.

Their descendants shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people.

All who see them shall acknowledge them, That they are the posterity whom the Lord has blessed. Isaiah 61: 7-8

The Lord wants to restore our broken past and rebuild our broken dreams. When the Lord restores, others notice a difference. We get a beautiful life and God gets the glory.

Everyday we are faced with hallways. We get to choose which hallway we will go down:



Hallway of Rebellion: Rebellion leads to regret. When we do not follow the Lord, when we choose rebellion and to follow our flesh, we will not like the end result. Our flesh may like it temporarily and we may feel justified in the moment, but the pain of regret will come.

The whole book of Isaiah is an example of this....the Isrealites rebelled against the Lord and the Lord pleaded with them to return to Him. Their rebellion led to their captivity. Sustained rebellion always leads to captivity.

This past week, I struggled with rebellion. It was in the area of following authority. My flesh wanted to do one thing, but the Lord kept whispering rebellion leads to regret. I wish I could say I did the right thing all the time. I did listen to the Lord eventually, I am so thankful for His mercy.

Hallway of Righteousness: Righteousness has a funny ring to it. It seems unattainable, but it is ours. Jesus Christ has made us righteous. When we rebel we are actually rebelling against who we are in Christ.

I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, My soul shall be joyful in my God;

For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness. ( I love that!)

As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.
Isaiah 61: 10-11

So, if rebellion leads to regret, what does righteousness lead to?

Righteousness leads to reaching. When we display the character of Christ, when we act like Christ, we draw others to Him. When we rebel, we damage our witness.

Everyday we have the opportunity to decide which hallway we will go down. It doesn't matter where we have walked in the past. Our past does not determine our destiny. We are not defined by our past mistakes. We may regret some of them, but that regret can be turned into restoration. God takes our old ruins and rebuilds them into something beautiful for Him.

Which hallway will you choose today? Do you also have a something in your past that you regret? Will you give it to the Lord? He gives us comfort for mourning, beauty for ashes, joy for despair, praise instead of a spirit of heaviness.....will you also let Him give you restoration for regret?

-Sue @ LivingFreeInHim.blogspot.com

So What If It Is Today?

I lay in bed last night, Brent slowly making his way from the couch downstairs. I could hear him piddling, checking in on the boys, adjusting the air conditioner setting.

I knew I had an extra couple of minutes with the Lord. Just us.

"So Lord, what if it is tomorrow? With all of this talk about the rapture being May 21st (note BTW: I am a firm believer that no one knows the year, day or hour), I can't help but have it on the forefront of my mind. What if we could know the rapture is tomorrow?"

And my mind, as finite and limited as it is, imagined myself standing before the Father. Standing before the Most High, Holy God.

And I was overwhelmed, I mean o v e r w h e l m e d, by my sin.



I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah. Psalm 32:5

Confess (yadah): to profess, perhaps properly, to show or point out with the hand extended

It is hard to get really honest with yourself and "properly point out" sin.

Even more difficult? Getting really honest with a perfect and undefiled, Living God.

But we must.

I thought of Jesus' teaching, "You have heard it said, 'You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgement.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council." Matthew 5:21-22

I remembered Jesus saying, "You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman [or man] with lustful intent has already committed adultery in his heart." Matthew 5:27,28

Jesus goes on to say, "You have heard it said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Matthew 5:43,44

I couldn't help but think about how greedy I can be, how unthankful I am, how self-centered and worldly-minded I can be.

These scriptures, the Holy standards of God, make me realize how easily I fall into sin. And how little I confess.

I want to be a woman who practices confession before my God.

Unconfessed sin causes a lot of trouble.

Not only in this life, but on judgement day!?...oh, woe is me.

I want to hear clearly from my Lord. To stand right before Him. I need His forgiveness. And He will always forgive me.

But I must first confess.

Head on my pillow, I confessed, out loud, everything He brought to my attention. Some things were difficult to say out loud, but I did it. "Lord, forgive me for...."

If he did arrive today at 6pm, SCORE.

Finally, we meet.

But if not, I am so thankful for the heightened awareness that the day will come. I will, undeniably stand before my King, and be held accountable for my life.

Not my husband's life, not my children...MINE.

Lord, thank you for grace that abounds, all the more, over my sin. (Romans 5:20).

