Once again, I’ve neglected my blog… It’s definitely not for lack of things to talk about… I just lack the time to write I guess…
Then I become so overwhelmed I don’t even know where to start or what to say… so the pattern repeats…
My days are full to the brim with kids activities… driving many miles with rising gas prices… yard work that overwhelms… appointments… tantrums… learning… ever learning…
I wonder if it’s time for my family to make a physical move? Is it time for us to live closer to where we are constantly going? There is no reprieve in sight from the hours it takes on the road to live the lives we live… nor the price of the gasoline to get us there.
Leaves, weeds, sticks, branches & grass that grows & falls uncontrollably… once a pleasure to tend to has now become a burden on my back… a task I enjoy, sitting taunting me because I don’t have the time to enjoy it.
A child with needs that seems to have needs that will grow in time, not lessen… issues that won’t be grown out of… damage that is done… that is going to take a team for many, many years… how can I do this all?
Older children… longing for my attention… hurting… struggling to grow up in a world full of choices to be made… how do I fill all the needs. I can’t be everything for them… I can’t do all that I would like to do. They make mistakes & I panic…
Would a physical move be the best? But, what of the restrictions of smaller property? Neighbors close by who may not understand that my children are not used to such restrictions? More people around us is good or bad?
Fears to overcome.
Not just my own fears. But the fears of those around me.
What is best? Where do You want us? How do I do this? What am I doing that I shouldn’t be doing? Why is there never enough time? Why is there never enough energy? Why is there never enough of me to go around? Why am I not enough?
Sinking in to my Lord & Savior… trying to grasp a little more each year who He is… Who He is to me… Who He is to my family… Who He wants to be that I don’t know how to let Him be… Who I am trying to be that I am not supposed to be…
Praying for God to show me what is mine to do & what is His… Each day.
Happy Easter! He is Risen… oh that I could grasp what that means for me.
Pam