Thank you that you give forgiveness freely to all who confess. Thank you for the reminder that no one is right before you. Oh how desperately we need the blood of Jesus. No matter how good I am, how many blogs I write, how many mouths I feed, how much money I give, nothing can make me right before you, Lord. I need forgiveness and grace more than I even know. One day we will all stand before you, let us stand before you as confessed people. I am so thankful this morning for our new covenant. Thank you, Jesus, for your death, burial and resurrection.

Thank you for your Blood that covers and atones. Bless your perfect name. Amen.

Thankful For Discipline?

A couple of weeks ago, my pastor did a series on The Lord's Discipline: The Gracious Gift That Nobody Wants.

He said, "if I sat in a room with a hundred people and asked the question,What are you grateful for today?, people would go on and on talking of the Lord's blessing and favor. His healing and provision. But it would be hours, if ever, that someone would say, 'I am thankful for the discipline of the Lord.'"

My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? Hebrews 12:5-7

Discipline: God as Father, chastening or training men as children by afflictions.

Hello. My name is Becky Crenshaw. And I am thankful for the Lord's discipline.

Why am I thankful? Because this verse tells me that God is treating me as His child. This week, there is NO DOUBT that I am accepted and loved by God.

Ted Tripp, author of Shepherding a Child's Heart, tells a story of one day being in line behind two men. These two gentlemen were talking about child-rearing. One dad said, "I hesitate to discipline my son. I don't want him thinking I don't love him." Ted Tripp wanted to scream...DISCIPLINING YOUR SON SHOWS HIM THAT YOU DO LOVE HIM!

Same goes with our Heavenly Father.

God "disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness." Hebrews 12:10

The reward for my discipline is holiness? For real God? O.K., I'll take it.

What is going on with me you wonder? Well, without going all into it, which isn't necessary, I will say that I have a heart issue more than a behavior mishap.

The Word of God reveals the attitudes and intentions of my heart. His Word exposes sin. (Hebrews 4:12)

Every moment of my life, the Lord gives me choices. "What are you going to choose, Becky? Life or death? Blessing or curse? Truth or lie? Right or left? Right or wrong?"

"That... or Me?"



This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life. Deuteronomy 30:19,20

Today I choose Him. Today I choose my Lord.

I choose Life.

Moment to moment. Endeavor upon endeavor. One encounter to another.

Him.

Thank you Lord for your discipline. I do not take it lightly. Thank you for loving me so much that it breaks your HEART when I walk the wrong way. Thank you that you call me your own. You love me as your child. Thank you that my good is your concern. This day I choose life. I choose You. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Are you in a season of discipline? Do not grow weary. But be encouraged...

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

...Your later on is coming soon.

"Dear God, Don't Let Me Be a DIVA."

Spring Break 2011 is coming to a close.

The family and I had the great privilege of staying a week with eighty college students in Daytona Beach, Florida.

It was so powerful. And I learned so much.

But what I learned, God didn't reveal during devotionals or morning quiet times scheduled for our students.

No. What I learned, the Lord taught me Tuesday night. During conflict with my husband.

Sitting in our room, on our somewhat sandy, hunter green couch, Brent and I had a little chat.

The boys played on the beds (the beds which fold out of the wall, mind you. In just one big open room. Very little privacy. Unfortunate napping set-up. One small kitchen with a miss-matched coffee maker, a poor Internet connection and, to beat all, I forgot my favorite coffee mug.

Did I mention all five of us were in one big open room? And the beds came out of the wall?

"I think we should leave Thursday."

Brent looked at me. "We just got here Sunday. I don't feel I've had a chance to connect with many students yet. Why do you want to leave?"

Thinking closely of my phrasing, "The boys will be exhausted by the end of the week. Then they'd turn right around and start back to school. I'd love to have a few days back home to readjust and settle in before a new week begins."

"The boys are having a great time. They will catch up on rest on the drive home. I think you want to go home because you are uncomfortable."

Busted.

"Well, this set up isn't ideal. Luke has no privacy for nap. The beds cave in the middle. I'm sleeping right on top of you. It's not easy on me, no. My job is being mommy. And being mommy on vacation is no vacation. It's more work. So, selfishly, mommy wants a vacation, too."

Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I could hear it. Sin. Pride. Entitlement. I was being a nasty four-letter-word...

D.I.V.A.

Brent - "Well, I wish you were being more supportive and a bit more concerned about what the Lord is doing in the lives of the students here verses how inconvenient your circumstances."

Ouch. That hurt. And ticked me off.

Truth is painful to hear.

Speechless, I sat there. Staring a hole in the green carpet. Thinking.

Lord, he is so right. But my pride is hurt and I can't tell him he is "so right".

Yet.

It was time for the boys to go to bed. So I turned the sound machine on, turned the lights off, put Luke in his pack-n-play, tucked everyone in. And went to bed, as well.

As I lay there, for two hours, I prayed. And asked the Lord, what is really going on in my heart? I kept thinking of Paul, full of joy in every circumstance.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11,12

Content (autarkēs) 1) sufficient for one's self, strong enough or possessing enough to need no aid or support 2) independent of external circumstances 3) contented with one's lot, with one's means, though the slenderest.

Paul was independent. Sufficient for himself. Strong enough to need no aid. Happy, even with a slender lot.

Now, I don't go so far as to say that I was "suffering for Jesus" here. I had plenty. Luxuries in the grand scheme of life. But to a mother of three under-rested, overly-active boys, my external circumstances were slender. And unfamiliar.

But Paul was content is every situation. In plenty or in want.

I need to be, as well.

The next day, I woke. My heart heavy with DIVA.

Jesus took me for a long walk on the beach that morning. And listened as I confessed. And confessed and confessed.

"Dear Lord, don't let me be a DIVA!"

He encouraged me. And loved on me with new mercies and an amazing sunrise that reflected His faithfulness to me that day. Everyday.

I went back and told Brent how right he was (which he usually is) and we ended the trip on such a high.

It's amazing how much ministry can be done when I take myself out of it.

There is only so much ministry a Diva can do. She is far to preoccupied with herself.

In humility count others more significant than yourselves. Look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:2

The heart of ministry lies in this verse. Looking not to your own interests but to the needs of others.

Serving. Loving-well. Encouraging. And serving some more.

We made it back in one piece. And I am thankful for the conveniences of home. Little things, like my coffee mug.



And a little privacy.

Spring Break 2011 will always be remembered as the year the DIVA died.

And thank God she did.

I Have One Thing Going For Me

Yesterday it was very clear to me...apart from Christ I can do nothing.

N O T H I N G.

John 15:5. My life verse.

Well, I guess if you count snapping at my children, discouraging my husband and making a complete fool of myself, I guess that is something.

Maybe I should rephrase ... apart from Christ I can do no good thing. Psalm 16:2

Yesterday the Lord was sweet to show me why I so desperately need him. Moment to moment.

The details are silly and rather irrelevant. Something about unfinished school work, a slice of pizza and a couple of red balloons.

Well, too, a messy house, an overwhelming attempt to have a garage sale and an unloaded dishwasher.

I told you...silly.

No good thing.

I was like a rubber band, stretched to its max, who popped and smacked my family in the eye.

Oh, I need Jesus.

Don't think for one second that I've got it all together over here.

Jesus is the only thing I've got going for me.

The split second I step out of walking in the power of his Holy Spirit, is the second I sin.

There's no one foot in one foot out.

No, it's all Spirit or all flesh.

Yesterday was flesh.

So after a series of unfortunate events with my flesh, I got in the van and had to drive to the grocery store. And out of obedience to the Word (not desire - remember, I'm still in my flesh) I begin to praise Him. And thank him. And sing to him. Loudly. Expecting peace. (Philippians 4:6-7).

And there in my "die any day" mini-van, on the way to Food City, the Lord met me. He turned my heart of stone into flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). He forgave me and poured grace on me. He filled me with his Holy Spirit and gave me, not just peace, but unsurpassing peace.

Just like that.

He is so good. So good. I did not deserve that moment with him. I deserved a Holy sad spoon. But instead he blessed me. And set my feet on a rock.

Put to death, therefore what is earthly in you. Put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:5,8,9,12-14

Anglea Thomas writes, "I need Jesus to walk around in my soul and open my eyes. I need Him to forgive, restore and change me into His likeness from encounter to encounter. I need spiritual depth and maturity. I am so needy that this cannot wait until the children are older or until our lives are 'settled.' I must finally come to the end of myself and cry aloud, 'Dear God Almighty, I cannot possibly make it apart from You." - Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul

So true. I can not make it apart from Him. He is all that is good in me.

Abide in Him today.

In Spite of Cussing and Southern Comfort

There was a time in my life when I stood outside, looking in on the Christian way of life.

I was an onlooker.



Through the window I could see joy, deep joy, peace, freedom, authentic laughter and meaningful friendships. Christians were fascinating to watch.

But I was just that...a watcher. An outsider.

By choice.

I thought that the Christian life was reserved for those who were good. People who made clean choices. People who didn't cuss. Or drink Southern Comfort.

But as fascinated as I was with the Christian life, I was equally convinced that it was restrictive, dull, condemning and judgemental. And who wants to enter a room full of people looking down their noses?

These people will see right through me. They would have my number. There is no room for people like me. They wouldn't understand me. No, it's too risky. I'll stay out here. Alcohol, sex, body image, envy, money -much safer. Out here, I don't have to change. I am familiar with this side of the window.

Whoever loves his life loses it. - Jesus

Irony: By trying to gain acceptance from my peers, I was losing. By trying to gain affection from the opposite sex, I was losing. By trying to gain attention with my sexuality, I was losing.

Losing (apollymi)- to destroy. Render useless. Be lost.

I was destroying my own life. One day after useless day, I was loving a lost life.

Whoever hates his life in this world will keep it. - Jesus

Hate my life (miseō) meaning to love less. Postpone in love.

Love my life less and I will love it more.

Quite the paradox.

Overtime, I kept coming back to that window. Standing outside. Looking in.

And the more I stood there, the more clearly I could see my reflection. My tired face. My weary spirit. My emptiness.

My side of the glass was looking less and less appealing.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. - Jesus

I needed rest. My lifestyle wore me out. People pleasing is exhausting.

OK. On a trial basis, I will walk in. Just to see what is really going on in there. At this point what do I have to lose?

Except everything?

So I stood amongst them. The Christians. Waiting, with clinched fists and squinted eyes, for the stones to hit. Waiting on my lecture of why I don't belong.

But instead, they opened my hands, and handed me stones. Stones of their own. One story after another of their struggles with money, sex, body image, lying, cheating, stealing, hatred, bitterness, envy, cussing and Southern Comfort.

Struggles. Present tense.

So. They aren't perfect?

No. But they have hope. And rest.

They have Jesus.

Whoever loves his life loses it and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. John 12:25

Its seemed like a risk. Giving up all I knew, for this Jesus. This God who asks me to hate my life, so I can love Him more.

To love myself less, so I can love myself more.

For something that doesn't make sense, that sure does make sense.

My trial run of Jesus, became a lifetime pursuit.

A pursuit of this God who died for sex, drugs and rockin' roll.

A pursuit of this God who loved me, in spite of cussing and Southern Comfort.

A pursuit of this God who gives my weary soul rest. Who makes my tired eyes light.

A pursuit of this God who called me to hate my life - to love it less. So I may keep it.

Eternally.

Whatever we give up, He will replenish.

Whatever we lose, He will restore.

He is worth the risk.

...With Sober Judgement...

Rebuke.

"The word itself doesn't sound very kind. But it is. Rebuke is meant to help you see yourself with accuracy." - Ted Tripp

Looking at myself with accurate eyes can be painful. And ugly.

But this week the Lord is guiding me through the mucky waters of my inner self; reviewing the attitudes and intentions of my heart with sober judgement. And He's revealing hidden sin. Still.

For by the grace given me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment. Romans 12:3

I am not feeling condemnation. But, instead, love and freedom.

Do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves. Hebrews 12:6

It is grace in my life that the Lord allows me to see my sin. It is grace that He doesn't leave me to myself.... to self destruct. But he rescues me, heals me and calls me His own.

He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His Holiness. Hebrews 12:10b

Read that again.

He wants me to share in His holiness. Me?

Yes. Me.

And you.

"Anytime your Lord opens your eyes to see evil for what it is and anytime he exposes your self sufficiency for what it is, he is wrapping arms of faithful redemptive love around you. Love warns, love rebukes." - T. Tripp

If examining yourself with sober judgement, what would the Lord open your eyes to see?

Let us share in His holiness today.

A Target Obsession

I have an emotional connection to this image.



There is seriously a light-hearted, running joke on Facebook about how many people have seen me at Target lately.

It's true.

I love the place. In a very unhealthy way.

The Lord has revealed a few painful things this past week. My hidden sin.

So, today, I confess. No matter how badly my pride hurts, I am baring all.

Here is an excerpt from my journal. Written in the thick of an "Ah Ha!" moment with Jesus.

Written after I read this verse...
"Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for [God] has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Lord, I see my hidden sin. Now exposed. My attitude toward money. Discontentment. I am exposed by your living Word - it is discerning the thoughts and intentions of my heart. If I continue in my hidden sin, now made known, it will be have dominion over me. Declare me innocent. May the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight. May my offerings be clean. Purify me.

Psalm 19:14 reads
Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Meditations: (higgayown) means devices. Plotting.

Acceptable: (ratsown) pleasure, delightful, desired

This is a very familiar verse, but let me tell you what I've learned.

Don't miss this. This verse comes from the language of sacrifice - as seen in Leviticus 22:20

The Lord tells Moses, "You shall not offer anything that has a blemish, for it will not be acceptable for you."

The Lord expects us to present ourselves to him - as a living sacrifice. (Romans 12:1) This includes the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart.

So scripture asks of me: "Are my thoughts acceptable? Are my words acceptable? What do I plot in my heart? What is my heart doing - even at Target."

Remember all of my junk drawers? Yes, all of my soul-mess. The Lord is revealing that my attitude towards money and contentment are unacceptable.

I am a good-steward of my money.

But God doesn't want a good sacrifice.

He desires excellence.

I am asking him to purify my attitude towards money. And contentment.

I long to be an excellent steward.

To give more.

Save more.

And spend less.

(Dave Ramsey would be proud)

I want to share more about my Target and discontentment issues...next blog.

Stay tuned.

Lord, I am feeling very naked today. Exposed by your Word. Vulnerable in the Blogsphere. But, I want to be obedient. And you have led me here. I am asking you to expose us. Reveal our sin and purify us. May we all present ourselves as living sacrifices. Holy. Acceptable. This is our spiritual act of worship. May the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts be an acceptable offering to you today. O precious Lord, our rock and redeemer.

Queen of the Sin Cycle

I was queen of the sin cycle.

We are talking years of bondage to the same habitual sin - over and over. And yes, I was even a Christian. But the enemy had such a foot hold in my life, and I loved my sin so dearly, that I convinced myself that I was too deeply invested to be broken free.

And I was miserable.

I knew that if I could just be loosed of this one area in my life, that the flood gates of blessing would open. I knew that, but I still struggled handing it completely over.

Isn't it amazing how dearly we hold sin?

It is so repulsive, yet we tend to have an affection for it.

I am talking abstractly, I know. But the sin that held me captive is irrelevant. Sin is sin is sin.

1 John 3:4 says that Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.

I was lawless. Self legislated, self righteous and lawless - in this area especially.

*Pause*

I had a dream last night. Stay with me. It was a very disturbing dream. And it all started from an odor in my garbage can. Yesterday, seriously, I thought - is there something dead in there? It just smelled like a decaying, dead something. So in my dream, there were large snakes of varying size and big rats swarming around the trash in our driveway. The smell was repulsive and attracting varmints - and we couldn't get into our house for fear of these nasty creatures.

So it is with sin. Sin can not be hidden long. After a while, the smell of decay and ruin will present itself and its presence attracts the wrong crowd.

But you know that [Christ] appeared so that he might take away our sins. 1 John 3:5

Back to my sin cycle. Did I have varmints swarming me? Oh yes. But the crowd that followed after my sin were not people. They were critters of fear, anxiety and despair. I could not live a full life in Christ because in this one area I continued to live according to my sinful nature.

I had one foot in and one foot out.

And it wasn't working for me.

Romans 8:13 says, "For if you live according to the sinful nature you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body you will live.

I wanted to live.

So Christ moved towards all my trash, stink and ruin and took out my garbage. Where everyone else would shy away - He moved closer. By the power of His Spirit he put to death the misdeeds of my body and gave me life. It was something so beyond me that the only way to explain it is to claim the supernatural.

He is supernatural. And ready to perform a miracle.

He is sitting on GO.

Just waiting....to finally put to death the decaying, smelly misdeeds of cyclical sin - and give us life.

A Goldfish carton and the wrong Proverb

Yesterday morning I sat down to do my Proverbs study. The emphasis of the study is The Family Living From Proverbs. Yesterday the topic was The Source of Our Words. So I am meaning to look up Proverbs 16:2. I have my journal in hand, and I begin to copy....

Pride goes before destruction, a haughy spirit before a fall.

I start to process this proverb. And it really begins to speak to me. I realize that the origin of most of my sin is deeply rooted in PRIDE. The heartbeat of almost every act of disobedience in my children is PRIDE.

Then I realize this verse is actually Proverbs 16:18. It's the wrong one....not even sited in my study. Oops. But it was exactly was God had for me.

One of the most profound things I have ever read on parenting came back to me when I read this verse. Get a pen....this is so good.

"Rebellion is actually pride put into action. Rebellious thoughts say, 'I'm going to do what I want, no matter what God or anyone else says about it. Pride gets us into rebellion, and stubbornness is what keeps us there."

"Identifying and destroying the idols of pride and selfishness through prayer can often be the key to breaking a child's rebellion." - from The Power of a Praying Parent.

So when my little guys rebel against Brent's or my authority...that is pride put into action.

Rebellion is Pride.

Pride is Idolatry (of self).

Idolatry is Sin.

Which brought me to my next realization. I am not doing something very important in my child rearing.....Pointing my children to their sin.

Sin by definition is missing the mark. To err. To miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honour. To wander from the law of God. To violate God's law.

It's hard to confess and repent of sin if we don't know we are sinning. By pointing my children to their sin....I can point them to the Cross and their need for forgiveness. Their need for Christ.

Do I point out their rebellion? Yes. Do I identify their inappropriate behavior? Yes. Do guide them in correcting it? Yes. But do I guide them to the root of their rebellion? No.

There is an extra VERY necessary step.

Let me give an example. Last night. Target. We were about to check out. Standing in line, Ethan spotted one of those little milk carton shaped boxes of Goldfish. Let me preface by saying...I had JUST bought him a huge pretzel at the deli and we had just eaten dinner before we got there.

"Mommy, can I have some Goldfish?"
"No, E. We just ate a pretzel."
"But I still hungry!"
"No, buddy. You've had enough. Anyway we have a carton 12 times that size in the pantry at home. If you want some later you can have some of ours."
Whining, screaming "NOOOOO! I want Goldfish! No. No. NOOOOO! I want Goldfish!"

All the way out of the store. All the way into the van. Screaming, kicking, whaling fit. A "stares and judgement from every customer in Target" fit. Nice.

So when we got to the van we had the "That behavior is inappropriate" conversation. We had the "Rule #1 is to Obey quickly and completely" conversation. But the conversation we did NOT have was arguably the most important.

You see, the heartbeat of his Goldfish fit was rooted in PRIDE. "I want, what I want, when I want it" - PRIDE. And pride is sin. Pride comes before a fall - or in this case...discipline. So not only do I want to point out to Ethan that he is disobeying our Family Rules....I want to call a spade a spade and tell him he is in Sin.

So, in love, I should have said, "Ethan. Screaming at mommy about the Goldfish is rebellion against my authority. Which is disobeying God's rule to obey Mommy. That is sin in your heart, buddy.... "

Or something like that.

Pointing out the sin in my children's lives would be an act of love, not cruelty. I would never yell at them, "You little Sinner!" No way. It's God's kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Here's another reason I think pointing out sin is SO important. When I received Christ as a nine-year-old little girl, I was really motivated by fear to make that decision. This is what I heard..."Ask Jesus into your heart and you go to Heaven...If you don't you go to the Fiery Pit of Hell." Uh...I'll pick Heaven. I had no real brokenness over my Sin - Because I couldn't identify Sin. No one taught me. I knew enough to know I wasn't "doing right" by God, but I wish someone could have taught me to identify sin in my own life. I'm betting I would have avoided a lot of heartache over the next fourteen years.

So fast forward to when Ethan really understands the Gospel for the first time. I pray he will be able to recognize the sin in his life. I pray he experiences brokenness.
Then reconciliation. Then healing.

"The opposite of rebellion is obedience, or walking in the will of God. Obedience brings great security and the confidence of knowing you're where you're supposed to be, doing what you are supposed to do. One of the first steps of obedience for children is to obey and honor their parents. This is something a child must be taught.

Rebellion will surface in your child at one time or another. Be ready to meet the challenge with prayer and the Word of God, along with correction, discipline and teaching."

Lord, help our children identify and confront pride and rebellion. I pray they are willing to confess and repent. Make them uncomfortable with sin. Help my children know the beauty and simplicity of walking with a sweet and humble spirit in obedience and submission to you.
- Power of a Praying Parent.

a Braveheart moment

Well, I had every intention of writing about Summer Sanity #7 this morning, but the Lord had other plans. Last night, I kept having a dream about a Bible verse. It was so crazy. When does that ever happen? So I thought it best to investigate.

This was the verse...
James 5:16 says, Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

Here we go...

Contextually, James is writing to Jewish Christians. He is encouraging them not to be tempted to allow intellect or knowledge pass for faith. His letter is written to remind them that genuine faith transforms lives.

Fast forward to chapter 5....speaking of Prayer. James says "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy...let him sing songs of praise. Is anyone sick?.....He should call the elders of the church to pray over him...." James 5:13,14.

James is setting a trend here. In other words, if you are feeling an emotion, pray. If you are breathing air, pray.

Pause that thought.

Rewind back now to coffee with a dear, dear friend last week. Girlfriend, is crazy in love with Jesus. She challenges me and I learn so much from her walk with the Lord. Well, to hear her tell it, lately she's been hitting a wall in her relationship with God. It's as if, she knows He has something deeper for her, but she doesn't know how to get to it.

We continued talking and drinking our coffee, but before we left, she shared something very painful. A fact about her past that, for years, she has kept very private and for which she carries a lot of guilt. She said, "I've never shared this with anyone before." As she continued, she started verbally processing what the Lord would have her do with this detail of her life. She said, "I don't know... maybe I was just supposed to share and bring it out into the open."

Feeling extremely honored that she trusted me, I proceed with my day, thinking of her very often - in prayer and giving great thanks for this amazing woman.

Later that night, I got a message from her. It went something like this...."You know, every time I think about what I shared this morning, I do not have that same guilt anymore. It's gone. I really think I just needed to tell someone." AHH. Freedom.

Now, had she confessed this to the Lord before? Of course. She had hashed it out with Him on many occasions, I'm sure. But for her, it was a public acknowledgement of the issue that brought healing. Oh, so powerful.

I called back and told her I envisioned her with a big, messy mullet....her face painted blue like William Wallace in Braveheart yelling.....FREEDOM!

She liked that.

So back to the verse in James --There is Biblical truth to what happened to my sweet friend.

Therefore confess you sins (v. 16a)...

To Confess (exomologeō) means "a public acknowledgement."

May be healed (v.16a) means "to make whole. to free from errors!!!!!! Figuratively speaking of SPIRITUAL HEALING! (all emphasis mine!)

Do you see?!

Public acknowledgement of sin frees us and makes us whole. It brings spiritual healing to our souls.

Now, can God make us whole without public acknowledgement? Absolutely. Christ's death on the Cross made it possible for us to go directly to God for forgiveness. But confessing our sins to each other still has an important place. For example, if after confessing a private sin to God, we still don't feel His forgiveness, we may wish to confess that sin to a another believer and hear him or her assure us of God's grace and forgiveness. It brings encouragement, healing and confirmation.

Now, as a a new believer coming out with secrets of my past scared me to death. I still wanted to save a little face. I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to know how wretched I really was. Also, I didn't trust anyone. The kind of people I had been "friends" with for so many years were far, far from trustworthy. They would have taken any dirt on me and rubbed my face in it. Without flinching.

So James makes it very clear that we confess our stuff with the righteous man. Who is that?

A righteous man (dikaios) observes divine laws. He is upright. His way of thinking is wholly conformed to the will of God.

The righteous man then has a responsibility....to pray. His prayer is effective and accomplishes much.

Effective and accomplish is the same word in the Greek - energeō (our root word for energy). This means bringing one into line with the will of God. He puts forth power.

So....we confess our sin to a righteous man, he prays and puts forth power to line us up with the will of God.

I AM JUMPING OUT OF MY CHAIR. This is too amazing. Do you see how profound and healing and important and life-changing this is?!

Jesus shared a cup of joe with us that morning. In faith - she shared and by grace - He healed. He was in the midst of us, healing and bringing freedom to my friend. Setting this captive free. Hallelujah.

This whole incident has really challenged me to search my own heart. What is lying dormant? Needing confession? I want to be fully in alignment with God's will for my life. I do not want any sin hiding under the rug. I want no stone left unturned. I want all the Spiritual Healing that Christ died to give me. To give you.

When we make a public acknowledgement of any secrecy in our soul we are set free from our error. Prayers then accomplish much. The power of prayer puts our life in alignment with God's will.

Oh, Lord...this is too good. I want it. Reveal my sin. Lay me bare and expose anything secret that is left uncovered. I want to be healed and completely free indeed. I want your will for my life...in full. Thank you for revealing this astounding truth to me. Thank you for setting us free.

Living 100%

There are only two good things about my husband being out of town.

One, I can burn my popcorn.
Two, I don't have to change the user name when I log onto the computer.

That is about it.

Yes, I said burn my popcorn. I like to pop the bag a few seconds over, just a few seconds. I like my toast burnt, too. And my bacon. Odd, I know.

Anyway, other than that, I miss him terribly. I am a team player. And we are a great team. I always say that when he is gone I am chronically in a bad mood. Now, isn't that something to be desired? I'm sure the kids are saying, "Oh Dad! Please go out of town. I love it when you are gone! Mom is so snappy and stress out! I love her when she is exasperated and cranky!"

This last trip was especially difficult because I had very sick kids. High needs, little man power. I was struggling. Now, realistically, I would say I was 60/40. Sixty percent walking in the Holy Spirit and in victory and 40% wallowing in my pitifulness, living in my flesh and walking defeated.

I know truth, but that doesn't mean I live there all of the time. The flesh is strong and easy.

Living in the Spirit takes obedience and a willingness to die to the flesh. Dying to self is never easy or our first response. It is a decision. I read one time that, "to be a good mother you must divorce yourself." Interesting choice of words. We all know what divorce is, but by definition it means "separation or severance." I want to live severed from my sin. From myself.

As a parent, I will allow my kids to be in situations to learn how to react or respond. Controlled situations, at that. I wouldn't allow them to be in danger if I could help it. But sometimes telling them not to climb on the counter just doesn't do the trick. They have to climb up and fall off to figure it out. I am in a similar place. A place of God allowing me to choose Him, to choose love, to choose His Word over my flesh.

"So then, Brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, as to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:12-13.

There is so much I could say about this verse. I have four pages in my journal in regard to it. But this is what it boils down to...

Flesh you die.
Spirit you live.

Flesh in this verse means, "mere human nature; the earthly nature of man; apart from divine influence, and therefore prone to sin and opposed to God." Wow. Reread and soak that one in.

Die means, "to become destroyed or ruined".

Spirit refers to living in the POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT: the third person of the triune God, the Holy Spirit, coequal, coeternal with the Father and the Son. Also refers to the disposition or influence which fills and governs the soul of any one. The efficient source of any power, affection, emotion, desire, etc.

Live: to enjoy real life. a) to have true life b) be active blessed endless in the Kingdom of God. metaphorically to be in full vigour. To be strong, fresh, efficient. Ahh.

So, God, if I piece it back together you are saying that if I live by my earthly nature, apart from Your Divine Influence, I am opposing You and prone to sin. I will be ruined.

But, if I walk in the Power of the Holy Spirit and allow you to govern my soul, I will enjoy real life, be endlessly blessed in the Kingdom of God and full of vigour - strong, efficient, fresh.

I want the latter.

Living in the latter is truly a work of the Holy Spirit. It is not NATURAL to deny your own desires. You can't just "try" to be patient, loving or nicer. Or even more, you can just try to love your spouse well, deny your urge to drink too much alcohol or overindulge in food. It is not NATURAL. The human nature says, "It's all about you." The Spirit says, "It's not about you." This is SUPERNATURAL.

I don't want 60/40. I want 100%. I want my first response to be Christ. I can not, by my own strength, do anything well. Apart from Christ I can do no good thing. John 15:5 He is our 100%. We can be strong, efficient, full of vigour.

I want to die, so I can truly live.